Soul Kink Therapy

Emily Letts
  • 4.7 (24)
  • Self-Improvement
  • Updated Weekly

Soul Kink Therapy, hosted by Therapeutic Kink Specialist Emily Letts, welcomes kinky guests to explore their desires, patterns, and fetishes as pathways to healing and liberation. Turn your fetish into freedom.

  1. 9h ago

    The Covert Contract Behind Every Nice Guy

    I hate people pleasing nice guys. And most of my clients are people pleasing nice guys, and I deeply love them. So what's the difference between the nice guy who makes me want to scream and the one I'll do anything to help? In this episode I tell you about the man who stopped me at an event, looked deep into my eyes and told me "you are so worthy," and why everything in me wanted to run. We get into what Robert Glover calls covert contracts: the deals you make without saying them out loud. I'll be helpful, I'll never cause trouble, and in return you'll love me and meet my needs. Nobody signed your contract. So nobody pays up, and you end up resentful and lonely. I also get honest about why people pleasers activate me so much (it's my mom), where this pattern comes from, and what recovery actually looks like. Two things you can try this week, plus the gold medal answer every people pleaser needs to learn. If any of my questions made your stomach drop, I'm probably talking to you. ✦ BOOK AN INITIATION SESSION If you're tired of losing yourself and you're ready to meet your pattern, come work with me. I see people virtually and in person. → https://www.soulkink.com/services/ ✦ BE A GUEST ON SOUL KINK THERAPY Kinky and curious? A practitioner in this world? A partner trying to understand your partner's kink? I want to hear from you. Only full, grounded yeses. → https://www.soulkink.com/podcast 📖 Mentioned in this episode No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover (2003) ⏱ CHAPTERS 00:00 I hate people pleasing nice guys 00:45 Choice vs. fear: same behavior, different engine 01:30 People pleasing vs. the nice guy 02:31 Are you a people pleaser? Notice your body 04:07 The man who told me "you are so worthy" 07:14 Covert contracts (No More Mr. Nice Guy) 08:45 You're taking away other people's agency 10:16 It hurts you more than anyone 11:28 Why people pleasing is so lonely 12:13 We don't see a wound, we see a gentleman 13:14 Why people pleasers activate me 14:35 My mom is a people pleaser 17:21 Where the pattern comes from 18:08 You were a genius surviving your childhood 18:52 What recovery actually looks like 20:05 You made a mistake. You are not the mistake. 20:57 How to apologize without collapsing 22:20 Happy wife, happy life 23:22 Try this week #1: pause before you say yes 25:03 Try this week #2: shape your yes 26:07 The gold medal answer 27:47 Why my client list is full of nice guys 30:41 Where to start 32:35 Next episode: people pleasing and submissive men 33:06 Be a guest on the show

  2. Sep 18

    Am I Addicted to Crossdressing? The Binge-Purge Cycle Explained

    Am I addicted to crossdressing? To porn? To latex? To kink?If you’ve ever purged the clothes, the toys, the panties — swore you were done — then bought it all back weeks later… this episode is about that cycle.This is not a yes-or-no diagnosis. Emily Letts gives you a framework you can actually use:Anything can be associative or dissociative.The same behavior can pull you deeper into your life — or help you leave it.In Part 1 of this two-part episode, Emily talks about:• The binge-purge cycle around dressing, porn, and kink• Why “is this bad?” is the wrong question• How attachment and isolation sit underneath “addiction”• Her dad’s story as a 25-year police officer who came home and numbed out• The question: is there one person, not your spouse, who fully knows you?• Why kink often becomes the trailhead when therapy never felt safe• A resource list vs a dissociative list you can make today• Why shame is what keeps the purge going• Why crossdressing is not inherently the problem — your relationship to it isWork with Emily:https://www.soulkink.com/Framework inspired by teacher Katie Asmus (somatic / nature-based therapy).This episode is educational, not clinical diagnosis or medical advice.TIMESTAMPS0:00 – Am I addicted? The purge1:45 – Welcome to Soul Kink Therapy2:07 – Associative vs dissociative3:00 – Same behavior, different relationship4:26 – Into your life, or out of it?4:43 – A family lineage of addiction5:36 – Dad’s story: 25 years as a cop7:05 – The man no one fully knows7:46 – Is there one person (not your spouse) who knows you?8:27 – Numbing, TV, and first-responder silence9:24 – What this costs your family10:15 – Why kink becomes the trailhead11:03 – You are a full person11:37 – Not personality. Nervous system.12:49 – Addiction and attachment13:03 – Attachment theory and co-regulation17:02 – Secure vs insecure attachment18:00 – Why some men can only rest alone22:27 – “I’m not going to live a numbed-out life”23:34 – Getting “addicted” to self-inquiry24:21 – If you dress to escape… from what?25:00 – Life isn’t something you’re meant to run from26:43 – Everyone is addicted to something26:56 – Emily’s social media case study28:50 – Stop asking “am I an addict?”29:58 – Make a resource list34:15 – How to use the list when you want to escape35:12 – Make a dissociative list37:34 – Crossdressing is not inherently bad38:39 – It may be giving you nutrients you need39:40 – Be gentle with yourself40:35 – What’s coming in Part 241:15 – If this is overwhelming, get support41:43 – Initiation call + close#Crossdressing #BingePurge #Kink Website:https://www.soulkink.com/

