Fill Me Up

ROL Productions
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  • Spirituality
  • Weekly

We know what you thought when you heard the name. We thought it too. But Fill Me Up is not what you think it is or maybe it is exactly what you think it is, just not the way you think it, at the root of every addiction, every toxic relationship, every desperate reach for something outside yourself, there is one cry underneath all of it. Fill me up. Fill this emptiness. Fill this ache that I cannot name and cannot shake no matter what I try. That is not a sexual cry. That is a spiritual one.

  1. Oct 20

    Are the 12-Step Rooms a Cult of Love?

    We needed a cult. Turns out it's a cult of love. Episode 20 of Fill Me Up is back at the table, and we're getting real about what keeps us spiritually fit. We talk about why we left church, why blaming the people in our lives keeps us stuck, and why comparing ourselves to anyone is just meditating on the wrong things. Nothing here is medical advice. Talk to your doctor before changing any medication. If you're struggling, reach out to someone you trust or a local support line. In Canada, you can call or text 9-8-8. Subscribe, and tell us in the comments: what belief are you ready to question? TIMESTAMPS: 00:00:00 Are the Rooms a Cult of Love? Spirituality and Anger 00:01:17 Leaving Church: Heaven and Hell Are Already Here 00:01:55 The Worst Time to Date: There Are No New People 00:03:28 Cultural Pressure to Marry Within Your Culture 00:04:44 Online Backlash: Why Short Clips Miss the Context 00:05:28 Why Blaming Others Keeps You Stuck in Recovery 00:06:16 Stop Comparing Yourself: Remember Who You Are 00:07:30 Obsessive Thinking: Meditating on the Wrong Things 00:08:24 Who Programmed You? Challenge Your Belief System 00:09:05 Consider the Source: Whose Opinion Really Matters? 00:10:06 Discernment: God Puts the Right People in Your Path 00:10:42 Did You Write Your Soul's Blueprint Before Birth? 00:11:36 "Ye Are Gods": Stop Expecting Others to Run Your Life 00:12:23 Why Would God Do This to Me? Own Your Decisions 00:13:28 Only Calling Friends When You Need Help 00:14:53 Overcomplicating Recovery: Free Meetings Are Available 00:15:39 The Rehab Industry Debate: Do Your Own Research 00:16:20 Why Coming Off Prescription Drugs Is So Hard 00:17:23 12-Step Is Free: Where to Get the Big Book 00:19:34 Words Matter: Speaking Things Into Existence 00:20:10 Judgment and Gossip: Did He Turn Out OK? 00:22:16 What's Good or Bad Anymore? Stop Judging Others 00:22:59 Think Before You Speak: Override the Automatic Script 00:25:15 Grateful to Be Back: Truth Is a Hard Pill #addictionrecovery #cult #love

  2. Oct 6

    Your Past Is Your Greatest Asset: Recovery, Forgiveness & Healing | Fill Me Up Ep. 19

    What if the only role God assigned you today is the one right in front of you? Welcome back to Fill Me Up. Episode 19 is our first recording with a brand-new producer and a brand-new setup, and we used it to get real about what keeps us growing instead of dying. We talk about leaning into change, forgiving our parents so we can forgive ourselves, and why staying in the gray area will eventually cost you everything. If you're struggling, please reach out to someone you trust or a local support line. You don't have to do this alone. Subscribe for new episodes, and tell us in the comments: what role is being assigned to you today? TIMESTAMPS: 00:00:00 Podcast Comeback With a New Producer and Setup 00:01:06 Leaning Into Change Brings Freedom 00:01:52 What Role Has God Assigned You Today? 00:03:54 Why Forgiveness Is a Grow-or-Die Principle 00:05:54 Taking Inventory: The Stories We Tell About Parents 00:06:44 Earth School: Filling the God-Shaped Hole 00:08:27 Discernment From the School of Hard Knocks 00:09:23 Too Sensitive or Desensitized? Being Called Callous 00:12:29 Radical Honesty in Recovery: Live in the Truth 00:13:27 The Danger of Staying in the Gray Area 00:14:17 Do You Want Direction or a Friend? 00:14:52 Truth-Telling Without Fear or Revenge 00:16:03 Saying Thank You for Hard Truths 00:17:00 Open-Mindedness: God Gave You a Brain to Use 00:18:56 The Chinese Farmer Story: Good or Bad, Who Knows? 00:19:26 Grateful for the Hardest Moments in Sobriety 00:20:47 Hope for Broken Family Relationships in Recovery 00:21:50 Altruistic Living: Pause Before You React 00:22:36 Watch What You Pick Up After You Put Down the Drink 00:22:51 Final Thought: Decide to Be in a Good Mood #addictionrecovery #addiction #recoveryjourney

