Kate Boyd-Williams: Conversations For Our Teens

Kate Boyd-Williams
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Welcome to Conversations for Our Teens, a calm and curious space those who wish to raise teenagers to flourish in this modern world. Your host, Kate Boyd-Williams, has spent over two decades in a rather unique position—working in senior pastoral roles at elite UK and Swiss boarding schools, living alongside hundreds of teenagers and witnessing those late-night conversations when the truth finally comes out. Now a mother of two teenage daughters herself, and trained as a coach, sophrologist, and hypnotherapist, Kate translates that wisdom into practical tools you can use straight away. Each week, Kate shares real stories and actionable techniques to help you stay the guide amidst strong teenage emotions and helping you support and champion them to be the best versions of themselves - whatever that looks like. If you're ready to move from over-whelmed and second-guessing yourself, to confident and grounded, you're in exactly the right place.

  1. May 24

    22: Half Term Habits That Help: What I Learnt After Years of Exam Seasons With Teenagers

    Half term arrives in exam season feeling like neither quite a holiday nor a school week — and for many families, that in-between space is genuinely hard to hold. You want your teen to rest. You're worried they'll fall behind. And you're trying to keep the household from tipping into tension. In this episode, I draw on years of running boarding houses through exam cycles to share what I found actually helped students cope well — and what I'm trying to bring home this week with my own two, though the emphasis, I'll admit, is very much on the word trying. What You'll Discover I open by sharing what I noticed after many exam cycles with teenagers — that the students who coped best weren't the ones who worked the hardest, but the ones who stayed purposeful about their rest and their relationships alongside their revision. One approach never fitted all, and my key role was always to create an environment in which each student could flourish in their own way. I share the specific habits we built into boarding house life during exam season — from rounders after supper and nutritionist talks about what the brain actually needs, to the girl who asked if we could make the dining room a no-exam-talk zone at mealtimes. It was entirely her idea. And it worked more than almost anything else we tried. I explain what the research tells us about why this matters — drawing on Shawn Achor's work on positive priming, and why a brain in a positive emotional state before a task is measurably more focused, creative and resilient under pressure. I bring it home to this half term — sharing what I'm trying with my own two teens right now, the practical rhythms that seem to help, and why creating the right conditions matters as much as the revision plan itself. I offer three coaching questions to hold this week that can ease tension, prevent conflict and keep your relationship with your teen warm under pressure — whatever the exams ahead look like. Key Moments Why the students who coped best protected certain things alongside their work The boarding house habits that made healthy choices feel easy — and one student's idea that changed everything What a nutritionist told students about what the brain needs during exam season Why evening yoga and visualisation sessions became the practice students came back for, year after year Shawn Achor's positive priming research — and why fun isn't the opposite of productive James Clear on systems over goals — and what that means for a half term week Three questions to ask yourself this week to ease tension, avoid conflict and keep balance at home What I'm actually trying at home this week — with two teens, two different exams, and no perfect answers Your Practice This Week At some point today, ask yourself the three questions from this episode: What does my teen actually need right now — not what do they need to get done, but what do they need? What would good enough look like, for both of us, this week? And what's one thing we can do together that has nothing to do with exams at all? You don't need to answer all three at once. Start with the one that feels most true. If you'd like support for your teen with the regulation and visualisation practice I describe in this episode, the Student Audio Toolkit is available on my website now — five practices designed to calm the nervous system, enhance focus and recall, and help your teen see their exams going well. Access the toolkit HERE Connect with Kate Email: Questions or topics? hello@kateboydwilliams.com Share: If this resonated, share it with another parent using the link on the player above. Important: This podcast is for educational purposes only, not medical advice. If your teenager is experiencing severe anxiety, please consult a qualified healthcare professional.

    12 min

  2. May 10

    21: You Know You Need To Regulate. But How To Do That?

