Living the Could Life

Robert and Theresa

Life becomes different for those who experience later-in-life challenges. Living The Could LIfe offers tips adjusting your life so that you can still travel and do all the things that you love. No toxic positivity here, just lived experiences from hosts and guests.

  1. 5d ago

    Deeper Dive into Budgeting Your Travel

    Part 2 - Travel budgeting Italy: maximize energy and enjoyment with disability Last time we mentioned several trip tips to help you maximize your money and your energy. When one is out of whack, the other is affected. Take time before your trip to consider what is really meaningful to you. If you want to do something different than the typical tourist, go for it. You may have a special interest or a dream. It's entirely yours. We mention taking a gondola ride in Venice. Maximizing energy is especially important when a disability wants to challenge you. Ahhhhhhhhh - Doesn't the Gondola Ride look Dreamy? Your best trip remains one that brings happiness because you planned it from the start. Personalizing it makes it unforgettable. If there are glitches - and with travel, you should expect that - you have a Plan B. Counting Spoons Keep your energy in mind. Below you will find the episode on Spoon Theory. Keep that in mind during your travels. Shout Out Again to Italy We used Italy as an example for budgeting. We will continue using Italy as our example destination again the next time. It gets us excited about visiting. But, it is also preparing us to take our own advice. Living The Could Life contains affiliate links. They don’t cost you anything, but we may earn a small commission if you use them. We may have been hosted on a trip, excursion or other travel-related event. We may have received or experienced a product for review. Any opinion is our own.  AS AN AMAZON ASSOCIATE I EARN FROM QUALIFYING PURCHASES  AS AN AMAZON ASSOCIATE I EARN FROM QUALIFYING PURCHASES. Transcript Click Here for Transcript Theresa: Robert: (Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Robert: Welcome back to Living the Good Life. Real travel for real bodies. If your body changed before you were ready, but you still want to see the world, this is the place for you. We talk accessibility, mobility, energy, and joy. Because traveling isn't over. It's just different. There's still so much travel you could do. I'm Robert. Theresa: And I'm Theresa. Today we're diving into episode 2 of our Italy planning series. That's how to use the perfect trip tips that we shared the last time. Robert: We're talking points, mobility equipment, spoon-based itineraries, and how to make smart choices when you don't have unlimited money or unlimited spoons. Theresa: Because, remember our guiding principle, if saving the money doesn't make your trip better, it isn't really a savings. Robert: Let's start with points, because they can make Italy dramatically more affordable, even if you're starting late. Theresa: And you don't need to have a wallet full of cards, and I know some people have more cards than I could ever imagine having. So just start with one. And find one, especially if you travel abroad, like to Italy, that has no foreign transaction fees. Those can add up. It has a simple earning structure, and a good sign-up bonus, and easy redemption options, and I know I started with a lower cost credit card affiliated with the airline just because the luggage charges are now frightening. They can be 50 bucks or more each way for a check back. Robert: Most people think points come from flying. Nope. You earn them from groceries, prescriptions, gas, streaming services, utility bills, online shopping portal. Theresa: Oh, and I want to talk about online shopping portals, because that's something I often forget. And you can shop through those and earn miles. And these can be things that you always buy from companies you always use. Robert: Use points for flights, hotels, upgrades, airport lounges. Avoid redeeming for gift cards, merchandise, cashback conversions. Theresa: Remember that you can protect your spoons with points. So points aren't just about saving money. They can also be used to save spoons. For example, maybe you can find a non-stop flight or one without a lot of connections. Again, like we said in the past episode, if you fly from a small airport, you may not have too many non-stop flight options. Maybe you'd like a hotel closer to the city, a hotel that has an elevator, or even upgrading to business or first class for your comfort. Robert: That's the travel advisor rule again. Spend where it protects your body, save where it doesn't cost joy. Theresa: And let's talk about mobility equipment, because having the right gear can make or break your trip. You know, be realistic about what you take. Don't say, oh, I don't think I need my walker or my cane or a wheelchair. I mean, you may even decide to rent a wheelchair at the destination. But you can buy used mobility equipment. There's national online marketplaces, including Mobility Market USA, the Mobility Exchange, and by SellWheelchairs.com. And of course, look locally as well. Those kind of sites, especially for local where you can check the equipment, they let you buy used scooters, lightweight wheelchairs, travel-friendly walkers. They let you compare prices and read owner reviews. I mean, also look at estate sales. Robert: Italy has rental companies in major cities like Rome, Florence, and Milan. Renting can be cheaper than flying with heavy equipment. Theresa: Less stressful as well. Uses fewer of your spoons. Don't have to worry about the airline damaging your equipment or it getting lost or left or not working. So remember to choose the right equipment that you need. Italy, well, has a lot of old cities, so there's cobblestones, hills, uneven terrain. Be sure your scooter has good battery life or you have a backup. A wheelchair with sturdy wheels, a walker with strong brakes, or in a cane with a traction tip and good shoes. Robert: And always bring extra cane tips, a backup mobility aid, a small repair kit, and a printed accessibility note in Italian. Theresa: And that is the accessibility note is also good for admissions into some attractions. They have like an open-to-all policy in many countries in Europe. So in my case, I'm getting a note from my doctor because the note's not only helpful for people with disabilities but also with impairments. And in my case, even though, you know, I can't drive or do much by myself, I have an impairment, not a disability. So I am bringing along a note from my doctor because that allows me to have my sea night guy come along with me. I mean, we're going to a lot of castles. I don't always get to see much of them, but I still pay admission. So this letter from the doctor will help immensely. Besides that note, and that also helps reduce fatigue and spending. If you, um, using your mobility aids might prevent you from having to splurge on an expensive taxi because it's unnecessary when you have the right equipment. Robert: Now let's build your itinerary around spoons, not around seeing everything. Theresa: And yeah, we all like to see everything because we never know when we'll get back to a place. But consider choosing one dream moment. It can be your anchor, your North Star, the perfect trip moment for you. For example, maybe you want to see the Sistine Chapel, or you want to eat gelato during sunset in Florence, or ride a gondola in Venice, or visiting a vineyard and sampling wine in Tuscany. Everything else supports this moment. Robert: And you want to build recovery days. Every two, three days schedule a low spoon day. And that could include things like cafe sitting, neighborhood wandering, light shopping, scenic viewpoints, slow meals. Theresa: And that's really critical, I think, because if you put several high spoon days in a row, you may need a lot of low spoon days to recover. So use the 3-2-1 rule. For every three high spoon activities, add two medium spoon activities and a low spoon day. Robert: So plan your meals around energy. High spoon days equal predictable meals. Low spoon days equal exploring, wandering, trying new things. Theresa: And avoid false savings. Again, if the results don't make you happy, don't do it. So don't choose a cheaper, and these are examples because you, of course, have the final decision. Don't choose a cheaper hotel that is far from transit. I mean, that works if you have a car or a long train route with stations that have stairs, but I will say the train stations in Italy are fairly accessible. Don't do a budget tour that is not accessible. And try to avoid early morning flights if it takes you a long time to get ready. But remember, if you take the first flight out, if there are any problems, usually you have other options in case of delays or cancellations. Whereas if you take the latest flight and it gets canceled, you usually have to stay an extra day. So any of these situations cost spoons, and spoons cost money. Robert: Okay, now let's revisit the downloadable list and talk about how to use it. Number one, choose your dream moment. Build your budget around it. Number two, protect your body. Spend money where it reduces fatigue. Number three, save where it doesn't cost joy. Use trains, markets, apartment hotels. Number four, build a fatigue buffer. Add 10 to 15% to your budget for tired day spending. Number five, use your points strategically. Upgrade for comfort, reduce stress. Number six, use mobility marketplaces. Buy or rent equipment that supports your body. Number seven, plan meals around spoons. Predictable meals on high spoon days. Number eight, book accessible rooms early. They always sell out first. Theresa: So let's look at a real world example. We will kind of base this on our upcoming trip to Italy. Robert: Here's a dream moment. A sunset gondola ride in Venice. Theresa: That's something a lot of people want to do. Also, a lot of people say, oh, that's just a touristy thing. So take anything that's considered a touristy thing with a grain of salt. If it's a tourist scam, that's one thing. But if it's popular with tourists, that might

