The Poly Tantra Kink Podcast ~ Hosted by Laurie Ellington ~ Poly-Coach

Laurie Ellington
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  • Sexuality

The Poly Tantra Kink Podcast explores the raw intersections of love, power, and presence. Hosted by Laurie Ellington, trauma-informed relationship and intimacy coach, each episode invites you into real conversations about polyamory, open relationships, tantra, and kink ~ where sacred meets shadow, and pleasure becomes a pathway to growth. Through candid dialogues with leading authors, educators, and practitioners, we unpack the complexities of open relating, erotic embodiment, and emotional intimacy. Whether you're poly-curious or a seasoned explorer, this podcast offers grounded tools, soulful reflections, and stories that help you live, love, and play with deeper truth. Come explore the fire where love and freedom meet.

  1. Episode 15: Erotic Leadership in High-Intensity Relationships with Blake Zealear

    Apr 14

    Episode 15: Erotic Leadership in High-Intensity Relationships with Blake Zealear

    Show Notes In this episode of The Poly Tantra Kink Podcast, Laurie Ellington sits down with evolutionary guide Blake Zealear for a dynamic and expansive conversation on masculinity, feminism, queerness, and the future of love. Blake shares his journey as a queer, pansexual practitioner working at the intersection of men's work, sacred sexuality, and non-traditional relationship design. Together, he and Laurie explore what it means to move beyond rigid identity boxes and into relational sovereignty. They discuss shadow work, polarity, new-paradigm masculinity, and how healing our personal wounds contributes to cultural evolution. Blake speaks to the necessity of integrating feminism into men's work, dismantling shame around desire, and cultivating embodied leadership rooted in integrity rather than dominance. This episode is an invitation to transmute suffering into power, reclaim erotic aliveness, and participate consciously in the emergence of a new culture of love. Episode Highlights Two-spirit and queer perspectives in men's work Integrating feminism into masculinity work Sacred sexuality beyond labels Shadow work and relational sovereignty Non-traditional relationship design Polarity and embodied leadership Transmuting shame into power Evolving love beyond old paradigms About Blake Zealear Blake Zealear is an evolutionary guide working at the intersection of men's work, feminism, sacred sexuality, and new-paradigm relating. Identifying as two-spirit, queer, and pansexual, Blake brings a multi-faceted perspective to his teaching that invites empowerment, permission, and playfulness. His multidisciplinary background includes embodiment, NLP, Radical Honesty, Landmark technology, tantric and yogic practices, breathwork, shamanic sexuality, shadow work, polarity work, and Spiral Dynamics. Blake is devoted to the emergence of a new culture of love and the healing of our relationships to ourselves, one another, and the Earth. Links & Resources Mentioned Website: https://blakezealear.com/ Men's work and new-paradigm relating programs Connect with Laurie Ellington Website: poly-coach.com Instagram: @polycoaching Work with Laurie: Explore coaching for polyamory, open relationships, tantra, sacred sexuality, and conscious kink.

    1h 1m
  2. Episode 14: Embodied Legacy: Living What You Teach with Laurie Handlers

