How do you go from parenting small children, to parenting teenagers, to parenting adults? And can your adult children actually become your friends? In this episode, George & April Davis take on a conversation they admit they are still learning on the fly, and this time they brought someone to keep them honest: their 19-year-old son, Kasden. With a 25-year-old daughter, a 23-year-old son, and Kasden all still at home, George and April are in the thick of parenting three adults. Kasden gives an honest look at what respect, advice, and control feel like from the other side of the table. Together they talk about why letting go is a transition and not an event that happens on an 18th birthday, how to tell the difference between advice and a demand, why agreement can't be the price of relationship, and how a relationship built well in the formative years can grow into a friendship your kids choose. Whether you're parenting a 7-year-old, a teenager, or a grown child, this one is for you. The anchor for the day is Ecclesiastes 3:1. There is a season for everything, and the parent and child relationship doesn't end when your kids become adults. It has to evolve. What Does Being an Adult Actually Mean? Their shared takeaway: successful parenting eventually requires surrendering control, but letting go isn't something that happens on a birthday. It's a transition for everyone, especially when you're still under the same roof. Advice vs. Control Parents have lived longer and made mistakes, and they want to help their kids avoid the same potholes. George and April admit they've run up credit cards and spent years paying them off, and there's no reason their kids should have to make the same mistake. So when does advice feel helpful, and when does it feel like control? Kasden draws a clear line between the two: ● Advice can be thrown in the trash. As an adult, he can take your advice and build his life on it, or set it aside and do the opposite. Both are okay in an adult relationship. ● It becomes control when the relationship changes. If he chooses a different path and now things feel strained between you, you see him differently, or you respond differently, that feels like control. ● It becomes control when support becomes leverage. If financial support is pulled because he didn't follow what a parent wanted, that is control, not advice. The distinction he asks for is simple: let your advice be your advice, and let what you want him to do be a separate thing. George and April receive it well. They also acknowledge that they sometimes still cross the line into step-by-step instructions, and that adult kids deserve a parent who learns to give less advice when it isn't requested. James 1:19 gives the practical posture: be quick to listen and slow to speak. A great habit for parents of adult children is to ask before advising: "Do you want my opinion, or do you just need me to listen?" When They Make a Decision You Wouldn't George and April are quick to say that because Kasden and his siblings were raised with a biblical perspective, they rarely end up at major crossroads. But there will be decisions they don't agree with. George asks Kasden what he needs from his parents in those moments, and what would make him more likely to come back and talk to them when something doesn't work out. ● Let it happen. A path may look like it won't work, and it may be harder than it needs to be, but that doesn't mean it won't succeed. And if they do fall flat on their face, you can still encourage them while they're in the mud. ● Skip the "I told you so." "Now do you see why I gave you direction?" may have worked at 12. In an adult relationship, Kasden says, they already see where they went wrong and don't need to hear it. ● Offer acceptance, not judgment. The thing that keeps him coming back to talk is not feeling judged for stepping off the path his parents would have chosen. From the parent side, George and April share how hard it is to watch a child walk toward the edge of a cliff when you can see the danger on the other side. Romans 14:12 reminds them that each of us will give an account to God, and eventually our children become responsible before Him for their own decisions. As they have told their kids for years, the life you grew up with is not portable. They can give wisdom and share what they've learned, but eventually they have to give their children space to make the decision and live their own lives. They also name the other side of the relationship. Mistakes aren't really mistakes if you learn from them, and the way you know you've learned is that you adjust the next time. An adult child has to own what flops and sometimes live with the consequences. And parents don't have to agree with the next decision in order to love and support their child. That's why they say: if I make agreement the price of relationship, eventually my adult child may stop letting me into their life. It doesn't mean abandoning conviction. It means telling the truth, giving counsel, releasing control, and keeping the relationship open. And it's why the formative years matter so much. When you've given children a framework early on, they will usually make decisions pretty close to the right one. Can Your Parents Actually Become Your Friends? George and April say it amazes them to watch a real friendship developing with their adult kids. They love to cruise, their kids love to cruise. They love a good restaurant, and their kids love to tag along, so much so that the kids sometimes feel like they shouldn't go anywhere without them. They feel deeply blessed that their adult children actually want to be with them in their free time. George remembers his own mother saying, "I ain't one of your little friends," so seeing this today means a lot. ● Friendship doesn't erase parenthood. They will never stop being Mom and Dad, but the relationship becomes increasingly mutual. ● Relationship becomes more powerful than authority. In any leadership role, the goal is for people to do the right thing because they want to, not because they feel forced or hovered over. The same is true with parenting adult children. ● Love them where they are. George and April have three adult children with three distinct personalities. Each one has to be dealt with individually, loved where they are and not just where their parents want them to be. What We've Taught Each Other George asks Kasden what one thing his mom has taught him that he'll carry for the rest of his life. His answer: keep your eyes on Jesus. It's the foundation that never shook, never changed, and was always there. It may look like it wobbles as kids grow up, but if it's the real foundation, it doesn't leave. George adds that Kasden's siblings have the stories to prove it, including a car ride where a tattletale moment turned into reading Scriptures out loud. When April turns the question to what Dad has taught him, Kasden says: you lead the room, you don't follow it. For him it's more than a physical thing. It's about how you carry yourself, the character you have, and how you treat other people. He says it was easy to follow the crowd going off to college this past year, and it takes something built within you to be the one who leads instead. George calls this one of his favorite episodes ever because they are learning from their kids as much as teaching them. (April's phone-fixing dependency on Kasden is noted for the record.) This episode of The Blueprint with George & April Davis is supported by Impact Christian Academy. At ICA, education is about much more than preparing students for a test. It's about preparing young people for life. Impact Christian Academy partners with families to help students grow academically, spiritually, socially, and personally in an environment grounded in biblical values, developing young men and women who know who they are, understand their God-given purpose, and are prepared to make an impact wherever life takes them. That's especially fitting for today's conversation, because ultimately that's what parenting and education are both about: preparing our children to eventually stand on their own. If you're looking for a Christian educational environment that combines academic development with faith, character, and purpose, learn more about Impact Christian Academy at icajax.com. Thank you to ICA for supporting today's episode of The Blueprint. Connect With Us If this episode helped you, subscribe so you're notified the moment the next episode drops, and share it with a parent, grandparent, or anyone navigating the shift from raising kids to relating to adults. 🎙️ Subscribe on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and YouTube 📱 Follow us on Facebook & Instagram 📧 Submit your questions: theblueprintpodcast@weareimpact.com Support the show The Blueprint with George & April Davis is a conversation about the principles that build strong lives, strong families, strong leaders, and strong ministries. Drawing from decades of ministry, leadership, and life experience, they share the wisdom and practical insights that help people build their lives on a solid foundation.
