Radiant Voices

Jeremy de Tolly

Welcome to Radiant Voices, a podcast about finding your voice when anxiety, overthinking, or self-doubt get in the way. Here, we explore how to move from tight, stuck, or second-guessing… to speaking with ease, warmth, and real authenticity. Through practical tools and honest conversations, you’ll learn how to steady your body, clear your mind, and express yourself with clarity and confidence. Jeremy de Tolly is a communication coach and creator of the Radiant Voices Process, a proprietary framework for healing the voice and nervous system. He uses trauma-informed somatic therapies and mindfulness methods to help people overcome their fears of expressing themselves and being heard and seen. He is trained in multiple modalities including energy coaching, Tension and Trauma Releasing Exercises (TRE®), and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). He has been featured in publications such as GQ, Men’s Health, and Rolling Stone.

  1. 3d ago

    How People-Pleasing affects Communication and Boundaries

    Why do we hold back, people-please or hide parts of ourselves when communicating? Jeremy de Tolly and Hiba Balfaqih, psychologist, somatic therapist and creator of the Mind Hacking Process, explore how conditioning, suppressed anger, the fawn response and unconscious beliefs shape how we communicate and relate to others. They discuss nervous system regulation, invisible rules, jealousy as a clue to our desires, and why self-connection supports authentic communication. What You Will Learn Why we silence ourselves to gain acceptance How people-pleasing and the fawn response affect boundaries How somatic awareness can support more regulated communication Why suppressed anger and hidden emotions deserve attention How unconscious beliefs shape our behaviour and relationships What jealousy can reveal about our desires Why authentic communication starts with self-connection How to find opportunities for growth in life's challenges https://www.schoolofmindhacking.com is the hub for Hiba's signature methodology, the MindHacking™ Method. If you’d like to explore Jeremy’s work further: → Free resources and guides https://www.jeremydetolly.com/resources → Private coaching with Jeremy Personalized support to help you move through vocal anxiety and speak with clarity and confidence. https://www.jeremydetolly.com/coaching Stay connected → Subscribe on YouTube to watch future video episodes https://www.youtube.com/@JeremydeTolly → Join the newsletter for reflections, tools, and updates https://www.jeremydetolly.com/newsletter-subscribe Follow Jeremy: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jeremydetolly/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeremydetolly/ 00:00 - The Invisible Rules That Leak Our Power 00:55 - Meet Hiba Balfaqih 01:39 - What's Happening in Your Body Before You Perform? 03:50 - Bringing All Parts of Ourselves Into the Room 05:15 - What Are Somatics? 09:03 - The Pause, Scan and Name Technique 10:39 - A Practical Somatic Exercise 12:49 - What Happens When We Come Into the Body? 13:51 - Can You Be Regulated and Still Be Charismatic? 15:19 - Regulation, Activation and Presence 16:15 - Anger, Grief and the Story Behind Hiba's Rage Room 18:44 - Inside a Rage Room 20:14 - Suppressed Anger, Freezing and Finding Your Voice 21:22 - The Invisible Rules of Being a “Good Girl” or “Good Boy” 24:31 - Understanding the Fawn Response 26:12 - From Fighting to Fawning 28:36 - Reclaiming the Parts We've Been Taught to Hide 30:21 - Why Healing Doesn't Mean Becoming Softer 31:56 - Bringing More of Yourself Into Communication 36:25 - Jealousy and Envy as Clues to Your Desires 40:13 - Living Radiantly 40:43 - The Mind Hacking Process 42:56 - The Personal Crisis That Changed Hiba's Life 44:29 - Identifying the Root of Your Beliefs 45:54 - Whose Beliefs Are You Carrying? 47:00 - Changing the Beliefs That Hold You Back 48:15 - Why Manifestation Alone May Not Be Enough 48:40 - The Courage to Face Your Shadow 50:48 - Can We Really Change Our Conditioning? 52:55 - The Deeper Reward of Healing 55:02 - Coming Home to Yourself 56:52 - Self-Connection and Human Connection 59:27 - Soul, Presence and the Full Human Experience 01:01:07 - Accepting Anxiety to Change the Pattern 01:02:10 - Finding the Power in an Obstacle 01:04:00 - What Appears to Be in the Way Is the Way 01:05:10 - Closing Reflections

    How People-Pleasing affects Communication and Boundaries

  2. Oct 1

    Exhausted by Pretending to Be Someone You're Not?