    There's a word that comes up constantly in conversations about parenting teenagers — co-regulation. We're told it matters. We're told our nervous system sets the tone. But what does it actually look and feel like in practice? What does it mean to be regulated on a Tuesday afternoon, when the day has been long and there's still everything still to do? This episode is the answer to that question. What You'll Discover I open by naming the most common misconception about regulation — and why calm all the time isn't actually the goal. Regulation isn't stillness. It's elasticity. The capacity to be struck by something and choose how you respond. I introduce three ways of thinking about the pause that brings us back to ourselves — the power pause, the fermata, and the Japanese concept of Ma — and share what regulation actually looks like in an ordinary day, in the body, before we've even noticed it's needed. I share a story about a colleague whose very young children had a name for her — Mummy Byebye — and what that quietly revealed about where we both were heading. And why the signs of approaching burnout almost never announce themselves loudly. I explain why co-regulation means our regulation isn't just about us — it's the emotional weather our teenagers live inside. And I share three practical steps for returning to baseline in the middle of a real day: the check-in, the body scan and release, and choosing what you actually need. Key Moments What regulation actually is — and why calm all the time is the wrong target The power pause, the fermata and Ma — three ways to think about the same essential practice The Mummy Byebye story — and what it quietly revealed about burnout How to recognise the signs before depletion becomes the default Why your regulation is the emotional weather your teenager lives inside The three-step return-to-baseline sequence you can use today Quote from this episode "The body mounts a stress response, but the mind is unaware of the threat. We keep ourselves in physiologically stressful situations, with only a dim awareness of distress or no awareness at all." — Gabor Maté "The difference between peak performance and poor performance is not intelligence or ability — most often it's the state that your mind and body is in." — Tony Robbins Your Practice This Week At some point today — before you walk back in, before a conversation that matters — ask yourself: what's my number? One to ten. Don't analyse it. Just name it. Then ask what's underneath it. That's where the practice begins. If you'd like support with this, I have a guided emotional regulation visualisation on my website — just four minutes, designed to walk you through the return-to-baseline practice described in this episode. You can access it HERE.  CONNECT WITH KATE Email: Questions or topics? hello@kateboydwilliams.com Share: If this resonated, share it with someone who needs it — the link is on the player above. Important: This podcast is for educational purposes only, not medical advice. If you or your teenager are experiencing severe anxiety or burnout, please consult a qualified healthcare professional.

    15 min

  3. Apr 25

    20: Is the Wait Before Exams Harder Than the Exams Themselves? Here's What the Research Says

    If you're living with a teenager who seems flat, restless or not quite themselves right now — and you're not sure whether what you're seeing is normal or something to pay closer attention to — this episode is for you. This week I'm talking about what I think of as the hardest part of exam season. Not the exams themselves — the waiting. The weeks of anticipation before they walk into that room. And why that window is often neurologically more difficult than the exams ever will be. What You'll Discover I open by naming what's actually happening in your teenager's nervous system right now — and why this period has a specific name: anticipatory anxiety. Using the research of physician Gabor Maté, I walk through the three factors that universally trigger a stress response, and show exactly why the pre-exam window ticks every single one of them. Plus a fourth that rarely gets named — the internal conflict of wanting to enjoy these last weeks while knowing that full freedom isn't quite available yet. I share how to tell the difference between normal signs of this window and signs worth paying closer attention to — and the one simple question that's always better than assuming. I then tackle something counter-intuitive that I think is one of the most important things to understand about this period. Most of us instinctively tell our teenagers to cut back on socialising and fun until exams are over. Harvard researcher Shawn Achor's work — across a study of over 1,600 students — tells a very different story. And I share what I observed in the boarding house that confirmed it. And finally, three things that actually help — including something I've made specifically for this window, and the story of a student who went from shaking and unable to hold a pen in his first A-level exam, to completing everything that followed. Key Moments What anticipatory anxiety actually is — and why naming it reduces its power The three Gabor Maté stress triggers, and why the waiting window hits all of them How to tell normal exam-season behaviour from signs worth acting on The social paradox: why cutting everything out may be the worst revision strategy What I saw in the boarding house — and what the research confirms Three practical tools for this window, including a daily regulation practice The one question to ask yourself about your teenager this week Quote from this episode "The research literature has identified three factors that universally lead to stress: uncertainty, the lack of information and the loss of control." — Gabor Maté Your Practice This Week Before your next interaction with your teenager this week, pause and ask yourself: what's one true thing I believe about them that they might not be able to believe about themselves right now? You don't need to say it out loud. Just let it change how you walk into the room. And if you'd like something to offer your teenager directly, the Student Exam-Ready Audio Toolkit is available HERE — five guided practices drawing on sophrology, visualisation and performance neuroscience, designed to be used daily between now and the last exam. If you'd prefer to start with something for yourself, the free parent guide is there too — five strategies for supporting your teenager through this period without adding to the pressure.   A closing wish for you this week — from the Buddhist loving kindness meditation: "May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be safe. May you be at peace." You can say these words quietly for yourself. Or silently, in your head, for your teenager. Either way — they work. CONNECT WITH KATE Email: Questions or topics? hello@kateboydwilliams.com Share: If this resonated, share it with another parent using the link on the player above. Important: This podcast is for educational purposes only, not medical advice. If your teenager is experiencing severe anxiety, please consult a qualified healthcare professional.