  2. Oct 13

    Budget Your Travel

    Part 1 - Plan Your Best Trip on Your Budget Your best trip happens when you stick to your budget. In this episode we explore some of the hidden costs to travel. But, we also offer some helpful tips and considerations. Is Your Budget Just About Money? As big fans of the Spoon Theory, we must advise that your energy is a big part of your budget. It actually affects your budget immensely. Low energy can definitely increase your budget. Take a listen to this and the next few episodes to learn more about budgeting for travel. Below, you will find a worksheet with a list of things to consider. There are some hidden items and events that you should be aware of when planning your budget. It's always wise to add some comfort funds. Never forget that what may seem like savings, may come with a price in time or energy. Shout Out to Italy We used Italy as an example for budgeting, However, you can use the same techniques for any destination. Remember, it's your trip! Living The Could Life contains affiliate links. They don’t cost you anything, but we may earn a small commission if you use them. We may have been hosted on a trip, excursion or other travel-related event. We may have received or experienced a product for review. Any opinion is our own.  AS AN AMAZON ASSOCIATE I EARN FROM QUALIFYING PURCHASES  AS AN AMAZON ASSOCIATE I EARN FROM QUALIFYING PURCHASES. Transcript Click Here for Transcript Theresa: Welcome back to Living the Could Life. Real travel for real bodies. If your body changed before you were ready, but you still want to see the world, this is the place for you. We talk accessibility, mobility, energy, and joy, because traveling isn't over. It's just different. There's still so much travel you can do. I'm Robert. Theresa: And I'm Theresa. Today we're diving into a topic that so many people ask about. How to budget a trip? And we're letting you follow along with an upcoming trip to Italy that we're planning. But how do you budget it, especially when you're navigating later-in-life disabilities? Theresa: We're talking hidden costs, spoon theory as a budgeting tool, essential documents, all the money-saving strategies that make travel doable, joyful, and sustainable. Theresa: So let's start at the very beginning. That's with planning, because budgeting doesn't necessarily start with just money. It starts with information. Theresa: Before you spend a dollar, you need your documents in order. For Italy, the basics are passport, travel insurance, and we'll talk about why this is crucial, medical summary from your doctor, medication list with generic names, copies of prescriptions, emergency contacts, accessibility documentation, if you use mobility aids or need assistance, credit card travel notices, and backup digital copies stored in your phone and Theresa: another thing I like to add to that list, or should have added, are apps that you can use in planning, like to the Italy government, to see what they need. There is a new document that they've been trying to implement in the EU, but you should be safe at least until the end of this year. You won't need to have that document. It's pretty much a verification. So I do want to emphasize that documents aren't just for emergencies. We kind of go by the saying, if you pack it, you hopefully don't need it, but don't go without it. So one thing is airport assistance, and usually you can request that when you're booking a ticket, and that's not only mobility assistance, but also for those with hearing or visual problems, and if you have any dietary needs. If you're seated or flying with an airline that actually gives you any kind of food or food service on the flight, there's hotel accessibility requests. Often there are a few accessible rooms in a lodging place. And then you may have to visit a pharmacy, so have your prescription. You may need to have any of your mobility aids repaired. You may want to have a copy of your insurance with you to file claims, or at least to get in touch with them to see if something's covered, or how to go through a procedure to be sure it's covered. So all of that reduces stress, which comes to your budgeting of spoons. It's just as important as budgeting money, maybe even more so. Theresa: Exactly. And speaking of spoons, let's bring spoon theory into the planning phase. Theresa: We've talked about spoon theory a lot until doing this podcast. Neither of us had ever heard of it, but now we talk about our spoons all the time. So your spoon energy is not just about your energy, but it does figure into your financial planning, because high spoon days often cost more money. Theresa: Travel days, high spoons. Use-in days, medium to high spoons. Rest days, low spoons, and usually low cost. Theresa: And remember, we are kind of generalizing here. Everybody has their own spoon spending, so just because one person spends so many spoons on one activity, maybe that's not the case for you. You know yourself better than anybody. When you're budgeting, think of how spoons and dollars are connected. For example, high spoon days, you might eat a taxi, your mobility aids, or pre-booked tours or other arrangements. Low spoon days could be neighborhood walks, cafes, or simple meals. And a medium spoon day could be flexible, independent sightseeing, or short excursions. Theresa: This helps you avoid overscheduling and overspending. Build-in recovery days. They're good for your body and your wallet. Theresa: And remember, budgeting spoons means budgeting time. Rushing costs money. Slow travel saves it. Theresa: Let's talk about the hidden costs people don't plan for, especially travelers with latent life disabilities. Number one, mobility aid fees, wheelchair batteries, repairs abroad, replacement parts, airline damage, where insurance can help. Number two, accessible transportation, taxis instead of buses, private transfers, accessible trains or ferries. Number three, medical needs, extra medication, over-the- counter items, compression socks, hydration packets, airport medical assistance. Usually free tipping is customary. Number four, food and hydration, buying water frequently, needing predictable meals, paying more for seating comfort. Theresa: Number five, that's fatigue costs. And that's a big one. When you are tired, you spend more. You grab the nearest restaurant, the nearest taxi, the nearest or the quickest anything, no matter the cost. Theresa: And budgeting for fatigue means planning. Rest blocks, easy meal options, nearby cafes, accessible routes, backup plans. Theresa: And insurance is a non-negotiable. It's not a luxury. It's really a budget protector. And I know some people say, and I know all of us now who are listening to this, or a lot of us might have some kind of disability or health condition. But even if you get along perfectly well or you're young, you don't say, well, I'm young, I'm healthy, because on the way to the airport or strolling around in Rome, you could trip and fall and break an arm. And that doesn't matter what age you are. So be sure to get insurance and watch for the gaps. Check on pre-existing coverage, mobility aid coverage, emergency evacuation, and that's a big one, and there's a huge cost if you need to be evacuated, and then trip interruption or delay. So there's a travel advisor role, and I learned this when I did a stint as a travel advisor. Not all of the savings are worth it, especially if you're on a once-in-a-lifetime trip. You want to save 10 bucks to skip something important that means a lot to you, or to take transportation that requires a lot of transfers. Time is money, so spending more money to get to a place quicker or to have fewer transfers is worth it. So if the saving money doesn't make your trip better, it's not really savings. And for late-in-life travelers, this is everything you could be doing a once-in-a-lifetime trip, and budget is still a consideration. Theresa: A cheaper hotel up a steep hill? Not really a savings. A long train route with stairs and transfers? Not savings. A 6 a.m. flight with three connections? Definitely not savings. Theresa: KIDD And for people like us who live four hours or more from a major airport, driving that distance to save 50 or 100 bucks, especially with the cost of gas, and then having to pay for parking, is not necessarily savings, and you can't predict traffic. We always are, I'll say 90% of the time, have to make a connection in a hub. So for us, we're used to it, but we do not like to find flights that are 18 hours long because they're $50 less, or you may have three connections or 10-hour layovers. It's not worth it. So you really have to evaluate that. But if you have a perfect trip, you also need to protect your spoons, which means protecting your comfort, means protecting your comfort and your joy. Theresa: Now let's talk about saving money, because Italy doesn't have to break the bank. Theresa: Nor does any place you travel to. You may just need to adjust how long you stay there, where you stay, having a home base. It's all what matters to you, what's important, and what maintains your energy. So one tip is to travel off-season, which we really enjoy. Part of it, there's fewer crowds, and like in my case, because I don't see well, crowds are really difficult for me. So in places in, I'll say, the northern hemisphere, October to April can be very budget-friendly. There's fewer crowds, the weather can be cooler, and the prices can be lower. Shorter season is also good, and again in the northern hemisphere, because the southern is just the opposite. So late September, early October, late April and May are still good times to travel, and we even have done it in December and January. But we're used to cooler weather and snow, and it didn't bother us at all. Another tip is to use credit card points and frequent flyer miles.