    Apr 7

    Episode 14: Embodied Legacy: Living What You Teach with Laurie Handlers

    Show Notes In this episode of The Poly Tantra Kink Podcast, Laurie Ellington sits down with sacred sexuality pioneer Laurie Handlers for a candid, powerful conversation about embodied legacy, erotic vitality, and living what you teach. With over four decades of experience guiding people through sexuality, shame, and consciousness work, Laurie reflects on her early curiosity about the body, her first encounters with tantra in the 1990s, and the radical life transformation that followed. What began as a personal search became a lifelong devotion to embodiment, emotional release, and ecstatic living. Together, they explore what it truly means to hold power responsibly as a facilitator, why integrity and repair matter in community spaces, and how living in alignment creates a natural legacy. Laurie shares how sexual energy is creative life force, why emotional release is foundational, and how tantra is both spiritual practice and chemistry. The conversation also touches on aging, menopause, biohacking, erotic renaissance, and the myth of "happily ever after." Laurie reminds listeners that walking this path will disrupt your life, and that once body, mind, and spirit are integrated, you cannot unsee that truth. Episode Highlights Discovering tantra and transforming an entire life Embodied legacy as living your truth consistently Why facilitators must live what they teach Repair, accountability, and community healing Sexual energy as creative life force Emotional release as a non-negotiable foundation Ecstasy as daily practice, not peak performance Aging, menopause, and erotic renaissance The myth of happily ever after "I come with a surgeon general's warning. I will disrupt your life." About Laurie Handlers Laurie Handlers, MA, is an international speaker, bestselling author, and world-renowned teacher of sacred sexuality. For more than 40 years, she has guided people to release sexual shame, reclaim pleasure, and live in embodied truth. She is the author of Sex & Happiness: The Tantric Laws of Intimacy and Sex & Happiness: It Gets Better with Age, both Amazon international bestsellers. A senior facilitator with the International School of Temple Arts (ISTA), Laurie has led retreats and trainings in over 50 countries. With humor, candor, and fierce compassion, she invites people into a world where erotic freedom is essential, not optional. Links & Resources Mentioned Laurie Handlers: https://lauriehandlers.com Free Boundaries Workbook (via her website) Sex & Happiness: The Tantric Laws of Intimacy: https://lauriehandlers.com/sex-and-happiness-order  Sex & Happiness: It Gets Better with Age book: https://lauriehandlers.com/sex-and-happiness-book-new Inner Circle Membership : https://lauriehandlers.com/inner-circle?utm_source=Instagram&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=Inner+Circle    Connect with Laurie Ellington Website: poly-coach.com Instagram: @polycoaching Work with Laurie: Explore coaching for polyamory, open relationships, tantra, sacred sexuality, and conscious kink.

    41 min
  3. Episode 13: Building Collective Care That Actually Works with Kitty Stryker

    Mar 31

    Episode 13: Building Collective Care That Actually Works with Kitty Stryker

    Show Notes In this episode of The Poly Tantra Kink Podcast, Laurie Ellington sits down with sex educator, activist, and author Kitty Stryker for a powerful conversation about consent culture, accountability, and building collective care that is actually sustainable. Kitty shares how her early activism shaped her worldview and how repeated burnout led her to rethink what community truly means. Together, Laurie and Kitty explore how consent culture extends far beyond sexual spaces into workplaces, organizing spaces, polyamory, and everyday power dynamics. They discuss why saying no is an act of trust, how to hold conflict without collapsing into punishment or exile, and why accountability must include pathways for repair. Kitty also introduces the concept of scrupulosity, a compulsive drive to prove moral righteousness, and how recognizing it can reduce anxiety and create more grounded activism. This episode invites listeners to reconsider individualism, redefine community as mutual investment, and build systems that honor capacity, consent, and shared responsibility. Episode Highlights From childhood activism to consent culture work Burnout and choosing sustainable lanes of impact Consent culture beyond sex and kink Reframing no as an affirmation of autonomy Collective care as self-care Healthy conflict vs. conflict avoidance Accountability without exile or endless punishment Scrupulosity and anxiety-driven righteousness Redefining community as shared investment and mutual responsibility About Kitty Stryker Kitty Stryker has been working to define and build consent culture for over a decade. Based in Berkeley, CA, she focuses on bringing conversations about consent, critical thinking, disability justice, and sustainable activism into everyday life. She is the author of Ask Yourself: The Consent Culture Workbook and Love Rebels: How I Learned to Burn It Down Without Burning Out, published by Thornapple Press. Kitty is an anarchist street medic, community organizer, and long-time advocate for trauma-aware accountability practices. Links & Resources Mentioned Follow Kitty on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kitty_stryker/ and on BlueSky Love Rebels: How I Learned to Burn It Down Without Burning Out Connect with Laurie Ellington Website: poly-coach.com Instagram: @polycoaching Work with Laurie: Explore coaching for polyamory, open relationships, tantra, sacred sexuality, and conscious kink.