    What if you’re not broken, but simply exhausted from trying to fit yourself into a world that doesn’t quite fit you? Jeremy de Tolly sits down with peak performance and inner alignment coach Ania Hulsman to explore masking, neurodivergence, belonging and the nervous system. They unpack why we learn to hide parts of ourselves, how masking can lead to exhaustion and burnout, and what happens when we begin to understand and accept our own wiring. The conversation also explores trauma, high sensitivity, EFT and somatic work, and how these patterns show up in communication and public speaking. Ultimately, this is a conversation about unmasking, finding safety in your body, and coming home to who you really are. You will learn: Why human beings are wired to seek belonging Why we develop masks and what they protect us from Neurodivergent masking and the exhaustion it can create The relationship between neurodivergence, trauma and the nervous system High sensitivity, empathy and sensory overwhelm What happens when high achievers constantly compensate for their perceived weaknesses Why understanding your own wiring can be liberating Grief as part of the unmasking process EFT, somatic processing and releasing stored stress What public speaking anxiety can teach us about safety in the body Why unmasking is a process rather than a switch Follow Ania Hulsman’s work here: https://www.aniahulsman.com/home If you’d like to explore Jeremy’s work further: → Free resources and guides https://www.jeremydetolly.com/resources → Private coaching with Jeremy Personalized support to help you move through vocal anxiety and speak with clarity and confidence. https://www.jeremydetolly.com/coaching Stay connected → Subscribe on YouTube to watch future video episodes https://www.youtube.com/@JeremydeTolly → Join the newsletter for reflections, tools, and updates https://www.jeremydetolly.com/newsletter-subscribe Follow Jeremy: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jeremydetolly/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeremydetolly/ 00:00 - Why We Mask: A Survival Mechanism 00:34 - Meet Ania Hulsman: Inner Alignment and Peak Performance 01:57 - Growing Up Between Cultures and Feeling Like You Don't Belong 11:48 - Why Do We Mask? 18:44 - Fawning, People-Pleasing and Neurodivergent Masking 20:36 - ADHD, Hypervigilance and the Pressure to Hold It All In 23:50 - Autism, Sensory Overload and the Need to Unmask 26:16 - Highly Sensitive People, Empaths and Neurodivergence 29:15 - Is High Sensitivity Connected to Autism? 32:04 - Neurodivergence, Generational Trauma and Belonging 34:34 - Nature, Nurture and How Environment Shapes Masking 35:46 - Helping High Achievers Discover How They Really Work 40:02 - Stop Fixing Your Weaknesses. Start Using Your Strengths 43:47 - The Grief of Realising How Long You've Been Masking 46:33 - Nervous System Work, EFT and Processing Emotions 48:32 - Why You Can't Always Think Your Way Out of What Your Body Holds 49:09 - Public Speaking, Shame and the Fear of Getting It Wrong 51:30 - Preparing Your Nervous System Before You Speak 52:24 - Letting the Body Release What It's Been Carrying 53:59 - You Don't Have to Keep Hiding 55:48 - Closing Reflections

    Exhausted by Pretending to Be Someone You're Not?

