ESSENTFLOW™ by Shae: Too Much for the Room

Shae T.
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I'm Shae Thomas, Identity Linguist, researcher, and creator of ESSENTFLOW™. Through research, lived experience, and language, I explore how high-capacity Black women learn to adapt, perform, and succeed in rooms that often reward versions of themselves that are not fully their own. This podcast offers a new lens for understanding identity, meaning, and the journey back to what was always native beneath the adaptation.

  1. Sis, I Was Tired Before I Knew I Was Tired

    Jun 9

    Sis, I Was Tired Before I Knew I Was Tired

    You weren't tired because you did too much. You were tired because you were doing it as someone else. This episode is for the woman who has been strong so long she forgot that strength was supposed to be a choice. We talk about the Superwoman Schema — not as a concept, but as a lived experience. The exhaustion that doesn't go away when you rest. The high-functioning that masks how depleted you actually are. And why tired showed up long before you had language for what was causing it. In this episode:→ Why the tiredness you carry is not about output→ What the Superwoman Schema actually does to your identity→ The difference between being strong and being stuck performing strength→ Why rest alone never fixes it KEYWORDS/TAGS:Superwoman Schema, Black women exhaustion, identity substitution, high-capacity Black women, tired Black women, ESSENTFLOW™, Too Much for the Room, installed self, performing strength, Black women burnout, identity incongruence, Shae Thomas

    17 min
  2. The Version of Me I Performed So Long She Felt Real

    May 26

    The Version of Me I Performed So Long She Felt Real

    What happens when the performed version of you stops feeling like a performance? For high-capacity Black women, identity substitution doesn't just change how you show up — it rewires what safety feels like. In this episode, Shae unpacks the difference between suppression and substitution, why showing up authentically in a high-stakes space can feel like danger even when nothing went wrong, and what the installed self is actually fighting for when she comes back swinging. Drawing from her 17-year autoethnographic research and the foundational work of Dr. Cheryl Woods-Giscombé, Patricia Hill Collins, and Zora Neale Hurston, this episode names the mechanism behind the exhaustion of performing yourself out of existence. If you've ever walked away from a moment where you showed up as yourself and immediately questioned everything — this episode is for you. Use The SORT Method™ to sort through the panic and reclaim the truth on the other side. Research references: Dr. Cheryl Woods-Giscombé (Superwoman Schema), Patricia Hill Collins (politics of respectability), Zora Neale Hurston (interior life of Black women) #high capacity Black women #identity substitution #Superwoman Schema #Black women mental health #performing palatability #code switching identity #native self installed self #Black women exhaustion #authentic identity #too much for the room #ESSENTFLOW #Black women podcast #identity incongruence #Black women leadership #self reclamation

    24 min
  3. The War Within | ESSENTFLOW™ by Shae

    May 12

    The War Within | ESSENTFLOW™ by Shae

    The War Within | S2 Ep 9 | ESSENTFLOW™ by Shae: Too Much for the Room Have you ever sat down to do something — record, speak, show up — and felt two completely different people fighting for control? That's not anxiety. That's not imposter syndrome. That's the war between your native self and your installed self playing out in real time. In this episode we go deep into what that war actually is, why it's happening, and why it's costing you more than you realize. We cover: - The difference between suppression and substitution - Where the switching shows up daily with friends, coworkers, and family - The identity tax you're paying every single day - Why the war gets louder before it gets quieter - THE SORT Method™. as your way through --- RESOURCES: → Take the Capacity Mirror Assessment: https://essentflowbyshae.com/assessment → Subscribe to the newsletter: https://preview.mailerlite.io/forms/2047476/177076168509359310/share → Website: https://essentflowbyshae.com → Published Research: 10.5281/ZENODO.19637366 10.5281/ZENODO.20019870 ABOUT THIS RESEARCH: ESSENTFLOW™ by Shae is rooted in 17 years of autoethnographic longitudinal research on identity incongruence in high-capacity Black women. Shae Thomas | Capacity Strategist | Human Development Researcher #TooMuchForTheRoom #ESSENTFLOW #NativeSelf #InstalledSelf #BlackWomen #IdentityIncongruence #HighCapacityWomen #TheWarWithin #BlackWomenMentalHealth