  3. Aug 29

    The Part of You That Sabotages Sex (And How to Meet It)

    Picture it: you're dressed, you feel amazing, you scheduled this — and the second you walk into the room, your body slams shut. Stomach swirling, chest tight, a voice screaming "I don't want to do this."If you've ever deeply wanted intimacy and then frozen the moment it arrived, this episode is for you.Emily gets radically honest about her own version of this — as a sexuality educator who, just six months ago, shut down completely walking into a scheduled intimacy session with her partner. No acute trauma to explain it. Just a war between parts. This episode is the map she wishes she'd had.Using Internal Family Systems (parts work), Emily breaks down why "I want it but my body says no" happens — and the exact process for working through it.In this episode:▸ A quick, non-clinical intro to parts work: protectors, exiles, and the calm Self underneath▸ Meet Cruella — the protector built by "the modern woman" archetype (via her teacher Om Rupani), who loved being sexy for status but shut down real vulnerability▸ Meet nymph and Sid — the arousal parts that were waiting underneath once Cruella softened▸ Why external consent without internal consent leads to the shutdown▸ Patricia Rich's Self-Led Sexuality and the "F" sequence: Find, Focus, Flesh out, Feel toward, Befriend, Fears▸ Why kinky, crossdressing, and non-monogamous folks have MORE internal negotiation to do — and why that's not a flaw▸ Your crossdressing part isn't a contradiction to fix — it needs recognition, not correction▸ A closing thank-you to the protector that kept her safe all alongThis is the work Emily is known for. If it lands, it can change your relationship with your own arousal.🌀 With gratitude to Om Rupani (the "modern woman" archetype) and Patricia Rich (Self-Led Sexuality), whose frameworks shape this episode. Internal Family Systems was developed by Richard Schwartz.Chapters:0:00 – "My body shut down": the contradiction2:41 – Welcome to Soul Kink Therapy3:09 – Parts work 101: protectors, exiles, and the Self6:49 – Back to the ceremony room: desire meets shutdown8:28 – The part that changed everything8:51 – "The modern woman": sexy as a weapon for status10:08 – Meet Cruella, the protector12:50 – Meet nymph: the arousal underneath14:03 – Meet Sid: the giggly sadist15:21 – A framework you can use yourself16:12 – Consent culture and its blind spot18:14 – External consent vs internal consent18:45 – The F sequence: Find, Focus, Flesh out, Feel toward, Befriend, Fears24:25 – Why our sexual relationship is so strong now25:22 – For kinksters, crossdressers, and the non-monogamous28:39 – Where to get support29:34 – A thank-you to CruellaTopics in this episode:• Desire discrepancy and sexual shutdown• Internal Family Systems (parts work) for sexuality• Self-Led Sexuality (Patricia Rich)• The "modern woman" archetype (Om Rupani)• Internal consent vs external consent• Crossdressing and kink as parts, not problems• How to work with sexual anxiety and freeze#sextherapy #partswork #internalfamilysystemsWebsite:https://www.soulkink.com