  3. Sep 17

    When Anxiety Takes Away Your Words: The Science of Language & Communication

    What happens to our ability to communicate when anxiety takes over? Why can someone who is normally articulate suddenly struggle to find their words? Jeremy de Tolly explores these questions with philosopher and linguist Ryan Nefdt, Professor of Philosophy at the University of Cape Town and the University of Bristol and a member of the UCT Neuroscience Institute. They explore how language shapes our experience, how the brain processes language, what happens to communication under pressure, and how AI is changing the way we use language. The conversation also asks what makes human communication unique in a world where AI can increasingly produce fluent and polished language. Perhaps our imperfections, spontaneity and individuality are not things to eliminate, but part of what makes our communication human. You Will Learn: • Does language shape the way we experience reality? • Why do we sometimes lose our words when we become anxious? • What happens to creativity and spontaneity under pressure? • How does bilingualism affect the way we use language? • Why might humans have developed language? • How is the internet changing the way we communicate? • How is AI changing human language? • What makes human communication different from AI-generated language? • Could our imperfections be part of what makes our communication uniquely human? 00:00 Introduction 01:20 What is language? 02:45 Does language shape our experience of reality? 04:15 Can we experience reality without language? 05:30 The inner monologue and raw perception 06:50 How language is processed in the brain 09:10 Why language is structured differently in every brain 10:30 Universal grammar explained 12:15 Bilingualism and code-switching 14:00 The “poverty of stimulus” and how children acquire language 16:20 Do all languages have the same level of complexity? 18:45 How language comes together spontaneously when we speak 20:50 What language models can teach us about human language 23:20 Anxiety, creativity and the “temperature” of language 25:40 What happens to language when we feel threatened? 28:10 The brain, anxiety and access to language 30:30 System One and System Two thinking 33:00 Why humans developed language 37:35 How the internet is changing language 39:50 How AI is changing the way we use language 42:10 What makes human language different from AI-generated language? 44:35 The importance of human creativity and individuality 46:50 Why anxiety and imperfection may be uniquely human 49:10 What linguistic “mistakes” can teach us about language 51:30 AI, humanity and the future of communication 53:00 Closing thoughts Explore Jeremy's work → Free resources and guides https://www.jeremydetolly.com/resources → Private coaching with Jeremy https://www.jeremydetolly.com/coaching Stay connected → Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@JeremydeTolly → Join the newsletter: https://www.jeremydetolly.com/newsletter-subscribe Follow Jeremy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jeremydetolly/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeremydetolly/

    When Anxiety Takes Away Your Words: The Science of Language & Communication

  4. Sep 3

    The Science of Selling Yourself

    Are you able to articulate your own value, and sell yourself effectively? Do you struggle to communicate your value, win opportunities, or persuade others—even when you genuinely have something worthwhile to offer? In this episode of Radiant Voices, Jeremy de Tolly sits down with ethical persuasion expert and author Patrick van der Burght to explore the psychology behind decision-making and why people unknowingly communicate in ways that create uncertainty instead of confidence. Patrick explains how our brains make decisions, why persuasion is different from manipulation, and how anyone can learn practical communication skills that lead to more trust, stronger relationships, and more "yes" moments. Whether you're interviewing for a job, leading a team, pitching an idea, running a business, or trying to persuade your kid to eat more vegetables, this conversation will change how you think about influence. You will Learn: How to sell yourself (and sell great ideas) The difference between persuasion and manipulation Why people often don't say "no"—they simply don't decide The science behind how our brains make decisions Daniel Kahneman's System 1 and System 2 thinking The 7 Universal Principles of Ethical Persuasion How to build trust before asking for commitment Why social proof, authority and reciprocity are so powerful Common communication mistakes that cost opportunities How to communicate your value with authenticity Connect with Patrick van der Burght: https://ethicalpersuasion.com.au/free-influence-persuasion/ FREE Give-Away: Downloadable e-book (no email required, just right-click and download), and/or 7-day Influence Challenge: https://ethicalpersuasion.com.au/free-influence-persuasion/ If you’d like to explore Jeremy’s work: → Free resources and guides https://www.jeremydetolly.com/resources → Private coaching with Jeremy Personalized support to help you move through vocal anxiety and speak with clarity and confidence. https://www.jeremydetolly.com/coaching Stay connected → Subscribe on YouTube to watch future episodes https://www.youtube.com/@JeremydeTolly → Join the newsletter for reflections, tools, and updates https://www.jeremydetolly.com/newsletter-subscribe Follow Jeremy: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jeremydetolly/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeremydetolly/ 00:00 Introduction 02:27 What persuasion really is 06:04 Why we struggle to communicate our value 08:03 Small communication mistakes with big consequences 13:46 How people actually make decisions 23:38 Why indecision isn't rejection 27:48 The 7 Principles of Ethical Persuasion 29:17 Principle 1: Reciprocity 36:04 Principle 2: Liking 41:22 Principle 3: Unity 44:08 Principle 4: Social Proof 46:08 Principle 5: Authority 51:37 Principle 6: Consistency 53:33 Principle 7: Scarcity 57:30 Using persuasion ethically 01:03:31 The hidden cost of poor communication 01:07:39 Final thoughts

