Mom Parent ADHD

Lola Swaby
  • 0.0 (0)
  • Parenting
  • Updated Weekly

Mom Parent ADHD is a podcast for moms raising children with ADHD who are carrying a lot and need support that feels real. Hosted by Lola Swaby, this show offers practical routines, emotional regulation tools, school advocacy guidance, and honest encouragement for the messy, beautiful journey of parenting a child with ADHD. From the perspective of a mom who is also parenting a child with ADHD. lolamswaby.substack.com

  1. 15h ago

    Advocating for Your Child With ADHD: Still Second-Guessing Yourself?

    Advocating for Your Child With ADHD: Still Second-Guessing Yourself? After a school meeting, you keep wondering whether you said the wrong thing. Learn how to recognize what needs clarification, correction, or follow-up, and what doesn’t require an apology. Mom Parent ADHD Podcast The Prepared Advocate Series | Season 2, Episode 13 Hosted by Lola M. Swaby, Esq. You finally asked the question. Now you’re wondering whether you should apologize. Maybe you talked longer than you intended. Maybe your voice shook, or the teacher glanced at the clock while you were explaining. By the time you get home, you’re replaying how you sounded and reaching for your phone to smooth things over. Mama, before you send that message, come sit with me for a little while. Why do we still second-guess ourselves, even after we’ve learned so much about advocacy? You’re finally asking the questions you used to keep to yourself, yet you can still leave a meeting wondering whether you got it all wrong. Today, we’re looking at that heavy feeling and learning how to figure out what actually needs your attention next. Sometimes a moment really does need a quick correction. But other times, you’re just carrying the worry of an unanswered question, or dealing with a support that was discussed but never actually settled. You deserve a way to learn from these stressful conversations without spending your entire evening putting yourself on trial. In This Episode, we talk about: • The urge to apologize after asking a respectful question about your child. • Looking back at what you heard, alongside how you felt. • Recognizing a specific moment that needs repair without turning it into a judgment about your ability to advocate. • Following up when an answer or an agreement remains unclear. • Seeing your growth as an advocate even when confidence hasn’t caught up. A Moment of Reflection Think about a conversation you’ve been replaying. When you set aside how you wish you had sounded, what remains unfinished for your child? You might notice an unanswered question, a promise you’re waiting on, or something you want to clarify. You don’t need to resolve the whole conversation tonight. Give yourself somewhere specific to return. If you feel comfortable sharing, what tends to stay with you afterward: what was said, what wasn’t answered, or how you think you came across? Please leave out names and identifying details. Continue the Conversation Monday’s companion article, “A New Concern About Your Child With ADHD? What to Say Next,” explores the moment before you respond to an unfamiliar concern. This episode takes us into what happens afterward, when the conversation is over and you’re deciding whether something still needs attention. If last week’s discussion about support denials brought you here, you can also read “IEP or 504 Plan Denied? What to Do Next for Your Child.” Stay Connected If you’ve been carrying these conversations by yourself, I would love to welcome you into our free ADHD Mom Advocacy Community on Skool. It’s a place to connect with other moms who understand how much can sit behind a school email or a meeting about your child. Join the free community For deeper learning, the full Prepared Advocate classroom is included in the paid Advocacy & Exhale Membership. You can also find these resources at MomParentADHD.com:• From Chaos to Calm: A 30-Day Rescue Plan for ADHD Moms • From Chaos to Calm in 30 Days Workbook Subscribe here on Substack for upcoming articles and episodes. You can also listen on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, watch on YouTube, and connect with Mom Parent ADHD on Instagram, Facebook, and Threads. If this conversation brought another mom to mind, send her this episode. She may be replaying a meeting tonight, too. About Your Host Lola M. Swaby, Esq. is an attorney with approximately 30 years of legal experience, an author, and the co-founder of Mom Parent ADHD. As a mother raising a son with ADHD and autism, she brings both professional knowledge and lived parenting experience to her advocacy education. Her work helps moms prepare for important conversations about their children without losing themselves in the process. Lola is the author of From Chaos to Calm: A 30-Day Rescue Plan for ADHD Moms and the companion From Chaos to Calm in 30 Days Workbook. Educational Note This episode provides general advocacy education and information, as well as personal perspective. It does not constitute or replace legal, medical, mental health, clinical, or individualized educational advice, and listening to this podcast does not create an attorney-client relationship. Every child, family, and situation is different. For guidance about your child’s individual circumstances, please consult an appropriately qualified professional. Get full access to Mom Parent ADHD at lolamswaby.substack.com/subscribe

  2. Oct 14

    ADHD School Support: Do I Have to Wait for the Grades to Drop?

