The Trauma Nerd | What most trauma advice misses

Helen Billows
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  • Mental Health

You know what they told you about trauma. I know what they missed. Tried all the trauma things, and still struggling?  Sorry to say it (am I, though?), but a lot of trauma content online is wildly oversimplified. Important distinctions get missed, possibilities get presented as facts, and explanations that don't quite fit get treated as the whole story. I'm Helen Billows, a registered psychologist, EMDR therapist and consultant with more than 7,000 trauma and EMDR sessions behind me. We'll challenge familiar assumptions, unpack misunderstood concepts, and explore the overlooked details that could finally explain why you're still struggling despite everything you've tried (and what might actually help you move forward). Expect clinical honesty, practical takeaways, and a host who thinks she’s funnier than she actually is. New episodes fortnightly.

  1. 5d ago

    When Healing Trauma Feels Wrong: Three Hidden Conflicts That Can Keep You Stuck

    Sometimes, feeling better can actually feel like a scary concept. Even when it's the thing you desperately want. In this episode of The Trauma Nerd Podcast, I'm unpacking three internal conflicts I regularly encounter in trauma therapy that can block progress: If I get better, does that mean what happened wasn't that bad?If I move on, does that mean they've gotten away with it?Who am I without the problems I've lived with my whole life?We'll get into why these conflicts happen, how they can interfere with healing, and what I actually do about them. I'll also give you two questions to help you figure out whether something similar might be going on for you. If you've done a heap of work on yourself and you're still stuck, the answer isn't necessarily to work harder. There might actually be something important going on underneath the surface that nobody's picked up on yet. 🎙️ Listen on Spotify, Apple or Youtube Follow Helen: @helenbillows

  2. Oct 20

    Can We Really DIY Trauma Healing? I'm... Not Convinced.

    Can you heal trauma without therapy? According to much of the trauma self-help world, absolutely!  Find the right information, learn the right techniques, put in enough effort, and you can heal yourself. Apparently. Lovely idea, but I'm not entirely convinced. In this episode of The Trauma Nerd Podcast, I'm digging into what it actually means to heal from trauma, and what might be missing from what you've tried. Sometimes the problem isn't that you haven't learned enough, tried hard enough, or found the right self-help strategy. Sometimes the approach you're using simply isn't addressing what needs to change. 🎙️ Listen on Spotify, Apple or Youtube Follow Helen: @helenbillows

  3. Jul 20

    Bonus Episode: Lessons From Over 7,000 Trauma Therapy Sessions

    Ever wondered what a trauma therapist actually learns after 7,000 sessions? Not the textbook stuff. The stuff that surprises even us. Like the fact that 90% of what I treat isn't what you'd picture. It's not the big, stereotypical events. It's emotional neglect and emotional abuse. The quiet experiences of feeling rejected, ignored, or unimportant that shape everything, and that the research shows respond remarkably well to treatment. I also share why the brain's capacity to heal still astonishes me after all these years, why the trauma world has an over-pathologising problem, and the most freeing lesson of all: not everything is that deep. That's a wrap on Season 1. Thank you for being here. Genuinely. 🎙️ Listen on Spotify, Apple or Youtube Follow Helen: @helenbillows

  4. Jun 23

    From "I'm worthless" to "I'm worthy" — why the opposite of your problem is probably NOT your solution.

    When something hurts, the instinct is obvious: aim for the opposite.  Feel worthless? Aim for worthy.  Can't trust anyone? Commit to trusting everyone. It sounds like progress; like the right step forward. In this episode I unpack why that instinct rarely works — why the healthy version of where you want to be is unlikely the polar opposite of where you are now, and what to aim for instead.  There's a simple ways to determine whether what you're aiming for will actually work, and most of the goals and paths people set for themselves accidentally fail it. If you've been led astray by the promise of the 'opposite', listen now. 🎙️ Listen on Spotify, Apple or Youtube Follow Helen: @helenbillows

