Deeper By Design

Dr. Trevor Hislop
  • 5.0 (1)
  • Relationships

Most of us want deeper connection—but we don’t always know how to build it, protect it, or repair it when it breaks. Deeper by Design is a podcast that brings together theology and the science of human connection to help you move from good intentions to real, lasting change. It’s hosted by Dr. Trevor Hislop—an author and sought-after speaker, a marriage and family therapist, and a former pastor—whose work sits at the intersection of spiritual formation and relational healing. With years of clinical experience and ministry leadership, Dr. Trevor has helped couples, families, and leaders understand the patterns that keep them stuck—and practice the skills that create emotional safety, rebuild trust, and deepen connection. Each episode explores the questions beneath the questions: Why do we repeat the same cycles? What actually creates secure connection? What makes repair possible after conflict, distance, or disappointment? You’ll get a blend of Dr. Trevor’s practical teaching and conversations with influential thinkers and leaders across theology, psychology, neuroscience, leadership, and wellness—all aimed at helping you experience deeper connection with God, yourself, and the people you love. Whether you’re navigating marriage, parenting, friendships, team dynamics, or community life, this show will give you language, tools, and hope you can put into practice right away—where theology meets the science and practice of connection.

  1. 6d ago

    Episode 13: Small Habits, Stronger Marriages — Moving from Drift to Connection with Dr. Peter Larson

    The Deeper by Design Podcast | Dr. Trevor Hislop with Dr. Peter Larson Healthy marriages don't happen by accident. They're built through small, intentional moments of connection. Between busy schedules, family responsibilities, work, and constant technology distractions, couples can gradually drift apart without realizing it. In this episode, Dr. Trevor Hislop welcomes Dr. Peter Larson, clinical psychologist, former president of PREPARE/ENRICH, and Senior Director of WinShape Marriage, for an insightful conversation about relational drift, the patterns that keep couples disconnected, and the everyday habits that help strengthen marriage. Inspired by Peter's article, AI Can Write Your Email, But It Can't Strengthen Your Marriage, they explore how technology can distract us from meaningful connection, why our protective responses sometimes create greater distance, and how small changes can make a lasting difference. Four Habits for Stronger Marriages Stay Curious: Keep learning about your spouse rather than assuming you already know everything about them.Greet Each Other Like You Mean It: Make everyday moments of connection intentional.Say the Good Things Out Loud: Express appreciation, encouragement, and affection regularly.Protect Time Together: Prioritize meaningful presence over simply being in the same place.Trevor and Peter bring together clinical insights, biblical wisdom, personal experiences, and practical ideas that couples can begin using right away. The takeaway? You don't have to overhaul your marriage overnight. Sometimes strengthening your relationship begins with a simple question, a meaningful greeting, or a few intentional minutes together. Connect & Learn More Dr. Peter Larson | WinShape Marriage Explore marriage retreats, intensives, enrichment experiences, and ministry couple retreats at WinShape Marriage. Dr. Trevor Hislop | Renovi Relational Therapy Learn more about relational health, marriage intensives, and additional resources at trevorhislop.com. If this conversation encourages you, share it with someone who might benefit, and subscribe to The Deeper by Design Podcast for more conversations where faith meets the science and practice of connection.

