Atonement: The John Paulk Story

iHeartPodcasts
  • 4.5 (46)
  • DOCUMENTARY
  • WEEKLY SERIES

John was an ex-gay, ex-drag queen and an evangelical Christian. He married an ex-lesbian, had three children and became the poster boy for “conversion therapy” for over 15 years, traveling across the world to preach the idea you can ‘pray away the gay’.   John Paulk was living proof that they could change, that God would love them, and that they could live a “normal” heterosexual life. ​   But John was living a lie: he was still gay. ​   Now, he’s ready to tell his story.

Season 1

  1. EPISODE 1

    1. The Dancefloor

    John steps back into the story he once tried to outrun. Alongside expert insights and survivors of “Conversion Therapy”, John begins peeling back the layers of how he became one of the most totemic figures of the ex-gay movement. — Atonement: The John Paulk Story is a production of iHeart Podcasts and Goldhawk Productions in association with Marks Media Co. —If you’ve been affected by any of the issues covered in this series, you can find help and support at the following links:988 Suicide & Crisis LifelineThe Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress. Call or text 988 or chat online. Crisis Text LineIf you are in crisis, text CONVO to 741741 in the US for free, confidential, 24/7, support.The Trevor ProjectThe leading suicide prevention and crisis intervention organization for LGBTQ+ young people. If you or someone you know needs help or support, The Trevor Project’s trained crisis counselors are available 24/7 at 1-866-488-7386, via the website or by texting START to 678678.RAINNRAINN - the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network - provide free, confidential, 24/7 help. Call 1-800-656-4673 or the website to chat with a support specialist.If you’re in the UK, please find a range of helplines and support networks here. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    59 min

  2. EPISODE 2

    2. There’s No Place Like Home

    John makes his way to the residential program that will shape his life forever. There, he meets John Smid, the former director of Love in Action. And the woman who would become his wife. —Atonement: The John Paulk Story is a production of iHeart Podcasts and Goldhawk Productions in association with Marks Media Co. — If you’ve been affected by any of the issues covered in this series, you can find help and support at the following links:988 Suicide & Crisis LifelineThe Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress. Call or text 988 or chat online. Crisis Text LineIf you are in crisis, text CONVO to 741741 in the US for free, confidential, 24/7, support.The Trevor ProjectThe leading suicide prevention and crisis intervention organization for LGBTQ+ young people. If you or someone you know needs help or support, The Trevor Project’s trained crisis counselors are available 24/7 at 1-866-488-7386, via the website or by texting START to 678678.RAINNRAINN - the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network - provide free, confidential, 24/7 help. Call 1-800-656-4673 or the website to chat with a support specialist.If you’re in the UK, please find a range of helplines and support networks here. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    1h 4m

  3. EPISODE 3

    3. For Better or For Worse

    John’s marriage becomes the jewel in the ex-gay movement’s crown.Soon the couple are everywhere: Oprah, national ad campaigns, even the cover of Newsweek. But beyond the spotlight, cracks are forming. —Atonement: The John Paulk Story is a production of iHeart Podcasts and Goldhawk Productions in association with Marks Media Co.— If you’ve been affected by any of the issues covered in this series, you can find help and support at the following links:988 Suicide & Crisis LifelineThe Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress. Call or text 988 or chat online. Crisis Text LineIf you are in crisis, text CONVO to 741741 in the US for free, confidential, 24/7, support.The Trevor ProjectThe leading suicide prevention and crisis intervention organization for LGBTQ+ young people. If you or someone you know needs help or support, The Trevor Project’s trained crisis counselors are available 24/7 at 1-866-488-7386, via the website or by texting START to 678678.RAINNRAINN - the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network - provide free, confidential, 24/7 help. Call 1-800-656-4673 or the website to chat with a support specialist.If you’re in the UK, please find a range of helplines and support networks here. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    47 min

