Hi %%first_name%%, Where are you right now? Not where you are sitting, not in the kitchen, the car, or on the couch. What I mean is, where are you emotionally? spiritually? relationally? Can you locate yourself? Hold that question with me. We are going to walk through it together. I’m going to share what I have been learning and the lessons God has given me that have changed my life. Be encouraged that you are not alone in your healing journey. Savor' Her is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. %%first_name%%, would you agree that there is so much noise in the world right now? As women who live in a generation of social media, we hear and consume topics about postpartum depression, domestic violence, how to heal from abuse, and then motherhood, marriage, rest, and lifestyles. There is just so much, from the craziness to the possibilities. It’s not all bad, and at the same time it's not all good. I use the word all because this would have to let us practice discernment. Discernment, for what I have learned, is the ability to hear Papa God’s voice above the noise of culture, other people’s expectations, and the hurt little girl inside us who learned to survive instead of trust. I don’t want to add more noise, %%first_name%%; my hope for these writings is to add encouragement and ask the question, just like the title of this post. Do you hide or abide? There was a question God asked His first creation: Where are you? It can be found in Genesis 3:9. Here’s the thing: God knew where Adam was because God is all-knowing, and what I have learned is that God was not asking his physical location; He was inviting Adam to locate himself because, as you continue to read, Adam said in Genesis 3:10 that he heard God walking in the garden, so he hid because he was afraid that he was naked. And to be honest, a lot of us hide, not behind the trees but behind the busyness; that's what I did most of the time. As wives and moms, we know how to serve, give, and pour. A lot of us were raised to be hospitable. In the Filipino culture I grew up in, the first statement I usually heard was, “Come, let’s eat!” All the lolas (grandmas), nanays (moms), and titas (aunts) will make sure everyone has a plate; it's their mission. They don’t play, lol. And what I observed growing up is that they eat last. What they do is a beautiful gift and gesture; however, somewhere along the way, many of us learned how to serve everyone else and failed to learn how to be still, sit down, and be served. We know how to pour, and we don’t know how to be filled. There is a story in the bible that shows us how to live differently. It’s in Luke 10, and that chapter is full of wisdom and highlighted in red because Jesus is speaking, teaching,and guiding. Here is what I observe about Martha and Mary. Martha was so busy hosting Jesus while Mary let Jesus host her. Martha got busy serving while Mary sat at His feet and listened. Martha got overwhelmed by all the details of serving, so Jesus told her that she was worried about many things, but only one thing is needed, and her sister Mary chose it. Martha is not the bad person here. She loved Jesus, and serving matters; as they say, faith without works is dead, but she is out of order, unfortunately. She is serving without being filled first. Jesus showed us a life of being filled first. Before he healed, taught, and preached, he went away early to be alone with Abba Father. He abided first, then moved. (Mark 1:35) So how do we get filled before we pour? It starts with awareness of our emotions, then naming them, then finding the need behind them. I wrote about this in my book Shame to Shalom. We all have emotional needs, and here is one lesson I learned the hard way: some of our tiredness is not about sleep. Some of our tiredness stems from beliefs that quietly run our lives, yet most of us are unaware of them. Most of us are living from the environment we grew up in, the messages we heard, and what we watch and scroll through every day, and most of us have not made it a priority to really care for our soul. Boundaries, communication, and emotional regulation are skills, and most of us did not fully learn them in school, church, or family. Most of us have some versions, and let’s be honest, some of those versions need to be deleted and updated daily. A pastor taught me this, and I took it seriously. Maturity comes when we stop blaming others and start taking responsibility for our healing. I want to add a disclaimer here: this is not about condoning bad or unhealthy behaviors, but rather about taking responsibility for our own part by obeying God’s command and trusting God to do His. And here is the truth: most of the people who are supposed to show and teach us either lack the skills or are limited. I pray we may have grace, forgiveness, and discernment on when to walk away and release the urge to fix others, because we are not responsible for people’s behaviors and feelings. This is where forgiveness starts to make room because it's a command for our benefit, and over the next few weeks we will be walking together on boundaries, communication, and forgiveness. One topic at a time. As I sit on my couch writing, behind me is a view of the Blue Ridge Mountains, coffee on the side table, and my rooster crowing. If you have been following me here and on IG, you know we recently got hens, and I also decided to receive (yes, receive) a rooster from a neighbor at no cost. I’m not sure about the crowing, but it's definitely giving country life vibes. Why am I sharing this? Because my quiet morning is no longer quiet, and this is something I prayed for. I never thought I would be living in the mountains; that was not part of the plan. Six years ago, I could not have imagined a morning like this one, Back then I was battling something I had no language for. I had no skills for it, and I did not have the environmental support to help me get through it. So this morning, as the rooster “Sirpoopalot” crows (my daughter named him), I am filled with gratitude to be living this life. Can I be honest with you, %%first_name%%, One of the hardest things for me in recent years has been taking care of my body. I keep falling off and making excuses. I am in my third month now of showing up for my body consistently, but to get here, I had to look at my beliefs. Why am I doing this? Who am I doing this for? When it came to my body, it usually triggered an insecurity, comparing myself on social media and to other women’s bodies. I was not grateful for the body God gave me. It showed me that I was out of order. My values became about vanity. That was not new. In Pursuing Perfect Love, I share a story from my twenties. I was cheated on, and I started comparing myself to other women. I let that experience define who I was, instead of being rooted in my identity as God’s daughter. Something my mentor shared lately has been so powerful in my healing, to not let bad experiences define your future relationships and the people you haven’t met yet. I am still working on this, not generalizing everything. Pain is real, but not all people are unsafe, and I learned that when a relationship gets messed up, it’s two people missing some skills, communication, and making assumptions. %%first_name%%, I have hidden so much in my life. Not just physically, but also hiding in busyness. Hiding by not sharing what I really felt. Hiding the parts of me God created me to be because I cared so much about what people would think. I am so grateful Jesus found me and continues to heal me. And now I make time for Him every morning and throughout the day, even with Sirpoopalot crowing at 5:30 in a morning., because being with him feeds and nurtures my soul. It is how to stay connected in the vine, the river, to the water that showers my soul. So now it’s your turn, %%first_name%%, not to fix anything, but to notice. Picture this with me. It’s 4 p.m., the pot is about to boil over, one of the kiddos wants a snack, one is crying because the oldest took something from their hands, and the phone buzzes with a group text about upcoming holiday plans. Your shoulders are up by your ears, and your jaw is tight. Now pause, and Papa God asks, “Where are you?” Let’s take a deep breath here for 5 seconds. And let’s go back to where we started. Emotionally, where are you? What are you feeling right now? Spiritually, where are you? Abiding or hiding? Relationally, where are you? Connected or disconnected? Energy, where are you? Depleted or overflowing? You don’t have to have all the answers today, %%first_name%%. He is not asking so He can scold you; He is asking because He wants to find you and fill you. As wives, mothers, daughters, and friends, we want to love well, and that love starts with us receiving God’s love. My prayer is that this encourages you to abide in our Abba Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, who truly know who you are despite the noise of the world. Jesus said that whoever believes in Him will have rivers of living water flow from within them. (John 7:37-39) And from that abiding daily, we get to bring water to everyone around us. On Tuesday, we will walk through three simple steps to locate yourself. Even on the days you do not have words for what you feel. Walking with you, Cielo, The Savor Mama. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesavormama.substack.com/subscribe
