Found at 17 | Abandonment Wounds & Relationship Patterns

Rosanna | Abandonment Wounds & Relationship Coach
  • 5.0 (2)
  • Mental Health
  • Updated Weekly

You gave everything. They still left. You don't know why. You call it high standards. Independence. Being the strong one. Underneath is an abandonment wound teaching you love is earned. Found at 17 helps women break the relationship patterns rooted in abandonment wounds — perfectionism, people-pleasing, hyper-independence, and anxious attachment — that keep repeating in their romantic lives. New episodes every Tuesday.

  1. Oct 7

    Why You Keep Second-Guessing Yourself (and How to Trust Your Own Decisions)

    What if you actually know what you want—you just don’t trust yourself enough to choose it? In this episode of Found at 17, I’m talking about something I didn’t fully recognize until I looked back at the decisions that shaped my life: how much time I spent second-guessing myself and looking for someone else to confirm that what I wanted was okay. I stayed in an unhappy marriage about five and a half years longer than I should have partly because I couldn’t bear the thought of hearing four words: “We told you so.” I passed on things I wanted because someone else questioned whether I knew what I was doing. I overthought decisions, looked for approval, and confused asking for advice with asking for permission. And here's what I eventually had to learn: making a wrong decision doesn't mean you can't be trusted with your own life. We talk about why rebellion isn't always freedom, what happens when you've spent years questioning your own judgment, and why trusting yourself doesn't mean believing you'll always get it right. It means knowing you can handle it when you don't. I also talk about the place where I still struggle with this most—motherhood—and why understanding where our patterns come from doesn't mean we've conquered them. If you've ever thought, I know what I want, so why can't I just make the decision? this episode is for you. And I’ll leave you with one question: What would you choose if you didn't have to explain your decision to anybody? 🎧 Listen to Found at 17 Apple Podcasts: [insert your Apple Podcasts link]Spotify: [insert your Spotify link] 🔗 Connect with Found at 17

  2. Sep 30

    How Can They Not Know Why You Left? | Family Estrangement, Boundaries & Guilt

    In this episode of Found at 17, we talk about the particular pain of distancing yourself from someone who seems completely oblivious to why you've done it—and how that can make you question your own judgment, your memories, and even your sanity. This can be especially complicated with family estrangement. When you've spent your life hearing that family is family, creating distance can bring an enormous amount of guilt. You may wonder if you're being selfish, unforgiving, dramatic, or simply a bad daughter, son, sister, brother, or parent. But here's the thing: Their understanding is not a prerequisite for your boundary. You don't need someone to agree with your experience before you're allowed to change the relationship. You don't need to prove that they're a terrible person. You don't need everyone else to understand. And you don't necessarily need to cut someone off completely, either. Sometimes estrangement is quiet. Sometimes you're still answering the phone, still showing up for holidays, or still saying happy birthday—but the relationship has fundamentally changed. The harder question becomes: Are you still trying to get them to understand because you need their acknowledgment before you can trust yourself? Maybe you've explained yourself enough. Maybe the person who needs to understand now is you. If you've ever found yourself thinking, I've told you a million times. How can you possibly not know why I've pulled away?—this episode is for you. Listen to Found at 17: Apple Podcasts Spotify More from Found at 17: Found at 17 on Linktree Book a conversation with Rosanna: Book with Rosanna Found at 17 — The podcast for everyone who was left without an explanation | Where we stop running and start healing.