  3. Sep 22

    Traveling With Dietary Issues

    How to prepare for traveling with Dietary Issues Traveling with dietary issues may discourage some from traveling at all. Fortunately, there are many ways to plan ahead if you have dietary issues, a problem that some find embarrassing, limiting and depressing But, there is hope in the travel world for those willing to make some changes in how they are traveling with dietary issues. In this episode, we offer several suggestions. As with any type of body disruptors, changes need to be made. If you are willing to make the effort, you may benefit from some of the suggestions that we have made. Fortunately, you will be able to prepare yourself for traveling with dietary issues Check the show notes for a free downloadable printout to help you plan yourself for traveling with dietary issues. Happy Travels. Living The Could Life contains affiliate links. They don’t cost you anything, but we may earn a small commission if you use them. We may have been hosted on a trip, excursion or other travel-related event. We may have received or experienced a product for review. Any opinion is our own.  AS AN AMAZON ASSOCIATE I EARN FROM QUALIFYING PURCHASES  AS AN AMAZON ASSOCIATE I EARN FROM QUALIFYING PURCHASES. Transcript Click Here for Transcript Welcome to Living the Qud Life. Today, we're going to talk about traveling with dietary issues, and those can be chronic issues or random acute issues. It can be allergies, it can be digestive issues, it could be things like Crohn's, or it could just be that your system doesn't like certain things. So we want to treat food just as we would any other logistics for travel. So you'll need to plan ahead, pack intentionally, research your destination's food landscape, and have a reliable backup system. This will reduce stress, prevent emergencies, and keep you nourished even when options are limited. We're planning a trip to northern Italy in a few months, and I have started transitioning to a strict vegan diet, and I'm a little concerned about how I'm going to be able to maintain that diet. And I'm also thinking about how other people, when they're traveling, might have very restrictive diets and how that's going to work. Right, and that's something you can't just wait until you get to Italy to think about. I mean, things are different there. And already, I like to have a place, especially when we base ourself in a hub and are in a place for several days, to have kitchen access. And that's especially good when you are following a certain diet. And if you need to take certain medications that need to be refrigerated, maybe, like for me, tea makes everything better, so having a kettle is good, having a microwave is good, especially if you don't want to go out a lot, or if you have certain favorites that you like to cook no matter where you go. Some of those may not be available locally, and you can do your research before. I'm working on a book about using AI to plan travel, and for our upcoming Italy trip, we are using that to find out where we can find certain things. And I think we're going to Parma, and I think that will be a real challenge for Robert. I will follow along with his diet, but there's like cheese and prosciutto, so we may have to eat separately. That kind of brings us to the core questions that are going to shape our entire food plan and sort of general food plan for anyone who's traveling with dietary issues, concerns. And the first question is, will you have kitchen access? Will you have a fridge, a microwave, a kettle, or even a full kitchen? And this is going to determine how much you need to pack and prep. And some things you do automatically if you're used to it, but especially when you travel abroad, you don't know exactly where you might find gluten-free, low sugar, no sugar, no oil, dairy-free. I mean, if you have lactose intolerance, will that be in the refrigerator at the local supermarket like it is at home, or do you have to go to a separate store to find things like that? So it's just good to plan. And then one thing that I think both of us have learned is that you can only take care of yourself. Nobody's going to take care of you, so don't assume that, oh, we'll just go to Italy and we'll find what we need. We can find stuff to eat on the plane. Don't do that. If you need certain foods, say you have hypoglycemia, you have to eat regularly, don't count on getting food on the airplane. You know there are times, oh, we ran out of a certain meal or they forgot to load something to the cart. So be responsible for yourself and always have your little emergency snacks or medications with you. And I've been thinking about that. I'm going to order a vegan meal for the plane trip across and then coming back also. So I'll see how that works. That's the first time I'll have done that. Some destinations can be extremely accommodating. Italy has a gluten-free awareness, so I'm going to be interested in that. I'm not gluten-free, but I'm just curious to how they're approaching that. And then there's other things too you need to think about. If you have allergies, and you know some people can say, oh yeah, this is gluten-free or this hasn't been mixed with nuts or any other contaminants that may upset your system, you do need to carry your own EpiPens, antihistamines, and you know some people wear the bracelets, especially traveling abroad. Take all of your medications in their original packaging. If you are going to bring some food with you, you need to be aware that some countries do restrict meat, dairy, and fresh produce. So you need to check the rules before packing any of those items. It's just always good to have backup supplies. I remember one time we were taking the train from Seattle to Portland, and the train just died. And even though the train was kind of dying along the way, nobody thought about having buses ready to meet us along the route. And one thing that was really interesting was they had provisions on board the train that were designed for just this kind of emergency. However, their food provisions had expired two years earlier. Right. So some of the things, you know, it's not like it was refrigerated food, but maybe starving could be a better option than eating the expired food. And, you know, nobody showed up with like, oh, you guys haven't had it. It was also very hot in the train and nobody showed up with water or anything like that. So you really need to plan for those worst case scenarios, delays, closures, limited stock. And an important thing is to build redundancy into your food plan. Exactly. I go in with the attitude that really nobody cares about me, so I need to take care of myself and plan for the extra snack or the extra water, extra food or whatever it is. So what you need to do is, or a recommendation, you don't need to do anything that we say, but in the first 24 hours, think about what you will need then when you arrive in a new destination, what you need for daily staples or emergency backups and medical essentials. So this is going to be packing and you need to think about this in layers. So packing in layers and packing for your first 24 hours is what Teresa is talking about. Take things like, I guess, those provisions on the train, like things that are stable and don't expire or haven't expired. So maybe like nuts, dried fruits, granola bars, maybe candy, sturdy vegetables like pre-washed apples, carrots. And again, just be careful when you arrive in a different country, they may not allow produce. Right. And then maybe have some meal replacement. Like Ensure, like the milkshakes or those shakes, but you may not be able to travel with those in your carry-on luggage, right, because they're large. Correct. Although they are medically necessary, I wouldn't trust it. Traveling with kids, you know, they also have dietary considerations, you need to take care of, so be sure you pack and are prepared for them. And then you also need to think about further along in the trip, you need to pack smart staples. And those are things that will travel well and fill nutritional gaps. Things like rice crackers, dried soups, boxed beans, microwavable grains like oatmeal, rice, shelf stable proteins, tuna packets, jerky, shelf stable tofu, specialty items that sometimes are hard to find, gluten-free bread, dairy-free snacks. Just be sure if you have any perishables, you pack those safely. You might consider vacuum sealing proteins, taking things that last longer, like yogurts, fruit or cooked meals. Use insulated bags or ice packs while you're traveling. And depending upon where you're going to stay in your hotel rooms, if you don't have, if you don't have a kitchen available, you could sort of build your own mini kitchen. You could take travel size oil, vinegar, spice blends, collapsible containers, mason jars, maybe a small knife and a cutting board, tiny can opener, sporks. But watch out, you know, with the small knife, don't put it in your carry-on. If you don't have a room with a kitchen, and even if you do, you might want to wait to buy things like oil and vinegar. Besides foods and a mini kitchen, be sure you have your medical and communication essentials with you. Everybody doesn't know what your needs are or what you may be allergic to, so maybe you want to take two EpiPens and keep those in a carry-on, not in your truck luggage because they'd be useless. Allergy translation cards in the local language and a printed allergy plan. Like I said, some people do wear the bracelets. Then carry along things like hand sanitizer. And disinfectant wipes. And disinfectant wipes because you know how well they clean planes. You'll want to research your food options at your destination. This will help reduce uncertainty and build confidence. You can look at what the local cuisine will entail and find out what ingredients are common, are hidd

