Have you ever found yourself walking on eggshells around someone you love? Have you ever known something felt wrong, but kept explaining it away until you barely recognized yourself anymore? That’s the story Dr. Stephen Paul brings to this episode of the Dream Fuelerzz Podcast. Natasha Jane Julian sits down with Dr. Stephen, an international speaker, author, and PhD in spiritual counseling, to talk about his book, The Venus Fly Trap: Sex, Lies, and Repercussions, and the relationship that changed the way he understood himself, love, and healing. Dr. Stephen starts much earlier, taking us back to his childhood in a seaside town in England, where gaslighting and emotional abuse shaped how he saw himself and the world around him. By 16, he had run away eight times, spent time in a mental asylum, and undergone electroconvulsive therapy. Those experiences didn’t simply disappear. They followed him into adulthood and into the relationships he struggled to navigate. He gets honest about four divorces, his habit of running when things became emotionally overwhelming, and the three-year relationship that began with passion but eventually became a battle of obsession, manipulation, addiction, and control. He shares how he slowly lost himself, ignored his intuition, and eventually had to stop looking at the other person and start looking at himself. Dr. Stephen also talks about walking away from dating, spending years learning who he was outside a relationship, and turning his experience into the philosophy he calls “heartism.” Listen to the full episode, reflect on your own relationship patterns, and share it with someone who needs this conversation. Key Takeaways Childhood trauma creates patterns, like running from overwhelm, that repeat until recognized. Difficult partners can act as mirrors, showing us where we need to heal and set boundaries. Self-worth, fear of abandonment, and fear of trust are the three universal fears behind most destructive patterns. Vulnerability is often mistaken for weakness, but sharing your story can bring real freedom. Healing sometimes requires stepping away from relationships to be with yourself first. In This Episode [00:02] Meet Dr. Stephen Paul and his book, The Venus Fly Trap [01:06] Why the book is framed as "based on true events" rather than a memoir [03:10] Little Stephen: childhood trauma, gaslighting, and Blackpool [06:03] A mental asylum at 16 and electroconvulsive therapy [10:35] Running from himself for 40 years, four divorces [12:06] Meeting "Tomaz" during his fourth divorce [19:16] The flower question that named the book [20:12] Her background: wealth, an asylum stay, and a complicated father [23:00] The rum bottle, the baked beans, and a police standoff [33:00] Passion, power, and pain: two people used to getting their way [43:51] The three universal fears: self-worth, abandonment, and trust [45:48] Her diagnosis: borderline personality disorder [1:01:58] Heartism, Quantum Wealth, and what's next Resources and Links Dream Fuelerzz https://dreamfuelerzz.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dfpodcastwithnjj/?hl=en Dr. Stephen Paul LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/vft23/ Book site: https://vft23.com/ The Venus Fly Trap: Sex, Lies and Repercussion Natasha Jane Julian Website: https://natashajanejulian.com/ LinkedIn: https://www.facebook.com/NatashaJaneJulian Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/natashajanej/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/natashajanejulian