  3. Sep 23

    Self-Abandonment: Why You Ignore What You Already Know

    Have you ever known something was wrong but kept talking yourself out of it? You knew the relationship wasn't what you wanted. You knew you were unhappy. You knew you needed help. You knew you were living according to someone else's expectations—but somehow, you kept going. That's self-abandonment. In this episode of Found at 17, Rosanna talks about what happens when you already know the truth but aren't ready to deal with what that truth might require from you. Sometimes we're not actually confused. We're afraid of what we'll have to change, who we'll disappoint, or what other people will think. Rosanna shares a deeply personal story about standing at a fork in the road two weeks before her wedding, knowing something she wasn't yet ready to fully hear. She also explores how family expectations, culture, religion, gender roles, and the need to be the "good" daughter, wife, or mother can teach us to override our own voice. Because sometimes the question isn't, "What should I do?" It's, "What do I already know—and what am I afraid will happen if I listen?" You don't get a crystal ball. Both choices can have consequences. But you can learn to make decisions without abandoning yourself in the process. If you've ever felt like you're ignoring your own needs, second-guessing yourself, afraid to disappoint people, or stuck at a crossroads, this episode is for you. Book a real conversation with Rosanna:Book a conversation Found at 17:Listen and find the podcast

  4. Sep 16

    Emotionally Unavailable Parents: How Childhood Emotional Neglect Shapes Your Adult Relationships

    Did you grow up with an emotionally unavailable parent and now find yourself choosing emotionally unavailable partners, struggling to ask for what you need, or feeling like you have to handle everything on your own? In this episode of Found at 17, we’re talking about what emotional unavailability actually looks like—and why it can be so difficult to recognize when the parent still loved you, provided for you, and was physically present. I share a personal story about my mother that helped me finally understand the difference between having a parent who was there and having a parent who was emotionally available. We’ll talk about the signs of an emotionally unavailable parent, how childhood emotional neglect can shape the way you communicate and connect as an adult, why “I’m fine” can become a survival skill, and why emotionally unavailable people may not have the emotional capacity to hear, acknowledge, or take responsibility for the impact they have on you. And then we get to the harder question: What happens when you finally understand that the person you keep reaching for may never give you the emotional connection you’ve been waiting for? If you’ve ever wondered, “Why do I keep choosing emotionally unavailable people?” or “Why do I keep trying to get someone to finally see me?” this conversation is for you. You can understand the pattern and still ache. You can have boundaries and still have hope. And you can stop waiting for someone else to change without having to stop loving them. In this episode:• Signs of an emotionally unavailable parent• How childhood emotional neglect affects adult relationships• How to recognize an emotionally unavailable mother or father• Why you may become overly independent or afraid to ask for help• Why emotionally unavailable partners can feel familiar• The connection between emotional unavailability and relationship patterns• What happens when a parent never acknowledges the emotional impact• How to stop making your healing dependent on someone else's capacity to change Listen to Found at 17:Apple PodcastsSpotify Want to talk?If this episode brought something up for you and you want a real conversation, you can book with Rosanna here:Book a conversation with Rosanna Find Found at 17:Found at 17 links and resources

  5. Sep 9

    Boundaries Don't Work. Access Does. (Here's the Difference)

    You keep setting boundaries and they keep getting ignored. That's not a boundary problem — it's an access problem, and almost nobody talks about the difference. This episode breaks down the abandonment wound underneath it and the one shift that actually works. In this episode, Rosanna breaks down why "boundary" stopped meaning anything — and introduces the concept that actually works instead: access. We get into: Why you can't set a boundary on someone who never agreed to respect itThe difference between a boundary and access — and why access is the one you actually controlWhy certain people get more of you than they've earned, just because they've "always had it"The role you got cast in a long time ago, and why nobody around you has updated it sinceWhat it really means when someone says "you've changed" — and why they're not wrong, they just don't have the informationWhy cutting people off isn't the skill everyone's treating it asMost people don't have a boundary problem. They have an access problem — and they gave it away without ever deciding to. Ready to stop carrying this alone? Book a free coffee chat — no pressure, no pitch: tidycal.com/foundat17Email: unfinishedrewrite@gmail.com Follow Found at 17 and leave a review — it's how the next woman finds it.