  4. Aug 21

    Men, Femininity & the Closet: Savannah Hauk on Dual Gender Living

    Gender expansive. Dual gender. Cross-dressing as action, not identity.In this episode of Soul Kink Therapy, Emily sits down with Savannah Hauk — TEDx speaker, author, podcaster, and self-described gender expansive dual-gender person — for a deep, honest conversation about living both Chuck and Savannah.They unpack:• Why Savannah rarely uses the word “cross-dresser” anymore• The difference between the action of dressing and the root of identity• Growing up secretive in a conservative family and finding community in 90s New York• The daily practice (and exposure therapy) of being out in public• How femininity integrates into everyday life — empathy, emotion, and presence• The sensory and erotic journey of dressing and how it evolves with maturity• Navigating relationships when one partner is dual gender• Why visibility still matters (and feels harder) in 2026• Practical advice for anyone beginning to explore gender expansivenessSavannah is thoughtful, grounded, and generous with her story. This is one of those conversations that gives language to people who have been searching for it.If this episode resonated, share it with someone who might need the language.Subscribe for more conversations like this.0:00 – Intro & Welcome0:50 – Why “cross-dresser” no longer fits3:00 – Dual gender explained (Savannah + Chuck)4:10 – Why men in women’s clothes still shocks society7:10 – Savannah’s journey: age 6 to New York clubs9:10 – The daily practice of being out11:00 – Trauma, exposure, and the need for community13:00 – Coming out as a second puberty16:30 – Relating to men who don’t access their feminine19:40 – Host reflection: pity vs. compassion24:00 – Sensory power of clothing & the body27:30 – Sexuality, stigma & “it’s not just sexual”31:30 – Savannah’s erotic journey & unlearning labels35:20 – Recent relationship & integrating both sides37:40 – Holding dual gender in partnership42:10 – “A house is still a closet”45:00 – Quiet advocacy & reaching one person46:20 – Ideal relationship with a dual-gender partner48:30 – Societal backsliding & why visibility matters more50:40 – Who inspires Savannah’s advocacy51:40 – Advice for those beginning to explore54:10 – Where to find Savannah + closingWebsite:https://www.soulkink.com/

  5. Aug 14

    Raising Kids as an Out Crossdresser

    Georgia Ritchie is back — and this time, 48 hours before her wife gives birth to their third child, she sits down with Emily to talk about what it actually takes to be seen publicly as a crossdresser without losing yourself in the process.Georgia has been online for 16 years. She started at 21, hiding, convinced she was "a freak" and the only one. What followed was a long, honest journey through everything the internet does to a person who just wants to be witnessed: the first taste of validation, the chase for a "higher high," the gamification of self-worth, and the people who show up wanting to take advantage of how badly you want to belong.This is one of the most useful conversations we've had for anyone stepping into public crossdressing — whether that's a first photo, a first Instagram, or a first modeling shoot.In this episode:▸ Raising kids as a crossdressing dad — "you're allowed to be who you want to be"▸ Why Georgia thought she was the only one (and what changed)▸ The validation spiral and the gamification of self-worth▸ "Creepiness is just unknown desire" — spotting who's really safe online▸ How the shame of hiding stole years of her artistry▸ Taking ownership: why claiming this part of you lets it finally grow▸ Finding your muses, your genre, and your look▸ Wigs, lace fronts, and makeup — practical tips from years of practice▸ How Georgia got taken advantage of as a model — and how to spot a fair energy exchangeGeorgia is proof that this can be integrated into a whole, joyful life — as a husband, a father, an artist, and a crossdresser.💜 Follow Georgia: Instagram @MissGeorgiaRitchie👶 And a huge shout-out to Georgia's wife Tori — the real superhero of this episode.Chapters:0:00 – Welcome back, Georgia — and a baby in 48 hours1:49 – Raising kids and gender: "you're allowed to be who you want"4:30 – Introducing a boy to your world as a crossdressing dad11:19 – Why crossdressers want to be seen — and the risk that comes with it12:29 – "I thought I was the only one. I thought I was a freak."16:05 – The first taste of validation and chasing the higher high20:53 – Associative vs dissociative: is this feeding you or an escape?24:36 – The gamification of self-worth26:00 – Secretly hoping to be found out34:36 – "Creepiness is just unknown desire"37:00 – How to start being seen with integrity38:50 – Find your muses, find your genre41:19 – "I wasted my youth to shame"42:18 – Taking ownership: how claiming it lets it grow46:25 – Wigs, lace fronts, and finding your look51:23 – The England shoot: feeling like a movie star57:00 – "I don't care how big my platform gets anymore"59:18 – The year offline that changed everything1:00:35 – Community, Outrageously Her, and fair energy exchange1:03:00 – Being taken advantage of as a model1:07:30 – Gratitude, Tori, and living as a whole person—Topics in this episode:• Coming out publicly as a crossdresser• Crossdressing and parenting / raising kids• Building an online platform safely• The psychology of validation and social media• Crossdresser modeling and being taken advantage of• Makeup, wigs, and feminization tips• Taking ownership of your crossdressing as art• Outrageously Her — 4-month cohort for men exploring their feminine#crossdresser #crossdressing #crossdressingdadWebsite:https://www.soulkink.com

