VOICES - before it was written

Francis Rosenfeld

These are spoken fragments—reflections, passages, and pieces of stories that have not yet settled. Some of them have written forms. Some of them point to places that already exist. Some of them are the only version. francisrosenfeld.substack.com

  1. 1d ago

    Elena: Reading from The Garden of Hope - Perfume - a story of growth.

    The first thing Cimmy saw when she opened her eyes that morning was an intricate wooden vault, whose ribs intertwined and transformed in spellbinding ways, drawing her attention from one detail to another. “Are you going to start working or are you going to keep staring at the ceiling? By all means, let your patients stew in their problems until you’re done contemplating the meaning of life.” ‘Patients?’ Cimmy thought. ‘What’s a patient?’ The irony of Bertha’s comment about not keeping the patients waiting didn’t escape her, and she got up to examine the rest of the space. The room was flooded with light, even at this early hour, and it was stunningly spacious and grand, a far cry from what she was used to. The structure was built of flexible wooden branches, which were smooth and remarkably uniform. It featured vaults and arched openings that looked out to the sea and the forest. Its walls were lined with shelves, holding a collection of books and jars filled with dried herbs and potions. In the middle of the room, on a large table covered in anatomical and botanical drawings, the diseased book ruled supreme. ‘I jumped again,’ was Cimmy’s first thought. She looked around to find Fay, who wasn’t anywhere in sight, and turned towards Bertha, who seemed to have no recollection of the fact Cimmy had ever been banished. “Where is Fay?” she asked, worried. “At home, of course. You may be so eccentric as to keep a pet rat, but the rest of us don’t appreciate the danger to health that critter poses. Keeping a rat in the apothecary! That’s precious! Have you finished the readings I gave you last week?” ‘You mean to say this is not where I live? I have another place, just to sleep?’ She remembered having woken up there and asked out loud. “Did I sleep here?” “I stopped trying to figure out why you do anything a long time ago,” Bertha went on the offensive. “Maybe the effort of actually moving your from one place to the other didn’t sit well with you today. Thank god that friend of yours remembers to feed your rat when you take leave of reality to go to whatever crazy entices you that day. You seem to have no sense of responsibility. Normal people actually feel guilty when they don’t tend to their duties.” ‘Oh, great,’ Cimmy thought, ignoring the familiar diatribe. ‘Rahima is here too.’ As long as she had her friend and her pet, life was going to be ok. She got up and picked a tome from the shelf, and noticed it was made of the same whitish substance they had found in the stream, only thicker, smoother and more resilient, and brought the book closer to her face, to examine its details. “I could swear nothing you do could give me pause anymore, but this is strange, even for you: are you getting confused by paper? I haven’t seen that expression before, except maybe once, on a lemur.” ‘What’s a lemur,’ Cimmy wanted to ask, and then reconsidered, planned to find out all by herself later and put the book back on the shelf. The day passed slowly, with only a few minor injuries and upset stomachs. This allowed her to dedicate a lot of time to examining the rest of the books. With each one she opened, her excitement grew, eventually bringing her to tears. In every tome, in exquisite detail, old illnesses and afflictions had elaborate descriptions and cures, explanations for why they happened, diagnostic tools, recipes for medicine. “Are you admiring your own work?” Rahima mocked her. She was standing in the doorway, holding a little basket of food, and she had brought Fay, who was sitting on her shoulder. “Fay!” Cimmy turned around, excited. “Don’t worry, I fed him,” Rahima was taken aback by this strange display of emotion. “I swear, if he tries to get in my hair, I’ll hate you forever. Have you had anything to eat today?” Cimmy wasn’t hungry, so she assumed she must have, only to be contradicted by Rahima’s firm hand gesture. The latter had put the basket on the table and dragged her there, forcing her to sit down. One by one, unfamiliar treats came out of the basket, all wrapped in clean linens and smelling delicious. ‘Who in creation ever forgets to eat? Especially when food smells like this,’ Cimmy wondered. She frowned unconsciously as memories of starvation and the oxalic taste of the bitter roots resurfaced. “I thought these were your