    16 min

  4. Apr 19

    19: What If the Best Thing You Can Do This Term Is Begin With One Conversation?

    If you've come back from the Easter holidays feeling like you never quite switched off — and you're not sure whether your teenager did either — this episode is for you. This week I'm back after a short break, and I want to talk about what this term actually asks of us. Not the revision timetables or the revision techniques — the four things that genuinely move the needle between now and exam day. I also share a simple three-goal conversation you can have with your teenager this week, plus the practical details of when and how to have it, because that's often the hardest part. What You'll Discover I open by naming something that rarely gets talked about — the particular difficulty of Easter when exams are close. The tension between rest and revision, the household pulled in different directions, the siblings and the worry and the holding it all together. If that was your house this holiday, I want you to know it's not just yours. I share the two places parents tend to be at the start of this term: the teen who has revised a lot but isn't perhaps as refreshed as you'd hope, and the one where you're not sure enough happened. And why the response to both is the same — shift the focus entirely from what's happened -  to what's possible from here. I then walk through four areas that make a genuine difference between now and exam day — nutrition, sleep, purposeful work alongside real rest, and mindset. None of them are about finding a better revision technique. And I share one specific thing to listen out for in your teenager's language, and what to do when you hear it. And finally, I invite you into a three-goal conversation — one academic anchor, one thing that's entirely theirs, and one about how they want to feel by the end of term. I share exactly where to have it, how to open it, and what to do if they go quiet. Key Moments Why Easter is genuinely hard to navigate — and why it matters to acknowledge that The two places parents arrive at the start of this term, and what helps with both The four areas that actually move the needle between now and exam day Why mindset isn't just attitude — and what to do when the language turns negative The three-goal conversation: what it is, when to have it, and how to open it Why side by side always works better than face to face Your Practice This Week Find your low-pressure moment — in the car, on a walk, after food — and ask your teenager these three questions: which subject do you most want to do well in this term? What's the one thing outside school you want to keep doing? And how do you want to feel by the end of term? Then listen to what comes back. You don't need to fix anything. Just hear them. If you'd like a calm and practical place to start with supporting your teenager through exam season, my free guide is available HERE — five strategies drawn from coaching and sophrology, written for parents who want to help without adding to the pressure. CONNECT WITH KATE Email: Questions or topics? hello@kateboydwilliams.com Share: If this resonated, share it with another parent using the link on the player above. Important: This podcast is for educational purposes only, not medical advice. If your teenager is experiencing severe anxiety, please consult a qualified healthcare professional.

    17 min

  5. Mar 30

    18: What's One Question Every Parent Needs to Ask at Exam Time?

