A Normal Family: a show about healing and growth

Anna Wallace
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  • Relationships
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Wondering why your family feels “not so normal”, or why the same patterns keep repeating in your relationships? This podcast on family healing and modern relationships helps you understand yourself, your family and how it shaped you, so you can build better relationships and happier lives. Through intimate interviews and personal storytelling, Anna Wallace explores modern family life – parenting and living childfree, divorce and blended families, loss, estrangement and reconciliation, and what it means to “break the cycle” of family trauma without breaking yourself.

  1. The money behaviours you inherit (and how to rewrite them)

    3d ago

    The money behaviours you inherit (and how to rewrite them)

    What money behaviours did you inherit from your family — and are they actually yours? In this episode, Anna is joined by Carla Hoppe, a former solicitor and founder of Wealthbrite, a financial education business working with UK legal professionals. Carla's family roots span Holland, India, Canada and the Falklands. This is a story of understanding yourself, by understanding those who came before. We also talk about financial heritage and the way we are given scripts we never examine. Hers led her back to the Dutch famine and fears of scarcity. Carla shares a simple but powerful exercise — mapping your financial heritage in two columns — to surface inherited patterns and understand which ones still serve you. Anna does the exercise, discovering the very different money personalities of her parents and the tension she carries. Topics include: How generational trauma (war, famine, displacement) shapes financial anxietyMoving from money awareness to genuine agencyBuilding empathy for the people who raised you — and for yourselfHaving better money conversations in your relationshipsBreaking cycles without self-blameA thoughtful, warm, and surprisingly funny episode about one of the great taboos.

    31 min

  2. Jun 5

    Why do we keep falling into the same hole? A poem about personal growth

    A short episode from Anna Wallace, host of A Normal Family. During her coaching certification, Anna encountered a poem that resonated with her: An Autobiography in Five Short Chapters by Portia Nelson, from There's a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery (1977). In this episode, she reads it aloud and reflects on why it speaks so directly to the patterns we repeat in our relationships and what genuine change actually requires. This is about the moment you develop enough self-awareness to not just see the hole, but to choose a different street altogether. Topics include: Recognising repeated patterns in relationshipsThe stages of awareness, responsibility, and genuine changePersonal growth as an active choice, not just an insightAlso mentioned: Anna's journaling workshop in Lisbon, with an online version coming soon.

    4 min
  3. Becoming mum, finding your voice: matresence and motherless mums

    Mar 27

    Becoming mum, finding your voice: matresence and motherless mums

    Becoming a mum isn't just sleepless nights, research is now showing how it changes you at a physical and mental level. In this episode of A Normal Family, I’m joined by my old school friend Rebecca to continue our series on matrescence – the often invisible transition into motherhood. 👉 Watch to find out how becoming a mum can quietly rewrite who you are, what it really feels like to parent without your own mum, and why something as ordinary as singing in a choir might be one of the most powerful mental health tools you haven’t tried yet.​ ⟡ Becoming a mum – identity and body What life looked like before children How pregnancy changed her relationship with her body and boundaries The shock of realising she wouldn’t be “90% the same person, just more tired”​ ⟡ Motherless mothering – grief in the background Losing her mum at 20 and being a “motherless mother” The hidden moments that hurt most How motherhood made her see her own mum’s life and sacrifices differently​ ⟡ Singing as healing – choirs, nervous systems and finding your voice Why choir rehearsals became her therapy How group singing supports mental health (breathwork, vagus nerve, co‑regulation) Simple ways to use singing to reconnect with yourself, even if you “can’t sing”​ This episode is for you if you’re: navigating early motherhood and wondering who you are now doing motherhood without your own mum interested in women’s identity and life transitions curious about novel and accessible ways to support your mental health​ 🔔 Subscribe for more true family stories, matrescence conversations and healing‑centred tools for modern family life.​ In the comments, I’d love to hear, how would you describe your journey of becoming a mum? Surprising? Tiring? How did it shape your identity and sense of self? Purchase Matrescence by Lucy Jones: https://shorturl.at/Qv4R1 Grief and choir singing: https://spcare.bmj.com/content/12/e4/e607 Topics: motherhood, life transitions, matrescence, motherless mothers, singing as therapy, postnatal depression, vagus nerve, choir, women’s mental health, nervous system

    29 min
  4. Want a better relationship with your mum? Try this Ep.11 #matrescence #betterrelationships #compassion