  5. Jun 8

    5 Surprising Signs You're Being a Crappy Parent to Yourself

    You're probably pretty good at the soft stuff. The kindness, the compassion, the not being too hard on yourself. Good. Keep doing that. But that's only half of good parenting. The other half has a fire to it, and most of us are accidentally skipping it. This episode covers: Why self-discipline is an act of love, not punishmentThe "it's not my fault-itis" problem and why dodging accountability is actually unkind to yourselfWhy shame is a terrible motivator and what the research says to use insteadWhy judging your feelings adds a second layer of distress on top of the firstWhy your environment is a self-parenting issueSpoiler: I saw myself in all five. If you've ever wondered why being kind to yourself isn't quite working, listen to this. 🎙️ Listen on Spotify, Apple or Youtube Follow Helen: @helenbillows

  6. May 25

    From Road Rage to Sobbing: A Trauma Therapist's Tool for Discharging Anger

    You pull over, hands shaking, absolutely raging. How dare they. What is wrong with that person. You're furious. Except you're not, really. Underneath that rage is something far more vulnerable, and your body knows it before you do. This episode is a simple, fast-acting tool for discharging anger from the body, the kind that flares up after a trauma trigger or a genuine threat. I also tell you about the night a driver tailgated me through the Adelaide Hills, and how I went from raging to sobbing in about 30 seconds flat. This episode covers: How to discharge angry energy using your body, in 30-second burstsWhy anger is so often a protective top layer, and what's usually hiding underneath itA real road rage story and the technique working in real timeWhy this exact emotional trajectory is what we see in EMDR processingWhen to use this tool, and when definitely not toIt's a coping strategy, not a cure (and get medical clearance before going full effort). If you've got anger that feels bigger than the moment, listen now. 🎙️ Listen on Spotify, Apple or Youtube Follow Helen: @helenbillows

  7. May 12

    Are Your Judgy Thoughts a Defence Mechanism? (Hint: Probably)

    You judge yourself for being judgy. Then you judge yourself for judging your judgeme—ok, we're already exhausted. In this episode Helen discusses how judgements are relevant to trauma work, and how to figure out what your judgy thoughts are actually trying to tell you. Your judgment isn't the enemy. It's pointing to something. This week, follow it. 🎙️ Listen on Spotify, Apple or Youtube Follow Helen: @helenbillows

  8. Apr 28

    Feeling Worse After EMDR Therapy? It Might Mean It's Working

    “You might feel worse before you feel better”. It sounds like a disclaimer, a therapist butt-covering exercise if you will. I used to think so too.  But after many years of doing trauma and EMDR therapy, I have learned that you can absolutely feel worse before you feel better. It is legit, but it does deserve some attention, because feeling worse and getting worse are not the same thing. That distinction changes everything about how you interpret what's happening when trauma therapy gets difficult. This episode covers: • The difference between feeling worse and actually getting worse • The dust on the mirror effect: what it is, why it happens, and why it's actually a good sign • Why the worst thing you can do when therapy gets hard is stop • What the research actually says about clinical deterioration from EMDR If you've ever had a rough week after a therapy session and wondered whether you should keep going, listen to this. 🎙️ Listen on Spotify, Apple or Youtube Follow Helen: @helenbillows

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You know what they told you about trauma. I know what they missed. Tried all the trauma things, and still struggling?  Sorry to say it (am I, though?), but a lot of trauma content online is wildly oversimplified. Important distinctions get missed, possibilities get presented as facts, and explanations that don't quite fit get treated as the whole story. I'm Helen Billows, a registered psychologist, EMDR therapist and consultant with more than 7,000 trauma and EMDR sessions behind me. We'll challenge familiar assumptions, unpack misunderstood concepts, and explore the overlooked details that could finally explain why you're still struggling despite everything you've tried (and what might actually help you move forward). Expect clinical honesty, practical takeaways, and a host who thinks she’s funnier than she actually is. New episodes fortnightly.

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