The ADHD Dopamine Collective with Rhonda Estling

Rhonda Estling
  • 5.0 (1)
  • Self-Improvement

Your Voice Belongs Here. We're building a space where real stores, lived experience, and honest expertise come together. Whether you've navigated ADHD as a woman, studied it, treated it, or built your career around it - we want to hear from you. Too many women have spent years not knowing why their brain works the way it does. Let's change that - one conversation at a time.

Episodes

  1. Jul 21

    Neurodivergent Moms on the Sidelines

    If youth sports leaves you frazzled, behind, and quietly wondering why it feels so hard for you when everyone else seems fine — this one is for the neurodivergent moms on the sidelines. I get into why ADHD and executive functioning collide with the modern youth sports machine, why the mental load lands heaviest on moms, and how rejection sensitivity and a lifetime of masking make the comparison game on the bleachers even louder. Then I share what actually helps: externalizing executive function, dividing and conquering without losing your connection, and the small tools I use to make it through a tournament day. The load is heavy, you’re not failing, and this is how ADHD moms can navigate youth sports without burning out. Chapters 00:00 The Evolution of Youth Sports 01:23 Neurodivergent Experiences in Sports 02:16 Executive Functioning Challenges 06:05 The Mental Load of Parenting 09:34 Dividing Responsibilities in Parenting 14:39 Navigating Social Dynamics 16:44 Decision-Making for Neurodivergent Kids 24:34 The Struggle of Balancing Needs 26:00 Strategies for Managing the Load 32:52 Reframing the Narrative

  2. Jun 30

    It Was Never About the Strikeout: ADHD Kids & Sports

    Everyone says sports are good for kids with ADHD. So why does drop-off some nights feel like sending your kid into a pressure cooker? This episode sits in the gap between what the research promises and what neurodivergent families actually live: the dugout that turns into an executive-function minefield, the “just run it off” advice that backfires on a sensory seeker, and the meltdown after a bad call that isn’t bad behavior at all. You’ll walk away able to: Tell which sports support your kid’s regulation and which ones quietly drain itSpot the burnout cycle before your kid goes “crispy”Build a reset routine and advocate to coaches without sounding like you’re making excusesGive yourself permission to call a mental-health dayWhether you’re raising a neurodivergent athlete or you were the kid melting down in the dugout, this one names what nobody warned you about. Resources mentioned Free ADHD Prompt Generator: www.rhondaestling.com/ai-promptsrhondaesling.com

  3. Jun 16

    ADHD and Youth Supports: How to Support Your Neurodivergent Kids

    Youth sports can feel like one of the hardest things to navigate as a neurodivergent parent — especially when you're raising neurodivergent kids too. In this episode, I sit down with my go-to friend and resource, Chandran Lepel. She's a licensed therapist, former collegiate athlete, high school varsity coach, and mom of kids in the youth sports world — which gives her a lens almost no one else has. We get into the idea of the "bubble" — the emotional safety coaches and parents can create around a team — and why support needs to come from around the bubble, not inside it. Chandran shares the concept of hype levels, why regulation matters more than winning, and the very real differences between coaching an 8-year-old and coaching an 18-year-old. We also talk about how to advocate for your kid without overstepping, when to trust your gut that something's off, and why radical acceptance might be the most important skill a coach can build. If you've ever sat on the sidelines gaslighting yourself about whether your kid's environment is the right fit, this one is for you.

  4. Jun 2

    AI Is Not Going to Fix Your ADHD (But It Could Be Your Best Training Wheels)

    AI is not going to fix your ADHD, and the way most people are telling us to use it might actually make executive dysfunction worse. In this episode, Rhonda is walking through a third path between the AI is amazing and AI is ruining us camps — one rooted in how ADHD brains actually work. You'll hear about scaffolding vs. substituting (a concept from education that changes how you engage with the tool), MIT Media Lab's 2025 cognitive debt research, and the one litmus test question that audits every AI conversation you have. Plus four concrete shifts to turn ChatGPT or any AI tool into scaffolding for your executive function instead of a substitute for your own thinking. RESOURCES MENTIONED MIT Media Lab 2025 study, Your Brain on ChatGPT — coined the term cognitive debtMichael Gerlich 2025 study on AI use and critical thinking (~666 participants)Free AI prompt generator for ADHD brains — sparse version (linked in show notes)Workbook version of the prompt generator (linked in show notes)Deeper prompt generator included inside Rhonda's workshops and programsAI has become either the worst thing in the world or the next planner that's going to fix everything. As late in life diagnosed ADHDers, we already know that's not how it works for us. In this episode, Rhonda offers a third path — one that doesn't argue for AI or against it, but instead asks a more useful question: how do we engage with the tool in a way that actually supports the way our brains work? Scaffolding vs. SubstitutingScaffolding is a concept from education, originally developed for working with neurodivergent kids. The idea is that you put structure around a learner so they can do the task while they're learning to do the task — and eventually the scaffolding comes down because the skill has grown. Substituting is the opposite. You hand over the entire task and you're handed back a completed project you didn't think through. You didn't create it. You didn't learn anything from it. Think of AI like the bumpers in a bowling alley. The bumpers don't roll the ball for you. You still have to do the work. They just keep things from rolling off into the gutter. The One Question That Audits Every AI ConversationAfter you use AI, ask yourself: did it give me the answer, or did it help me better understand myself and what I thought? If you got an answer but can't explain the reasoning — substituting. If you got an answer and you understand your situation better — scaffolding. Four Shifts to Make It StickOne — ask AI to ask you questions, not to give you the answer. Two — feed it your needs first (sensory, energy, context). Three — use it at the start, not the finish, then close the tab and go do the thing. Four — run the litmus test every time. If you'd rather not figure out prompts from scratch, here are two free AI Prompt Tools: www.rhondaestling.com/ai-prompts