    ADHD School Support: Do I Have to Wait for the Grades to Drop? A conversation for moms after an IEP or 504 denial about explaining the reminders, missed steps, and help behind good grades. Season 2, Episode 12 | The Prepared Advocate Series “If I stopped checking, would the school finally understand?” You’re proud of your child’s grades. You also know how many reminders, reopened assignments, and late evenings sit behind them. After an IEP or 504 eligibility meeting, you may leave wondering whether anyone will take the difficulty seriously while the report card still looks good. That is a painful place to find yourself. You want to help your child succeed, and you want the school to understand what it takes to get there. In this episode of the Mom Parent ADHD Podcast, Lola M. Swaby explores how to make the help behind the grades visible without withdrawing support simply to produce evidence of failure. We talk about describing what your child completes independently, where a task gets stuck, and what happens when you step in. There is also a plain-language explanation of why IDEA does not require an otherwise eligible child to fail a class or repeat a grade before receiving special education services. A diagnosis alone does not establish eligibility, and Section 504 uses a different standard. The conversation offers a place to begin after a denial: an accurate example and a question about how the evaluation considered that difficulty. In This Episode The pressure a mother may feel when strong grades seem to overshadow her concerns. Why she may wonder whether her help is making the difficulty less visible. How to describe a completed assignment that was never submitted while recognizing her child’s independence. What to ask about the evaluation’s consideration of repeated difficulties and assistance at home. What IDEA says about otherwise eligible children who are passing and moving from grade to grade. Why changes in help deserve to be considered around the child’s needs and the family’s capacity. A Moment of Reflection: Think about a recent assignment your child completed. What did they do independently, and where did your help come in? Consider how you could describe that event accurately, giving your child credit while making the missed step clear. Continue The Prepared Advocate Series: This episode accompanies Monday’s article, Your Child Has ADHD and Good Grades. School Says No to Support. The article explores what to ask about an IEP or 504 denial when academic achievement seems to overshadow difficulties with managing schoolwork. Join us in the free ADHD Mom Advocacy Community on Skool for connection and encouragement. For deeper advocacy education, the full The Prepared Advocate Series classroom is included in the paid Advocacy & Exhale Membership. More Support From Mom Parent ADHD: If you need somewhere to sort through the worry and frustration you’re carrying before the next conversation, explore From Chaos to Calm: A 30-Day Rescue Plan for ADHD Moms and From Chaos to Calm in 30 Days Workbook. Explore the Guide Explore the Workbook Visit momparentadhd.com/resource-room for more ADHD resources and ways to stay connected. Stay Connected: Subscribe on Substack or YouTube, and follow @MomParentADHD on Instagram, Facebook, and Threads. You can also listen to the podcast on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. If this conversation helped you, share it with another mom who might need it. About Your Host: Lola M. Swaby is the founder and head educator of Mom Parent ADHD, an attorney with approximately 30 years of experience, an author, and a mom parenting a son with ADHD and autism. She offers practical advocacy education and support for moms raising children with ADHD. Lola is the author of From Chaos to Calm: A 30-Day Rescue Plan for ADHD Moms and the companion From Chaos to Calm in 30 Days Workbook. Legal References Mentioned in This Episode: (If you ever want to look up the rules yourself or have them handy for a school meeting): - What an evaluation has to look at: 34 C.F.R. § 300.304(b)(1)–(2). This addresses functional, developmental, and academic information, parent input, and the rule that a school cannot use a single measure as the sole reason to deny eligibility. You can also look at 34 C.F.R. §§ 104.35(b)(2) and 104.35(c)(1)–(2) under Section 504, which require schools to pull from multiple information sources and give them careful consideration based on the child's specific educational needs. - How Section 504 defines disability: 29 U.S.C. § 794; 29 U.S.C. §§ 705(9)(B) and 705(20)(B); and 42 U.S.C. §§ 12102(1)–(2). The Rehabilitation Act incorporates the ADA's definition of a disability, which explicitly includes major life activities and major bodily functions like concentrating, thinking, and brain function. - Written notice, records, and your safeguards: 34 C.F.R. §§ 300.501, 300.503, and 300.504 under IDEA; and 34 C.F.R. § 104.36 under Section 504. - IEP and 504 eligibility boundaries: 34 C.F.R. § 300.8(a)(1), which covers IDEA’s requirement for both a qualifying disability and a resulting need for special education. For Section 504, see 34 C.F.R. §§ 104.3(j) and 104.33(a)–(b), which address the Section 504 disability standard and the right to educational service requirements (FAPE). Important Note: This episode shares general advocacy education and parenting experience relating to U.S. public schools for educational and informational purposes. It does not replace legal, medical, mental health, or individualized educational advice. Listening does not create an attorney-client relationship. Eligibility decisions depend on each child’s individual circumstances; good grades, an ADHD diagnosis, or parent assistance alone do not determine eligibility. Get full access to Mom Parent ADHD at lolamswaby.substack.com/subscribe