    The Science of Selling Yourself

  5. Aug 20

    The Leadership Secret Nobody Talks About: Be More Human

    What if becoming a more powerful leader isn't about becoming more polished or impressive — but about becoming more human? In this episode of Radiant Voices, Jeremy de Tolly speaks with Dr. Sharalyn Payne, leadership speaker and executive advisor, about authentic leadership, influence, communication and finding the courage to truly be yourself. Dr. Payne shares her “Return to Power” framework and explores how leaders can build trust, handle conflict, own their mistakes and use their voice to inspire others. You Will Learn:How mindset and self-investment shape leadershipWhy authentic inspiration is more powerful than authorityHow vulnerability builds trust and influenceWhy calm, grounded leaders can command deep respectHow to handle conflict and difficult conversationsWhy owning mistakes strengthens credibilityHow storytelling builds influence and connectionHow to become more visible as an emerging leaderWhat it means to create a positive “Return to Power”Why leadership decisions have far-reaching consequencesFree ResourcesDr. Sharalyn Payne: Game Changer Leadership Collection https://gamechanger.smpistrategies.com/ Jeremy de Tolly: Free resources and guides: https://www.jeremydetolly.com/resources Private coaching: https://www.jeremydetolly.com/coaching Connect with JeremyYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@JeremydeTolly Newsletter: https://www.jeremydetolly.com/newsletter-subscribe Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jeremydetolly/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeremydetolly/ 00:00 – Why inspiration changes performance 01:38 – The mindset shift for C-suite leadership 04:05 – Dr. Payne’s leadership journey 06:48 – The meaning of leadership stewardship 09:26 – Persuasion, ethics and authentic leadership 12:55 – Conviction, credibility and authenticity 15:24 – The human side of leadership 20:49 – What powerful, grounded leaders look like 27:24 – Handling difficult conversations and conflict 37:48 – Owning mistakes and accountability 44:01 – Turning failure into data 47:14 – The “Return to Power” framework 52:48 – Responsible leadership and decision-making 57:16 – Becoming more visible as a leader 01:01:04 – The power of storytelling 01:04:30 – The power of warm communication