    Mar 5

    Want a better relationship with your mum? Try this Ep.11 #matrescence #betterrelationships #compassion

    We all came from a woman’s body, but have you considered what that experience was like for her?  In this short episode Anna offers an apology to her mother friends and an experiment for you.  A big aim of A Normal family is to help you lead better relationships and more fulfilling lives. Stepping into someone else’s shoes is a great way to build compassion, so I invite you to  a (potentially awkward) conversation with your mum or loved one about her motherhood story including how she fed you.  Key takeaways:  Understanding your mum’s story can shift how you see her. Conversations about motherhood can be uncomfortable but strengthen bonds. Vulnerability and discomfort are key to connection. Try this with your mum or another trusted mother in your life. This conversation is inspired by the concept of matrescence – the often unseen transformation of becoming a mother. Look out for my next guest interview with Rebecca where we talk about her experience of matrescence.  All data in this week’s episode are taken from Matrescence, Lucy Jones (2023)  Purchase Matrescence, by Lucy Jones: https://shorturl.at/Qv4R1  Topics: understanding your mum, mother–daughter relationships, healing family dynamics, matrescence, difficult conversations with parents. Chapters  00:00 Why this one conversation can change how you see your mum 00:55 How understanding your mum builds better relationships 01:43 My blind spot and an apology to mothers 02:39 The experiment: three areas to ask your mum about 06:09 If you can’t talk to your mum + final reflections

    7 min
  5. Why DNA is not destiny: epigenetics, trauma and hope

    Feb 19

    Why DNA is not destiny: epigenetics, trauma and hope

    Is trauma 'in your genes' – and if so, can you ever really break the cycle for your kids? In this special episode, Anna sits down with epigenetics researcher Ryan Smith (TruDiagnostic) to explore why DNA is not destiny, and how generational trauma and healing both leave traces in the body. Together they explore: how your grandmother, mother and you once shared the same body and what it means for weight, stress and resilience  How mothers and fathers both influence inherited traits in different ways Why some families seem wired for stress, addiction or hyper‑vigilance – and what animal studies (bees, mice) tell us What you can do before conception, during pregnancy and in everyday family life to support healthier gene expression If you are new to epigenetics this is a great 101 to the subject and sheds scientific light on how some experiences are passed down at the  molecular level.  Let me know if you like this topic and want to hear more!  CHAPTERS 00:00 Introduction 00:27 Epigenetics and family 101 03:30 Maternal ancestry and effects on metabolism 06:59 The paternal line in inheritance 07:54 The imprintome - your family software setting  12:30 Nature vs nurture: identical twins 14:34 Optimising your genes 16:24 Inheriting fear: other ways experience is passed through the generation References and inks  Ryan Smith – TruDiagnostic: https://ryansmith.trudiagnostic.com/optin1627581630595 Netflix Documentary, You Are What You Eat: A Twin Experiment (Netflix, 2024): https://www.netflix.com/title/81133260 The Agouti Mouse Study:  https://www.eurekalert.org/news-releases/470102 The Cherry Blossom / Fear Inheritance Study (Dias & Ressler, 2013), article in National Geographic: https://www.nationalgeographic.com/science/article/mice-inherit-the-fears-of-their-fathers

    22 min
  6. Advice from a family systems therapist and youngest of 13

    Feb 5

    Advice from a family systems therapist and youngest of 13

    In this episode of A Normal Family, family therapist Anita Sommers paints a picture of what life was like growing up in a large, chaotic Catholic household and what it taught her about family patterns. Drawing on her work as a family systems therapist we also talk about how intergenerational trauma created a self‑sacrificing mother and a larger‑than‑life, sometimes narcissistic father, anxious attachment and how our childhood still shapers our relationships today. We talk about:- What it was really like to be the youngest of 13 – the chaos, the security, and why Anita does not recommend having thirteen children- How big families are made up of smaller units. - How intergenerational trauma, loss and Catholic duty shaped her parents, and how those family stories trickle down through generations- Family scripts and narratives: how the stories we tell ourselves shape our identity, and how to rewrite them- How to rewire your nervous system and self-soothe and how anxious attachment, people-pleasing, and conflict-avoidance are often old survival strategies- Practical tools: why we have to regulate to relate, EMDR, self-soothing, and becoming "the one you were waiting for" instead of hoping a partner will fix it- Birth order psychology: why being the eldest, middle, and youngest children shapes us differently If you're navigating family patterns and cycles, generational trauma, toxic family dynamics, or feeling cast in a role you didn't choose – the strong one, the easy one, the fixer – this conversation is for you.Key moments 01:45 Introduction to Anita: youngest of 13 children10:43 Empathy and understanding in family relationships13:31 What is systemic family therapy?16:45 Understanding family scripts and narratives18:34 Rewiring your nervous system28:24 The importance of repair in relationships31:01 Sibling birth order and personality types34:15 Traits of only childrenBuy ‘You are the one you have been waiting for’ - Book by Richard Schwartz, founder of Internal Family Systems here: https://shorturl.at/r3jXWKeywords: family therapist advice, generational trauma, family patterns, anxious attachment, birth order psychology, toxic family dynamics, nervous system healing, self-soothing, intergenerational trauma, family scripts

