Fit Mind Chats

Abbey Samide PCC-S & Sarah Della Vella LISW

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Mental Health
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Abbey Samide PCC-S and Sarah Della Vella LISW are co-owners of Fit Mind Cleveland. It is our goal to make therapy and therapeutic topics understandable and available to everyone. We will explore mental health topics with humor, knowledge, insight and compassion. abbeysamide.substack.com

2d ago

Why Good People Do Bad Things in Divorce

Divorce is magical. It’s the only time in adult life where a well-adjusted, yoga-practicing, rescue-dog-owning pacifist will look at an Excel spreadsheet of shared cookware and think: ‘I will literally die on this hill before they get the immersion blender. Picture the kindest, most gentle person you know. Now put them in a room with a lawyer, a split bank account, a division of assets, and the slow realization that the life they built is ending. Suddenly, the person who wouldn’t hurt a fly is filing emergency injunctions and calling their lawyer at 2:00 AM over a used couch. The human brain is capable of incredible things. It put a man on the moon. It mapped the human genome. And during a messy divorce, it will spend three consecutive hours calculating the exact monetary value of used bath towels just to spite someone. Today we talk about Why we lose our minds during a divorce It’s easy to judge divorce behavior from the outside—until you understand what fear, betrayal, and threat do to the human brain Let’s dive into the science of divorce pettyiness This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit abbeysamide.substack.com
Oct 5

I Love You but Please Stop

We are social creatures built for connection to others. It’s about the 20-35 age range in Erikson’s theory of development that we are driven for intimacy versus Isolation. We pair up and play house and maybe even have some kids. And opposites attract so what brought us together initially is often times the very things that drive you crazy about that person 5-10 years in. This past week we asked people to write us about the most annoying things your partners do. Here today we get to talk about them. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit abbeysamide.substack.com
Sep 28

Oversharing, Too much?

Over sharing has evolved over the years. The first time I noticed this was in the beginning phases of FB when certain friends would post every place they went to. They would check in feeling happy at Target, then feeling thirsty at Starbucks. People were living their lives on social media. This has continued to get more and more of a place people will share things that are more personal and at times uncomfortable. Oversharing on social media is timely right now. I have a friend on FB that has deteriorating mental health in a manic phase rapid fire posting up to 20 times a day their grandiose thoughts on plans to sue others, go on an international tour, start a company and are interviewing for positions, asking for money, working with government agencies to take down others, making AI posters with people they are having a problem with. This list goes on and it is painful to watch. We all have the FB friend that when you read the post you get the ick bc it is more personal than you are comfortable and can be viewed as attention seeking, the woe is me post this list could go and on. There are many reasons people engage in over sharing and most are related to anxiety. We feel like I need to say something, get ahead of this, get short term relief, share my point of view, correct the wrongs, say things I might not say in person, etc. We can also overshare when interacting with people face to face and the same phenomena happens when we get anxious. We have to fill the silence hence we start word vomiting and over share. We all have experienced the uncomfortable feeling of reading someone’s rant/feud, personal lives being played out on social media, someone’s mental health unraveling, over sharing personal information that may give you a ugh feeling. Being in the grocery store and a person you know by face not name tells you about their cheating husband, his addiction to porn and their impending divorce. I feel like over sharing happens a lot in divorces. If you wonder why people over share or are a chronic over sharer this is the episode for you bc we talk about the why and how to reign it in. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit abbeysamide.substack.com
Sep 21

Wrinkles, Rolls and Reality

Did you know that at age 55 we are least satisfied with our bodies? But the issue with body image does not end when we get into middle age. Most women report their ideal body type is smaller than their actual size. Body image is connected to self worth in midlife and is no different than a teenager into young adulthood. There are significant changes in the body during midlife with 5-10 lbs of weight gain, sagging skin and wrinkles. In a study with a large sample size of 50+ studying body issues they found: * 71% were currently trying to lose weight * 79% felt that weight or shape played a “moderate” to “the most important” role in their self-concept * 70% were dissatisfied with their weight and shape compared to when they were younger * 84% were specifically dissatisfied with their stomachs When women had a higher BMI, their weight was their major complaint and women with lower BMI’s attached more dissatisfaction with their sagging skin. There are some protective factors that they found: * Being in a consistent relationship * Being in a Long-term relationship * Having children * Having job security [1] This may suggest that these factors may divert attention away from body image as a source of self worth. Today we are going to explore what can you do to expand your self worth from body perspective to a more holistic perspective. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit abbeysamide.substack.com
Sep 14