    26 min
  4. When Your Performed Self Becomes Your Default Mode

    Apr 28

    When Your Performed Self Becomes Your Default Mode

    In this episode of ESSENTFLOW™ by Shae: Too Much for the Room, I'm breaking down what happens when the version of you that follows the rules, shows up right, and does everything the "correct" way becomes so automatic that you forget there was ever another version. This isn't about working too hard. This isn't about saying yes too much. This is about identity substitution — when you replace who you actually are with what's required to survive in spaces that weren't built for you. In this episode, you'll learn: The difference between suppression and substitution (and why substitution carries a heavier depressive load)How to recognize when your performed self has become your default modeMy personal story: La Shae vs Shae (how I split myself into two identities without knowing it)THE SORT — a 4-step discernment practice to start seeing which version of you is actually drivingThe real cost of operating from the installed self (capacity depletion, decision paralysis, chronic misalignment)Research mentioned:Abrams et al. (2019) — Self-silencing vs. externalized self-perceptions in Black women ESSENTFLOW™ is a human development methodology built from 17 years of autoethnographic research on identity incongruence in high-capacity Black women. This work helps you stop performing capacity and start expressing it. You were never too much. The room was just too small. CONNECT WITH ME:📩 Newsletter: "Too Much for the Room"🌐 Website: essentflowbyshae.com💼 LinkedIn: Shae Thomas ABOUT SHAE:Shae Thomas is a Capacity Strategist, Human Development Researcher, and Founder of ESSENTFLOW™. She holds a BA in Psychology (concentration Counseling Social Work, minor Behavioral Health Services) and a MS in Leadership (concentration Community Leadership), with 17 years of longitudinal autoethnographic research on identity incongruence in high-capacity Black women.

    27 min
  5. I've Been Code-Switching in My Own Business | ESSENTFLOW™

    Apr 14

    I've Been Code-Switching in My Own Business | ESSENTFLOW™

    For 17 years, I've been documenting patterns of burnout, identity incongruence, and sustained performance. But for the last 9 months — since I started building ESSENTFLOW™ publicly — I've been doing something I didn't even realize: code-switching in my own work. I was saying "high-capacity people" when the research I was doing, the experience I was living, the patterns I was documenting — all of it was specifically about high-capacity Black women. In this episode, I share what happened when I finally let myself look at the research. What I discovered about Dr. Carey Yazeed, Dr. Cheryl Woods-Giscombé, Dr. Thema Bryant, and other Black women researchers who've been naming these patterns for years. And why I was so scared to say out loud who this work is actually for. This is the transition episode. The one where I stop translating myself and start speaking directly to the Black women this work was always meant to serve. In This Episode, We Talk About: Why I started building ESSENTFLOW™ for "all women" instead of naming my specific audienceThe research that changed everything: Dr. Carey Yazeed's study as the catalystThe Superwoman Schema (Dr. Cheryl Woods-Giscombé): 5 beliefs many Black women carryCode-switching statistics: 61% of Black employees compromise authenticity at work, 34% actively code-switchWhy code-switching doesn't stay at work — it follows you home into every domainThe difference between survival and thrivingWhat "native self vs. installed self" actually means in the context of identity reclamationWhy my lived experience as a Black woman is my credential, not a limitationWhat this means for ESSENTFLOW™ going forwardKey Research Findings Referenced: The Superwoman Schema (Dr. Cheryl Woods-Giscombé, UNC Chapel Hill)Five core beliefs many Black women carry: Expectation to show strength at all timesSuppression of emotionsResistance to being vulnerable or depending on othersDetermination to succeed despite limited resourcesHelping others even at your own expenseCode-Switching Statistics: 61% of Black employees report compromising authenticity to fit dominant workplace standards (Harvard Business Review)34% of Black employees actively code-switch at work — significantly higher than 20% average (McCluney et al., 2019)Identity Incongruence:Sustained misalignment between who you are and who you perform to be — not for a day or a project, but chronically across multiple domains (work, relationships, family, faith, creative expression) Connect With Shae: 🌐 Website: essentflowbyshae.com📧 Newsletter: Too Much for the Room 📺 YouTube: Too Much for the Room series + The Gentle Fix 🤝🏾 LinkedIn: Shae Thomas📅 Coming August 2026: The ESSENTFLOW™ Xperience

    19 min
  6. Why Claiming Your Milestones Feels Like Arrogance (And How to Stop Shrinking)