    53 min
  4. Episode 12: Queer Tantra & Erotic Inclusivity with Barbara Carrellas

    Mar 24

    Episode 12: Queer Tantra & Erotic Inclusivity with Barbara Carrellas

    Show Notes In this episode of The Poly Tantra Kink Podcast, Laurie Ellington sits down with tantra pioneer and Urban Tantra founder Barbara Carrellas for a powerful conversation on queer tantra, erotic inclusivity, and ecstatic possibility. Barbara shares how her work was born during the AIDS crisis in New York City alongside Annie Sprinkle and Joseph Kramer, and how that moment shaped her lifelong commitment to inclusive erotic spirituality. Together, Laurie and Barbara explore what it means to create brave spaces for all bodies, genders, orientations, and abilities, and how curiosity is the foundation of authentic connection. They discuss breath and energy orgasms, the orgasm spectrum, leadership and power dynamics in teaching, the intersection of safety and risk, and why joy and humor are gateways to spirit. Barbara also shares insights from her upcoming book, The Book of Ecstasy, and offers listeners access to her guided breath and energy orgasm practice. This episode is a reminder that ecstasy is available to anybody with breath and a beating heart, and that desire can be sacred without being sanitized. Episode Highlights The origins of Urban Tantra during the AIDS crisis Classical tantra vs. contemporary neo-tantra Queer as curiosity and invitation Creating brave spaces through agreements and consent The "Oops/Ouch" and WAIT leadership principles The orgasm spectrum beyond genital release Breath and energy orgasms as accessible ecstatic practice Why ecstasy lives at the intersection of safety and risk Values, needs, and desire in polyamorous relationships   About Barbara Carrellas Barbara Carrellas is the author of the first LGBTQ+-inclusive tantric sex guide, Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty First Century. She has also written Ecstasy is Necessary and Luxurious Loving. Barbara is the founder of Urban Tantra®, an all-gender, all-sexual-preferences-welcome approach to sacred sexuality that blends practices from Tantra to BDSM. She has been named Best Tantric Sex Seminar Leader in New York City by Time Out/NY and received a Lifetime Achievement Award at the Sexual Freedom Awards in London. Links & Resources Mentioned Barbara Carrellas: https://barbaracarrellas.com Guided Breath & Energy Orgasm Meditation (audio practice) Urban Tantra by Barbara Carrellas on Amazon The Book of Ecstasy (releasing August 2026) Connect with Laurie Ellington Website: poly-coach.com Instagram: @polycoaching Work with Laurie: Explore coaching for polyamory, open relationships, tantra, sacred sexuality, and conscious kink.

    46 min
  5. Episode 11: Erotic Polarity, Containment & the Power of Eros with Om Rupani

    Mar 17

    Episode 11: Erotic Polarity, Containment & the Power of Eros with Om Rupani

    Show Notes In this episode of The Poly Tantra Kink Podcast, Laurie Ellington sits down with educator and writer Om Rupani for a provocative and unfiltered conversation about erotic polarity, power dynamics, and the true nature of eros in modern relationships. Together, they explore how desire, dominance, submission, and containment function beyond ideology and polite conversation. Om challenges common narratives around feminism, empowerment, and modern man–woman relating, offering a perspective rooted in what he has observed actually works in real bodies and real relationships. This conversation dives into the transformative potential of BDSM and tantric containers when approached with integrity, humility, and responsibility. Laurie and Om discuss why eros cannot be used as a bargaining chip, how catharsis and healing can emerge through properly held erotic experiences, and what both men and women must reclaim to restore sustainable polarity and intimacy. Episode Highlights Erotic polarity and the nature of eros Power, dominance, and submission beyond performance Why eros cannot be used as a means to an end Containment and responsibility in BDSM and tantra Catharsis, trauma release, and erotic healing Modern masculinity, femininity, and relational exhaustion Why respect and polarity are essential for desire Letting go of agendas to allow transformation About Om Rupani Om Rupani is an educator and writer specializing in eros, power dynamics, and man–woman relating. He teaches internationally on intimacy, BDSM, and polarity, and is known for his direct, provocative approach to subjects many people avoid. Om's work focuses on how desire, dominance, receptivity, and erotic integrity actually function in lived relationships. His teachings invite people to move beyond ideology and surface-level empowerment into deeper responsibility, embodiment, and truth within erotic and relational dynamics. Links & Resources Mentioned Website: https://omrupani.com Om Rupani (essays, videos, courses): https://omrupani.org   Connect with Laurie Ellington Website: poly-coach.com Instagram: @polycoaching Work with Laurie: Explore coaching for polyamory, open relationships, tantra, sacred sexuality, and conscious kink.