favorites!” Rahima looked offended. “I took a half hour detour just to get them for you.” “You didn’t make these?” Cimmy wondered. “Cimmy, I know you have important work to do, but the rest of us don’t sit around twiddling our thumbs, either. I wouldn’t have time to bake, even if I knew how.” Cimmy wanted to ask Rahima who found the diseased book and when, but knew there was no point in referring to histories unshared, and was sure her friend wouldn’t have any idea what she was talking about. How curious was it that Rahima’s personality and demeanor kept getting mirrored in all these overwritten versions of life, perfectly recognizable and fundamentally unchanged? The Rahima who made an extra effort to bring Cimmy her favorite foods was the same Rahima who shared her bitter roots with her, at the risk of starvation. “How lucky am I to have a friend like you!” Cimmy blurted out, a little embarrassed by the raw display of emotions. “Yeah, you’re weird.” Rahima examined her with an amused and detached gaze. “Eat! You’ll start seeing things next.” Cimmy obeyed, surprised at the familiar taste of the food, and wondering if all these overwritten realities which kept her skipping forward by leaps and bounds weren’t all connected somehow, at their core, by a fundamental and unchangeable essence which was the real existence, and for which all the ephemeral transformations were irrelevant details. “How was your day?” She asked Rahima, with the hope the latter would get chatty about her whereabouts, so Cimmy could orient herself around her friend’s life without having to ask questions that would make the latter worry she’d lost her mind. Rahima was glad to share the plethora of details, emotions, and surprises of the day, and discussed her projects, lectures, and field trips. Now that she had discovered her friend’s occupation, Cimmy felt encouraged to participate in the conversation. “Do you like being a teacher?” “Teacher? I guess I never thought of it like that. I suppose taking care of the art room has some similarities to teaching, yeah, no, not really. Cimmy, are you ok?” Art caretaker? Could one claim caring for art as a profession now? “Yes, of course. This is delicious.” She pointed to the baked goods to change the subject. A soft breeze blew through the arched openings and brought with it the scent of flowers. Cimmy couldn’t figure out what flowers those were, but their fragrance was deeply anchored into her memories, a strange thing, really, because none of her pasts had characteristics which would allow for the heavenly fragrance, and she suddenly realized it was a scent from her Garden, roses, she was sure of it, even if she’d never seen roses before. Damasks, she elaborated. Definitely Damasks. She worried Rahima would think her crazy, but couldn’t help herself. “That smell! Are those roses?” “Yes,” Rahima nodded, pleased. “My new perfume, I got it yesterday. Do you like it?” Cimmy was so perplexed by the idea of her friend smelling like one of her imaginary flowers that she couldn’t respond. “You don’t like it?” Rahima’s face darkened in disappointment. “No, it’s lovely,” Cimmy rushed to reassure her. “I just didn’t realize one could steal the scent from a flower.” It did make sense, though: if one could steal the healing essence from a plant, and its color, why not its smell too? “Ever since they invented perfume,” Rahima mocked her, while grabbing Fay from her own shoulder and placing it in Cimmy’s hands. “Now that you’ve eaten, take your beast and go home. People are coming to see the new paintings, and I don’t want to make them wait.” “Can I come?” “Of course,” Rahima hesitated, surprised. “I didn’t think you’d be interested, since when are you excited about art?” The return of another overwritten past brought back the heartbreaking memory of Cimmy’s treasured artifacts fueling a bonfire. What was one to do with all the pasts that had never been, with whom was one to share their weight of nonexistent memories? How could a past that never happened make one sad? “What, a healer can’t appreciate beautiful things?” Cimmy brushed off the burden of her inexistent past. “Art is not about beauty,” Rahima started to engage in a sophisticated argument about different forms of expression, but met Cimmy’s tearful gaze and felt guilty for upsetting her friend. “I’m sorry, Cimmy. I didn’t mean to sound condescending.” “Can I bring Fay with me?” Rahima didn’t want to further upset her friend, and reluctantly agreed, all the while wondering what kind of nut brings a rat to an art showing. “Ah, sure, yes. You can bring Fay.” This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit francisrosenfeld.substack.com