  5. May 19

    The Dysregulation Detective: How to Read What Your Kid Is Really Telling You

    What if your kid's meltdown had nothing to do with behavior — and everything to do with an unmet need? In this episode, Rhonda sits down with Brett Welch, licensed therapist and parent coach at Sensitivity Is Strength Coaching, to talk about what it actually looks like to parent highly sensitive, neurodivergent, and PDA-profile kids in a world that wasn't built for them. Brett brings 20+ years of experience as a school counselor and child therapist, plus the very real perspective of a mom raising two deeply feeling daughters of her own. She breaks down why behavior is communication 100% of the time, how to become a dysregulation detective, what PDA is and what it isn't, and the one mindset shift that changes everything for exhausted parents. No parent is broken. No child is broken. And repair? Always possible. Resources Mentioned: sensitivityisstrengthcoach.com — Brett's websiteBrett's Regulate, Relate & Repair Parent Group (starting April 10th)PDANA — PDA North America communityCasey Elrich — PDA expert and educatorAmanda Dykman — PDA community leaderThe Invisible String — children's bookLoop Earplugs — sensory tool for noise sensitivity This one is for the parent who's Googled "why does my kid lose it over everything," who has felt judged at every birthday party, who has been told their kid is "so well-behaved at school" while the house is in full meltdown mode every afternoon. This one is for you. Want to work with Brett or join her next parent group? Head to sensitivityisstrengthcoach.com.

  6. May 5

    Hardware vs. Software: The ADHD Reframe That Changes Everything

    You're not doing it wrong. You've just been working on the wrong piece of the system. I had a conversation in my therapy office recently that I haven't been able to stop thinking about. A woman — smart, capable, doing the work — looked at me and said, "I feel like I'm doing something wrong." She'd read the books. Tried the hacks. Bought the planners. Was on TikTok and in the Facebook groups. And she still felt like she was failing at her own brain. I don't want a single one of you to ever sit with that belief. So today I'm walking through the reframe I use in my office that takes the shame out of all of this and finally puts the work in the right place. It's the hardware/software metaphor — and once you see it, you can't unsee it. The metaphor (and where it came from) This came up in a session a year or two ago with a client who works in IT. We were talking about the parts of his ADHD that weren't going to change no matter how much effort he poured in, and the metaphor showed up on instinct. It landed for him. It landed harder for me. Your hardware is your brain. The wiring. The way it processes (or doesn't) the things that we know ADHD impacts — working memory, emotional regulation, prioritization, sensory input. Hardware shifts somewhat with sleep, hormones, medication, and maturity, but it isn't curable. It's the template you came with. Your software is everything built on top of it. The perfectionism. The people pleasing. The shame loops. The masking. The anxiety-as-fuel. All of it was learned. All of it can be updated. The hardware/software pairs we cover Most of the episode is spent walking through specific paired examples so you can start spotting them in your own life: Dopamine seeking is hardware. The shame about it is software.Sensory sensitivity is hardware. Believing you should be able to push through it is software.Hyper-focus is hardware. The guilt about everything you didn't do during it is software.Variable energy is hardware. "I should be on all the time" is software.Masking started as hardware-protection. It's the biggest software issue most of us are running. The honest part about updating your software This is where I'll disappoint anyone hoping for a nine-step fix. Updating software is slow work, and it starts with noticing. Noticing when you're trying to change hardware versus when you're punishing yourself for it. Noticing the shoulds. Treating your life like an experiment instead of a performance review. Finding the people who get it. The episode goes deep on what this looks like, including a recent moment I had where choosing not to attend my kid's volleyball tournament was the most caring choice I could make for myself and for them. It's the kind of trade-off math that only makes sense once you stop trying to change the unchangeable. The takeaway Your hardware is not the problem. It never was. The problem is what you've learned to do to cope with it. The goal isn't to fix your brain. It's to build a life your brain can actually live in.