    51 min
  6. Episode 10: Parenting, Poly, & Play with Dr. Elisabeth Sheff

    Mar 10

    Episode 10: Parenting, Poly, & Play with Dr. Elisabeth Sheff

    Show Notes In this enlightening episode of The Poly Tantra Kink Podcast, Laurie Ellington sits down with Dr. Elisabeth "Eli" Sheff, the foremost academic expert on polyamorous families with children. Drawing from more than three decades of longitudinal research, Dr. Sheff shares what actually supports children thriving in polyamorous households — from emotional intelligence and communication skills to resilience, honesty, and community care. Together, they unpack common myths about poly parenting, explore the importance of non-sexual "poly-affective" relationships, and discuss real-world considerations like disclosure, stigma, schools, and custody risks. This conversation offers grounded reassurance and practical guidance for parents who are curious, concerned, or already navigating polyamory with children. Episode Highlights Why polyamorous families face no problems unique to polyamory How children benefit from multiple caregivers and honest communication The role of non-sexual "poly-affective" relationships in family stability How kids actually experience their parents' partners Navigating stigma, privacy, and disclosure with schools and family Legal and custody considerations for polyamorous parents Advice for parents considering opening their relationship About Dr. Elisabeth Sheff Dr. Elisabeth "Eli" Sheff is a researcher, expert witness, coach, speaker, and educational consultant. With a PhD in Sociology and certification as a Sexuality Educator from AASECT, Dr. Eli specializes in gender and sexual minority families, consensual non-monogamy, and kink/BDSM. Sheff is the foremost academic expert on polyamorous families with children, and her 30+ year Polyamorous Family Study is the only longitudinal study of poly families with children to date. Dr. Eli has served as faculty at seven universities and currently chairs the CNM Legal Issues Team for the American Psychological Association, Division 44 Committee on CNM. She is also a member of the board of directors for the Center for Positive Sexuality. Sheff has published four books, over 30 peer-reviewed journal articles and chapters, and is currently co-editing a series of books on relationship and sexual diversity in collaboration with Rowman and Littlefield. Links & Resources Mentioned Dr. Elisabeth Sheff's website: elisabethsheff.com Psychology Today blog: The Polyamorists Next Door The Polyamorists Next Door book by Dr. Elisabeth Sheff, available on Amazon Connect with Laurie Ellington Website: poly-coach.com Instagram: @polycoaching Work with Laurie: Explore coaching for polyamory, open relationships, tantra, sacred sexuality, and conscious kink.