    Elena: Reading from The Garden of Hope - Perfume - a story of growth.
  2. Jul 22

    Chapter 7.2 - The Cave of Hypnos

    When she wanted to take a break from her daily activities, Persephone wandered along the banks of the Lethe, under the slender branches of the willows, which arched to touch its waters, and walked all the way to the cave of Hypnos. She went there mostly to pick poppies, whose flowers surrounded the quiet realm of the god of sleep. The bright red blooms glowed from afar in the perpetual sunset, a bucolic image whose beauty was worthy of a painter’s canvas: a small tributary of the river Lethe was dancing between large boulders atop a rocky bed, surrounded by poppies, lavender and chamomile, and other soothing herbs, in the shadow of large linden trees, perpetually in bloom. The fragrance surrounding the place, it had no match in existence, not even in the gardens of Olympus. The flowers were always swarmed by bees, the goddess’s faithful companions, who built their hives in nearby tree hollows, which were dripping with melting wax, amber, and honey in the warmth of the sunset. The softest grass grew on the banks of the stream, tall and bright green, so delicate its texture seemed unreal, and even its touch was barely felt under the fingers. The little stream bubbled along its winding banks and entered the cave, getting lost in its depths. The sun never entered that cave, which was immersed in perpetual darkness, and where the twin brother of Thanatos pretended to sleep, careful about his image. He was very young, Hypnos, a beardless youth. One never would have guessed the two were even related, not to mention having been born together. Thanatos was tall, pale, and donning a full black beard, an imposing figure, even in the Underworld, but otherwise quite an amenable fellow, who didn’t like to hold a grudge, not even for the antics of the likes of Sisyphus, and that said something. Persephone cringed, remembering how annoyed Ares would be to learn she did it again, getting bamboozled into releasing a soul from Tartarus on false pretenses. Honest mistake, obviously. The Sisyphus debacle got massively out of hand when the latter chained Thanatos in Tartarus and stopped mortals from dying on earth altogether, thus upsetting the natural order of things and getting the attention of Hades himself, which, to put it mildly, was not an ideal situation. Of course Ares didn’t miss the chance to flaunt the fact he had to free death himself in their faces, considering Thanatos had been chained in the middle of Tartarus, right under Hades’s and Persephone’s noses, and they weren’t even aware of it happening, not even when the stream of new souls coming to their realm had started to dwindle, so Hades had to punish the wrongdoer for all eternity just to save face. As strange as the pair of twins was, so different in demeanor and apparent age, they often traveled together to interact with the realm of the mortals, something Persephone could never understand, since they served very different purposes. Hypnos was surrounded by his swarm of ghostly dream children when she entered the cave, and Persephone mumbled softly under her breath, decrying her bad luck. Unlike his twin, Hypnos was a cranky youth, rather unpleasant when awakened from his perpetual snoozing, which Persephone always did her best not to disturb. His offspring, among whom counted Morpheus, Phantasos and Phobetor, were a constant presence in the Land of Dreams, making up ever more startling illusions which could shake a person to the core, and Persephone had to guess their antics had to have something to do with the lack of parental supervision, since their deceptively young father was always so deeply devoted to his favorite activity he didn’t find the time to watch them. “Merry meet, goddess,” he nodded, distracted, playing with a slender branch of poplar in the waters of the Lethe. “You’re up,” she smiled, awkward. “I didn’t mean to wake you.” “Only for a moment,” the latter frowned, displeased. Persephone had been picking flowers all afternoon and had an enormous bouquet of lavender and poppies in her arms. “I see you’ve been busy. Brightening up the palace?” “Oh, most of them are for one of Hecate’s salves. I hope you don’t mind.” Hypnos frowned, but had enough sense not to balk at her comment, since Persephone was the queen after all, unreasonable as one might have found that detail. He hated Hecate, the dark goddess, for holding sharp and unpalatable opinions, as much as the latter despised him for being slothful and without purpose, and flaunted his dominion by keeping mortals awake at all hours of the night to perform her ceremonies. On full moons, the clearings of the forests were disturbed by loud chanting and torches and utterly unsuitable activities, whose irritating racket always seeped into the peace of his cave. He had made it dark and quiet, and chosen it because the Lethe