  7. Apr 22

    Idea Midwife: What It Looks Like to Trust Your Redirects with Imani Harrison

    In this episode, Rhonda sits down with Imani Harrison, LCPC — therapist, facilitator, and what she calls an "idea midwife" — for one of the most honest, winding, neurodivergent conversations we've had yet. Imani shares her journey from late ADHD diagnosis to full-on life overhaul: ending a marriage, dissolving a business partnership, letting go of a name she loved, and somehow landing in the most expansive season of her life. They get into the Sankofa philosophy (going back to fetch what you left behind), what it means to live a "yes life" — and why that requires just as many no's — and how smut romance novels became part of Imani's healing arc. If you've ever been in that fog where something is ending but nothing has landed yet, this one's for you. Topics Covered: Late ADHD and autism diagnosis: what that moment of recognition actually feels likeMasking as survival (not performance)Raising neurodivergent kids as a neurodivergent parentThe Sankofa philosophy and reclaiming yourself through transitionWhat a "yes life" actually requiresAI as a 504 plan for neurodivergent brainsLiminal spaces and why not knowing doesn't mean you're stuckWhy saying yes gets easier when you also start saying no Contact Imani: imani@sankofahealingwellness.com #adhd  #neurodivergent  #mentalhealth

  8. Apr 22

    The Signs I'm Watching For in My Office That Point to Undiagnosed ADHD

    In this solo episode, Rhonda shares something she's spent over a decade refining: the clinical patterns she watches for in her therapy office that suggest a client may have more going on than anxiety or depression. Not diagnostic criteria. Not a checklist. Just the things that make her start asking different questions. She covers chronic overwhelm, sensory concerns, the burnout cycle, emotional dysregulation in highly intelligent women, masking, hobby hopping, screens, impulsive spending — and why so many of these things get misread, minimized, or blamed on anxiety for years before anyone thinks to look deeper. She also gets personal. About the clients she missed early in her career. About being told she probably shouldn't be a mom because loud noises were hard for her. About what it means to finally stop asking if something is "normal" — and start asking if it's working for you. If you've ever sat in a therapist's office wondering if you're being too dramatic — this one is for you. Topics Covered: Chronic overwhelm vs. clinical anxiety — what's actually differentWhy "it's not that hard" tasks feel impossibleSensory concerns and overstimulation in women with ADHDOverthinking and racing thoughts that aren't anxietyHyper-focus as a sign (not a disqualifier) of ADHDThe masking-as-performance vs. masking-as-survival distinctionEmotional dysregulation in high-achieving womenThe burnout cycle that looks like bipolar but isn'tWhy the question isn't "is this normal?" — and what to ask instead #adhd  #neurodivergent  #mentalhealth

  9. Apr 14

    "Mom, She's Just Like Me"

    In the middle of the night in December 2018, a desperate mom of a toddler and a newborn took to Facebook looking for answers. That one post got 72 comments and changed the course of her family's life. In this first episode of The ADHD Collective, therapist and late-diagnosed ADHDer Rhonda Estling shares the story behind the podcast, why she's building a community for women who get it, and what she hopes this space will become. In This Episode - The 2 AM Facebook SOS that started it all, and the one question buried in 72 comments that changed everything - What it's like to parent a child through struggles you don't yet have a name for - Rhonda's path to her own ADHD diagnosis and how it shaped her understanding of her daughter - Why the "talented and gifted" kid who grew up to be a therapist still needed to find her own village - The moment her preteen daughter watched other women share their ADHD stories and saw herself reflected back - What The ADHD Collective is and who it's for --- About Your Host Rhonda Estling is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, later-in-life diagnosed with ADHD, elder millennial, and mom to two kids she lovingly calls her "spicy little spitfires." She's a connector, a facilitator, and someone who has spent her life bringing people together to build community -- sometimes without even realizing she was doing it. Connect - Website: [www.rhondaestling.com](https://www.rhondaestling.com) - Email: rhonda@rhondaestling.com - All links: [linktr.ee/rhondaestlingadhdcoach](https://linktr.ee/rhondaestlingadhdcoach) A Note From Rhonda "I'm doing this for my daughter, but I'm also doing this for me. For all the versions of me along the way, including that mama desperate in the middle of the night taking to Facebook for answers. I'm also doing this for other children who were raised to be good little girls and who may resonate with these stories, whether they're diagnosed or just suspect that they're neurodivergent. We all have so much knowledge and experience to share with each other. And I'm so here for the rich conversations to come." If This Episode Resonated With You Share your own story with us. What was your "72 comments" moment -- the time you reached out and found you weren't alone? Connect with The ADHD Collective community and join the conversation. Rhonda Estling, LMFT ADHD Coach and Consultant rhonda@rhondaestlingconsulting.com www.rhondaestlingconsulting.com 319.214.0226

  • 9 Episodes

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Your Voice Belongs Here. We're building a space where real stores, lived experience, and honest expertise come together. Whether you've navigated ADHD as a woman, studied it, treated it, or built your career around it - we want to hear from you. Too many women have spent years not knowing why their brain works the way it does. Let's change that - one conversation at a time.

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