A School Leader’s Playbook by Connecting Through Conversation

Erika Bare and Tiffany Burns

School leadership is messy, meaningful, & anything but easy. Hosted by Erika Bare & Tiffany Burns, long-time school leaders & authors of Connecting Through Conversation: A Playbook for Talking with Students & A School Leader’s Playbook for Tough Conversations, this podcast dives into the toughest moments educators face. From staff conflict & caregiver communication to power struggles & student behavior, it focuses on conversations that drive performance, behavior, & culture. With honesty & humor, Erika & Tiffany share what works, what doesn’t, & how to navigate the moments that shape school.

Episodes

  1. Jun 20

    Connecting Through Conflict

    Episode 6: Connecting Through Conflict Conflict can quickly shift a conversation from problem-solving to protecting positions. When that happens, it becomes easy to see the other person as the problem instead of staying focused on the issue you are trying to solve together. In this episode, we focus on practical strategies school leaders can use to stay connected during conflict, communicate with clarity, and keep conversations productive—even when perspectives differ. In this episode, you will learn: Why non-verbal communication often shapes a conversation before a word is spokenHow physical positioning, eye contact, and environment can influence conflictWhy conflict boundaries help keep conversations focused on the problem instead of the personHow to avoid common traps like bringing in unrelated issues or taking conversational detoursHow to use the "Share Your Story, Ask for Theirs" strategy from Crucial Conversations to communicate your perspective while remaining curious about someone else'sHow to identify different logic styles and adjust your communication accordinglyWhy tempering your claims can reduce defensiveness and invite dialogueHow to move conversations toward resolution with clear next steps and follow-up Sentence stems to share your story and ask for theirs: When you said _____, I was telling myself a story that _____. Is that what you were thinking?When I saw _____, I was telling myself a story that _____. Can you walk me through what happened?When _____ happened, I was telling myself a story about your reasons. Can you help me understand? Sentence stems during conflict: I am wondering...Could it be...Is that right?Help me understand...Moving forward...Nevertheless...And yet...Even so...All that being said... Part of a 6-episode playbook for the toughest conversations school leaders face. Resources:https://www.connectingthroughconversation.com/resources Learn more about our books:https://www.connectingthroughconversation.com/our-book

  2. Jun 20

    Keep Your Cool When the Heat Is On — De-escalation Moves in the Moment

    Episode 5: Keep Your Cool When the Heat Is On — De-escalation Moves in the Moment Conversations can escalate quickly. A concern becomes frustration. Frustration becomes conflict. And in those moments, what you do next can either calm the situation or make it worse. In this episode, we focus on practical strategies school leaders can use in the moment to de-escalate tension, stay grounded, and keep communication moving forward. In this episode, you will learn: Why staying calm matters when emotions run highHow curiosity can help de-escalate conflict and uncover what is really going onHow to use looping for understanding, a strategy described by Amanda Ripley in High Conflict, to help people feel heard and understoodWhy summarizing what you heard and checking for understanding can reduce tension and build trustHow partnership language keeps people on the same team during difficult conversationsSentence stems to diffuse a situation: I hear you.I've made a note of that.Let me make sure I got this right.This is super important.I am so glad you brought this concern to me.I am taking this very seriously.I am so sorry this happened.We are working to ensure nothing like this happens again.I would be upset too if that is what I was told.Sentence stems during conflict: Thanks for partnering with me on this.We both want the same thing.Let's work through this together. Part of a 6-episode playbook for the toughest conversations school leaders face. Resources:https://www.connectingthroughconversation.com/resources Learn more about our books:https://www.connectingthroughconversation.com/our-book

  3. Apr 26

    When People Get Mad, Get Curious

    You’re in the conversation and it turns. Someone is frustrated. Maybe their voice gets louder. Maybe they shut down. Maybe they come at you. And in that moment, it is easy to react or defend. In this episode, we focus on what to do instead. Because when someone gets mad, there is usually something underneath it. And if you can listen for that, you can get to the real issue and move the conversation forward. In this episode, you will learn: Why anger is often a signal of something deeperHow to listen for what is underneath the reactionWhy you cannot control others but you can control yourselfHow to identify a common purpose to move the conversation forwardThe difference between positions and the real problem underneathHow to use partnership language to stay on the same teamWhy focusing forward matters more than rehashing the pastSentence stems to identify the real issue: What would a resolution to this situation look like for you?How can I support you?What does support look like in this situation?What would be most helpful to move forward?Part of a 6-episode playbook for the toughest conversations school leaders face. Resources:https://www.connectingthroughconversation.com/resources Learn more about our books:https://www.connectingthroughconversation.com/our-book

  4. Apr 26

    Let Them Catch Your Calm

    You know those conversations where emotions start to rise and suddenly everything shifts? You feel it in your body. Your heart rate picks up, your shoulders tighten, and you can feel yourself getting pulled in. In this episode, we focus on what to do in that moment. Because even when you’ve planned well, tough conversations can escalate quickly. And when they do, how you show up matters. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why emotions escalate so quickly in tough conversations How emotional contagion impacts the tone of an interaction What mirror neurons are and why they matter for leaders Why you can’t control others—but you can control yourself Simple strategies to stay calm when emotions rise How slowing your voice and presence can de-escalate the moment Part of a 6-episode playbook for the toughest conversations school leaders face. Resources: https://www.connectingthroughconversation.com/resources Learn more about our books: https://www.connectingthroughconversation.com/our-book

  5. Apr 20

    Before You Say It, Plan It

    You know the conversation you need to have. But how do you say it so it actually lands? In this episode, we share the concrete steps to plan a tough conversation so you can go in calm, clear, and ready to say what needs to be said. When someone catches you with “Do you have a minute?”, we show you how to buy yourself time and transition to a planned conversation instead. Then, we'll talk you through how to plan for it and anticipate what might come up. In this episode, you’ll learn: How to buy yourself time instead of getting pulled into an unplanned conversationSentence stems you can use to pause and schedule the conversationHow to plan with purpose, timing, location, and a clear concernWhy planning ahead makes tough conversations easier to manage and more likely to land Part of a 6-episode playbook for the toughest conversations school leaders face. Resources:https://www.connectingthroughconversation.com/resources Learn more about our books:https://www.connectingthroughconversation.com/our-book

    Before You Say It, Plan It

  6. Apr 20

    The Conversations That Keep You Up at Night

    You know those tough conversations school leaders need to have and don’t want to? The ones you avoid, delay, or hope will resolve on their own? In this episode, we unpack what gets in the way, why waiting makes it worse, and why an imperfect conversation is better than none at all. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why leaders avoid tough conversations (even when they know they shouldn’t) Why bad news doesn’t get better with time How avoiding the conversation impacts your culture and your team Why softening the message can cause it to miss entirely Part of a 6-episode playbook for the toughest conversations school leaders face. Resources: https://www.connectingthroughconversation.com/resources Learn more about our books: https://www.connectingthroughconversation.com/our-book

    The Conversations That Keep You Up at Night
  • 6 Episodes

About

School leadership is messy, meaningful, & anything but easy. Hosted by Erika Bare & Tiffany Burns, long-time school leaders & authors of Connecting Through Conversation: A Playbook for Talking with Students & A School Leader’s Playbook for Tough Conversations, this podcast dives into the toughest moments educators face. From staff conflict & caregiver communication to power struggles & student behavior, it focuses on conversations that drive performance, behavior, & culture. With honesty & humor, Erika & Tiffany share what works, what doesn’t, & how to navigate the moments that shape school.

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