  3. Oct 8

    Is Your Child With ADHD Afraid of Disappointing You?

    Title: Is Your Child With ADHD Afraid of Disappointing You? Subtitle: How to help your child talk about hard days when they’re worried about letting you down. Season 2, Episode 11 | The Prepared Advocate Series “Will you still be proud of me if tomorrow isn’t a good day?” You wanted your child to enjoy hearing that things were going better. You hadn’t considered that they might also be worried about keeping you happy with that progress. Some children notice how tired Mom looks after another school conversation, or how relieved she seems when the news is good. They may hesitate to tell her something is difficult because they don’t want to give her one more thing to worry about. In this episode of the Mom Parent ADHD Podcast, Lola M. Swaby explores this tender moment and what it can mean for advocacy. When children keep their struggles to themselves, Mom and the adults at school may be missing something they need to understand. Lola talks about opening that conversation warmly, making room for a child who cannot explain their worry yet, and helping a teacher understand when fear of disappointing someone is getting in the way of speaking up. There is also room for Mom’s exhaustion and for returning to a conversation when her first response came out sharper than she intended. You can enjoy your child’s good days while helping them feel comfortable telling you about a difficult one. In This Episode: * How a child’s wish to spare Mom more worry may make them hesitant to share a struggle. * What you might say when your child worries about letting you down. * How to listen without pressing for an immediate explanation. * When it may be helpful to share the concern with a teacher and invite their perspective. * How to return to the conversation after reacting out of frustration. A Moment of Reflection: If your child told you something was hard after a good stretch at school, what might they worry you would think? Consider how you could help them understand that telling you is welcome, even when you need a moment to take it in. Continue The Prepared Advocate Series: This episode accompanies Monday’s article, Does Your Child With ADHD Still Need School Support? The article explores how to understand what is helping your child improve before discussing a change in school support. The episode turns toward what your child may hesitate to tell you once everyone is pleased with their progress. Read the Monday Article Here Join the community: For deeper advocacy education, The Prepared Advocate Series is included in the paid Advocacy & Exhale Membership inside the ADHD Mom Advocacy Community on Skool. Access it here More Support From Mom Parent ADHD: If you need somewhere to sort through the worry and frustration you’re carrying before the next conversation, explore From Chaos to Calm: A 30-Day Rescue Plan for ADHD Moms and the From Chaos to Calm in 30 Days Workbook. Visit the Mom Parent ADHD Resource Room to explore our resources. Stay Connected: Subscribe on Substack or YouTube, and follow @MomParentADHD on Instagram, Facebook, and Threads. You can also listen to the podcast on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. If this conversation helped you, please share it with another mom who might need it. About Your Host: Lola M. Swaby is the co-founder and head educator of Mom Parent ADHD, an attorney with approximately 30 years of experience, an author, and a mom parenting a son with ADHD and autism. She offers practical advocacy education and support for moms raising children with ADHD. Lola is the author of From Chaos to Calm: A 30-Day Rescue Plan for ADHD Moms and the companion From Chaos to Calm in 30 Days Workbook. Important Note: This episode shares general advocacy education and parenting experience for educational and informational purposes. It does not replace legal, medical, mental health, or individualized educational advice. If you have concerns about your child’s behavior, health, education, mental health, or individual support needs, consider speaking with an appropriately qualified professional who can evaluate your child’s circumstances. Get full access to Mom Parent ADHD at lolamswaby.substack.com/subscribe