  3. Jul 14

    The Truth About Antidepressants, Benzos & Big Pharma in Recovery

    Jessica and Nikki are back and grateful — for the good, the bad, and everything trying to fill you up that isn't the solution. This week: the parable of the God in the dog, why spirituality is the last house on the block, the business behind your prescription pad, and listener questions on antidepressants, benzos, and staying sober through anxiety. The prescription for fear is faith.

  4. Jul 7

    Dicks, Dollars & Donuts: Filling Up on Purpose, Not Substitutes

    Jessica and Nikki go deep on purpose: how to fill yourself up with God, service, and spiritual principles instead of "dicks, dollars and donuts." They unpack the one question that keeps you sober — is it helpful? — plus validation as its own addiction, protecting newcomers in the rooms, staying in the present moment, and turning your past pain into your greatest asset. In the second half they answer listener questions from Melissa (successful but empty, "performing a life"), Matt (losing his career to AI and terrified of who he is without it), and Sarah (out of survival mode and overwhelmed by the search for meaning). A raw, funny, no-filter conversation about recovery, self-worth, and why you're here. DM us and comment on Spotify or YouTube. Follow and share.

  5. Jun 30

    We Need to Talk About Men | Masculinity, the Manosphere & Recovery

    This week on Fill Me Up, Jessica and Nikki take on their favorite subject: men. Not man-bashing, not man-worship — just the truth as they've lived it, from years in recovery rooms to a past in exotic entertainment. They get into why so many men feel lost, the economy where one income no longer builds a life, and the manosphere — Andrew Tate, the 6am hustle, "emotions are for losers" — and why a polished clip isn't the same as a righteous, honest life. From love addiction and fantasy addiction to the recovery answer underneath it all: radical honesty. You can't recover from something you refuse to name. Plus a listener Q&A: a mom whose son is deep in Andrew Tate content, a man two years sober who still can't be honest in the rooms, and a wife of 14 years who's never heard "I love you" first. ⚠️ Explicit. Contains discussion of suicide. If you're struggling, call or text 988 (U.S. & Canada). 🎧 New episodes weekly. Follow and send your questions on Instagram.

  6. Jun 23

    MAID, Mental Health & Why We Need More Than a Permanent Exit

    What does it mean when a system designed to help people in crisis starts offering them a permanent exit instead? In this episode, Jessica and Nikki take on one of Canada's most contested policy debates — Medical Assistance in Dying (MAID) — through the lens of recovery, spirituality, and radical honesty. They aren't here to tell you what to think. They're here to have the conversation out loud that most people are only having in their heads. They dig into how MAID expanded from terminal illness to include non-terminal conditions where "suffering is intolerable" — and what that language means for people in active addiction, mental health crises, or simply in the middle of a very bad year. They share personal stories, answer real audience questions, and wrestle with a central truth from their recovery work: you cannot give informed consent to a permanent decision from inside a temporary crisis. They also talk about what actually fills the God-shaped hole — not a government program, not substances, not validation — but spiritual training, radical honesty, community, and the willingness to stay long enough to find out what's on the other side of the pain. In this episode: The history of MAID in Canada and how it expanded through Bill C-7Why the 12-step community sees addiction as an "intolerable condition" — and what that means in a MAID contextWhat happened when Veterans Affairs Canada directed veterans to MAID instead of treatmentThe $149M question: who financially benefits from this program's expansion?An audience question from an anonymous detox worker whose facility was approached by government officials asking for MAID referralsA parent's question after their 12-year-old came home from school having been told about assisted dyingThe case of a 26-year-old who received MAID in BC — and what his family wants people to knowWhy spirit comes first — then mind, then bodyRecovery isn't for people who want it. It's for people who do the work. This episode is part of that work. Content note: This episode includes frank discussion of Medical Assistance in Dying, suicidal ideation, addiction, and personal trauma. If you or someone you know is in crisis, please reach out to Crisis Services Canada: 1-833-456-4566 or text 45645.