    Mar 24

    Why Claiming Your Milestones Feels Like Arrogance (And How to Stop Shrinking)

    "I'm just working on a little thing." You've done the work. Built the framework. Created the products. But when someone asks what you do, you shrink. This episode breaks down why high-capacity people minimize their milestones, the real cost of staying small, and the distinction that changes everything: arrogance vs authority. Learn the 5-step practice to stop minimizing and start claiming what you've actually done. What You'll Learn: What minimizing your milestones actually looks like (and why you do it)Why high-capacity people were taught to stay smallThe Self-Authorization Gap: the distance between what you've proven and what you're allowed to claimThe real cost of minimizing (your work stays hidden, you reinforce smallness, you attract the wrong people)The distinction: arrogance vs authorityThe 5-step practice to stop shrinking and start claimingFinding #4: The Self-Authorization GapESSENCE phase: identity excavation and claiming your authorityArrogance vs Authority: "Arrogance is claiming what you haven't done. Authority is claiming what you have." Write down what you've actually done (the real version, not the minimized one)Practice saying it out loud (alone first)Start claiming in low-risk spaces (bio, about page, newsletter)Notice when you want to minimize — and choose not toLet other people be uncomfortable (their discomfort is not your responsibility)Links: ESSENTFLOW™ Websitehttps://essentflowbyshae.com Newsletter: The Capacity Strategist ESSENTFLOW™ Capacity Assessmenthttps://essentflowbyshae.com/assessment YouTube: Too Much for the Roomhttps://youtube.com/@ESSENTFLOWbyShae Connect on LinkedInhttps://linkedin.com/in/shaethomas claiming your work, imposter syndrome, self-authorization, high-capacity people, minimizing achievements, arrogance vs authority, women entrepreneurs, professional credibility, ESSENTFLOW, ESSENCE phase, business confidence, nervous system, shrinking, people-pleasing, stating your expertise About Host Shae Thomas is a Capacity Strategist and Researcher with a BA in Psychology (concentration: Counseling, minor: Behavioral Health Services) and an MS in Community Leadership. She has spent 17 years documenting why high-capacity people burn out building businesses designed for average-capacity people — and has built ESSENTFLOW™, a framework that actually works for how they're wired. New episodes drop every other Tuesday at 6pm EST. Listen on:Spotify | Apple Podcasts | YouTube | Amazon Music | RSS Feed

    42 min
  7. Why We Skip ESSENCE and the Cost | High-Capacity Burnout and Authenticity Depletion

    Mar 10

    Why We Skip ESSENCE and the Cost | High-Capacity Burnout and Authenticity Depletion

    Episode: Why We Skip ESSENTFLOW™ and the CostSeries: ESSENTFLOW™ by Shae: Too Much for the RoomHost: Shae Thomas — Capacity Strategist and Researcher Why we skip ESSENCE (the first phase of the ESSENTFLOW™ framework)The Self-Authorization Gap: why you don't believe you're allowed to start with yourselfAuthenticity Depletion vs burnout: the difference and why it mattersThe real cost of skipping identity work (felt, named, and measured)What becomes possible when you stop skipping the part that actually mattersFinding #4: The Self-Authorization GapFinding #3: Authenticity DepletionESSENTFLOW™ Framework: ESSENCE → FOUNDATION → FLOWThe three costs of skipping ESSENCE: nervous system dysregulation, capacity depletion, time cost of rebuildingESSENTFLOW™ Websitehttps://essentflowbyshae.com Newsletter: The Capacity Strategist Digital Products (Payhip) The 30-Day Anti-Hustle Content Plan: Strategic Prompts for Sustainable GrowthPlatform-Proof Quick-Start Guide5 Strategies for Intentional, Sustainable GrowthESSENTFLOW™ Xperience Waitlist (Launching August 2026) YouTube: Too Much for the Roomhttps://youtube.com/@ESSENTFLOWbyShae Connect on LinkedInhttps://linkedin.com/in/lashaethomas ESSENTFLOW, ESSENCE phase, high-capacity people, burnout recovery, authenticity depletion, self-authorization gap, business framework, entrepreneur burnout, platform-independent business, nervous system and business, depth-oriented entrepreneurs, anti-hustle, sustainable business, identity work, transformative learning Shae Thomas is a Capacity Strategist and Researcher with a BA in Psychology (concentration: Counseling, minor: Behavioral Health Services) and an MS in Community Leadership. She has spent 17 years documenting why high-capacity people burn out building businesses designed for average-capacity people — and has built ESSENTFLOW™, a framework that actually works for how they're wired. New episodes drop every other Tuesday at 6pm EST. Listen on:Spotify | Apple Podcasts | YouTube | Amazon Music | RSS Feed