was flowing through it, ensured it was surrounded by countless species of soporific plants to facilitate his slumber, and all he got for his trouble was that now he had women bothering him with their constant sneaking around the place to steal his flowers and harvest wax and honey from the tree hollows. “Suit yourself,” Hypnos replied morosely and turned his back, pretending to sleep. ‘Don’t mind if I do,’ Persephone slipped past him without a sound, to reach the depths of the cave, where, in a crevice between two boulders, grew a very rare Boswellia tree, legendary for its incense. When she returned with the resinous plunder, only moments later, Hypnos was fast asleep, so she walked past him quietly and out of the cave, careful not to dislodge his ire again. The soft grass brought her memories of enchanting afternoons with Hades, who was so taken with her at the time he’d leave Tartarus to its own devices just to watch her make flower crowns and garlands, while he let her braid flowers in his hair. She saw him from a distance, gazing into the waters of the Lethe, waiting for her. “Did you bother grumpy again? You know he always complains when you come here, right?” “That’s part of the fun,” she returned him a mischievous smile. “Here,” she handed him a poppy. “What am I supposed to do with this?” he looked at it, awkward, like one would expect the god of the underworld to be when holding a poppy. “It is for a good cause. I got Hecate her ingredients.” Persephone showed him the harvest, triumphant. They walked back together under the willows, and their slender branches kept getting in the way, so they had to part them with their hands, like living curtains, which closed behind them as they advanced. The scent of the lindens lingered, intoxicating, over the soft grass and the sleepy Lethe, and the underworld stood still, outside of time, charmed by powerful magic. Some moments are worth dwelling upon, and you never want them to end; even in a place where time has no dominion, they are hard to find. “Much as I enjoy this, you have to let go of time, Persephone,” Hades smiled. “We have work to do. You have no idea how much stuff is waiting for me when we get back to the palace. Ares…” he tensed as he spoke. “It was good while it lasted,” Persephone sighed and released the strands of time, allowing them to flow once more. “You were saying?” “Ares wants to check for himself that Iadeus is in Tartarus. I’m afraid your protégé will have to spend a few hours there.” “Are you letting Ares pass through the bronze gates? I thought nobody from the world above was allowed to enter Tartarus!” “I’m making an exception, Zeus insisted, and if I don’t indulge Ares’ whims, I’ll never hear the end of it,” Hades frowned. “Maybe the poor soul was better off roaming the earth. I didn’t bring him here to worsen his fate,” Persephone pouted. “I’ll make sure he’s safe,” Hades reassured her, although all the reassurances in the world couldn’t soothe his wife’s worries. Tartarus was chaotic, violent and too strange, even for Hades. There was no telling what could happen next, and which of its terrifying denizens would wreak havoc without warning, not a place where one wanted to spend even a moment. It was much lower than Hades, farther down than the earth was from the sky, a bottomless pit of absolute darkness, where nothing ruled other than terror and uncertainty, and the expectation of untold monstrous creatures slithering in its depths unbeknownst to its dwellers. A wall of bronze with heavy gates guarded its entrance, and nobody got past them without Hades’ say so. The hecatoncheires patrolled its perimeter, rolling slowly around the damned on their hundred hands, watching them with a hundred eyes, so enormous their stature overshadowed the sun. Their countenance was so off-putting even their father couldn’t bear the sight of them and got them imprisoned in Tartarus before the Great War between the gods and the titans saw the latter imprisoned there, and their vile temper got them constantly embroiled in some epic fight with their other monstrous siblings, the cyclops, conflict which shook the foundations of Tartarus with its thrashing and brawling. In the middle of this unholy row the giant monster Typhon roamed his domain, carrying garlands of snake heads where the one head should have been, all of which boasted glowing eyes of fire. From their sulfurous muzzles, terrible noises emerged, that sounded like all the frightening animals on earth have been brought together on purpose, as the Typhon ominously spread his dark wings, hovering over the bottomless abyss. There was no telling of up and down there, no sense of direction, just the black waters of chaos with their unpredictable nature, and no one, mortal or god, could spend more than a few hours in its endless, dark and hopeless realm without going mad. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit francisrosenfeld.subs

