The RISE to Intimacy Podcast

Valerie McDonnell, LCSW - Licensed Psychotherapist & Relationship Coach
  • 5.0 (4)
  • SEXUALITY
  • UPDATED WEEKLY

If intimacy feels like pressure instead of pleasure, you're not alone - and there's a reason why. Licensed sex and couples therapist Valerie McDonnell breaks down the real barriers to connection that most people don't even know exist. From performance anxiety and sexless relationships to attachment wounds and nervous system dysregulation, each episode teaches the same tools Valerie uses with private clients. You'll learn how to regulate your body when sex feels triggering, how to communicate without fighting, how to rebuild desire when it's been gone for months or years, and how to stop abandoning yourself in relationships. Whether you're struggling with low desire, erectile dysfunction, people-pleasing in the bedroom, or feeling completely disconnected from your partner, this podcast will help you understand what's really happening and what you can do about it. Tune in for new episodes every Tuesday because trauma doesn't get the last word, and sex therapy isn't for people who are broken - it's for people brave enough to look beneath the surface.

Episodes

  1. How PTSD Affects Romantic Relationships and What Actually Helps

    1D AGO

    How PTSD Affects Romantic Relationships and What Actually Helps

    When difficult conversations with your partner feel overwhelming, when you need to resolve things right away or you need space to process, when a look or a tone shift sends your nervous system into overdrive, that's often PTSD showing up in your relationship. It doesn't mean you're broken or that you're the problem in the relationship. There's a learnable process for managing your symptoms so they don't manage you. You can find the moment between what triggers you and how you respond. You can stay connected to your partner even when your nervous system wants to fight, flee, or freeze. In this episode of The RISE to Intimacy, I'm walking through what happens in your body when you're triggered, why PTSD impacts romantic relationships the way it does, and the specific steps that help you notice and name emotions before they take over. I'm also sharing how my partner and I have learned to navigate this together. This is about taking ownership of your healing and learning practical regulation skills that actually work. 1:45 – ​​How my PTSD symptoms show up in the context of romantic relationships 4:16 – Why PTSD impacts romantic relationships (and a quick disclaimer before diving deeper) 5:46 – Common PTSD triggers that cause the nervous system to go into survival mode 7:40 – How learning to slow down internally can transform relationship conflict patterns 9:49 – The difference between character flaws and nervous system survival responses 13:09 – The moment between the stimulus and the response and how to find it  14:35 – What it really means to “feel your feelings” without being consumed by them Mentioned In How PTSD Affects Romantic Relationships and What Actually Helps Rise to Intimacy Free 30-Minute Consult Leave a rating and review

    19 min
  2. Fixing a Sexless Relationship Starts with Emotional Regulation

    JAN 27

    Fixing a Sexless Relationship Starts with Emotional Regulation

    When couples stop having sex, they usually assume it's about laziness, manipulation, or lack of attraction. But sexual disconnection is actually a signal that something deeper needs attention—usually safety, repair, and attunement. Your nervous system, emotional dysregulation, and unspoken resentment all play a part in creating sexless relationships. In this episode of The RISE to Intimacy, I walk through the critical difference between consent and coercion, avoidance and control, protection and rejection. I explain how unresolved emotional dysregulation keeps couples stuck in cycles of shutdown and escalation, and why communication alone isn't enough without the ability to stay present in your body. 1:06 – ​​Why sexless relationships are about more than frequency 3:43 – The subtle difference between withholding and self-protection 6:53 – How safety (not desire) often determines sexual availability 9:36 – The unseen role emotional dysregulation plays in disconnection 12:18 – What must be restored before intimacy can return Mentioned In Fixing a Sexless Relationship Starts with Emotional Regulation Rise to Intimacy Free 30-Minute Consult Leave a rating and review

    19 min
  3. What Actually Happens in Sex Therapy?

    JAN 27

    What Actually Happens in Sex Therapy?

    When most people hear "sex therapy," they assume it's about technique or performance. It's not. Sex therapy is about understanding how your nervous system, past experiences, and attachment patterns show up in intimacy. For years, I only associated sex with pressure and duty. I sabotaged a relationship I cared about because my body was screaming no, and I had no idea how to restore safety after my own trauma. That experience is why I do this work, and why I never separate trauma from sexual healing. In this episode of The RISE to Intimacy, I walk you through what actually happens in a sex therapy session, who it's for, and why so many people struggle to stay present during physical intimacy. If you've ever felt disconnected from your body during sex, this episode will show you why healing starts with safety, not performance. 1:26 – ​​What sex therapy actually looks like behind closed doors 2:57 – Who sex therapy is for and the common issue of desire discrepancy 4:08 – How my childhood trauma led to a career as a sex therapist 5:22 – Why sex therapy and trauma therapy are connected 6:25 – Example of how trauma can quietly reshape desire, safety, and connection 7:41 – Reframe of sex as something that can heal, not harm Mentioned In What Actually Happens in Sex Therapy?  Dr. Vicki Van Cleave, PSC Rise to Intimacy Free 30-Minute Consult Leave a rating and review

    10 min
  4. Why Sex Feels Like Pressure Instead of Pleasure

    JAN 21

    Why Sex Feels Like Pressure Instead of Pleasure

    Sex is everywhere. Yet meaningful conversations about intimacy are still wrapped in silence, shame, and confusion. Low desire, erectile struggles, or difficulty with orgasm get framed as personal failures when they should be framed as messages from the body shaped by culture, conditioning, anxiety, and emotional overwhelm.  In this premiere episode of The RISE to Intimacy Podcast, I invite you to gain a deeper understanding of what actually gets in the way of desire. Drawing on my decade of experience as a sex and couples therapist, I unpack how social expectations quietly disconnect us from our bodies, how performance anxiety hijacks pleasure, and why emotional regulation and communication are the missing foundations for intimacy.  2:37 – A cultural myth that quietly shapes how desire shows up or shuts down in women 5:42 – An example of how men also face societal conditioning during their childhood 7:34 – The impact on romantic relationships between men and women as a result 8:33 – How performance anxiety can sneak into the bedroom 11:23 – How a lack of emotional regulation creates distance before sex even enters the picture 12:25 – What rebuilding desire actually requires  Mentioned In Why Sex Feels Like Pressure Instead of Pleasure Rise to Intimacy Free 30-Minute Consult Leave a rating and review

    15 min
  • 4 Episodes

Ratings & Reviews

5
out of 5
4 Ratings

About

If intimacy feels like pressure instead of pleasure, you're not alone - and there's a reason why. Licensed sex and couples therapist Valerie McDonnell breaks down the real barriers to connection that most people don't even know exist. From performance anxiety and sexless relationships to attachment wounds and nervous system dysregulation, each episode teaches the same tools Valerie uses with private clients. You'll learn how to regulate your body when sex feels triggering, how to communicate without fighting, how to rebuild desire when it's been gone for months or years, and how to stop abandoning yourself in relationships. Whether you're struggling with low desire, erectile dysfunction, people-pleasing in the bedroom, or feeling completely disconnected from your partner, this podcast will help you understand what's really happening and what you can do about it. Tune in for new episodes every Tuesday because trauma doesn't get the last word, and sex therapy isn't for people who are broken - it's for people brave enough to look beneath the surface.

Information

  • Creator
    Valerie McDonnell, LCSW - Licensed Psychotherapist & Relationship Coach
  • Years Active
    2K
  • Episodes
    4
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2026 The RISE to Intimacy Podcast
  • Show Website
    The RISE to Intimacy Podcast

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