    The Leadership Secret Nobody Talks About: Be More Human

  6. Aug 6

    Healing Conversations: Why Vulnerability is the Core of Strength

    Healing doesn't begin with having the right answers—it begins with feeling safe enough to tell the truth. Jeremy de Tolly sits down with Father A Nation founder Craig Wilkinson to explore the father wound, vulnerability, healthy masculinity and why authentic conversations are among the most powerful tools we have for healing trauma, building connection and creating lasting change. This episode is ultimately about much more than men. It's about what happens when human beings move beyond protective patterns and discover the freedom of authentic expression. More about Craig here: www.craigwilko.com You will learn: Why emotional suppression is a nervous system survival strategy—not a personality trait. How vulnerability becomes one of the greatest expressions of courage. Why authentic communication creates healing that advice alone never can. The connection between father wounds, identity and emotional safety. Why belonging is one of humanity's deepest psychological needs. How healing conversations help people move beyond shame and isolation. The six qualities of healthy masculinity that create safety rather than fear. Why empathy is the foundation of meaningful dialogue. How healthy conflict strengthens relationships instead of damaging them. Why changing the way we communicate may be one of the most powerful ways to change the world. If you’d like to explore Jeremy’s work further: → Free resources and guides https://www.jeremydetolly.com/resources → Private coaching with Jeremy Personalized support to help you move through vocal anxiety and speak with clarity and confidence. https://www.jeremydetolly.com/coaching Stay connected → Subscribe on YouTube to watch future video episodes https://www.youtube.com/@JeremydeTolly → Join the newsletter for reflections, tools, and updates https://www.jeremydetolly.com/newsletter-subscribe Follow Jeremy: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jeremydetolly/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeremydetolly/ 00:00 Every person can become a force for good 00:33 Why men learn to hide their emotions 03:30 Vulnerability is courage, not weakness 05:11 Trauma, violence and South Africa's deeper wounds 08:29 Healing people before healing systems 10:13 Your relationship with yourself shapes every conversation 12:22 What healthy masculinity really looks like 15:54 Healing is a journey, not an event 17:06 Authentic expression and emotional safety 18:52 The extraordinary power of healing conversations 20:24 Healthy conflict creates deeper connection 23:03 Human first: rediscovering our shared humanity 25:37 Healing history without creating new division 28:34 Understanding the father wound 32:32 Fatherlessness and the need for belonging 35:02 Creating communities where men can heal 37:18 Becoming a force for good 38:49 Living with purpose despite burnout 41:57 Where your deepest joy meets the world's deepest need 42:16 Why healing conversations transform lives 43:05 Closing reflections

    Healing Conversations: Why Vulnerability is the Core of Strength

  7. Jul 23

    The Psychology of Healing: Why We Fear Being Seen & Heard

    Healing isn't about becoming perfect—it's about becoming more fully yourself. In this powerful conversation, Jeremy de Tolly sits down with psychologist, psychotherapist and mentor Bill Petrie to explore what genuine healing really looks like. Together they unpack how childhood experiences shape our communication, why fear, shame and anxiety often keep us silent, and how healing helps us reconnect with our authentic selves. They discuss Internal Family Systems (IFS), trauma, mindfulness, EMDR, Clinical EFT, nervous system regulation and the role of presence in becoming a more confident, grounded communicator. Whether you're struggling with speaking up in a group or one on one setting, or with leadership, relationships or simply wanting to understand yourself more deeply, this episode offers a compassionate roadmap toward becoming more fully human. About Bill Petrie Bill Petrie is a psychologist, psychotherapist and mentor with more than 35 years of experience. He offers coaching and mentoring for professionals and founders navigating midlife transitions. Website: https://www.billpetrie.co.uk/ You will learn• Why fear of speaking often begins long before your first presentation • How childhood experiences shape adult communication • Why shame keeps so many people silent • How mindfulness helps regulate anxious thoughts • Why your body often knows the truth before your mind does • How EMDR and Clinical EFT can help process trauma • What it means to communicate from presence instead of performance Connect with JeremyFree resources: https://www.jeremydetolly.com/resources Private coaching: https://www.jeremydetolly.com/coaching Newsletter: https://www.jeremydetolly.com/newsletter-subscribe YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@JeremydeTolly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jeremydetolly/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeremydetolly/ 00:00 Introduction to Healing and Self-Discovery 02:47 Internal Family Systems & Parts Work 08:25 Schemas and Core Beliefs 09:07 Healing Through Truth 12:07 Relationships and Communication 15:12 Creating Safety for Healing 20:58 Facing the Truth 23:58 Anxiety and Self-Rejection 26:54 Heart Coherence in Relationships 30:11 Healthy Communication 38:12 Mindfulness and Meditation 42:22 Understanding the Bigger Self 47:28 Embodiment and Communication 56:26 Trauma Healing: EMDR & Clinical EFT 01:07:26 Embodiment and Lasting Healing