    What's One Question Every Parent Needs to Ask at Exam Time?  If you've ever found yourself hovering outside your teenager's bedroom door, wondering whether to push or step back, whether to say something or say nothing — this episode is for you. This week I bring together everything from the last four episodes — sophrology, RTT, coaching and teen yoga — and share the single thread that connects them all. I also return to Emma, whose story opened this exam series, and share what changed for me after her. Plus the one question I now believe every parent needs to ask before stepping in to help — and why it's probably not the one you're expecting. What You'll Discover I open with a personal story — one I haven't shared on this podcast before. My final year at university, weeks of insomnia, and the moment a tutor called me in to read my own essay back to myself and I couldn't make sense of the words on the page. Nobody had told me that performing under pressure was never just about effort and intelligence. That realisation took me years to arrive at. I return to Emma — bright, capable, predicted strong grades, and quietly not sleeping for weeks while nobody noticed. Her results shocked everyone. But what I now understand is that Emma hadn't underperformed because she hadn't worked hard enough. Her nervous system simply hadn't been given what it needed. I share what changed after that — the fifteen-minute evening sessions I began running in the boarding house. Word spread quietly. Students from other houses started appearing at the door. The night before exams became the busiest sessions of all. Those sessions are the foundation of the student audio toolkit I've now made available HERE. And I close with the one question that I think changes everything at exam time — for your teenager, and for you. Key Moments Emma's story — what we missed and what changed after The thread that connects all four disciplines The boarding house sessions that became something much bigger Why "you'll be fine" rarely lands — and what to say instead The one question every parent needs to ask before stepping in Your Practice This Week Before your next difficult conversation, pause and ask yourself honestly: am I regulated enough right now to be the calm in this room? That pause is the whole practice. Resources Mentioned Student audio toolkit — kateboydwilliams.com/exam-series Previous episodes in this mini-series: Episode 14 — Sophrology | Episode 15 — Marisa Peer and RTT | Episode 16 — Coaching | Episode 17 — Teen Yoga Thank you for being here for this series. If it resonated, please share it with another parent who might need it.  Email: hello@kateboydwilliams.com This podcast is for educational purposes only, not medical advice. If your teen is experiencing severe anxiety, please consult a qualified healthcare professional.

    15 min

  6. Mar 19

    17: The Practice that Could Help Your Son Sleep and Your Daughter Manage Period Pain: What Teen Yoga Taught Me About the Teenage Body

    If you've ever watched your teenager come home carrying something they can't quite explain — and felt unsure whether to talk, to wait, or to do something altogether different first — this episode is for you. This week I'm sharing the discipline that put the body back at the centre of everything. Not a wellness trend. A fundamental understanding of what teenagers actually need before any conversation, support, or solution can land. What You'll Discover I open with a story about a teenage boy who told me, very carefully, that he hadn't been doing yoga. He'd been doing some stretching. And yet what he described — and the difference it made to his sleep — was unmistakably the same thing. It's a story that captures something I now believe completely: the label matters far less than the outcome. I share what I learned from Charlotta Martinuus — founder of Teen Yoga Foundation and one of the most inspirational teachers I've encountered — about what is actually happening inside a teenager's body under stress, and why girls and boys tend to need genuinely different things from movement. This isn't abstract theory. It's immediately practical, and it changes what you might suggest to your teen after a difficult day. I also cover something that affects a significant number of teenage girls and is rarely discussed beyond a hot water bottle or mentioned in education circles — the connection between yoga and period pain. The research here is clear, and the impact can be transformative. The Science Behind It Everything in this episode points to one principle: the body has to be given permission to release before the mind can follow. When a teenager comes home braced and overwhelmed, their nervous system is still in the middle of something — and it will finish what it started before the thinking brain becomes available again. This is what yoga nidra addresses so beautifully, and why the sequence of a well-designed session — movement first, stillness second — works even for teenagers who insist they can't meditate or be still. Key Moments The boy who called it stretching — and why that's the whole lesson in one story What Charlotta Martinuus taught me that twenty years in schools hadn't Why boys and girls tend to need different things from movement under stress The period pain conversation nobody is having — and why they should be Body first, mind second — and why we so often get the order wrong The evening in the boarding house, the candles, the giggling — and the boy who finally slept Your Practice This Week What yoga position can you share with your teen - and how might it help them? Or if you aren't familiar with yoga, what can you learn about it (and that might help both you and your teen) to feel better in mind and body? Resources Mentioned Teen Yoga Foundation — teenyoga.com Brainstorm by Dr Dan Siegel Research: Yoga and period pain  Research: Management of dysmenorrhea through yoga Thank you for being here for this series. It has meant a great deal to share these four mentors and their work with you. Next week we move into new territory — and I'll share how I've brought all four of these practices together into something that will help you and your teen through the tough challenges of exam season. If this episode resonated, please share it with another parent who might need to hear it. And if you haven't already, you can sign up for the weekly newsletter via the link on my website — kateboydwilliams.com CONNECT WITH KATE Email: Questions or topics to cover? hello@kateboydwilliams.com Share: If this resonated, share with another parent. You can use the link on the player above. Important: This podcast is for educational purposes only, not medical advice. If your teen is experiencing severe anxiety, please consult qualified healthcare professionals.