  4. Sep 8

    Change Theories for Better Travel

    Our travel improves when we understand change theories. Ouch! A later-in-life bodily issue forced us to look at some change theories. No way would we give up travel, but no way could we travel in the same way that we used to. Searching the web showed us a few change theories that seemed strange at first. However, we started using such change theories in our daily lives. Of the several change theories that we learned about, one of our favorites is the Spoon Theory. We use that personally quite often. Considering that we had never heard of it until recently, we have added it to the top of our list of change theories. Living The Could Life contains affiliate links. They don’t cost you anything, but we may earn a small commission if you use them. We may have been hosted on a trip, excursion or other travel-related event. We may have received or experienced a product for review. Any opinion is our own.  AS AN AMAZON ASSOCIATE I EARN FROM QUALIFYING PURCHASES  AS AN AMAZON ASSOCIATE I EARN FROM QUALIFYING PURCHASES. Transcript Click Here for Transcript Speaker2: Imagine waking up, walking into your kitchen, and opening the silverware drawer, only to realize that the handful of random spoons sitting inside are literally the only currency you have to survive the rest of the day. Speaker1: Right. Yeah, it's a completely different reality. Speaker2: Exactly. Every single thing you do, you know, showering, making coffee, answering a quick email, it can cost you one of those spoons. And when they're gone, I mean, you are just done. So if you're prepping for a meeting, or maybe you're just incredibly curious about how humans adapt, this deep dive is for you. We're looking at a stack of transcripts today from a project called Living the Could Life. Speaker1: Yeah, and it's this massive, really fascinating synthesis of discussions. It serves as this incredible overview of how people actually rebuild their lives after major physical or energetic shifts. Speaker2: It's just so relevant for anyone dealing with, well, having a human body. Speaker1: Totally. We're decoding the behavioral psychology, the neurobiology, and, you know, the really gritty logistical realities of living with chronic illnesses, disabilities, or even just natural age-related changes. Speaker2: Because aging comes for all of us. Speaker1: Exactly. It's basically a masterclass in how to construct a life that feels positive, realistic, and highly intentional, without all the info overload. Speaker2: And by the end of this deep dive, you will seriously never look at a drawer full of silverware, or the word should, the same way ever again. Speaker1: Oh, absolutely not. The sources make this bold claim right out of the gate, which is that before we can even talk about changing our physical habits, you know, our daily routines or energy management adaptation has to start with our vocabulary. Speaker2: Yeah, the language we use to process our reality, it basically dictates what we can physically do. Speaker1: It does. And it starts specifically with the words we use in our own heads. The sources lean really heavily on Dr. Shad Helmstetter's research on self-talk. Speaker2: Right. The brain as a literal processor. Speaker1: Exactly. He points out something foundational to neurobiology. The brain is a literal processor. It literally does not distinguish between a casual wish and a direct command. It just follows the strongest programming you feed it. Speaker2: It's basically an obedient machine. Like, it doesn't have a sense of irony or nuance when it comes to your internal dialogue. Speaker1: Precisely. And that brings us to the immense biological danger of the word should. Helmstetter classifies should as level two self-talk. Speaker2: Level two, okay. Speaker1: Yeah. It's a level of recognition, but it's deeply tied to disbelief, pressure, and guilt. When you tell yourself, like, I should get more exercise, but I'm tired, your brain hears that should and instantly triggers a subtle threat response. Speaker2: Because should feels like, um, like a nagging external boss standing over your shoulder with a clipboard. Speaker1: Yes. That's exactly it. Speaker2: It just makes you feel inadequate, which immediately makes you want to rebel and, I don't know, sit on the couch instead. Speaker1: And that external pressure creates a measurable physiological reaction. Should activates the amygdala, which is, you know, the brain as fear center. It induces mild stress and guilt. Speaker2: Wow. Just from one word. Speaker1: Just from that one word. And when the brain feels threatened or pressured, it goes into a defensive posture. It justifies why you aren't doing the thing. It actually inhibits the prefrontal cortex. Speaker2: Which is the part responsible for problem solving. Speaker1: Yeah. Exactly. Problem solving and forward action. It literally shuts that down. Speaker2: Which is why the sources heavily contrast should with the word could. They classify could as level three self-talk. Right. Level three. So if should is the demanding boss, could is more like an internal explorer handing you a map. It moves the brain away from obligation and toward choice. But I mean, let me quiz back a little here. Is it really as simple as swapping one single word? Does the brain actually rewire just because you said could instead of should? Speaker1: It sounds too easy. Right. But the underlying mechanism is actually profound. Could lowers that threat response we just talked about. It shifts the brain into a state of possibility, curiosity, and most importantly, safety. Speaker2: And a safe brain is ready to learn. Speaker1: Exactly. A brain that feels safe is primed for neuroplasticity. The ability to form new neural connections. But we have to be incredibly careful here because the sources identify two very different types of could. Speaker2: Wait. The grief could versus the agency could. Speaker1: Yes. The grief could operates entirely in the past tense. It is saying something like, I could run faster 10 years ago, or I could navigate this airport without help before I got sick. Speaker2: It anchors you in loss. Speaker1: Completely. You are programming your literal processor with a continuous loop of mourning, which reinforces a state of helplessness. Speaker2: So the antidote to that is the agency could. Speaker1: Exactly. The agency could operates strictly in the present or future tense. I could take a 10 minute walk today or, you know, I could try a modified seated version of this task. Speaker2: That activates self-efficacy. It tells your brain that you have capability right now in the exact body you currently have, not the one you used to have. Speaker1: Right. And there's also this concept mentioned in the sources called the pink elephant rule. Speaker2: Oh, I love this one. The visual cortex struggles with the word not. Speaker1: Yes. If you tell yourself, uh, I shouldn't be nervous about this doctor's appointment, your brain skips right over the shouldn't and zeros in on the word nervous. It visualizes the anxiety. Speaker2: It's like telling someone, whatever you do, do not think of a pink elephant. Speaker1: And boom, there's the pink elephant. Your visual cortex conjures the exact image you supply. But if you shift that to an agency could and say, I could be calm, you feed the brain a positive target to move toward. Speaker2: It's one thing to change your vocabulary to. I could though. I mean, that positive self-talk kind of falls apart if you're constantly haunted by the exact precise memories of what your healthy body used to be able to do. Speaker1: Yeah. That's a huge roadblock for a lot of people. Speaker2: Right. So to actually adapt, we have to look at how the brain fundamentally alters the way it stores memories as we age or as we go through these major life shifts. Speaker1: Which takes us into this fascinating concept called fuzzy trace theory or FTT. Speaker2: FTT. Yeah. Speaker1: It's a dual process model of memory that explains how we actually extract meaning from our lives. So we store two types of memories for any event. First, we have verbatim traces. Speaker2: Which are the exact objective details. Speaker1: Right. The precise facts of what happens. Second, we have just traces. These represent the bottom line, meaning the emotional truth or like the core lesson of the event. Speaker2: And the research here shows something that completely upends how we normally view cognitive aging. As we get older, our brains naturally move away from retaining those sharp verbatim details and lean way more heavily into just reasoning. Speaker1: Which the sources emphasize is not necessarily cognitive decline, it is an upgrade to wisdom. Speaker2: Okay, wait. I have to push back a bit on that. Isn't losing exact details genuinely a bad thing? It sounds a little bit like we're just trying to put a cheerful, positive spin on memory loss to make people feel better about it. Speaker1: I totally get that. And it is a completely valid fear. Losing those sharp details is genuinely a form of grief. And we really shouldn't minimize the frustration of, you know, forgetting a specific name or a date. Speaker2: It's scary. Speaker1: It is. But from a purely neurological survival standpoint, the brain is trading that verbatim data for something far more useful. Accumulating verbatim details takes up immense metabolic energy. Speaker2: Oh, so it's a resources thing. Speaker1: Exactly. As we gain experience, the brain filters out the noise to extract the core lesson. People change their behavior when the meaning of an event shifts, not when they memorize a list of facts. Gist is what actually drives human decision making. Speaker2: The sources give a really clear medical example of this. So imagine a doctor tells a patient they have exa