  7. Jun 16

    Stop Snorting People: The Real Reason You Keep Repeating the Same Patterns

    What's really happening when we get sober and immediately sprint into a relationship, a shopping habit, an obsession with our kids, or a new financial fixation? Jessica and Nikki get into it — raw, honest, and funny — in this episode of Fill Me Up. They break down the substitution cycle: the way addiction doesn't disappear when we put down our substance of choice, it just shapeshifts. People. Money. Food. Anger. Victimhood. If you've ever found yourself asking "why does this keep happening to me?" — this episode is going to hit. Topics this week: The mental blind spot that lets us walk into dangerous situations while our dogs won't even cross the streetWhat "snorting people" actually looks like — and whether you've been doing itGay time, recovery time, and why two addicts moving in together in a week is a cliché for a reasonThe difference between the establishing phase and the maintenance phase of recovery — and why you genuinely cannot do both at onceSexual manipulation aging into emotional manipulation — and how to catch yourselfPatience as a practice, not a personality traitWhy "just get a new dog" is the same as "just meet someone new" — and why it completely misses the pointSurrounding yourself with higher-consciousness people vs. cosigning each other's old behaviorManaging, mothering, martyrdom, and manipulation — the four M's nobody wants to admit they're doingChoosing radical thinking when self-pity moves inThe Stoics, soul school, and what it actually means to be a good human todayThis is the episode for anyone who's ever wondered why getting sober felt like it was supposed to fix everything — and then didn't. The solution isn't a new person. It isn't more money. It's the work in between. Fill Me Up is hosted by Jessica and Nikki — two women in recovery who don't sugarcoat anything and don't apologize for it.

  8. Jun 9

    Nothing Happens in God’s World By Mistake: Grief, Money Fear & the Decision to Be Kind

    After three weeks away, Nikki comes home to grief — both family dogs have passed — and finds, even in that, the recovery principle she keeps returning to: nothing happens in this world by mistake. From there, she and Jessica get into the work that's actually changed their lives — that we're making decisions all day long, and the most powerful one is choosing to be kind, patient and of service whether or not anyone else changes first. They talk about the "fear frequency" around money in 2026, why chasing a number can repel the very thing you want, and how getting honest about your story — not a certificate or a title — is what lets you help someone else. Jessica shares how being blocked from God looked, for her, like being blocked from responsibility and service; Nikki shares how losing her job during Covid brought her to her knees and, eventually, to freedom. Recorded with their littlest co-host, Dodo. Content warning: This episode includes candid references to past suicidal thoughts and to mental and physical health experiences. It is one couple's personal recovery experience and is not medical, psychological, or financial advice. If you're struggling, please reach out to a licensed professional or a crisis line (resources below). Topics: grief & recovery · decision-making as spiritual practice · radical acceptance · service · money & fear · "your past is your greatest asset" · 12-step community language

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About

We know what you thought when you heard the name. We thought it too. But Fill Me Up is not what you think it is or maybe it is exactly what you think it is, just not the way you think it, at the root of every addiction, every toxic relationship, every desperate reach for something outside yourself, there is one cry underneath all of it. Fill me up. Fill this emptiness. Fill this ache that I cannot name and cannot shake no matter what I try. That is not a sexual cry. That is a spiritual one.

Information

  • Creator
    ROL Productions
  • Years Active
    2026
  • Episodes
    22
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © ROL Productions
  • Show Website
    Fill Me Up