  6. Sep 1

    Why Can’t I Relax? When Rest, Fun & Doing Nothing Make You Feel Guilty

    Why can’t you relax without feeling guilty? Why does sitting down, doing nothing, or doing something just for fun somehow feel like you should be doing something more productive? In this episode of Found at 17, we’re talking about why so many of us stopped playing somewhere along the way—and why it may have less to do with getting older and more to do with what we learned growing up. I share the story of the little girl who could spend hours building an entire Barbie city in her attic, and how that playful, hopelessly romantic part of me slowly became something I learned to put away. We’ll talk about why rest can feel uncomfortable, why everything we do seems to need a purpose, and why you might automatically tell yourself “no” before anyone else ever gets the chance. Because maybe you’re not just “a serious person.” Maybe somewhere along the way, you learned that fun had to be earned. And maybe the goal isn’t to force yourself to play again. Maybe it starts by noticing all the ways you stopped giving yourself permission. Book a conversation: ⁠tidycal.com/foundat17⁠All links: ⁠https://linktr.ee/unfinishedrewrite⁠Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/found-at-17/id1893791096 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4eBLOSxvR2AUF3jPrN8CDw

  7. Aug 25

    Why You Can't Ask for Help — The Cost of Being the Strong One

    Why is it so hard to ask for help when you are the person everyone else relies on? You get home exhausted. Dinner needs to be made, homework needs to be checked, laundry is waiting, someone has practice in an hour—and there are perfectly capable people around you. But asking for help does not even cross your mind. You just think, It’s faster if I do it myself. And sometimes it is. But what happens when that becomes your answer to everything? In this episode of Found at 17, we are talking about hyper-independence, why strong and capable women can have such a hard time asking for help, why sitting down can make you feel guilty or lazy, and what happens when doing everything yourself starts leaving you exhausted and resentful. I know this one from the inside. I have gotten much better at letting go at home, but at work I still catch myself thinking, Why would I ask for help when I can do it better and faster? The question is not whether you can do it yourself. You have already proven that. The question is what it is costing you to always be the one who does. If you are the woman everyone depends on—the one who cannot sit still, has a hard time asking for help, and would rather redo something than let somebody else do it wrong—this episode is for you. In this episode: hyper-independence, difficulty asking for help, guilt around rest, doing everything yourself, mental load, exhaustion, nervous system patterns, and learning how to receive support. If this felt a little too familiar, follow Found at 17 so you don't miss next Tuesday's episode. And send this one to the strong woman in your life who is probably doing everything herself right now. 🎧 Listen & Follow:Follow Found at 17 on Apple PodcastsFollow Found at 17 on Spotify ☕ Ready to talk?Book a free coffee chat with Rosanna 🔗 Everything Found at 17:Podcast, resources & more 📖 Free Resource:Found at 17 Values Worksheet Found at 17 — the podcast for everyone who was left without an explanation. You were left without an explanation. But you were never left without a purpose. You were Found.

  8. Aug 18

    When Your Child Chooses the Other Parent.

    Your child chose the house with fewer rules. You made the rules, their father made the memories, and somehow you are the one sitting in a quiet house wondering what fifteen years was for. In this episode, Rosanna talks to the divorced mother whose child chose to live with their dad — and to every woman who put her life on hold so her kids could have a stable one, and got no acknowledgment for it. We get into: Why the parent who enforces the rules absorbs all the conflict, and the other house gets none of itWhat a fifteen-year-old brain is actually doing when it picks the easier environmentWhy this particular rejection hits harder than it should — and what older wound it lands onThe unpopular truth about waiting for your child to thank youWhat "do not disappear" actually looks like when nothing comes backIf your child left over the rules, it is because there were rules. That is not nothing. That is evidence. Ready to stop carrying this alone?Book a free coffee chat — no pressure, no pitch: tidycal.com/foundat17Free values worksheet: foundat17.gumroad.comEmail: unfinishedrewrite@gmail.com

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You gave everything. They still left. You don't know why. You call it high standards. Independence. Being the strong one. Underneath is an abandonment wound teaching you love is earned. Found at 17 helps women break the relationship patterns rooted in abandonment wounds — perfectionism, people-pleasing, hyper-independence, and anxious attachment — that keep repeating in their romantic lives. New episodes every Tuesday.

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