After Thot

Necterine

We had our thot era. Now we name what it taught us. After Thot is your weekly debrief, unpacking modern dating lore with anonymous moments, guest messes, and the perspective that turns end-of-the-world instances into afterthoughts. Clarity is our kink.

Episodes

  1. The Story of Mr. Ken Doll: The Soccer God Who Took My Virginity and My Appetite (solo episode)

    3d ago

    The Story of Mr. Ken Doll: The Soccer God Who Took My Virginity and My Appetite (solo episode)

    This one's just me, no guest — the first in a new monthly series where I crawl back through my own messy dating history and report what I found. Consider this me stepping out from behind the host chair and onto the stage, banana hammocks and all. We're going back to the summer of 2005, my first field hockey preseason at Oberlin — a tiny, gloriously weird liberal arts school in Ohio where the cool kids were sad art boys and the soccer team had just come back from Brazil with a luggage full of bad decisions. Enter Mr. Ken Doll: 6'3", Calvin Klein face, pre-med major, artist parents, a Soho loft, and absolutely zero intention of ever dating me. Naturally, I was obsessed. I get into the full arc — the shirtless pickup soccer game that broke my brain, the talent show I will never psychologically recover from, the art history class plot twist, the formal where my witchy intuition called it, and the run-in two years later on Astor Place that sent me straight to a bar for a shot and an IPA. Plus the thing I actually learned underneath all of it: that the butterflies weren't butterflies, the chemistry was chaos, and if someone isn't choosing you, that's the whole answer. Spoiler: I lived. And Mr. Ken Doll has officially become an afterthought. Find me on Substack at necterine.substack.com and on Instagram and TikTok @_necterine. If this one made you text nobody and feel something, do me a favor and rate and review the show — it genuinely helps more cuties find their way here.

    46 min
  2. Turns Out He's Not Emotionally Unavailable, He's Just Never Met Himself (feat. Mick Silver)

    May 6

    Turns Out He's Not Emotionally Unavailable, He's Just Never Met Himself (feat. Mick Silver)

    Holly met Mick Silver about two years ago when he was on a panel at the very first Necterine event — fresh out of grad school, dropping the kind of insights that made Holly walk away thinking, I need to keep talking to this person. Two years later, here we are. Mick is a therapist in LA who specializes in working with men, which means he has a front-row seat to what's actually going on underneath the male loneliness epidemic — and spoiler: it's not that men don't know how to talk to women. It's that they don't know how to talk to themselves. In this episode, they get into why so many men have turned their coping mechanisms into entire lifestyles, why "I just go with the flow" is almost always a trauma response in a flat-brim hat, and why anger keeps showing up as the only emotion men are culturally allowed to feel. Mick breaks down attachment styles, the conflict-allergic dating culture we're all swimming in, and why ghosting after a vulnerable moment usually has nothing to do with the person who got ghosted. They get into the friend group red flag and what it tells you about how a man sees women, why male friendships often happen sideways — in cars, on walks, mid-Formula One race — and what's actually being protected when men say they have commitment issues. Plus: dating in your 30s and why it's better, actually; why "there's no one left out there" is a lie you've told yourself to avoid your own apartment; and what it means to stop abandoning yourself before expecting anyone else to show up. Connect with Mick Mick's Website Mick's Instagram Find Necterine Instagram TikTok Substack Rate and review After Thot on Apple Podcasts or Spotify - it helps more than you think :)

    1h 8m
  3. Turned Him Down for Seven Years. Plot Twist: He Was the One the Whole Time. (feat. Kate Van Horn)

    Apr 29

    Turned Him Down for Seven Years. Plot Twist: He Was the One the Whole Time. (feat. Kate Van Horn)

    Holly met Kate Van Horn during a psychic training over COVID — which tells you basically everything you need to know about the kind of friendship this is. For months they sent voice notes back and forth all day, and Holly had a front-row seat to Kate's full dating thot era: the rotation of guys, the dates that went sideways, the almost-its, and the specific kind of chaos that comes with being completely ready for something real while still figuring out what that even means. In this episode, they finally get to put it all on record. Kate's long-term relationship history before Holly knew her — moving in with someone within two months of reconnecting, leaving without looking back, landing in LA and immediately complicating things with a roommate. The men who were great on paper and emotionally unavailable in practice. The anxious attachment spiral she could see clearly and couldn't stop anyway. And then Kam: her college friend-with-benefits who she turned down repeatedly for years, who she finally ran into in Arizona — and whose DMs she slid into first. They get into what actually felt different about Kam, why calm and steady kept getting misread as boring, and what it means to be in a marriage that's real and not perfect. Plus: what Holly's best friend's parents had to do with it, the Halloween costume origin story, and why Kate still has every text she and Kam ever sent from college on a found laptop. Find Kate Van Horn Instagram TikTok Substack Find Necterine Instagram TikTok Substack Rate and review After Thot on Apple Podcasts or Spotify - it actually helps more than you think

    1h 20m

Ratings & Reviews

5
out of 5
5 Ratings

About

We had our thot era. Now we name what it taught us. After Thot is your weekly debrief, unpacking modern dating lore with anonymous moments, guest messes, and the perspective that turns end-of-the-world instances into afterthoughts. Clarity is our kink.

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