  5. Sep 1

    Cruising the Midwest. Really? Alaska?

    It's a joke that you can cruise the Midwest. Or is it not? It's definitely not a joke that cruising the Midwest is a real thing. In this episode you will not only hear about cruising the Midwest, but also cruising in Alaska. Two entirely different experiences. But, they have so much in common. Both explore parts of the world that some might miss. Both are welcoming to guests with disabilities. Take a listen. to learn about cruising the Midwest. Then, continue to hear about a special Alaska cruise company trying to save the wonderful Tongass National Forest. Living The Could Life contains affiliate links. They don’t cost you anything, but we may earn a small commission if you use them. We may have been hosted on a trip, excursion or other travel-related event. We may have received or experienced a product for review. Any opinion is our own.  AS AN AMAZON ASSOCIATE I EARN FROM QUALIFYING PURCHASES  AS AN AMAZON ASSOCIATE I EARN FROM QUALIFYING PURCHASES. Transcript Click Here for Transcript Theresa: Robert: Theresa: Hey, this is Theresa, and we are so thrilled that we've already reached 20 episodes. That's a huge milestone for us. Most people quit, but we keep trudging on and hope you are enjoying our content. Last week we did half of a podcast done by our friends at Google Notebook. We just plugged in a bunch of our earlier podcasts regarding travel and asked them to put something together. So we did that first, and this week we're doing the second part. We are getting to the exciting part about cruising in the Midwest. Now who's ever thought about that? Well, having lived on Great Lakes many of my years, I think it's spectacular. So take a listen. Speaker 2: We aren't going to the predictable Caribbean islands or the crowded ports of the Mediterranean. No. Speaker 1: Instead, the sources take this floating base camp somewhere completely unexpected. The American Midwest. We are diving into the Great Lakes. Speaker 2: The inland seas of North America. Speaker 1: I have to admit, I completely geeked out over the geography here. When you say lake, people usually picture a calm, glassy pond where you take a rowboat out to fish. The Great Lakes are not ponds. They contain roughly 20% of the entire world's fresh surface water. To put the scale into perspective, Lake Superior alone is the size of the country of Austria. Speaker 2: It's massive. Speaker 1: Lake Michigan is larger than Croatia. Speaker 2: They are massive, dynamic, violently powerful bodies of water that generate their own distinct weather systems and possess a deeply ingrained, somewhat tragic maritime culture. Speaker 1: Right. If you look at the history, Great Lakes cruising is actually not a new, modern invention. Back in the late 1800s and early 1900s, massive coal-fired steamships operated as floating palaces, carrying wealthy travelers and immigrants between industrial hubs like Chicago, Detroit, and various Canadian ports. It was a thriving industry. But then the interstate highway system was built, commercial air travel took off, and the Great Lakes passenger industry essentially died overnight. Speaker 2: But what the sources explore is the modern renaissance of this industry. However, it hasn't returned in the form of massive 4,000 passenger floating cities. It has returned in the form of small, intimate expedition ships. The specific vessel detailed in the sources is called the Victory First. We're talking about a capacity of maybe 200 to 400 passengers maximum. Speaker 1: So absolutely no towering water slides, no rock climbing walls, no massive casinos, and no hairy chess contests by the pool. Speaker 2: Exactly. It is a quiet, deeply destination-focused, highly educational experience. And that smaller scale is vital for accessibility. On a megaship, just walking from your cabin at the front of the ship to the dining room at the back can be a half-mile journey. On a ship like the Victory Third, the footprint is condensed. Everything is manageable. Speaker 1: The sources outline the entire experience, and it starts with the logistics of boarding. They departed from Toronto, Canada. They stayed pre-cruise at the Westin Harbor Castle, which they noted had a wonderfully accessible entrance, allowing a seamless transition from the hotel directly to the port. Speaker 2: Right. Speaker 1: And when it came time to actually board the Victory I, the crew employed a technique that is central to the philosophy of adaptive travel. Speaker 2: Yes. With an estimated 25 to 30 percent of the passengers on these types of expedition cruises using some form of mobility aid, whether that is a cane, a walker, or a wheelchair, the crew cannot just point to a steep metal ramp and say, good luck. They employ what they call the sailor's handshake. Speaker 1: Detail what that actually looks like mechanically, because it is a very specific type of assistance. Speaker 2: It is not a passive offer of a hand to hold. A standard handhold is unstable. If the guest slips, both people's grips can easily break. The sailor's handshake is a firm, highly calibrated forearm-to-forearm grip. Speaker 1: Like a Roman handshake. Speaker 2: Exactly. The crew member anchors their stance, locks forearms with the guest, and physically bridges the gap between the solid dock and the moving gangway. It's a transfer of stability. It is a level of human care that goes far beyond structural ADA compliance. They are using their own bodies to act as the infrastructure. Speaker 1: Inside the ship, that thoughtful accessibility continues. They describe the coastal dining room, which is completely step-free, ensuring mobility devices can glide right up the tables. But they also highlight a really unique culinary feature on board. An interactive restaurant simply called the grill. Speaker 2: Which sounds like a phenomenal sensory experience, provided you are prepared for it. Speaker 1: Oh, it sounded so incredibly cool. You go up to the grill, and instead of just ordering off the menu and waiting for a plate, the staff brings you a specialized volcanic stone that has been heated in an oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit. You literally cook your own cuts of premium meat or fresh fish right at your own table on this scorching rock. It's highly interactive. It's communal. You control exactly how your food is prepared, and it is all included in the fare. Speaker 2: However, the sources are meticulous in their auditing, and they do note a significant architectural caveat regarding the grill. Speaker 1: Right. To get to the sundeck space just above the grill, guests are required to navigate a set of pretty steep maritime-style stairs. There's no elevator access to that specific upper vantage point. Speaker 2: Which serves as a very realistic reminder that no ship, regardless of how modern or well-designed, is 100% perfect for every single body. But what makes the Great Lakes Expedition so compelling are the ports of call. Because you aren't dealing with the ancient, protected, and often untouchable cobblestone grids of medieval Europe, many of these Midwestern American and Canadian cities have newly revitalized, heavily paved, highly accessible industrial waterfronts. Speaker 1: Let's track the actual route they sailed. They start near the iconic Niagara Falls, but they dock in a port called Port Colborne. Now, instead of just taking a standard bus to look at the water from a safe distance, the excursion they chose took them to a decommissioned hydroelectric power plant. Speaker 2: This sounded amazing. Speaker 1: They boarded a massive, fully accessible industrial elevator and plunged 180 feet below the Earth's surface. Speaker 2: They entered a half-mile-long, perfectly flat concrete tunnel that was originally carved out of the bedrock to expel water from the turbines. Speaker 1: And they rolled all the way down this tunnel, deep underground, and it empties out onto a viewing platform literally right at the explosive base of the falls. You feel the vibration of the water in your chest. It is a brilliant example of repurposing heavy industrial infrastructure to create a deeply accessible, thrilling tourism experience. Speaker 2: From there, the Victory Eye crossed Lake Erie and traveled down to Cleveland, Ohio, specifically to visit the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. But the sources do not just list the exhibits. They analyze this stop through a very specific, critical sensory lens. Speaker 1: Right. If you're a music fan, it sounds great. But if you have vision impairments or sensory processing issues, the Rock Hall is actually a massive, overwhelming challenge. The architects intentionally designed the museum to be kept very dark in order to preserve the fragile costumes and paper artifacts. That low lighting immediately creates a barrier for anyone with depth perception or low vision issues. Speaker 2: Furthermore, the audio environment is chaotic. There is loud, overlapping music playing from dozens of different video screens and exhibits simultaneously. The sound waves are bouncing off the hard glass and steel architecture. Speaker 1: If your brain struggles to filter out competing audio tracks, this environment is essentially a sensory minefield. It goes back to that radio and strobe light analogy. It highlights exactly why pre-planning and reading these types of detailed audits are so crucial. Just because a famous building has a wheelchair ramp at the front door does not mean the interior environment is functionally accessible for your specific body disruption. Speaker 2: Moving onward, the shift sails to Detroit, Michigan. The standard assumption for Detroit tourism is to take automotive factory tours. Instead, the sources highlight a visit to the Detroit Institute of Art to view the massive, breathtaking Diego Rivera murals. It is a powerful reminder that these gritty, ind