    Chapter 7.2 - The Cave of Hypnos
  3. Jul 14

    Adélie: Pourquoi le bonheur ne porte pas de chaussures raisonnables - found in translation

    Vous décidez qu’il est temps d’acheter une nouvelle paire de chaussures. Vous savez déjà ce que vous cherchez : un modèle raisonnable, capable de s’accorder avec votre garde-robe et de suivre sans effort le rythme de votre vie. Vous arrivez au centre commercial avec une idée précise en tête. Votre regard glisse d’une vitrine à l’autre, sûr de lui, presque méthodique. Vous ne cherchez pas à être surpris ; vous cherchez simplement ce que vous êtes venu acheter. Et puis, sans prévenir, quelque chose vous arrête. Une paire d’escarpins en daim couleur prune profonde. Des chaussures de cérémonie. Élégantes. Inutiles. Absolument étrangères à tout ce que vous aviez prévu. Vous poursuivez pourtant votre chemin. Vous êtes venu acheter une paire de chaussures raisonnables : un talon moyen, du cuir, de préférence noir. Certainement pas du daim. Certainement pas cette couleur. Vous faites le tour du magasin. Lorsque vous revenez vers l’entrée, le hasard vous ramène devant le même présentoir. Cette fois, vous êtes assez près pour remarquer la finesse du travail. Chaque couture est parfaite. Chaque ligne semble avoir été dessinée avec une précision presque obsessionnelle. Et, détail troublant, vous pourriez jurer qu’elles sont exactement à votre pointure. À vrai dire, elles sont maintenant si près de vous qu’il faut les contourner pour atteindre les rangées de chaussures raisonnables exposées derrière. Vous examinez consciencieusement les modèles que vous étiez venu acheter. Ils possèdent toutes les qualités recherchées. Solides. Pratiques. Adaptés à votre quotidien. Pourtant, votre regard revient sans cesse vers les escarpins prune. Vous vous demandez quel genre de personne peut bien porter de telles chaussures. Quel genre de vie faut-il mener pour que ce choix paraisse naturel ? Vous essayez d’imaginer ces femmes. Vous n’y parvenez pas. Elles ne vous ressemblent pas. Vous êtes venu acheter des chaussures raisonnables. Vous poussez un léger soupir et vous vous apprêtez à partir. Puis vous changez d’avis. Après tout, qu’est-ce que cela peut bien coûter de les essayer ? Vous n’avez même pas besoin de demander votre pointure. La paire exposée semble vous attendre. Une fois chaussés, les escarpins donnent l’impression d’avoir été fabriqués pour vos pieds. Ils sont encore plus beaux que vous ne l’aviez imaginé. Deux personnes passent près de vous. Elles aussi cherchent des chaussures raisonnables. Elles échangent un sourire amusé en apercevant vos escarpins. Vous les retirez avec une légère gêne, les replacez soigneusement sur leur présentoir et retournez vers les modèles que vous étiez venu acheter. Mais quelque chose a changé. Les chaussures raisonnables vous paraissent désormais lourdes. Sans grâce. Presque tristes. Vous savez pourtant ce qu’il faudrait faire. Choisir une paire. Régler vos achats. Rentrer chez vous. Vous avez bien assez de choses à faire sans perdre votre temps à rêver d’un caprice aussi extravagant. Seulement voilà. Pendant quelques instants, vous vous êtes vu vivre avec les chaussures les moins pratiques du monde. Et il devient impossible de revenir en arrière. Vous repartez finalement avec une paire d’escarpins en daim couleur prune. Ils seront beaucoup trop élégants pour aller faire les courses, assister à une réunion de parents d’élèves ou accomplir la plupart des gestes simples qui composent votre existence. Vous les porterez malgré tout. D’abord parce que, même après des mois, vous ne vous lasserez jamais de leur beauté. Ensuite parce que vous n’avez pas acheté les chaussures noires en cuir que vous étiez venu chercher. Il faut bien porter quelque chose. Vous redoutez la pluie. Vous retenez votre souffle lorsqu’une tasse de café passe un peu trop près de vos pieds. Vous les rangez dans une housse pour les protéger de la poussière. Tout cela est parfaitement déraisonnable. Mais ils sont d’une qualité exceptionnelle. Ils semblent avoir été faits pour vous. Et vous aimez être cette personne qui porte des escarpins violets sur mesure avec tout. Au fond, le bonheur ressemble peut-être à cela. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit francisrosenfeld.substack.com

    Adélie: Pourquoi le bonheur ne porte pas de chaussures raisonnables - found in translation
  4. Jul 1