    38 min
  7. No contact, no children, still a family: Emma's story

    Jan 22

    No contact, no children, still a family: Emma's story

    Emma went no‑contact with her mum, was made homeless at 17 and still chose to live child‑free in a world that keeps telling women they’ll “change their mind”. In this episode of A Normal Family, Emma shares the long road to choosing estrangement from her mother, navigating addiction and self‑harm in her family, and why she believes having children should be a deeply selfless decision rather than an expectation.  She also talks about building an honorary family from friends and their parents, and how that has shaped her into a fiercely independent adult with her own definition of what family can be.​ Please take care of yourself before listening if you have been affected by any of the issues raised and see the comment for resources. Key moments 05:58 The decision to go no‑contact  15:24 Why I chose a child‑free life 20:13 Building an honorary / chosen family 24:37 Finding silver linings

    26 min
  8. Chosen family, queer love and the state: Richard Angell on who really counts as ‘family’. Ep.7.

    Jan 8

    Chosen family, queer love and the state: Richard Angell on who really counts as ‘family’. Ep.7.

    What if family isn’t just the people you share DNA or paperwork with, but the people who show up for you – especially when you mess up? In this episode of A Normal Family, Anna talks to Richard Angell, Chief Executive of Terrence Higgins Trust, the UK charity named after one of the first people in the UK to die from an AIDS‑related illness. Together they explore chosen family, queer love, HIV stigma – and how the state still shapes who “counts” as family. They discuss: - What chosen family really means in LGBTQ+ communities - The story of Terry Higgins, his partner Rupert and the birth of the Terrence Higgins Trust - How the state once erased queer partners – and where that still happens today - The power and limits of chosen family, including Richard’s “four wheels” metaphor for sharing the weight of care - What all of this means for anyone trying to build healthier, more honest relationships *Timestamps* 01:28 Introduction and Richard’s early life 04:27 What Chosen family really means 08:27 Biological vs chosen family: Who shows up when it’s hard? 12:08 Forgiveness, repair and compassion in families 16:12 Coming out, acceptance and curious grandparents 18:17 Terry Higgins’ Story: Heaven nightclub, Parliament and forbidden love 19:19 How AIDS changed the conversation from gay sex to gay love 20:10 Terry Higgins remembered: Rupert, friends and the birth of THT 23:51 When the State blocks families: Egg and sperm donation 26:02 Terry’s legacy: Chosen family, community and activism 30:43 Family is chaos, love and showing up This podcast is for thoughtful, self‑reflective people who want better relationships – with partners, kids, parents, friends, or the family they’re still building. You don’t have to be queer or part of a perfect family; you just have to be curious about how family and relationships shape us. If this conversation resonates, please: - *Share it* with a friend, partner or member of your chosen family - *Subscribe* for more episodes on modern families and relationships - *Comment* with your reflections – or your own experience of chosen family If you have a story about family, chosen or otherwise, and might like to share it on A Normal Family, we'd love to hear from you: https://forms.gle/PquP4zuZoCNzv2gb9  For more on Terrence Higgins Trust and their work on HIV, sexual health and stigma, visit their website:  https://tht.org.uk/  Purchase ‘Straight Jacket’, Matthew Todd’s book on gay shame which Richard mentions: https://shorturl.at/v1Z2t

    35 min
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Wondering why your family feels “not so normal”, or why the same patterns keep repeating in your relationships? This podcast on family healing and modern relationships helps you understand yourself, your family and how it shaped you, so you can build better relationships and happier lives. Through intimate interviews and personal storytelling, Anna Wallace explores modern family life – parenting and living childfree, divorce and blended families, loss, estrangement and reconciliation, and what it means to “break the cycle” of family trauma without breaking yourself.

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