  6. Aug 25

    How to Travel Easily with a Disability

    Reprieve Traveling with a disability, and feeling age proud, are core foundations of Living the Could Life. We packaged an overview of some episodes using Google Notebook. We run out of spoons, too! The first part of this broadcast jumps around a bit. However, it is entertaining and full of helpful information. Take a listen to learn more about Traveling with a Disability, staying age proud, and taking advantage of traveling tips. Living The Could Life contains affiliate links. They don’t cost you anything, but we may earn a small commission if you use them. We may have been hosted on a trip, excursion or other travel-related event. We may have received or experienced a product for review. Any opinion is our own.  AS AN AMAZON ASSOCIATE I EARN FROM QUALIFYING PURCHASES  AS AN AMAZON ASSOCIATE I EARN FROM QUALIFYING PURCHASES. Transcript Click Here for Transcript (Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) [Speaker 3] Welcome back to Living the Good Life. Today we're doing something a little bit different. We are proud to announce that we recently finished our 20th episode of Living the Good Life, so we are going to do a bit of a review of all the episodes. Our friends at Google Notebook compiled a bit of a talk based on our previous audio that we sent to them. We're going to do it in two parts. There will be a part about travel, and we were talking about several different kinds of travel, and so as not to make it too long, there'll be a part one and part two. [Speaker 2] Imagine you've just spent like 12 absolutely exhausting hours traveling. I mean, you've navigated the chaotic airport terminals, you've squeezed into this shockingly narrow airplane seat, you've somehow wrangled your luggage into a taxi, and finally, finally, you arrive at your destination. [Speaker 1] Right, you're just running on fumes at that point. [Speaker 2] Exactly. So you approach the front desk of your hotel, you confirm your reservation for a fully accessible room, you grab your key card, and you ride the elevator up. You swipe the card, push open the door, and the bed in front of you is 30 inches off the ground. [Speaker 3] Oh, wow. Yeah. [Speaker 2] And for a wheelchair user, that 30-inch mattress might as well be glued to the ceiling. So today, we're really tearing down this pervasive myth of the ADA checklist, and we're completely redefining what travel actually looks like for real bodies. [Speaker 1] It's such a phenomenal topic, to be honest, because it forces us to really re-examine the built environment that we interact with every single day. I mean, most people just assume that if a space is legally compliant, it's functionally usable. [Speaker 2] Right, which makes total sense on the surface. [Speaker 1] Right. But what we're going to explore today is how architectural compliance routinely, and I mean routinely, fails human reality. And more importantly, we're looking at how travelers and certain segments of the travel industry are radically adapting to those failures. [Speaker 2] Yeah. Okay, let's unpack this, because the mission of today's deep dive is to go through this incredibly rich, just eye-opening stack of material from the Living the Good Life series. [Speaker 1] It's a fantastic series. [Speaker 2] It really is. The sources we have in front of us are this massive collection of highly detailed travel logs, hotel accessibility audits, remote expedition reviews. I mean, we are going to be tracking journeys that stretch from the ancient bicycle-choked cobblestones of Amsterdam all the way to the rugged Alaskan wilderness, and even into the massive inland seas of the American Great Lakes. [Speaker 1] Yeah, it's a huge geographical spread. [Speaker 2] Totally. But we aren't just looking at tourist hotspots here. We're looking at how people explore the world when they are navigating what our sources refer to as body disruptions, which, by the way, I think is just a brilliant umbrella term. [Speaker 1] It really is. It covers physical disabilities, chronic illnesses, mobility limitations, neurodivergence. It's very inclusive. [Speaker 2] Exactly. We're looking at how people travel at a pace that honors their actual bodies, rather than just constantly fighting against them. [Speaker 1] What's fascinating here is that this material operates as so much more than just a set of travel itineraries. It's really this profound exploration of geography, of human empathy, and the hidden mechanical layers of accessibility that most travelers never even realize exist. It challenges the very baseline of what makes a physical space welcoming. Because, as you pointed out with that hotel room example right at the start, a space can legally invite you in while simultaneously putting up physical barricades to your actual comfort. [Speaker 2] Right. Before we can embark on these grand sweeping adventures to the Alaskan wilderness