  4. Oct 2

    I’m Not Making Excuses for My Child With ADHD

    Season 2, Episode 10: I’m Not Making Excuses for My Child With ADHD Subtitle: How to explain your child’s behavior without excusing it... and speak up when something important still needs to be understood. Have you ever started explaining something about your child to a teacher and suddenly heard yourself say, “I’m not making excuses…” before anyone had even accused you of making one? That single moment says so much about the immense pressure we carry as moms raising children with ADHD. You may know your child was wrong. You may completely agree that someone was hurt, a rule was broken, or a consequence is appropriate. But you also know something fundamental about your child that still matters; and suddenly, you are left wondering whether saying it out loud will just make you sound defensive. In this episode of The Prepared Advocate Series, we are talking about that uncomfortable, messy space between explaining a behavior and excusing it. This is not about finding an ADHD explanation for everything our children do. Sometimes our kids simply make a bad choice, and they need to own it. But when there is something vital to understand, the fear of being labeled an “excuse-making mom” should not automatically silence you. Sometimes, the more useful question is not, “Will this sound like an excuse?” It is: “Why am I bringing this up?” Am I trying to make what happened disappear, or am I sharing something that could help us understand what my child still needs to learn? That small shift can change the entire conversation. In This Episode, We Talk About: 1. The Defensive Trap The Preemptive Shield: Why so many ADHD moms say “I’m not making excuses” before anyone has even accused them of doing so. The Cost of Silence: What happens when the fear of sounding defensive causes Mom to leave crucial information unsaid. The Accountability Over-Correction: Why moms become so determined to prove they believe in accountability that they accidentally start silencing themselves. 2. The Reality of ADHD The Knowing-Doing Gap: The frustrating stretch between a child knowing what they are supposed to do, and being able to actually do it when emotions run high. Finding the Balance: Why ADHD does not explain every single difficult behavior—and why it should never automatically be ignored when it genuinely matters. Consequence vs. Lesson: Why a punishment alone rarely tells us what a skill a child actually needs to practice before the next difficult moment arrives. 3. Grounded Advocacy Impact vs. Intent: Why understanding what made a behavior difficult does not erase the painful effect that behavior had on someone else. Separating Behavior from Identity: Why you can firmly disagree with how your child is spoken to or labeled afterward, even when you completely agree that your child was in the wrong. Creating Space: How giving yourself the time to process anger, embarrassment, fear, and worry allows you to speak to the school from a deeply grounded place. A Sentence to Carry With You You do not have to apologize for knowing your child. Understanding why something was difficult for them does not mean you are saying what they did was okay. Sometimes, you are simply trying to understand the exact place where your child keeps getting stuck, so you can help them grow beyond it. Continue The Prepared Advocate Series This episode is part of The Prepared Advocate Series, a Mom Parent ADHD series about the advocacy moments that are often harder to prepare for until you are standing right in the middle of them. This week, we are sitting with one of the most uncomfortable parts of advocacy: what happens when your child really was wrong, but there is still something important you believe the adults around them need to understand. Inside the ADHD Mom Advocacy Community, we continue conversations like these in a space created specifically for moms raising children with ADHD who want practical advocacy education, deep support, and room to talk honestly about the situations that do not come with simple answers. If you have ever left a school conversation thinking, “I wish I had said what I was really thinking,” this is exactly the place to work through it together. More Support From Mom Parent ADHD If you are carrying a lot after a difficult school call, meeting, or parenting moment, you can find deep support in: From Chaos to Calm: A 30-Day Rescue Plan for ADHD Moms From Chaos to Calm in 30 Days Workbook (Companion) These resources were lovingly created for those moments when your mind feels incredibly loud and you need some room to sort through what belongs to the situation, what belongs to your own worry, and what you actually want to do next. They are not about giving you a rigid parenting formula or telling you what consequence your child should receive. They are about making a little more room for you while you are parenting and advocating for your child. Stay Connected With Mom Parent ADHD You can stay connected with Mom Parent ADHD at MomParentADHD.com, right here on Substack, and on YouTube, Instagram, and Threads. You can listen to the Mom Parent ADHD Podcast on Substack, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts. And if this episode reminded you of another mom who has ever worried that explaining her child will make her sound like she is making excuses, please consider sharing it with her today. Sometimes another mom just needs to hear: You can acknowledge what your child did and still say what you know about the child you are raising. Important Note This podcast shares personal experience, general educational information, and practical support for moms raising children with ADHD. It is not medical, mental health, educational, clinical, or legal advice and does not create an attorney-client relationship. Every child and every situation is different. If you have concerns about your child’s behavior, health, education, mental health, or individual support needs, consider speaking with an appropriately qualified professional who can evaluate your child’s circumstances. Get full access to Mom Parent ADHD at lolamswaby.substack.com/subscribe

