Intro & Banter — The guys kick things off arguing about beer sizes, body dysmorphia, and whether Grant is a "cub" or a "chub." They also debate the phrase "rest in power" after Grant says it for the wrong people, leading to a chaotic tangent about Larry, the Grand Canyon, and the North Rim. Grand Canyon Stories — Grant shares a childhood memory of torturing his height-phobic mother at the Grand Canyon, while Mekaylay recalls hiking mine shafts in Arizona and dropping rocks to calculate depth. This somehow leads to a "how many guys would it take to fill the Grand Canyon" conversation. Don't ask. Country Song Planning — The guys announce they're going to write and record a country song about Arizona before the end of the episode, with brainstorming that includes "fish and bish" and references to Bo Burnham. Tucson, Arizonia — Grant pitches the show What We Do in the Shadows and recounts Matt Berry's character calling it "Tucson, Arizonia." This spirals into a full-roast of Tucson — the Dirty T — including college football bros, abandoned storefronts, and the world's largest gem and crystal show. True Crime Story 1: Dwight Lamont Jones (2018) — Mekaylay reads the story of Dwight Jones, who went on a killing spree across Scottsdale and Fountain Hills, murdering six people connected to his divorce case — including forensic psychiatrist Steven Pitt (who worked JonBenét Ramsey, Columbine, and the Baseline Killer cases), two paralegals, a psychologist subletting an office, and an elderly couple in Fountain Hills. Jones took his own life as police closed in. True Crime Story 2: Anna Mae Blessing (2018) — A 92-year-old Arizona woman who hid two pistols behind her back, dual-wielded them, and shot her 72-year-old son after he threatened to put her in a nursing home. She told police, "You ended my life, so I'm taking yours." She died of a stroke in hospice months later. True Crime Story 3: The Birdseed Bandit (2013) — A man in a Tucson feed store parking lot, wearing only underwear, sitting on a pallet of birdseed, twitching, making bird noises, ranting about God and Satan, and jumping into people's trucks. He was on meth and bath salts. He also shit all over the birdseed — $83 in damages True Crime Story 4: The Tunnel Professor (2017) — A man in a white lab coat, covered in wet paint, was found in an underground pedestrian tunnel in Tucson. He'd painted the walls with symbols, covered the lights, claimed he was "doing research for the city of Tucson" on a pathogen to cure homelessness, pain, and suffering. His university ID connected him to U of A's medical research building. He "sometimes" uses meth. True Crime Story 5: Dynamite in the Fridge (2020) — Ranch owners near Clifton, AZ found decades-old dynamite inside an old refrigerator. The explosives were so deteriorated the bomb squad couldn't move them — so they blew them up on-site. In the '60s and '70s, dynamite was sold at hardware stores. Listener Submissions — The guys read comments from fans with their own Arizona horror stories: a guy whose uncle may have blown up his grandma's barn to avoid cleaning it, a neighbor who dug illegal tunnels under his house claiming military service, and a retired veteran who encountered a fenced, moated compound with a drawbridge and armed occupants — plus a story about El Diablo and demonic possession in Guadalupe. Road Rage & Personal Stories — Mekaylay recounts a terrifying childhood road rage incident on the 87 where a man in a white van tried to run their minivan off the road and threw a rock at their windshield. Grant shares his dad confronting a reckless driver, his own near-fight on the 101, and a story about working with a former KKK member who lost his middle finger knuckle in prison after flipping off the wrong person.