    20 min

  7. Mar 12

    16: What If Supporting Your Teen Through Challenges Felt This Much Easier?

    Episode 3 of 4: The Four Disciplines That Shaped My Life If exam season has already shifted the atmosphere at home — tenser conversations, shorter fuses, the sense that the more you try to help the harder it gets — this episode is for you. This week I'm sharing the discipline that transformed everything about how I show up with teenagers. Not a technique, exactly. More a fundamental reorientation of what it means to help someone. And right now, in the thick of exam season, it might be the most immediately useful thing I've shared in this series. What You'll Discover I open with an honest admission: despite years of working in pastoral care at some of the UK's leading boarding schools, I had never properly encountered coaching as a methodology. Coming from education — a world built around problem-solving, guidance and getting things done — I thought I already understood what supporting young people looked like. It took a fabulous American coach called McKenzie, and a training room moment I still think about today, to show me what I'd been missing. One thing she taught me was sequencing — the idea that in any meaningful conversation, and especially with a teenager under pressure, there is a right order to things. And many of us, instinctively, get it the wrong way round. We move straight to solutions, strategies and action plans, when what's needed first is something altogether simpler: to be genuinely heard. Emotion first. Clarity second. Action third. I also share a moment from my work with senior students that stopped me in my tracks — the day I asked a group whether they could think of a time when an adult had given them advice and they'd left the conversation knowing, quietly, they weren't going to follow it. The answer was unanimous. And it changed how I showed up in every conversation from that point. The Science Behind It Drawing on Sir John Whitmore's framing of performance as the gap between potential and interference, and Daniel Goleman's work on the amygdala hijack, I explain why going straight to solutions during exam season so often backfires. When the nervous system is overwhelmed, the thinking brain isn't available. The advice lands — just nowhere useful. And the pushing, however well-intentioned, simply adds to the weight. When emotion is acknowledged first, something shifts. The nervous system begins to settle. Clarity becomes available. And any action that emerges from that place is one your teen owns, believes in, and is far more likely to follow through on. Key Moments The training room moment that changed everything — and what I finally understood about coaching Why coming from education meant I'd been missing an entire methodology without knowing it The sequencing principle: why emotion, clarity and action must come in the right order Sir John Whitmore on potential, interference and what actually limits performance The student exercise — and the unanimous answer that reframed everything The neuroscience: why the amygdala hijack explains so much about exam season conversations  Your practice for this week: one question to try before anything else Notable Quote "Over time, teens can learn that saying yes is easier than thinking. That pleasing the adult in the room is how you get through a conversation." Your Practice This Week The next time your teen comes to you feeling the pressure — whether they're snappy, withdrawn or quietly stressed — before you consider moving to solutions, try this instead - ask the qeustion: "How are you feeling about it all right now?" Then stay quiet. Genuinely quiet. Long enough for them to answer. You're not withholding help. You're creating the conditions where real help can actually land. Resources Mentioned  Sir John Whitmore — Coaching for Performance  Daniel Goleman — Emotional Intelligence This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and does not constitute medical or therapeutic advice. Please consult a qualified professional for personalised support.  kateboydwilliams.com  Next Week The fourth and final episode in this mini-series — and this one involves a downward dog. If that's not enough of a clue, tune in to find out.

    14 min

  8. Mar 6

    15: Lazy, Difficult Or Self-Sabotaging: What's Going On With Your Teen?