  5. Sep 23

    Why “I Need to Think About That” Can Feel So Hard to Say

    Why “I Need to Think About That” Can Feel So Hard to Say ADHD parent advocacy, decision pressure, and why moms may need more time before answering in school, therapy, or support conversations Season 2, Episode 9 | The Prepared Advocate Series  A meeting is almost over. A recommendation has been made, everyone seems ready for the next step, and then somebody turns to Mom and asks, “Are you comfortable moving forward?” She is not exactly sure, but everybody is waiting, so she says, “Okay.” Then she gets to the parking lot and suddenly realizes how much she is still thinking about.  In this episode of the Mom Parent ADHD Podcast, we are talking about that very particular kind of pressure: the kind that can show up when a decision involving your child seems to arrive faster than your own thoughts. This is not a conversation about distrusting professionals or turning every recommendation into a battle. Instead, it is about something much quieter: what can happen inside Mom when the people around her seem ready for an answer, and she is still trying to figure out what she thinks.  In This Episode We talk about why a recommendation may already feel familiar to everyone else in the room even though Mom is hearing it for the very first time, how the natural end of a meeting can quietly change the way a decision feels, and why wanting help for your child can sometimes create its own sense of urgency. We also talk about the invisible expectation many mothers carry that because a decision concerns our child, we should somehow know the answer immediately. Finally, we spend some time with those specific questions that seem to wait until you are back in your car, washing dishes, or finally somewhere quiet before they decide to show up.    A Sentence to Carry With You They may simply have had more time with the idea than you have. You are allowed to catch up.    Continue The Prepared Advocate Series This episode is the companion conversation to this week’s Prepared Advocate article: A Recommendation Is Not a Decision. The article and podcast approach the week’s advocacy theme from two different directions. The article looks at what it means to participate thoughtfully when a recommendation is placed in front of you. The podcast stays with the emotional experience of being asked for an answer when your thoughts have not quite caught up with the room.  👉 Read “A Recommendation Is Not a Decision” If you are following The Prepared Advocate Series, you can continue the conversation inside the ADHD Mom Advocacy Community on Skool, where we take these everyday advocacy moments a little further.  👉 Join the ADHD Mom Advocacy Community   More Support From Mom Parent ADHD If the mental load surrounding parenting, appointments, school conversations, decisions, and everything else you are carrying has been feeling especially heavy, you can also explore From Chaos to Calm: A 30-Day Rescue Plan for ADHD Moms and the companion From Chaos to Calm in 30 Days Workbook. These resources were created to help you make room around the thoughts that can keep running long after the meeting, appointment, or school day is over.  👉 Explore Mom Parent ADHD Resources 👉 Explore the From Chaos to Calm Guide and Workbook   Stay Connected Visit MomParentADHD.com for practical ADHD parenting support, advocacy education, and resources created specifically for moms raising children with ADHD.  You can also follow Mom Parent ADHD on Substack, YouTube, Instagram, and Threads. Listen to the Mom Parent ADHD Podcast on Substack, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts. If this episode brought another mom to mind, please share it with her. She may have had one of those parking-lot moments too.   A Moment of Reflection Take a look back at the very last meeting or appointment you attended for your child. When the team asked for your final input, did you feel a subtle rush to say yes simply because the room was quiet and the clock was ticking? If you found yourself nodding along or stepping out to the parking lot with a mind full of unanswered questions, please know that you did not fail. Your brain was simply doing the incredibly heavy lifting of processing new data, balancing your child's schedule, and carrying the weight of your own hope. You do not have to close the understanding gap in thirty seconds just because a professional has been looking at the data for a month. Give yourself permission to catch up, because your processing time matters just as much as your advocacy.  Important Note Mom Parent ADHD shares general educational information, advocacy support, and personal experience. This podcast is not medical, mental health, clinical, educational, or legal advice, and it does not create an attorney-client relationship. Every child and family is different. Please consult the appropriate qualified professionals when you need guidance concerning your child’s individual educational, medical, therapeutic, mental health, or legal circumstances.  Get full access to Mom Parent ADHD at lolamswaby.substack.com/subscribe

