The Albo Diaries

Rupert Degas
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  • Comedy
  • Updated Weekly

The private diary of Australia's Prime Minister, Anthony Albanese. Leaked weekly. Read by the man himself. (Not really.) rupertdegas.substack.com

  1. 2d ago

    The Albo Diaries - Week 24

    "I did a thing. With my hands." Last Thursday night the Prime Minister of Australia rang the President of the United States. No recording was released. No transcript. The White House confirmed the call happened and then said nothing else at all. This week, the diary is the phone call. The melons. Kylie. Pauline. The women who went out for him. And the reason the tariff isn't moving. He was told exactly what was wrong with him. He heard something else. No ads, no sponsors, no editor, no boss. Support the work here or upgrade to paid to keep it that way. Cheers. The Albo Diaries is written and performed by Rupert Degas. Satire. Published every Tuesday, 8am. Also on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. Get full access to Rupert Degas at rupertdegas.substack.com/subscribe

    The Albo Diaries - Week 24

  2. Aug 10

    The Albo Diaries - Week 23

    "I wish there was a box for I'd rather everyone kept liking me." The Prime Minister is on leave, in an undisclosed part of Australia, in and an old Midnight Oils t-shirt. The country is filling in the census. So is he. This week: a jigsaw somebody else gave up on. Richard Marles telling the radio he probably deserves a break. Sixteen digits and a nine-character password. The religion box. The ancestry box. The gender box. One usual address, singular. And a Prime Minister who assured everyone their data was safe, right up until someone explained where the servers are. Written and performed by Rupert Degas. New episode every Tuesday, 8am. Free on Substack, Apple Podcasts and Spotify. Get full access to Rupert Degas at rupertdegas.substack.com/subscribe

    The Albo Diaries - Week 23

  3. Aug 3

    The Albo Diaries - Week 22

    The Prime Minister keeps a diary. He calls it his ‘legacy document’. You are not supposed to be reading this. His office describes it as “a fabrication.” But to be fair, his office describes most things as a fabrication, so make of that what you will. Dear Diary. I’ve been doing sums. Counting. Four hours. Call it four, it was more like three and a half with the cars. And the number they’re printing is a million. Which comes out at $250,000 an hour. Which is the first positive number anyone’s put on me since August. Two years going down in the polls. Two years of Jim turning the laptop round. And then a twenty-five-year-old I’d never met before puts seven figures on one evening. That’s not corruption. That’s the market correcting. Look, I didn’t take anything. That’s the bit none of them can hold in their heads. I’ve never taken a dollar in my life. The Party takes. The Party has a secretariat, and a form and a return, and the money goes in one end as money and comes out the other end as a process. I was in a room. Rooms aren’t donations. I was put in that room the way a fridge gets delivered. Two blokes, a diagram, nobody speaks to you. The bloke who used to run the corporate regulator was there. So it can’t have been improper. He’d have said something. The bloke from the Commonwealth Bank was there too. Which I’d have thought settles it. Nobody’s ever been bought by a bank. They’re regulated. Angus wants the money given back, which tells you he’s never once worked out where money actually goes. It doesn’t sit in a drawer, Angus. It gets routed. And Pauline is a different thing entirely and I’m tired of explaining it. Gina bought Pauline. Bought her, flew her, sat her in the front row in Italy. Nobody bought me. I was allocated. Told Jodie the number in the car. She asked what they got for it. I said they got me. Nothing else from her the whole way over the Bridge, which in our house is a whole conversation. Geoff says stop doing the division. Geoff says if anyone ever hears me doing the division we’re finished. I told him finished is minus eighteen. Finished is the current settings. Forty years I’ve been at this. Forty years of branches and numbers and rooms above pubs. And the biggest figure anyone’s ever attached to my name arrived in a single night, from a bloke who was born after I’d already been in Parliament for years. I got the Comté out. The French one. With the accent on it. I worked out it’s $9 a hundred grams. I worked out I’m $250k an hour. I sat there at half eleven with a knife in my hand doing sums about cheese. That is the system working, and that’s important. I remain, as always, on the right side of history. History has not yet confirmed this. But it will. No ads, no sponsors, no editor, no boss. Support the work here or upgrade to paid to keep it that way. Cheers. Get full access to Rupert Degas at rupertdegas.substack.com/subscribe

