In this episode of Raised on Shame, Kimberly Wilder sits down with licensed clinical social worker Jennifer Kimlingen for a deeply personal conversation about growing up in a family affected by alcoholism and addiction, losing both parents as a teenager, and understanding the grief and shame she carried into adulthood. Jennifer shares what it was like to know something was wrong long before the adults around her explained it. Together, Kim and Jennifer explore what happens when children are left to fill in the blanks and why the stories they create can sometimes be more painful than the truth. They discuss addiction's impact on the entire family, talking to children honestly and in developmentally appropriate ways, and giving children language for experiences they already know are happening. Jennifer also reflects on the conversation with her father that changed how she understood her childhood: his addiction, her mother's absence, her family's history, and, most importantly, that none of it was her fault. The conversation also explores grieving the parent you needed, the childhood you did not have, and the relationship that might have been. Kim and Jennifer discuss mother loss, becoming mothers themselves, recovery, community, and breaking generational patterns. You are loved. And it is not your fault. Growing up with parental alcoholism and addiction Why children notice more than adults realize How secrecy and silence can become shame Addiction's impact on the family AA, Al-Anon, and Alateen Grieving an unavailable parent Mother loss and mother-daughter grief Therapy, recovery, and community Talking to children about addiction, death, divorce, bodies, and sex Family and genetic risk without fear or shame Creating safety for adolescents to ask for help Breaking generational patterns Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)Support for people who want help with their drinking.https://www.aa.org Al-Anon Family GroupsSupport for people affected by someone else's drinking.https://al-anon.org AlateenSupport for teens affected by someone else's drinking.https://al-anon.org/newcomers/teen-corner-alateen/ C**t: A Declaration of Independence by Inga MuscioWomen's bodies, sexuality, language, and shame. Motherless Daughters by Hope EdelmanThe lasting impact of mother loss. Crying in H Mart by Michelle ZaunerMother loss, grief, identity, family, food, and culture. The Primal Wound by Nancy Newton VerrierThe author's theory about adoption and early maternal separation. Beautiful Things by Hunter BidenAddiction, relapse, grief, family, and recovery. Divorce: Dinosaurs Divorce by Laurene Krasny Brown & Marc Brown Bodies & Boundaries: Getting Smart About Your Private Parts by Gail Saltz Grief: The Invisible String by Patrice Karst; The Memory Box by Joanna Rowland; When Dinosaurs Die by Laurene Krasny Brown & Marc Brown Feelings & Shame: The Color Monster by Anna Llenas; In My Heart by Jo Witek; The Way I Feel by Janan Cain; The Dot by Peter H. Reynolds; I Am Enough by Grace Byers Children do not need to understand every adult detail to know something is happening. When adults remain silent, children are left to make sense of what they see and feel on their own. Their questions can turn inward: Was it me? Did I do something wrong? Is something wrong with me? Honest, developmentally appropriate conversations give children language for their experiences. Honesty does not mean telling children everything. It means giving them truthful information they can understand, making room for questions, and showing them that difficult things can be talked about. Sometimes the most important things a child needs to hear are simple: I love you. You can talk to me. This is not your fault. Raised on Shame is a podcast about the stories we inherit, the shame we carry, and what happens when we start questioning both. This season, we're deconstructing "happily ever after" and the expectations we've inherited about what a good life is supposed to look like.