  6. Sep 17

    Advocating for Your Child With ADHD Without Always Speaking for Them

    Advocating for Your Child With ADHD Without Always Speaking for Them How to know when to step in, when to wait, and how to make room for your child’s own words There’s a moment many moms know well. Someone asks your child a question at school, in a meeting, during an appointment, or in another important conversation. You already know your child may freeze. You know the answer may come out as “fine” or “I don’t know,” even when there’s much more behind it. You know how easily a short answer can be misunderstood. So you step in. And sometimes, later, you wonder whether your child needed you to answer, or whether you answered before they had the chance. That’s the conversation at the center of this week’s episode of the Mom Parent ADHD Podcast. This is not an episode about stepping back and expecting children to advocate for themselves before they’re ready. Our children are still children, and there are conversations and responsibilities that belong with the adults. Instead, we’re talking about something much more ordinary and much more complicated: recognizing the moments when your child still needs you to carry the conversation, and the moments when there may be just enough room for them to contribute something of their own. We’ll talk about why moms often answer so quickly, what can make those few seconds of silence feel so uncomfortable, and why participation doesn’t have to mean your child is ready to handle advocacy alone. Most importantly, this conversation isn’t about looking backward and questioning whether you’ve been doing something wrong. Advocacy changes as our children grow. The child who needed you to explain everything two years ago may be able to contribute one sentence today. Another child may still need Mom to carry most of the conversation. Both can be okay. The question isn’t whether your child should suddenly advocate independently. The question is whether there may be a little more room for them now than there used to be. This Episode Is For You If: You find yourself answering questions before your child has a chance to respond. Your child often says "I don’t know” or “fine” when adults ask about something important. You worry that your child will be misunderstood if you don’t fill in the details. You want your child to eventually become more comfortable expressing what they need without pushing them before they’re ready. You’re trying to figure out where your role ends and your child’s participation begins. This episode is part of The Prepared Advocate Series, where we talk about the practical and emotional parts of advocating for a child with ADHD... including the parts mothers often carry quietly behind the conversation. Read This Week’s Companion Article: We Keep Talking About What Your Child Needs. Has Anyone Asked Your Child? The article looks at why your child’s experience deserves a place in advocacy conversations without making your child responsible for adult decisions. A Little Support for the Mental Replay Afterward If you tend to leave meetings, school conversations, or appointments replaying what you said, what you should have said, or whether you handled something the right way, you can also explore From Chaos to Calm: A 30-Day Rescue Plan for ADHD Moms and the companion From Chaos to Calm in 30 Days Workbook. I created them to help you slow down some of that mental traffic, sort through what actually needs your attention, and make room for whatever comes next... without feeling as though you have to solve every advocacy question at once.👉 Learn more at MomParentADHD.com Come Build These Skills With Us If you want a place to continue learning and practicing these advocacy skills with other moms raising children with ADHD, come join us in the ADHD Mom Advocacy Community on Skool. Inside the community, The Prepared Advocate Series is organized for you so you don’t have to hunt through separate articles and podcast episodes to find the next piece. We’re building this together. A Note Before You Listen Mom Parent ADHD shares general educational information and personal experience. This podcast is not medical, mental health, educational, or legal advice. Your child’s circumstances are individual, so please speak with the appropriate qualified professionals when you need guidance about your child. Get full access to Mom Parent ADHD at lolamswaby.substack.com/subscribe

  7. Aug 26

    ADHD School Behavior: What Happened Before the Refusal?