    Elena: Reading from The Garden of Confidence - Self Help

    “What is all this stuff, Cimmy?” Rahima asked, looking around at the piles of sketches carefully hand drawn on thin sheets of parchment that covered the table and the walls. The descriptions of the sketches were elaborate and brightly illuminated, appearing more like art than scientific documentation. “Oh, nothing. Just some notes I took, on plants and their properties.” She remembered something and turned around. “How are you here? Aren’t you supposed to be in class?” “The teacher sent me for a potion, one of the girls is running a fever.” “What kind of fever? Does she have a rash?” “Does it matter?” “Very much. Can I come with you and see her?” Rahima nodded in approval and, upon leaving Cimmy’s cabin, they bumped into Josepha, who generously shared her wisdom. “Oh, go ahead and visit the feverish. Bring some friends along too and talk to as many people as possible. How wise is our resident layer of hands not to worry about all of us catching this thing? It’s indeed a miracle from God we’re all still alive in your capable care!” Much as Cimmy resented the tongue lashing, she had to agree Josepha was right and felt embarrassed for not thinking about it herself. Experience is the most valuable teacher, especially when other sources of knowledge are scarce, and the grouch’s experience was far more extensive than her own. Josepha had seen her share of outbreaks and instinctively knew how to protect herself. For a moment, the girl thought bringing the elder along would be useful in identifying what kind of illness she was facing, but one look at Josepha conveyed without doubt the latter wouldn’t be caught dead within a thousand paces of the patient. Many of the afflictions that visited upon their village came unannounced, always met with helpless hand wringing, and Cimmy had made it her life’s mission to figure out how to heal as many of them as possible, and since she couldn’t do that from a safe distance, she prayed for luck and went in. While she tended to the sick girl her mind raced with worries and what ifs, peeved at Josepha for not offering her invaluable input into the matter and mad at herself for needing her help, and was appalled that in all this time, through everything that happened, nobody ever thought of describing the various plagues for safekeeping, so the next generations didn’t have to start from scratch again and again. Since then, she began sketching rashes and noting symptoms in a large and ominous book that took up half her workspace, a book that no one else would open for fear it might be cursed. Nobody knew who had spread the rumor, and maybe it wasn’t just one person at all, but a compilation of the collective fears and assumptions of the village people, most of whom were firm believers in the law of correspondence, and for whom a detailed description of disease was a disease recipe, pure and simple. “You are going to doom us all with that evil tome of yours! Banish the day that brought us together, for it seems there is no harm visited upon us in which you didn’t have a hand. Bertha,” she turned to the latter for support, “let’s have a show of hands to find out how many people think this abomination should be burned to cinders and spread into the four winds before somebody touches it and gets cursed.” Cimmy had known Josepha long enough to understand she meant to destroy her research, and took the first opportunity to sneak past the village boundary with the book and find a place to hide it. The disappearance of the tome unleashed whispers that Cimmy was consorting with the forces of evil, and her all too frequent visits to the wilderness instantly became suspect, for what could one possibly seek in the wild, if not malevolent non-human creatures? “Cimmy…” Rahima started her timid inquiry. “Yes?” “We always shared everything, right?” “Always.” “So, if you did something, you would tell me.” “Something?” “Well, you know… things.” “Please tell me you didn’t give in to this nonsense! Rahima, you’re my best friend!” “People talk,” Rahima looked down, embarrassed. “And that’s new?” “No, it’s just, you never talk to me about what you do out in the wild, and as you said, we used to share everything.” “I didn’t know you were interested. Come with me next time and I’ll show you what I learned so far.” To a group that is accustomed to expressing common opinions and beliefs, the only thing that induces more panic than a secretive life is a conspiracy. As soon as Rahima joined the effort to fill in gaps in diseases’ etiology, Bertha became concerned. “I