    div]:bg-bg-000/50 [&_pre>div]:border-0.5 [&_pre>div]:border-border-400 [&_.ignore-pre-bg>div]:bg-transparent [&_.standard-markdown_:is(p,blockquote,h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6)]:pl-2 [&_.standard-markdown_:is(p,blockquote,ul,ol,h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6)]:pr-8 [&_.progressive-markdown_:is(p,blockquote,h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6)]:pl-2 [&_.progressive-markdown_:is(p,blockquote,ul,ol,h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6)]:pr-8"> _*]:min-w-0 gap-3 standard-markdown"> You may have wondered why your teenager won't try something new, dismisses every compliment before it lands, or walks away from opportunities they clearly care about. This episode explores what's really going on underneath — and why the answer almost certainly goes back further than you think. The story starts in a sixth form boarding house, with forty-five high-achieving students and one therapist's TED talk that changed everything. What Marisa Peer's work revealed about the teenage mind — and about our own — is one of the most practically useful things I've ever learned. And once you see it, you genuinely cannot unsee it. IN THIS EPISODE, YOU'LL DISCOVER: Why the belief "I am not enough" sits at the root of so many teenage struggles — and where it actually comes from How a single childhood moment can install a belief that quietly runs behaviour for decades Why self-sabotage isn't laziness or defiance — and what the subconscious is actually trying to do What Steven Bartlett and Jefferson Fisher's conversation on Diary of a CEO reveals about why the same arguments keep repeating One question and one action to try this week that could shift everything about how you respond to your teen KEY INSIGHT: Your teen's most frustrating behaviour is rarely about the moment in front of you. It's about a conclusion they drew about themselves — often years ago — that their mind is now quietly working to protect. ABOUT RTT — RAPID TRANSFORMATIONAL THERAPY: Developed by Marisa Peer, RTT combines principles from hypnotherapy, neurolinguistic programming, psychotherapy and cognitive behavioural therapy into a single, solution-focused method.  Marisa Peer's original TED talk: You Can Change Your Life — Just Change Your Mind Overview of RTT and the research behind it: marisapeer.com THE SCIENCE BEHIND THE SUBCONSCIOUS: Research consistently shows that the vast majority of our decisions, behaviours and emotional responses are driven by subconscious processes rather than conscious thought. Custers, R. & Aarts, H. (2010). The unconscious will: How the pursuit of goals operates outside of conscious awareness. Science, 329(5987), 47–50. Read here Bargh, J.A. & Chartrand, T.L. (1999). The unbearable automaticity of being. American Psychologist, 54(7), 462–479. Read here ON SELF-SABOTAGE: Self-sabotage is increasingly understood not as a character flaw but as an unconscious protective mechanism — the mind steering us away from situations where a core fear might be confirmed. Psychology Today overview of self-sabotage and its roots: Read here MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: Diary of a CEO with Steven Bartlett, featuring Jefferson Fisher: "The Speaking Coach: The One Word All Liars Use" — the conversation about two younger versions of ourselves in conflict begins around 57:30 THIS EPISODE IS PART OF A MINI-SERIES: The Four Disciplines That Shaped My Life — and How They Can Change Yours Episode 14: Sophrology — the practice that started everything Episode 15: RTT and the beliefs that quietly run everything ← You are here Episode 16: Coaching — and how to self-coach  Episode 17: Teen Yoga THIS WEEK'S REFLECTION + ACTION: The question: Think of one behaviour in your teenager that consistently puzzles or frustrates you. What belief might be sitting underneath it — about their worth, their capability, their belonging? The action: The next time that behaviour shows up, pause before you respond and ask yourself: what might they be protecting themselves from right now? CONNECT WITH KATE Website: kateboydwilliams.com Email: Questions or topics to cover? hello@kateboydwilliams.com Share: If this resonated, share with another parent or educator who might need to hear it. Important: This podcast is for educational purposes only, not a substitute for medical or psychological advice. If your teen is experiencing significant difficulties, please consult a qualified healthcare professional.

    16 min
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About

Welcome to Conversations for Our Teens, a calm and curious space those who wish to raise teenagers to flourish in this modern world. Your host, Kate Boyd-Williams, has spent over two decades in a rather unique position—working in senior pastoral roles at elite UK and Swiss boarding schools, living alongside hundreds of teenagers and witnessing those late-night conversations when the truth finally comes out. Now a mother of two teenage daughters herself, and trained as a coach, sophrologist, and hypnotherapist, Kate translates that wisdom into practical tools you can use straight away. Each week, Kate shares real stories and actionable techniques to help you stay the guide amidst strong teenage emotions and helping you support and champion them to be the best versions of themselves - whatever that looks like. If you're ready to move from over-whelmed and second-guessing yourself, to confident and grounded, you're in exactly the right place.

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