    ADHD School Behavior: What Happened Before the Refusal? When the same school problem keeps happening, look at what your child was still able to do before the moment changed. A school behavior message can be completely true and still start the story too late. When you read, “He refused the worksheet,” it can sound like the whole event has already been explained. But when the same concern keeps coming back, there may be a more useful place to begin than the behavior that happened at the end. In this episode of the Mom Parent ADHD Podcast, I talk about something I wish I had understood earlier as a mom: why repeatedly asking our children “Why did you do that?” may not always get us the information we actually need. This is not about excusing difficult behavior or trying to explain every school problem through ADHD. It is about knowing where to look when a broad concern keeps showing up and you need a better starting point for the next conversation. In This Episode, we talk about: Why a behavior message may begin at the most visible part of the problem rather than the most useful part. What can get missed when a recurring school concern is described in very broad terms. Why asking your child “why” may sometimes require more explanation than your child can give you in that moment. How a more specific question can help you understand what deserves your attention without turning every school difficulty into an investigation. Why you do not need to choose between immediately defending your child and immediately correcting your child. How to approach a repeated school concern without assuming you already know what caused it. A Moment to Reflect Think about one school concern you have heard more than once. When you hear it, what happens in your mind first? Do you start trying to figure out why your child did it? Do you feel pressure to correct the problem before it happens again? Or, do you find yourself questioning whether the description really fits what you know about your child? You do not need to solve anything during this reflection. Just think about whether you have been focusing mostly on the part of the situation that happened at the end. As you listen to this episode, keep that one concern in mind and see whether the conversation gives you a different place to begin. Continue The Prepared Advocate Series This episode is part of The Prepared Advocate Series, helping moms to bring what they know into the advocacy conversation. Read Monday’s Companion Article: ADHD School Behavior Messages: Before You Respond. A school notification can quickly feel like another parenting assignment. In the article, I talk about what happens after that message reaches home and why being informed about a difficult school moment does not automatically mean another round of correction, questioning, or problem-solving needs to happen there. More Support From Mom Parent ADHD School concerns can stay with us long after the school day has ended. Sometimes the message itself is only one part of what you are carrying. There is also homework, dinner, appointments, family responsibilities, your own worries, and that feeling that one more problem has just been added to your list. From Chaos to Calm: A 30-Day Rescue Plan for ADHD Moms and the companion From Chaos to Calm in 30 Days Workbook were created for those fuller moments of motherhood. They can help you slow things down, work through what is weighing on you, and decide what needs your attention without expecting yourself to solve everything at once. Learn More About the From Chaos to Calm Guide and Workbook Stay Connected With Mom Parent ADHD You can continue the conversation inside our ADHD Mom Advocacy Community on Skool, where we talk about the practical and emotional side of advocating for our children while still making room for ourselves. You can find more from Mom Parent ADHD here: Website: MomParentADHD.com Substack: https://lolamswaby.substack.com/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@MomParentADHD Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/momparentadhd/ Threads: https://www.threads.com/@momparentadhd Skool: https://www.skool.com/exhale-reset-adhd-moms-3852/about You can also follow and subscribe to the Mom Parent ADHD Podcast on Substack, Spotify, or Apple Podcasts, so you do not miss the next episode in The Prepared Advocate Series. Episode Takeaway When the same school concern keeps coming back, the behavior that gets reported may not be the only part worth paying attention to. Sometimes a better question can take the conversation somewhere the label never could. Important Note The Mom Parent ADHD Podcast shares general educational information, personal experience, and practical support for parents. It is not medical, mental health, educational, clinical, or legal advice, and listening does not create an attorney-client relationship. Every child and every family situation is different. When you need guidance about your child’s individual circumstances, please speak with the appropriate qualified professional. Get full access to Mom Parent ADHD at lolamswaby.substack.com/subscribe

    ADHD School Behavior: What Happened Before the Refusal?