  6. Aug 10

    The Real Reason You Fantasize About Being Forced

    There are two kinds of people in this world: people with "f**k you" energy, and people with "f**k me" energy. And both of them are a trap.In this solo episode, I lay out a framework I learned from the Light Dark Institute that I talk about more than almost anything else in my life — because once you see it, you can't unsee it. You'll start categorising everyone you meet. It's like waking up from the matrix."F**k you" energy: I'd rather give up connection than give up my own power. The armor, the island, the high-status loneliness."F**k me" energy: I'd rather give up my own power than lose connection. The shrinking, the self-erasure, the pedestals.The antidote to both? "I f*****g love myself, AND I f*****g love you." Strong spine, open heart.Then I take this somewhere most people never do — into dominance and submission. Because these two energies show up in the bedroom, in kink, in the way we fantasise, in ways most people completely misunderstand:▸ Why "f**k me" people chase submission as an escape from self-loathing (I call them "frenzied submissives")▸ Why "f**k you" people fantasise about being forced or taken advantage of (the "reluctant submissive" and the brat)▸ What forced feminization is really about for so many crossdressers▸ Why the kink that heals you eventually loses its charge — and why that's a good thing▸ The two-thrones model of dominance and submission at its most spiritualI also share my own story — a reformed "f**k you" energy who had to learn that only fragile things need armor.This one's personal. Let's get into it.🌀 With gratitude to the Light Dark Institute and to John Wineland, whose "strong spine, open heart" language runs through this episode.Chapters:0:00 – Two kinds of people: the two energies0:56 – Welcome to Soul Kink Therapy1:17 – "F**k you" energy explained1:52 – "F**k me" energy explained2:52 – Why both energies are a trap3:49 – The antidote: strong spine, open heart5:56 – My story: a reformed "f**k you" energy7:42 – "I won. I was high-status. And I was so lonely."10:11 – "F**k me" energy and the shadow of generosity11:19 – Applying this to dominance and submission13:55 – Frenzied submissives: chasing relief from self-loathing16:05 – Reluctant submissives, being "forced," and the brat20:01 – What forced feminization is really about20:45 – Why the kink that heals you loses its charge21:37 – Two thrones: the most epic love concept24:26 – A closing blessing—Topics in this episode:• F**k you energy vs f**k me energy (Light Dark Institute framework)• Avoidant and anxious attachment in relationships• Strong spine, open heart (John Wineland)• Dominance and submission psychology• Why people fantasize about being forced (consensual non-consent)• The brat archetype in kink• Forced feminization and crossdressing shame• How kink heals the wound that made it hot• Self-love as the antidote to both energies#dominatrix #dominanceandsubmission #kinkWebsite:https://www.soulkink.com

  7. Jul 31

    Your libido isn’t broken - here’s why

    "I thought something was wrong with me."Almost every person who walks into Dr Jennifer Vencill's office says a version of that sentence. What she's found, over and over: nothing is wrong with them. They've been shaped by shame, by bad sex education, and by a culture that only teaches one kind of desire and calls everyone else broken.Dr Jennifer Vencill is a psychologist, certified sex therapist working in a medical setting, and co-author of Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships (with Dr Lauren Fogel Mersy) — one of the most important books on libido and desire I've read this year.In this conversation we cover:▸ How shame — especially internalised CIS-normativity — quietly kills libido▸ Why crossdressers, kinksters, and gender-diverse people are especially vulnerable to dead bedrooms▸ The difference between spontaneous and responsive desire (and why most people only know one)▸ The brakes-and-accelerator model of sexual response▸ Why communication is 80% of the work▸ How medications, hormones, aging, and chronic illness reshape libido▸ Why porn is the sex education we never should have gotten▸ How to build the conditions for desire — instead of waiting for it to strikeIf you or your partner have ever thought "I must be broken" — this episode is for you.📚 Get the book: Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships (available in paperback, hardcover, audiobook, and ebook at every major retailer)🎓 Find Dr Jennifer Vencill:▸ Instagram: @DoctorJenniferVencillChapters:0:00 – What is CIS-sexism? The invisible shame that runs your libido0:29 – Meet Dr Jennifer Vencill and the book Desire1:49 – How shame quietly kills your sex drive2:53 – The comprehensive sex education we never got6:15 – The nervous system response that shuts arousal down10:14 – Communication is 80% of the work12:39 – Hormones, medications, and transitioning — how they reshape desire14:16 – Spontaneous desire vs responsive desire22:35 – The brakes-and-accelerator model26:19 – Kink, pain, and the science of turning shame into resource28:25 – Why porn became our sex education (and what that broke)42:25 – Body image and libido54:56 – Where to find Dr Vencill's work and the book Desire—Topics in this episode:• Low libido and dead bedroom causes• Shame as the #1 killer of desire• Spontaneous vs responsive desire• The dual control model (brakes and accelerator)• Crossdressing, kink, and sexual shame• How to talk to your partner about mismatched libido• Medications, hormones, aging, and libido• Body image and sexual desire• Sex therapy and inclusive sex education• Outrageously Her — 4-month cohort for men exploring their feminine#lowlibido #libido #sexdriveWebsite:https://www.soulkink.com/