told you to forbid the girls to learn how to read and write. What need do they have for those worthless scribbles? They’re busy enough with the field work and their household duties. You know what writing is good for? Preserving evil knowledge and hiding it away from the people of good will, like a shameful disease only the unworthy delight in.” “In all your born days, Josepha, did you have any question, any concern that couldn’t be solved by respectfully asking your elders? Who knew everything worth knowing and kept us and our sacred values safe? This writing business, those terrible drawings, I’m telling you, the girl is evil, as I’ve been saying all along, and now she corrupted that hare-brained friend of hers. Poor girl wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer, but at least she was obedient and respectful. How long before all of our youth gets corrupted, you think? Is it worth putting up with damnation just because an evil doer got lucky enough to cure a few diseases? Who says it was her effort and not God’s grace that did the healing, and she’s not taking us all for fools to advance her unholy plans?” “So, what do you want me to do, banish her?” “Them. And why not? Better two get lost than the entire village, two who are as good as lost already. Let them figure out how to live in the wilderness if they like it so much.” The council of elders was assembled, and it was decided and announced, in dignified fashion, that Cimmy and Rahima were to depart the village and seek their fortunes in the wild. The two left at sunrise, with nothing but the shirts on their backs, and walked quietly through the wild meadows, not looking at each other. After a few hours, Cimmy gave into her guilt. “I’m so sorry, Rahima. Maybe Bertha is right. I seem to get myself, and now you, in trouble no matter what I do.” Rahima refused to answer. She was furious, scared, and never felt more alone. Rahima had built her life inside the soul of the village, and the absence of society hurt her like a wound. What were they going to do now, how were they going to live, who would take care of them when they were in need, what of all the terrible creatures of the wild, from which they had no protection now? These thoughts reminded her she hadn’t seen Fay in days, and, upset as she was, she still had to ask Cimmy about his whereabouts. As if prompted by the question, Fay poked his snout through the high grasses by the side of the path and clambered Cimmy’s leg and arm to reach her shoulder, where he made himself comfortable in her hair. “Great. You have rat in your hair. What on earth was I thinking?” “Rahima, please don’t hate me! We’re in this together. We need each other.” “And what exactly can we do to survive? Have you thought of that? What of your precious sketches? Good luck drawing them now, with no charcoal and no parchment. What about food, Cimmy? Or shelter? How are we not going to starve or freeze to death? Or get eaten?” Her voice went dry with dread. “Fay managed to survive here, and he’s a rat! Have some faith, will you? We’ll think of something.” “It would have been better to think this through ahead of need.” “The thistle cakes are edible, and there are plenty of those. We can make some beds out of the stems, too.” “Are you mad? Who eats thistle cakes?” ‘She really doesn’t remember anything,’ Cimmy thought, amazed that the skip jumping through history and time she seemed to experience was completely foreign to her friend. “Rahima, it’s not that hard. You’ve been sowing and reaping and making clothes and cooking food and starting bonfires your entire life. There is no difference between doing it for the village and doing it for yourself, except for your own fear. Let’s set camp somewhere, it’s close to sunset. We’ll find some thistles and berries to eat and tomorrow, before dawn, we’ll sneak out into the fields and gather some seeds and grains to plant out here.” “What, steal?!” Rahima started shaking. “No. We’ll just starve to death.” “You and your cursed book! Bertha was right. It’s a slippery slope and before I know it, I will be damned, I know I will,” Rahima started sobbing uncontrollably, refusing to allow Cimmy to comfort her. “I am doomed, and it’s all your fault!” “Be that as it may, can we ensure our survival first? You can blame me later, on a full stomach.” Through all the drama, Fay snuggled comfortably in Cimmy’s hair, watching the two with intense curiosity, trying to figure out if their bizarre behavior was meant to accomplish something. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit francisrosenfeld.substack.com

