Most of us were never taught how to grieve. And it turns out, that's not an accident. In this episode of Let Me Know If You Need a Podcast, Amy, Kristen, Kristen Beck and thanatologist Michelle Desmond dig into the science behind grief in ways that are grounding, validating, and genuinely useful for anyone navigating illness, caregiving, or loss. Michelle left a 15-year career at Starbucks to get her master's degree in death, dying, and bereavement because her own concentrated experience of loss made her realize how little any of us actually know about the thing that will happen to all of us. She breaks down anticipatory grief, disenfranchised grief, and why the phrase “at least” quietly tells someone their pain doesn't measure up. She also explains why we became a society that doesn't talk about death, what corporate leaders consistently miss when supporting grieving employees, and why grief is about integration. Things You Will Learn: What anticipatory grief is and why caregivers experience it: understanding the loss that starts at diagnosis, not death, so you can name what you're already carrying and stop feeling guilty for it.What disenfranchised grief is and who it affects: recognizing the grief that goes unacknowledged because of stigma, complicated relationships, or losses others don't take seriously (including pet loss, job loss, and grief after suicide).What to say instead of “at least”: replacing the most quietly damaging grief phrase with language that actually acknowledges someone's loss and creates real connection. Tools / Frameworks Covered: Anticipatory Grief (Grief Theory): Names the loss caregivers and loved ones experience from diagnosis forward, helping listeners recognize what they're carrying before a death occurs and stop measuring it against an arbitrary standard of what grief is supposed to look like.Disenfranchised Grief (Dr. Kenneth Doka): A framework for identifying grief that goes unrecognized or stigmatized, covering pet loss, job loss, suicide, complicated relationships, and more, so people can name their experience and seek support without shame.Grief Integration Model: The reframe that grief is not something to complete or get over, but something to integrate over time, giving caregivers, survivors, and sidekicks permission to stop measuring their recovery against a three-day bereavement leave. Timetamps: (0:00) Introduction (1:43) Michelle's Career Shift: From Starbucks to Grief Science (5:01) What Thanatology Actually Is (6:08) Why Evidence-Based Grief Work Matters (9:10) What People Used to Ask Michelle Before She Had Credentials (11:47) Anticipatory Grief: Grieving Someone Who's Still Alive (16:53) GiftWellSoon Sponsor (17:09) Disenfranchised Grief: When Your Loss Goes Unrecognized (20:06) How to Create Safe Space for Hidden Grief (22:26) Grief in the Workplace: What Leaders Get Wrong (25:34) Why We Were Never Taught to Grieve (30:04) What Michelle Wants Leaders to Know (33:05) What Michelle Is Hopeful For in the Field (36:16) Where to Find Michelle and Her Book (36:52) The One Thing Never to Say to Someone Grieving (38:05) Comfort Food and the Lasagna Vindication (39:52) The Starbucks Order #grief #anticipatorygrief #caregiving #communityCare #giftwellsoon ✅ SUBSCRIBE so you never miss an episode: YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@lmkifyouneedapodcast Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/let-me-know-if-you-need-a-podcast/id1844882205 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4qKPOo6cAINf4M2i7THfnv 📲 FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/letmeknowifyouneedapodcast Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lmkifyouneedapodcast/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lmkifyouneedapodcast
