The Cultural Lies Women Are Taught About Marriage, Identity, worth I’m not here as an expert. I’m not here with a master plan or a list of answers. I’m here as a woman who has been paying attention. To her life. To other women’s lives. To the things we’re taught, and the things we quietly endure. And eventually, I realised I needed a space to say the things I’ve been thinking out loud — honestly, imperfectly, and without packaging them to be palatable. Woman Unboxed is about the gap between what we were told and what turned out to be true. The gap between the promises we inherited and the realities we live with. Especially as women. I’ve spent a long time noticing something: how many of us are living inside boxes that we didn’t build…but were expected to stay in. Boxes labelled “good woman.” Strong woman. Wife material. Good Wife Respectable. Enduring. And the thing about boxes is — they only work if we don’t question them, or notice them. This podcast is about questioning them, and moving ourselves out When I say “unboxed,” I’m not talking about rebellion for the sake of it. I’m talking about awareness, awakening. That moment when you realise: “Oh… this rule I’ve been following — who actually made it? And why?” Because many of the things we were taught weren’t neutral. They were cultural scripts. Survival strategies. Gendered expectations. Misrepresentations And some of them no longer serve us. Most of them never did. We just weren’t aware of it. So let’s start with one of the biggest lies we were told. That marriage is the ultimate goal of a woman’s life. Growing up, marriage wasn’t presented as a choice. It was presented as the outcome. You study, you behave, you endure — and eventually, you are chosen. And once you are chosen, the story says you should be grateful. Fulfilled. Complete. But marriage, on its own, doesn’t guarantee safety, happiness, partnership, respect, or even love. And yet women are still encouraged to stay, pray. To adjust, endure, try harder, pray harder. cook the food he loves. Lose weight, gain weight, dress different. Keep the house spotless, and yourself beautiful. Even when the marriage has become emotionally empty. Even when the woman has disappeared inside it. We were never really told that choosing yourself might cost you approval. Or that staying might cost you yourself. That part was conveniently left out. This lie works because it’s wrapped in morality. In culture and religion. In fear. Fear of being alone. Fear of being judged. Fear of being seen as difficult, ungrateful, or broken. And for immigrant women especially, marriage can also be tied to: • stability, legality, respectability, survival So leaving isn’t just emotional — it’s structural. That’s why I don’t judge women who stay. And I don’t glorify women who leave. I’m interested in truth, not performance. Don’t get me wrong: I’m not advocating for women to leave their marriages. On the contrary, my hope is that every woman will look into the mirror and get curious about the person she sees reflected back. Curious enough to want to know who she is, what she likes, what makes her tick. Curious enough to recognise thatshe does not belong in any box, and slowly start the process Of unboxing herself. So she can fall in love with herself, and recognise what a precious jewel she is. I know some of what I’ll say on this podcast will make people uncomfortable. Including me. I’ll get things wrong sometimes. I’ll change my mind sometimes. I’ll speak from my perspective — as a Zimbabwean woman, a mother, a psychology student, someone navigating multiple cultural worlds. But I believe we need these conversations more than we need comfort. Because silence doesn’t protect us. It isolates us. And every time one woman names something out loud, another woman realises she’s not alone. The box only works if we never question it. And the moment we start questioning… it starts to crack