  4. EPISODE 4

    4. The Gospel According to John

    John looks back at the spiritual wreckage the ex-gay movement leaves behind - and the lives it destroys. Publicly, he’s its polished poster boy. But behind the public halo, he’s drowning. —Atonement: The John Paulk Story is a production of iHeart Podcasts and Goldhawk Productions in association with Marks Media Co.— If you’ve been affected by any of the issues covered in this series, you can find help and support at the following links:988 Suicide & Crisis LifelineThe Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress. Call or text 988 or chat online. Crisis Text LineIf you are in crisis, text CONVO to 741741 in the US for free, confidential, 24/7, support.The Trevor ProjectThe leading suicide prevention and crisis intervention organization for LGBTQ+ young people. If you or someone you know needs help or support, The Trevor Project’s trained crisis counselors are available 24/7 at 1-866-488-7386, via the website or by texting START to 678678.RAINNRAINN - the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network - provide free, confidential, 24/7 help. Call 1-800-656-4673 or the website to chat with a support specialist.If you’re in the UK, please find a range of helplines and support networks here. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    51 min

  5. EPISODE 5

    5. A House of Cards

    When John Paulk slips into a D.C. gay bar, everything he’s built looks set to collapse. Caught, exposed, and suffocated by shame, he clings to a lie that fools no one - not even himself. —Atonement: The John Paulk Story is a production of iHeart Podcasts and Goldhawk Productions in association with Marks Media Co.— If you’ve been affected by any of the issues covered in this series, you can find help and support at the following links:988 Suicide & Crisis LifelineThe Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress. Call or text 988 or chat online. Crisis Text LineIf you are in crisis, text CONVO to 741741 in the US for free, confidential, 24/7, support.The Trevor ProjectThe leading suicide prevention and crisis intervention organization for LGBTQ+ young people. If you or someone you know needs help or support, The Trevor Project’s trained crisis counselors are available 24/7 at 1-866-488-7386, via the website or by texting START to 678678.RAINNRAINN - the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network - provide free, confidential, 24/7 help. Call 1-800-656-4673 or the website to chat with a support specialist.If you’re in the UK, please find a range of helplines and support networks here. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    49 min

  6. EPISODE 6

    6. To Hell and Back

    John comes out for the third - and final - time. In this final chapter, hear John’s journey from shame to accountability, and the hard-won freedom of living authentically. —Atonement: The John Paulk Story is a production of iHeart Podcasts and Goldhawk Productions in association with Marks Media Co.It was presented by John Paulk. The producer was Kate Holland. The Programme Consultant was Patrick Strudwick. Sound design and audio mix was by Femi Oriogun-Williams. The executive producer for Goldhawk was Alex Hollands. For Marks Media, the executive producer was Lyndal Marks. Thank you to Taylor Chicoine, Anna Stumpf and Kate Mansberger at iHeart.— If you’ve been affected by any of the issues covered in this series, you can find help and support at the following links:988 Suicide & Crisis LifelineThe Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress. Call or text 988 or chat online. Crisis Text LineIf you are in crisis, text CONVO to 741741 in the US for free, confidential, 24/7, support.The Trevor ProjectThe leading suicide prevention and crisis intervention organization for LGBTQ+ young people. If you or someone you know needs help or support, The Trevor Project’s trained crisis counselors are available 24/7 at 1-866-488-7386, via the website or by texting START to 678678.RAINNRAINN - the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network - provide free, confidential, 24/7 help. Call 1-800-656-4673 or the website to chat with a support specialist.If you’re in the UK, please find a range of helplines and support networks here. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    45 min

  7. SEASON 1 TRAILER

    Introducing: Atonement: The John Paulk Story

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    2 min

Trailer

4.5
out of 5
46 Ratings

About

John was an ex-gay, ex-drag queen and an evangelical Christian. He married an ex-lesbian, had three children and became the poster boy for “conversion therapy” for over 15 years, traveling across the world to preach the idea you can ‘pray away the gay’.   John Paulk was living proof that they could change, that God would love them, and that they could live a “normal” heterosexual life. ​   But John was living a lie: he was still gay. ​   Now, he’s ready to tell his story.

Information

  • Creator
    iHeartPodcasts
  • Episodes
    7
  • Seasons
    1
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    2026 iHeartMedia, Inc. © Any use of this intellectual property for text and data mining or computational analysis including as training material for artificial intelligence systems is strictly prohibited without express written consent from iHeartMedia
  • Show Website
    Atonement: The John Paulk Story

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