  8. Jul 24

    "I Was Terrified I'd Get the Ick" — A Crossdresser's Wife Tells All

    Eight years into marriage, Anna Woods's husband Harry told her something that changed everything: he was a crossdresser. Anna had never really known what crossdressing was. She grew up in the UK in the 90s, where the only crossdressers she'd ever seen on television were the butt of the joke. She had questions — did this mean he was trans? Did he not want her as a woman? Did he actually prefer men? What followed was one of the most honest, brave, and generous conversations I've had on this podcast. Anna talks about the fear of "the ick" before seeing Harry dressed for the first time. The insecurity that crept in — "am I not feminine enough anymore?" The moment she realized so many of her feelings weren't actually hers, but what society had told her to feel. And the devastating truth that "you've been carrying this alone — we could have done it together." Today Anna and Harry run Cross Dressed UK, a resource and community they built so no other partner would have to go through what Anna did without support. This episode is essential listening for: ▸ Any crossdresser terrified of telling their partner ▸ Any wife who's just discovered her husband crossdresses ▸ Any couple stuck in "don't ask, don't tell" and quietly rotting ▸ Anyone who wants to understand what real curiosity, patience, and honesty look like in a marriage 🇬🇧 Find Anna and Harry: ▸ Website: https://www.crossdressed.co.uk ▸ Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, Pinterest: @crossdresseduk ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 🌸 Outrageously Her — Launches July 28, 2026 ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ If this episode moved something in you, Outrageously Her is where we go deeper. A 4-month intimate cohort for men who are ready to stop managing a secret and start building a life that includes ALL of you. What's included: ✓ 4 months of live group work — bi-weekly 2-hour calls ✓ Small group sister pods — journey with 2 accountability partners ✓ Community platform for real intimate connection between calls ✓ 1-1 deep dive coaching call with Emily ✓ Guest expert sessions Apply now: https://www.soulkink.com/outrageously-her 📲 Follow @soulkink00 Chapters: 0:00 – Meet Anna: wife of a crossdresser, half of Cross Dressed UK 1:30 – The bombshell — Harry came out 8 years into marriage 3:00 – Struggling to find real information (and the internet rabbit hole) 5:00 – Growing up in the UK: crossdressers as the butt of the joke 8:00 – The grief every man secretly carries 10:30 – "Am I not feminine enough anymore?" 14:30 – "It's not how you feel — it's how you've been told to feel" 17:00 – How Anna's relationship with her own body changed 21:00 – Chronic illness, losing her career, and Cross Dressed UK as healing 28:30 – The "ick": Anna's biggest fear before Harry dressed 33:00 – What actually happened the first time she saw him 37:00 – Why "don't ask, don't tell" rots marriages 44:00 – Generosity as the foundation of this work 50:00 – The story of Cross Dressed UK 54:00 – The 70-year-old crossdressers who still haven't told their wives — Topics in this episode: • Wife of a crossdresser — the partner's perspective • Coming out as a crossdresser to your wife • How to tell your partner you crossdress • Don't ask, don't tell relationships and why they don't work • The "ick" and how to move through it • Cross Dressed UK — resources for crossdressers and their partners • Chronic illness, identity, and finding purpose • Crossdressing and heterosexual marriage • Outrageously Her — 4-month cohort for men exploring their feminine #crossdresser #crossdressing #crossdressedUK

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4.7
out of 5
24 Ratings

About

Soul Kink Therapy, hosted by Therapeutic Kink Specialist Emily Letts, welcomes kinky guests to explore their desires, patterns, and fetishes as pathways to healing and liberation. Turn your fetish into freedom.

Information

  • Creator
    Emily Letts
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    35
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Emily Letts
  • Show Website
    Soul Kink Therapy

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