    1h 4m
  7. Episode 9: Jealousy as a Portal to Growth with Kathy Labriola

    Mar 3

    Episode 9: Jealousy as a Portal to Growth with Kathy Labriola

    Show Notes In this episode of The Poly Tantra Kink Podcast, Laurie sits down with counselor, author, and longtime polyamory educator Kathy Labriola for a grounded, honest conversation about jealousy as one of the most powerful teachers in open relationships. Together, they explore why jealousy is normal, how it shows up in the nervous system, and what actually helps people move through it without shame. Kathy introduces her well-known six stages of jealousy, explains why compersion is often overrated, and shares practical tools, including hypnosis and emotional processing, to build resilience and emotional steadiness. The conversation also touches on boundaries vs. control, conscious breakups, and why relationships changing form is not a failure, but a strength of ethical non-monogamy. Episode Highlights Why jealousy is a universal human experience — not a sign of failure The difference between jealousy, envy, and coveting Kathy's six stages of jealousy (and why neutrality is enough) Why compersion is "grossly overrated" Jealousy as a bundle of emotions: fear, anger, and sadness Using hypnosis and nervous system tools to work with jealousy Boundaries vs. control in committed relationships Reframing breakups as relationship transitions Why long-term polyamorous elders matter as role models   About Kathy Labriola Kathy Labriola is a nurse, counselor, and hypnotherapist based in Berkeley, California. For over 30 years, she has provided affordable mental health services to alternative communities, with a particular focus on consensual non-monogamy. She is the author of four influential books: Love in Abundance: A Counselor's Advice on Open Relationships The Jealousy Workbook The Polyamory Break-up Book: Causes, Survival Polyamorous Elders: Aging in Open Relationships Kathy has been a card-carrying bisexual and polyamorist for over 50 years. She is proudly "extra crunchy" — riding her bike, living in a housing cooperative, growing organic vegetables, and raising chickens. She brings decades of lived experience, clinical insight, and deep compassion to her work supporting people in conscious relationship structures.   Links & Resources Mentioned Kathy Labriola's website: https://www.kathylabriola.com Love in Abundance: A Counselor's Advice on Open Relationships The Jealousy Workbook The Polyamory Break-up Book: Causes, Survival Connect with Laurie Ellington Website: poly-coach.com Instagram: @polycoaching Work with Laurie: Explore coaching for polyamory, open relationships, tantra, sacred sexuality, and conscious kink.

    52 min
  8. Episode 8: Keeping Your Relationship Solid While Opening Up with Dr. Joli Hamilton

    Feb 24

    Episode 8: Keeping Your Relationship Solid While Opening Up with Dr. Joli Hamilton

    Show Notes In this episode of The Poly Tantra Kink Podcast, Laurie Ellington is joined by relationship coach, depth psychologist, and sex educator Dr. Joli Hamilton for an honest conversation about what it really takes to open a relationship without losing what you already have. Joli challenges the common advice that couples need to be "solid" before opening up, offering a more realistic and compassionate framework focused on flexibility, nervous system capacity, and differentiation. Drawing from her own 17 years of lived non-monogamous experience, she shares why opening a relationship does not fix problems, it reveals them, and why education is often more helpful than therapy when navigating ethical non-monogamy. Together, Laurie and Joli explore jealousy, autonomy versus security, person-inspired non-monogamy, grief, pacing, and why growth over comfort is often the real north star in conscious relationships. Episode Highlights Why "being solid" isn't the right metric before opening a relationship Flexibility and resilience as keys to sustainable non-monogamy The myth of opening a relationship to fix problems Nervous system capacity and relational pacing Autonomy vs. security in open relationships Person-inspired non-monogamy and why it's especially challenging Education vs. therapy when learning non-monogamy Grief, growth, and reimagining relationship futures About Dr. Joli Hamilton Dr. Joli Hamilton is a relationship coach for people who color outside the lines and the founder of The Year of Opening. She is a depth psychologist, AASECT-certified sex educator, TEDx speaker, best-selling author, and co-host of the Playing With Fire podcast. With nearly two decades of experience, Joli helps people design non-monogamous relationships that are custom-built for their authentic selves — without shrinking, hiding, or forcing themselves into outdated relationship models. Her work centers individuation, nervous system capacity, and expanding what people believe is possible in love and partnership.   Links & Resources Mentioned Open Easier (free salon on the Five Pillars): openeasier.com Website: https://www.jolihamilton.com/  Joli's jealousy resources and TEDx talk (via https://www.jolihamilton.com/ )   Connect with Laurie Ellington Website: poly-coach.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/polycoaching  Work with Laurie: Explore coaching for polyamory, open relationships, tantra, sacred sexuality, and conscious kink.

    45 min
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About

The Poly Tantra Kink Podcast explores the raw intersections of love, power, and presence. Hosted by Laurie Ellington, trauma-informed relationship and intimacy coach, each episode invites you into real conversations about polyamory, open relationships, tantra, and kink ~ where sacred meets shadow, and pleasure becomes a pathway to growth. Through candid dialogues with leading authors, educators, and practitioners, we unpack the complexities of open relating, erotic embodiment, and emotional intimacy. Whether you're poly-curious or a seasoned explorer, this podcast offers grounded tools, soulful reflections, and stories that help you live, love, and play with deeper truth. Come explore the fire where love and freedom meet.

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