or whatever, we have to look at the absolute baseline of travel, because the foundation of any trip anywhere on Earth is a hotel room. [Speaker 1] 100%. [Speaker 2] If you cannot rest safely, if you can't use the bathroom safely, if you just cannot recharge your physical and mental batteries, the destination outside that room honestly doesn't matter. The museum could be spectacular, but if your launch pad is compromised, you never get off the ground. [Speaker 1] That's a really crucial framing. The hotel room is the foundational infrastructure of travel. And our sources reveal this massive, just pervasive blind spot in the modern travel industry, which is the deeply ingrained idea that ADA, the Americans with Disabilities Act, that ADA compliance is synonymous with comfort or even true functional accessibility. [Speaker 2] And they're not the same thing. [Speaker 1] Not even close. [Speaker 2] This totally blew my mind as I was reading through the audits, because I think, like a lot of people, I just assumed ADA regulations were this comprehensive safety net, like they had it all figured out. [Speaker 1] Yeah, that's the common assumption. [Speaker 2] But the sources make it crystal clear that ADA compliance is merely the legal minimum. It is a rigid architectural checklist. It's a set of measurements. It is absolutely not a guarantee that a specific room will actually work for a unique human being navigating a specific body disruption. [Speaker 1] Right. And if we connect this to the bigger picture, the ADA requires structural modifications, right? Like widened doorways to accommodate the width of a standard wheelchair or the installation of grab bars near toilets, visual alarm systems for the hearing impaired. And those are vital. [Speaker 2] Oh, absolutely vital. [Speaker 1] They're legally mandated baselines, but the law doesn't aggressively regulate the nuanced functional details of living. Like it dictates the width of the door, but it doesn't necessarily dictate the specific layout of the furniture once you actually get through that door. [Speaker 2] And that is exactly where the concept of compliance falls completely apart in the real world. Let's go back to that 30 inch bed example. You know, you might look at a high bed and think, oh, that feels luxurious, like sleeping on a cloud or whatever. [Speaker 1] Sure. [Speaker 2] But break down the actual physical mechanics for us. Why is a 30 inch bed in an ADA room such a catastrophic failure in design? [Speaker 1] It really just comes down to basic biomechanics and physics. So a standard manual or power wheelchair seat typically sits about, let's say, 19 to 20 inches off the ground. [Speaker 2] OK. [Speaker 1] If an individual with limited or zero lower body mobility needs to get out of that chair and into bed, they have to perform a lateral transfer. They're relying entirely on upper body strength, leverage and momentum to slide from the chair to the mattress. Now, if the bed is relatively level with the chair, say 20 to 22 inches high, that transfer is a horizontal movement. It's manageable. But if the bed is 30 inches high, you're suddenly demanding that this person perform an uphill pivot transfer. [Speaker 2] So they're having to lift their entire body weight, essentially dead weight, like 10 or 11 vertical inches using nothing but shoulder leverage. [Speaker 1] Precisely. Biomechanically, it's an impossible ask for a lot of people. The bed becomes a literal wall. The room is legally compliant because the door was wide enough to let the chair in. But the user is fundamentally trapped in their chair because they can't get into the bed. Wow. Yeah. So the hotel checked the legal box, but they completely failed the human being. [Speaker 2] And the sources outline a whole catalog of these hidden hazards. Like they talk about the roll-in shower that has a surprise three inch lip at the entrance to keep the water in. [Speaker 1] Oh, that's a classic one. [Speaker 2] Right. And to a walking guest, a three inch lip is basically invisible. You just step right over it without thinking. But think about the front casters on a wheelchair. Those really small wheels at the front. A three inch lip stops them dead. [Speaker 1] It acts like a parking block. [Speaker 2] Exactly. A three inch lip is not a roll-in shower. It's a barricade that requires you to pop a wheelie over wet tile, which is incredibly dangerous. [Speaker 1] Or consider the equipment that's actually provided. The sources detail this all too common scenario of the wobbly, unstable plastic shower chair that a hotel just sort of tosses into the back of a closet. [Speaker 2] Oh, yeah. The flimsy ones. [Speaker 1] Yeah. It isn't anchored to the wall. It isn't medically rated. It's just a cheap plastic stool sitting on slippery, soapy tile. I mean, that isn't accessibility. That's just a massive liability waiting to happen. [Speaker 2] My personal favorit