  8. Aug 20

    When You Don’t Know Yet: ADHD, School, and the Pressure to Have Answers

    Season 2, Episode 6 When You Don’t Know Yet: ADHD, School, and the Pressure to Have Answers Why uncertainty can feel so uncomfortable when it is your child, and how to stay curious without forcing yourself to know too soon. Your child makes one comment after school and suddenly your mind is several steps ahead. Was something wrong today? Is this the beginning of a bigger problem? Should you contact the teacher now, or are you making too much of one difficult moment? When it involves our children, not knowing can feel surprisingly uncomfortable. We want to respond well, but sometimes that desire creates another kind of pressure: the feeling that we should already understand what is happening. In this episode of the Mom Parent ADHD Podcast, I talk about that space before the answer becomes clear. Not every concern arrives with enough information to explain it. Sometimes we are still trying to understand what we heard, what we saw, and whether it means anything beyond today. This conversation is about what happens inside us during that uncertainty and why being a prepared advocate does not require having every answer before we ask a question. In This Episode We talk about why one small clue can send a mother’s mind searching for an explanation, how previous experiences can make uncertainty harder to sit with, and what can happen when being prepared begins to feel like needing to know immediately. Most of all, this is a conversation about giving yourself room to be curious while the situation is still unfolding. A Moment to Reflect Think about something involving your child that you are trying to understand right now. Before deciding what you believe it means, ask yourself: What do I actually know today? Then consider what remains unanswered. You do not need to solve the unanswered part during this reflection. Just notice whether your mind has already started trying to fill it in. Continue With The Prepared Advocate Series This episode is part of The Prepared Advocate Series, where we look at advocacy as it happens in real life, including the moments before the email, meeting, appointment, or conversation when you are still figuring out what needs your attention. This week’s Monday article is: Is My Child With ADHD Adjusting to School or Beginning to Struggle? Stay Connected If these conversations feel familiar, come join us inside the ADHD Mom Advocacy Community on Skool. It is a space for mothers raising children with ADHD to talk about advocacy, everyday parenting, and the parts of this work that can be difficult to carry alone. You can also find more Mom Parent ADHD articles, podcast episodes, videos, and resources at MomParentADHD.com and follow Mom Parent ADHD on Substack, Facebook, Instagram, Threads, LinkedIn, and YouTube. If a difficult day tends to follow you into the next school email, decision, or conversation, you can also explore From Chaos to Calm: A 30-Day Rescue Plan for ADHD Moms and the companion From Chaos to Calm in 30 Days Workbook. About the Host Lola M. Swaby, Esq. is an attorney with 30 years of legal experience, an author, and a mother raising a son with ADHD and autism. She is co-founder of Mom Parent ADHD and creator of The Prepared Advocate Series. Her work combines practical advocacy education with the lived experience of navigating school concerns, evaluations, accommodations, and the everyday decisions that come with raising a child who learns and experiences the world differently. Educational Disclaimer Mom Parent ADHD shares general educational information and personal experience. This podcast is not medical, mental health, educational, or legal advice. Your child’s needs and circumstances are individual, so please speak with the appropriate qualified professionals when you need guidance about your child. Get full access to Mom Parent ADHD at lolamswaby.substack.com/subscribe

See All (25)

About

Mom Parent ADHD is a podcast for moms raising children with ADHD who are carrying a lot and need support that feels real. Hosted by Lola Swaby, this show offers practical routines, emotional regulation tools, school advocacy guidance, and honest encouragement for the messy, beautiful journey of parenting a child with ADHD. From the perspective of a mom who is also parenting a child with ADHD. lolamswaby.substack.com

Information

  • Creator
    Lola Swaby
  • Years Active
    2026
  • Episodes
    25
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Lola M. Swaby
  • Show Website
    Mom Parent ADHD