    The Albo Diaries - Week 22

  4. Jul 27

    The Albo Diaries - Week 21

    "Three thousand people clapped on cue. My dog still won't sit." The Prime Minister keeps a private diary. He believes historians will study it. He is wrong about several things. This week Albo is four days into a secret dog-training regime he is losing badly, and it is going better than the rest of his life. An escalator makes a decision about him in front of the nation and he takes it as a compliment. Three thousand people applaud him in exactly the right places in Adelaide, because the right places were printed on a run sheet. A woman who is not in the building will not get out of his head. And on a Tuesday night, in a very quiet house on the harbour, eight men ask him questions and nobody asks him for anything, which he has decided is respect. He can get three thousand people to clap on cue. He cannot get one dog to sit. No ads, no sponsors, no editor, no boss. Support the work here or upgrade to paid to keep it that way. Cheers. Get full access to Rupert Degas at rupertdegas.substack.com/subscribe

    The Albo Diaries - Week 21

  5. Jul 20

    The Albo Diaries - Week 20

    Anthony Albanese keeps a diary. He calls it his 'legacy document'. You are not supposed to be reading it. His office describes it as "a fabrication." A UK PM falls, and a rattled Albo grabs the two biggest ideas a frightened man can find - artificial intelligence, and your superannuation. He writes Keir Starmer a farewell letter that's really about himself, and gives a landmark AI speech - his big qualification being that he once sold Australians the hole in the wall.And he decides your super is, on reflection, a national asset. He's sure he's not Keir. He's sure it'll be fine.No ads, no sponsors, no editor, no boss. Support the work here or upgrade to paid to keep it that way. Cheers Get full access to Rupert Degas at rupertdegas.substack.com/subscribe

    The Albo Diaries - Week 20

  6. Jul 13

    The Albo Diaries - Week 19

    "You can't bring up a man's human rights when he's just complimented your lentils." The private diary of Anthony Albanese, PM (for now) - the pages he doesn't know you're reading. This week: Modi fills a stadium, and Albo lies awake working out who owns the cup. The Welcome to Country gets defended with a door analogy that quietly hands the whole argument away. Pauline wants one culture. The Socceroos - claimed by both sides - fly home. And the right sets fire to its own half while he stands very still and calls it strategy. No ads, no sponsors, no editor, no boss. Support the work here or upgrade to paid to keep it that way. Cheers. Get full access to Rupert Degas at rupertdegas.substack.com/subscribe

    The Albo Diaries - Week 19

  7. Jul 6

    The Albo Diaries - Week 18

    Anthony Albanese poured the whisky himself, sat down with a comedian in the Lodge, and played "shag, marry, date." Then he apologised - unequivocally, and without seeming to know what for. This week's diary is the view from inside his head - the podcast triumph nobody else can see, the loyal soldier sent out to defend him, and the one thing he can't quite look at in the kitchen. The Albo Diaries - a weekly satirical column and podcast, written as the private diary of Anthony Albanese, PM (For Now). Get full access to Rupert Degas at rupertdegas.substack.com/subscribe

    The Albo Diaries - Week 18

  8. Jun 29

    The Albo Diaries - Week 17

    The Albo Diaries - Week 17 From the archive. Pages dated 2019-2025. Bill loses the "unloseable" election. The leadership is finally his. Three years of agreeing with Scott Morrison about COVID. Three years that worked. The Voice - that didn't work. The car ride home. The cheese that knew. Saturday December 13, 2025. A quiet morning at Kirribilli. The phone isn't ringing, which means everything is fine. The Prime Minister keeps a diary. He calls it his 'legacy document'. You are not supposed to be reading this. The final folder. Written and performed by Rupert Degas. Get full access to Rupert Degas at rupertdegas.substack.com/subscribe

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About

The private diary of Australia's Prime Minister, Anthony Albanese. Leaked weekly. Read by the man himself. (Not really.) rupertdegas.substack.com

Information

  • Creator
    Rupert Degas
  • Years Active
    2026
  • Episodes
    23
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Rupert Degas
  • Show Website
    The Albo Diaries

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