  7. Aug 18

    Finding the Perfect Care Giver

    Who Will Care? Finding the perfect caregiver for those with a new disability is no easy task. There is so much to be considered. Both the caregiver and the receiver have special needs. In this episode, we offer a few suggestions for finding the perfect caregiver - one who understands the enormity of the job and who can commit to assisting. The receiver of the assistance also needs to understand what a huge undertaking the caregiver assumes. Living The Could Life contains affiliate links. They don’t cost you anything, but we may earn a small commission if you use them. We may have been hosted on a trip, excursion or other travel-related event. We may have received or experienced a product for review. Any opinion is our own.  AS AN AMAZON ASSOCIATE I EARN FROM QUALIFYING PURCHASES  AS AN AMAZON ASSOCIATE I EARN FROM QUALIFYING PURCHASES. Transcript Click Here for Transcript Robert: Welcome back to Living the Could Life, where we explore real-world travel for real bodies, adventures that are meaningful, doable, and full of wonder. Today we're talking about something that doesn't get discussed enough, how to choose the right caregiver or the right care receiver before you commit to the partnership. Theresa: Because caregiving is a relationship, and like any relationship, it can thrive or it can fall apart if the fit isn't right. Robert: We're going to talk about expectations, boundaries, physical capability, emotional readiness, and what both people should add before saying yes. Theresa, you've seen this firsthand. What happens when the caregiver isn't the right match? Theresa: Well, a lot. And sometimes you just have a default caregiver, so you have to make it the right match. Right, Robert? Well, you have to make it work. Yeah, you've seen it too. Robert: Yeah, yeah. And sometimes you really have no choice and you just have to get through it. Theresa: Like, as in our case. Not quite. Well, but still, sometimes a caregiver, when you choose one, you have to be careful, just because maybe they're all excited and they have good intentions and they want to help you, but maybe they just don't understand what it takes. Say that you need to be, have transfers done, or a lot of physically demanding help. Robert: They just don't. Theresa: Right. They may not have the physical strength to do it. So, sometimes they could also have the wrong attitude, and those are definitely the people you don't want, because they can't be resentful, they have to be patient, and they cannot have a savior complex, because that just doesn't work out. It actually makes the person who is receiving the care feel not so wonderful. Robert: And the care receiver can feel unsafe, guilty, or even like a burden. Theresa: Exactly. The partnership ideally has to be balanced, respectful, and realistic, and that doesn't always come immediately. Robert: Let's talk about what a person needing care should ask before choosing a caregiver. Theresa: First, if you need transfers, mobility support, toileting assistance, those are not small tasks, so the person should be physically able to do what's required. And even if there aren't any of those highly physical tasks, I know if I fall down sometime, or trip, it's helpful to have somebody pick me up. Robert: Secondly, do they understand spoon theory? This is the theory of energy management, energy budgeting that we talked about earlier, because if they don't get the idea of energy budgeting, they'll push you past your limit. Theresa: Right, we're going to talk a little bit more about spoon theory later in this session, because we found it's something that really works, and it's practical. Third, do they communicate well? You need someone who listens, doesn't take things personally, and doesn't guilt trip you. Robert: Or, do they respect eponymy? A caregiver should support independence, not override it. Theresa: Exactly. And then finally, do they have the emotional bandwidth? Caregiving requires patience, flexibility, and resilience. And it's not just the care receiver who should ask, the caregiver also needs to ask some questions. Robert: Now, let's look at what should caregivers ask themselves? Theresa: First, this matches what the recipient should ask. If you want to be a caregiver, you need to ask, am I physically capable of this? If you can't safely lift, transfer, or support mobility, you shouldn't take the role. And of course, it depends on the person you are helping with caregiving. Robert: Second, do I have the right temperament? Caregiving is not for people to get easily frustrated or overwhelmed. Theresa: Third, do I understand the duties required? Things like ADLs, and that's activities of daily living, medication routines, travel, logistics. It's real work. Robert: Or, do I have enough spoons myself? Caregivers can burn out fast if they don't manage their own energy. Theresa: Right. And finally, can I communicate honestly? You need to be able to say, I need help. I'm tired, or I can't do this safely. Robert: Let's look at travel now. Travel adds a whole new layer. Theresa: Oh, that even for people without any kind of disability or body disruption. That's always true. Travel requires physical stamina, patience, problem solving, and the ability to adapt when things go sideways. Robert: Care receivers should ask, can this person handle airport stress? Can they manage mobility equipment? Do they stay calm when plans change? Can they advocate for me if I'm overwhelmed? Theresa: And caregivers should ask, can I manage transfers in unfamiliar environments? Can I handle long days with unpredictable spoon costs? Am I comfortable asking for help from airport or hotel staff? And do I understand accessibility needs well enough to plan ahead? Robert: Let's talk about red flags now. Theresa: For care receivers, the caregiver gets irritated easily. They minimize your disability. They ignore your spoon limits. They make you feel guilty. They don't follow instructions or they totally forget their duties or they're physically unable to help you safely. Robert: For caregivers, the care receiver expects you to be available 24-7. They don't communicate their needs. They refuse adaptive tools. They ignore your boundaries. They expect you to just know what they need. Theresa: And really, it is like a job. It's like going to an interview. I highly recommend, especially if we're going to travel, do a short day or even if you're not traveling, just spend a day with them at home and see what it's like. And if you can't do it, you would know from the start. And that works better for both people involved. Robert: That sounds like a good idea. It's kind of like we to do our chase downs or we'll be kicking lawns with ISIL students. And we take them out for a weekend or something to see if they could manage it, to see if we could manage them. You see they have the right equipment. So you could use the same idea. Theresa: Right. It is a learning experience and you don't have to necessarily be an expert the first day. I think whether you're on the receiving or the giving end, it's a new skill to learn and things change often. Robert: OK, let's talk about Swoon Theory again, but this time from a psychological angle. Theresa: Swoon Theory isn't just about physical energy. It's about predictability. People with disabilities often live with unpredictable bodies. Pain spikes, hot flashes, waves of fatigue, sensory overload. Spoons give structure to something that feels chaotic. Robert: And caregivers need to understand at spoon level, our moral judgment. You're not lacing us. Theresa: Spoon Theory helps caregivers avoid pushing someone past their limits. And that's the same for the care receiver, too. The caregiver also has a certain number of spoons. It also helps care receivers communicate without guilt. Saying I'm out of spoons is a boundary. It's not a failure. Robert: There's also a psychological safety component. When both people use Swoon Theory, it reduces misunderstanding. Theresa: Right. Because instead of arguing about why someone can't do something, you're acknowledging the reality of their energy budget. Robert: Let's talk about expectations. What psychological traits matter in a care partnership? Theresa: For care receivers, you need someone who listens, someone who doesn't take things personally, someone who doesn't guilt trip you, someone who respects your autonomy, and someone who can regulate their own emotion. And for caregivers, you need a care receiver who communicates clearly, who tells you what they need, who doesn't expect you to read their mind, and who respects your boundaries, too. And I think you need to keep personalities in mind. Just because somebody needs care or you want to be a caregiver, it doesn't mean that you will get along or that both of you are nice people. It's something to take into consideration. Caregiving is not a place for passive-aggressive behavior, martyrdom, or silent resentment. Those things will quickly destroy any partnership you have. Robert: Let's talk about misunderstandings. They happen. How do you resolve them? Theresa: First, if you've thoroughly evaluated each other and have come to acceptable terms, you should be able to assume that you both have good intent. Most conflicts come from miscommunication, not malice. Robert: Second, use I-statements. I feel rushed when I need more time to... I'm overwhelmed when... Theresa: And third, back to the spoons. Check the spoon levels of both people before discussing anything emotional. If either person is out of spoons, the conversation will go badly. Or, clarify duties. Robert: A lot of conflicts come from mismatched expectations. Theresa: And fifth, schedule check-ins. Once a week, sit down and ask, What's working? What's not? What needs to be adjusted? And what do we need more support with? Care p

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Life becomes different for those who experience later-in-life challenges. Living The Could LIfe offers tips adjusting your life so that you can still travel and do all the things that you love. No toxic positivity here, just lived experiences from hosts and guests.