    The Psychology of Healing: Why We Fear Being Seen & Heard

  8. Jul 2

    Before you Speak, Resource Yourself like this

    In this episode, Jeremy explains why communication anxiety isn't simply a confidence or mindset problem, but rather a nervous system response. When we're triggered, our brain shifts into survival mode. We lose access to clear thinking, struggle to find words, and often leave conversations replaying everything we "should have said." Jeremy introduces a simple, powerful grounding technique—the 5-4-3-2-1 Resourcing Method. This is a practical tool used in trauma-informed therapies to help regulate the nervous system, return to the present moment, and access your natural ability to communicate. You will learn: Why communication anxiety is a nervous system response—not a lack of confidence. What happens in your brain when you enter fight, flight or freeze. Why positive thinking and mindset techniques often aren't enough. How unresolved conditioning can keep you stuck in communication anxiety. What "self-leadership" means and why it's essential for confident communication. How the 5-4-3-2-1 Resourcing Technique helps you return to the present moment. Simple ways to regulate your nervous system before meetings, presentations or difficult conversations. How to move from fear and overthinking into calm, connection and authentic expression. If you’d like to explore Jeremy’s work further: → Free resources and guides https://www.jeremydetolly.com/resources → Private coaching with Jeremy Personalized support to help you move through vocal anxiety and speak with clarity and confidence. https://www.jeremydetolly.com/coaching Stay connected → Subscribe on YouTube to watch future video episodes https://www.youtube.com/@JeremydeTolly → Join the newsletter for reflections, tools, and updates https://www.jeremydetolly.com/newsletter-subscribe Follow Jeremy: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jeremydetolly/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeremydetolly/ 00:00 Understanding the ventral vagal nervous system 00:29 Effects of threat states on memory and speech 01:14 Recognizing triggers and emotional responses in groups 01:57 The importance of breathing and space creation 02:24 The spiral of helplessness and shame in anxiety 03:13 Introduction to resourcing and trauma therapy techniques 04:09 Using the 5-4-3-2-1 sensory grounding method 05:06 The role of the ventral vagal system in social engagement 06:02 Parts work and internal family systems in anxiety management 07:27 Self-leadership qualities from IFS: the 8 C's 08:12 The subtlety of self-leadership and presence 09:10 Moving from emotional flashbacks to present moment awareness 10:29 Limitations of surface-level mindset techniques 10:59 Deep nervous system and deconditioning work 12:25 Step-by-step guide to the 5-4-3-2-1 technique 13:23 Using visual cues to ground and relax 14:09 Engaging the senses: touch, hearing, smell, taste 16:08 Tuning into the body and feeling safe 17:19 The importance of presence and safety in communication 18:17 Experimenting with grounding and nervous system regulation 18:45 The ongoing practice of nervous system safety and trust

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5
out of 5
2 Ratings

About

Welcome to Radiant Voices, a podcast about finding your voice when anxiety, overthinking, or self-doubt get in the way. Here, we explore how to move from tight, stuck, or second-guessing… to speaking with ease, warmth, and real authenticity. Through practical tools and honest conversations, you’ll learn how to steady your body, clear your mind, and express yourself with clarity and confidence. Jeremy de Tolly is a communication coach and creator of the Radiant Voices Process, a proprietary framework for healing the voice and nervous system. He uses trauma-informed somatic therapies and mindfulness methods to help people overcome their fears of expressing themselves and being heard and seen. He is trained in multiple modalities including energy coaching, Tension and Trauma Releasing Exercises (TRE®), and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). He has been featured in publications such as GQ, Men’s Health, and Rolling Stone.

Information

  • Creator
    Jeremy de Tolly
  • Years Active
    2026
  • Episodes
    16
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2026 Jeremy de Tolly