    22 min
  8. You Didn't Watch Me Fail. You Watched Me Do the Research. | Too Much for the Room

    Feb 24

    You Didn't Watch Me Fail. You Watched Me Do the Research. | Too Much for the Room

    You Didn't Watch Me Fail. You Watched Me Do the Research. If you've been here for a while, you've watched me change the name of this show. You've watched me rebrand. You've watched me figure it out in real time, out loud, with no safety net. What looked like chaos from the outside was actually the most important research I've ever done. Today's episode is the bridge — the one that crosses us from the old era into the new one. Before we move forward, I'm bringing you all the way across with me. Because if you're anything like the people ESSENTFLOW™ was built for, you don't do well with "just trust me." You need to understand the why. Proof-of-Impact AddictionThis is not social media addiction. This is what happens to achievement-oriented, impact-motivated people when they get on a platform that offers them a daily metric for whether their life's work actually matters. Followers. Views. Saves. Comments. And the compulsive checking that comes with it — that doesn't go away when you delete the app. It migrates. Because the addiction was never about the platform. Authenticity Depletion vs. BurnoutBurnout says: I need to rest. I need to do less.Authenticity Depletion says: I need to do different.These are not the same thing. And treating Authenticity Depletion like burnout — with rest, with stepping back — will keep you in a cycle that never resolves. Because the problem isn't how much you're doing. It's who you're being while you do it. The Self-Authorization GapThe distance between what the evidence shows about your capacity and what your nervous system will actually let you claim. This is different from impostor syndrome. This is the specific, persistent inability to stand in what you've already proven — and it is the single most common barrier for every high-capacity creator I've encountered. The ESSENCE PhaseThe phase most entrepreneurs skip because it doesn't look like progress. It's the part where you stop building and start asking: who am I actually building this for? And does this version of what I'm building actually fit who I am? It looks like nothing is happening. It is actually everything. Who ESSENTFLOW™ Is Built ForThe burned-out creator. The high-capacity over thinker. The quiet rebuilder. If you've been told you're too much your entire life — or suspected the problem is you rather than the methods — you are exactly who this is for. Before you build anything else — know where you're actually starting from. The ESSENTFLOW™ Capacity Stage Assessment identifies exactly which of the four stages you're in right now: Depleted → ESSENCE — you need clarity before anything elseFragmented → Bridge — you have pieces but they're scatteredStabilizing → FOUNDATION — you're ready to build systems that holdExpanding → FLOW — you're in momentum and learning to sustain it8 questions. 3 minutes. Your personalized stage reading is waiting. 🔗 Take the Assessment: [essentflowbyshae.com/assessment] This is not a linear course. It is a fully adaptive experience built around your Capacity Stage. You don't start at lesson one like everyone else. You enter at the stage you're actually in — and the experience meets you there. Waitlist is open now. Take the assessment first — you'll already know which door you're walking through when it opens. 🔗 Join the Waitlist: ESSENTFLOW™ Xperience 🔗 Capacity Stage Assessment🛍️ ESSENTFLOW™ Digital Product Suite📩 The Capacity Strategist Newsletter About Your Host Shae Thomas is a capacity strategist, researcher, and the founder of ESSENTFLOW™ — a framework built from 17 years of lived, academic, and professional research into why high-capacity, depth-oriented people keep burning out in systems designed for surface performance. She holds a BA in Psychology and a MS in Leadership. ESSENTFLOW™ is the methodology that emerged when the research met real life — zero budget, working parent, no blueprint, and builds after bedtime. 🌐 essentflowbyshae.com

    22 min
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About

I'm Shae Thomas, Identity Linguist, researcher, and creator of ESSENTFLOW™. Through research, lived experience, and language, I explore how high-capacity Black women learn to adapt, perform, and succeed in rooms that often reward versions of themselves that are not fully their own. This podcast offers a new lens for understanding identity, meaning, and the journey back to what was always native beneath the adaptation.

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