Am I avoidant attachment disorder or has this relationship taken its course

n my 20s my social circle was large and was basically who was going out that night or was going to events I was afraid of missing. The FOMO was the driving factor. These relationships were superficial and many times I had nothing in common with these people. I would agree to anything to keep the invites coming and would work at making social outings fun. It was a complete job and felt like work. However, I loved the image of you have to invite her. She is fun. In fact back in the day Sarah, myself and our friend Laura would make it our mission to go out and be outrageous. It was super fun but not sustainable. In my mid 30s/40s I started cutting the fat with friends and kept the relationships that I found meaningful and enjoyed being around. My social events decreased and I was more particular about events I would attend however, would still go to things that were mid and still felt obligation to attend the birthday dinners, theme parties (anyone that knows me knows I hate costumes and theme parties), agreed to a couple of trips that are not my thing. I am not a Vegas girl but have been half a dozen times for parties. Now I am only doing the things that serve me and spend time with people that are positive and add to my life. I want to spend time with people that like wellness and want to talk about different wellness topics and are health minded. Sarah you found your community with horse people. I will not accept a dinner reservation past 6pm and I am not meeting at the Time Warp at 9pm to see a band, I am not hanging with a person that drains me with their negativity to not hurt their feelings. Nope. I will pull out Fungirl Abbey for a friend that means something to me and add to their 50th but at 10pm I am done. I am going to bed and I am not apologizing. Is this avoidant or healthy boundaries? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit abbeysamide.substack.com
Sep 7

Mind, Body & Midlife

We talked about midlife last week. Today, I want to present the gifts of midlife. It lives in the change from let me over explain myself to, I don’t have to explain myself to anyone. How liberating. I don’t want to stay up late and if you want to see me our plans will have to be earlier. Period, end of statement. No explanations needed. If you have friends who are in midlife or beyond- they give you the knowing nod of mutual understanding. The camaraderie of we have gotten through the people pleasing phase (or are working on it) of our lives, pushing harder to prove ourselves phase and into an acceptance of and understanding of ourselves and what we need. We just say no, finally, like our DARE officers encouraged. Midlife is a gift. It makes us take stock of what we were doing, what wasn’t working, what serves us now. We are working to differentiate- In mental health, differentiation (or differentiation of self) is the ability to keep your own identity, thoughts, and feelings while staying emotionally close to other people. (This is work you can do outside of midlife, but if you haven’t been working on identity and emotional regulation that is internal and not reliant on others, tolerating discomfort, and managing your own reactivity to distress, there is no better time than the present), Isn’t that a gift? We can tolerate differences without thinking we have to change it, or losing our identity in the relationship. We can judge ourselves and others harshly or we can use self compassion and self compassion will always be a winner. You can’t beat midlife changes and the transition and transformation it offers. We can only join it. Today we talk about the journey to exploring new ways of connecting to ourselves and others as we move through this transformation. And if you aren’t in midlife, but just want some new ways to take care of yourself, boost your mood and improve your community connections, then this can help you too. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit abbeysamide.substack.com
Aug 31

Midlifers: Perimenopause and Hairlines

Chin plucking, seeing a toilet and starting to pee before you pull your pants down, knees cracking, colonoscopies, you enjoy moomoos, wearing the widest brim sunhat, pickleball leagues, you like to go to dinner at 5 and be home by 8 to get to bed by 9, elastic waist anything, excited to get the AARP free cooler to join, readers all over the house, flat stomach only with SPANX, oversharing medical issues, drawing on your eyebrows, wedge shoes or ballet flats, texting your friends as a reminder to talk about something, hating autocorrect, wear a skirt bathing suit, mood swings And for our guy listeners does this sound familiar Mysterious nose and ear hair growth, waking up with an injury no idea how you did it, pulling a muscle opening a jar, grunting when you sit down or get up, thinking about dying your beard or facial hair, Dad music its not cool, your kids are horrified by your texting, guys text thread and you are talking gut health, readers hanging off your shirt or you are searching they are on top of your head, snoring, prostrate is your small talk, googling symptoms and assuming it’s the end, buying a boat, sports car, motorcycle, an Ebike so you do not have to peddle, guys trip who has the most medication If any of this sounds familiar today we are tackling midlife and all it’s glory. Be loud and proud we have worked hard and worn uncomfortable clothes for years and have earned the right to wear elastic pants, sensible shoes, draw in our eyebrows, get Botox and not give a crap on what others think. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit abbeysamide.substack.com
Aug 24

Stages of Grief: College Edition

By now, many of you have dropped your child off at college. Maybe some are dreading it because it’s just around the corner. Today we ask, did you ever think you would miss socks on the ground? Or stare longingly at the open room door? Would you miss the stomping of feet or a slam of a door? My guess is that this day always seemed so far away. In some distant future that you could put off thinking about until it got closer. But then everything that other parents including your own told you when your child was just newborn, that the days are long but the years are so short, rings so loudly in your ears. And today we talk about grief. We acknowledge that grief comes in many forms, divorce, child moving to college, loss of a job, retirement, estrangement, loss of a pet…..loss of a stage of your life. There is no way around grief, no set pathway that will direct you quickly to acceptance and feeling better. You got to go through it and you cannot avoid it. Because it lives in the little things like socks on the floor and can hit you when you least expect it to. And maybe this is all something we can learn from. Maybe it tells us to celebrate the things we are most irritated with because oddly those are the things you may miss the most. Join our chat today as we talk about stages of grief. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit abbeysamide.substack.com

Abbey Samide PCC-S and Sarah Della Vella LISW are co-owners of Fit Mind Cleveland. It is our goal to make therapy and therapeutic topics understandable and available to everyone. We will explore mental health topics with humor, knowledge, insight and compassion. abbeysamide.substack.com

Creator

Abbey Samide PCC-S & Sarah Della Vella LISW
Years Active

2026
Episodes

41
Rating

Explicit
Copyright

© Abbey Samide
Show Website

Fit Mind Chats