    Elena:  Reading from The Garden of Confidence - Self Help
  5. Jun 10

    Rachel: Reading from The Garden - To Heal

    “Are you sure it was the leaf?” Rahima asked, while stirring the pot of blue liquid to get the color evenly distributed through the fibers. “I don’t know.” Cimmy scratched her head, unconvinced. “Maybe. It’s hard to tell.” She frowned and changed her mind. “What else could it be?” “But why would placing a leaf on your wound make it better?” Rahima asked. “It doesn’t make any sense!” “I know, I’ve been asking myself the same thing,” Cimmy pondered, working through her logical explanation out loud. “Maybe some of the plant’s substance fused into my skin,” she said tentatively. “That’s crazy talk, even for you,” Rahima shook her head, appalled. “There,” she grabbed onto her friend’s arm and held on to it. “Am I leaving part of my substance in your arm, too?” Cimmy thoughtfully considered her answer. “You are not actually going to answer that, are you?” Rahima protested, exasperated. “Why would that be so hard to believe?” Cimmy asked, puzzled at the reaction. “Because it’s crazy,” Rahima stated the obvious. “Maybe it only works with leaves,” Cimmy walked back her hypothesis. “Maybe it doesn’t work at all,” Rahima returned the more plausible response. “Maybe not,” Cimmy relented. They watched the pot in silence, stirring occasionally to prevent the color from settling on the bottom. Cimmy eventually blurted out. “But, say, if it were possible, wouldn’t you want to try it? What’s it going to hurt? It’s not like you’re not hurt already!” “Maybe I don’t want to spend three weeks delirious, hoping I don’t die from the fever. Who knows how those leaves might foul up your blood?” Rahima asked, concerned. “How would they foul up my blood?” Cimmy continued the flow of logic. “With whatever they might get inside your wound?” “So you’re saying they can blend some of their essence into my blood?” Cimmy picked up the logical dissonance. “Yes! No!” Rahima got all turned around inside her head. “You don’t understand!” “How don’t I understand?” Cimmy continued, unrelenting. “Either it lends its essence to your blood or it doesn’t.” “It’s not that simple,” Rahima protested. “We do know things that can turn your blood foul, but we do not know things that can heal your wound.” “What’s the difference?” Cimmy went on, unperturbed. “For one, I’ve seen blood turn foul. I haven’t seen a wound healed by a leaf.” “Until now,” Cimmy corrected her. “Until now,” Rahima agreed in principle. “If that’s what happened, that is.” “What else could it be?” Cimmy restarted the logical cycle. “What if it’s not and you could have made it worse?” “What if my blood ran foul if I didn’t use it?” “What if your blood ran foul because you did?” Rahima offered the gloom and doom alternative. “Besides,” she continued, frowning, “there is no way to verify that. Unless you hurt yourself again.” “I’m not going to hurt myself on purpose!” Cimmy protested. “Well, then we’ll have to wait for the next time you do it on accident and try to see if the leaf makes your blood turn foul,” Rahima continued in the most natural tone. “Rahima!”Cimmy couldn’t believe her ears. “Remind me not to get on your bad side!” “I’m just saying,” the latter replied, trying to appease her. “How else are you going to find out?” “Maybe we can boil the leaves and drink the water, see what happens,” Cimmy continued, inspired by the blue liquid brewing in the cauldron. “You’re going to poison yourself!” Rahima exploded. “So you agree that it will do something to my body,” Cimmy continued. “So would a knife, but you’re not going to swallow that either,” Rahima retorted. The logic had come to a stopping point, so they continued to watch the pot in silence. A few minutes later, Cimmy couldn’t help herself. “How does it poison me, exactly?” “Here,” Rahima offered her a ladle of blue dye. “Drink this!” “No!” Cimmy shook her head. “Why not? How is it different? It’s a boiled plant!” “But it didn’t heal my wound. It stained my shirt,” Cimmy replied. “Maybe the other leaf can stain your shirt, too. You haven’t tried,” Rahima argued. Cimmy acknowledged her friend’s objection and put testing the leaf for dye pigments on her list of things to do. “But it also healed my wound.” “You don’t know that,” Rahima disagreed, stubbornly. “But say it did. How would you be able to tell apart the plants that heal your wound from the plants that stain your shirt?” “How do you tell apart the plants you eat from the plants you use to make baskets?” “I don’t know, you grow up with them, you get taught by your parents,” Rahima hesitated. “How do you think they figured it out the first time? I mean, somebody must have figured it out at some point.” “I guess starvation wises you up really fast,” Rahima frowned. “So does blood sickness.” Cimmy’s eyes turned dark suddenly. Life was harsh and cruel in their village, which had been visited by loss more times than the girl wanted to remember, and every time it did a deep sense of helplessness and inevitability set in, a sense that they were all slaves to an implacable fate. Maybe it was a fool’s errand, but, according to the widely held opinion, she was a fool already. It wasn’t like she had a reputation to maintain. Reputation, Cimmy thought, was incredibly damaging to a person’s creativity. It kept one locked into a state of being one didn’t belong to anymore, like a tree whose growth is stunted so it continues to fit in a dish. What good is your reputation when fate comes for you? That said, she blessed crazy with both hands, wrapped the sky blue gossamer veil around her head in an even more eccentric manner, if that were possible, and planned to go out into the fields and figure out the plants that heal from the plants that stain your shirt like her life depended on it. She had absolutely no idea how she was going to do that, of course. “Maybe you can go blindfolded and hope to stumble upon them,” Rahima offered, half jokingly. “You think that would work?” Cimmy asked seriously. Rahima shook her head in dismay and pulled out the blue cloth, which had finally achieved the desired hue, out of the cauldron. “Do you think you can find other plants to get more colors?” she asked, pleased with the results, and went to spread the cloth on thistles to allow it to dry. “At least we won’t run the risk of poisoning ourselves while doing that,” Cimmy thought. Photo by micheile henderson on Unsplash This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit francisrosenfeld.substack.com

    Rachel: Reading from The Garden - To Heal

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These are spoken fragments—reflections, passages, and pieces of stories that have not yet settled. Some of them have written forms. Some of them point to places that already exist. Some of them are the only version. francisrosenfeld.substack.com