  2. Oct 20

    Episode 12: Repair — When Love Learns to Return

    Healthy relationships aren't rupture-free. They're repair-capable. Every relationship experiences conflict, misunderstanding, and moments of hurt. What matters isn't simply what happens when things go wrong, but how we find our way back to one another. In this episode, Dr. Trevor Hislop explores Repair, the fourth movement of the Renovi Flow, and how our attempts to protect ourselves can sometimes create the very disconnection we're trying to avoid. Drawing from clinical experience, relationship research, and biblical wisdom, Trevor introduces the REPAIR Pathway, a practical framework from Renovi Relational Therapy (RRT): R — Recall the Moment: Name what happened.E — Explore Your Inner World: Understand your emotions and reactions.P — Pay Attention to Impact: Understand how your response affected the other person.A — Apologize Clearly: Take responsibility for your part.I — Imagine a Better Way: Identify a healthier response.R — Renew Your Intention: Commit to meaningful change.Whether in marriage, parenting, friendships, or leadership, repair begins when we learn to stay present, stay curious, and stay humble—moving from protection toward connection. Free Resource: Repair Practice Guide Put these insights into practice with the free Repair Practice Guide, designed to help you work through the six steps and begin strengthening your relationships. Download the Repair Practice Guide Learn more about Renovi Relational Therapy and explore additional resources at trevorhislop.com. If this episode was helpful, share it with someone who might benefit, and subscribe to The Deeper by Design Podcast. Until next time, let's keep going deeper by design.

  3. Oct 13

    Episode 11: Reframe — When the Story Starts to Shift

    What do we do when our reaction feels bigger than the moment itself? Maybe it was a tone, a delayed response, unexpected feedback, or a moment of distance. Before we even have time to think, our body responds, our mind fills in the gaps, and the moment starts to mean something. In this solo episode, Dr. Trevor Hislop continues the Renovi Flow series by exploring the third movement of relational renewal: Reframe. Reframe helps us slow down and notice that we often react not just to what happened, but to what we made it mean. Sometimes the meaning we attach to the present moment is shaped by an older story, a protective response, or a familiar relational pattern. As Trevor notes in the episode, “If it’s hysterical, it’s historical.” Reframe is not denial, positive thinking, spiritual bypassing, or excuse-making. It is learning to see with truer eyes, holding compassion and responsibility, story and impact, understanding and change. In this episode, we discuss:Why “it’s not actually about what it’s about”How present moments can activate old storiesWhy our brain and body move quickly toward protectionWhat instant stories are and how they shape relational reactionsWhy feelings are signals, not final verdictsThe power of the words and maybeHow to move from blame to pattern-thinkingWhy protective behaviors are often solutions before they become problemsHow Reframe helps us see ourselves, others, God, and our relationships with deeper truthKey Takeaway: The story that shaped you doesn’t have to be the story that defines you. Practice: When a reaction feels bigger than the moment, slow down and ask: What happened?What story did I tell myself?What did that story make me feel and do?What is a truer frame?Resources: Download the Reframe Practice Guide to help you notice the instant story, examine the frame, and practice seeing with deeper truth. Click here: Reframe Practice Guide Learn more about Dr. Trevor Hislop, Renovi Relational Therapy, and The Deeper by Design Podcast at trevorhislop.com.

  4. Oct 6

    Episode 10: Inside the Black Box — Decision-Making and Lasting Change with Dr. Karl Benzio

    Why do we make decisions we later regret? Why do we react so quickly, even when we know better? In this episode of The Deeper by Design Podcast, Dr. Trevor Hislop is joined by Dr. Karl Benzio, board-certified psychiatrist, co-founder and Chief Psychiatric Officer of Honey Lake Clinic, and Medical Director of the American Association of Christian Counselors. Together, they explore what Dr. Benzio calls the “black box” — the internal space where our thoughts, emotions, perceptions, values, fears, and past experiences shape the decisions we make. Dr. Benzio introduces the SPEARS decision-making progression and explains how greater self-awareness, curiosity, emotional regulation, faith, and repeated micro-practices can help us renew our minds, rewire our brains, and relate to God, ourselves, and others with greater clarity and intention. This conversation brings together faith, psychiatry, neuroscience, spiritual formation, and practical wisdom for anyone who wants to better understand why they do what they do — and how real change begins. In this episode, Trevor and Dr. Benzio discuss: What happens inside the “black box” of the mindWhy so much of our decision-making happens automaticallyThe SPEARS decision-making progressionHow perception shapes emotion and responseWhy emotional regulation matters before making decisionsHow neuroplasticity gives hope for lasting changeThe role of curiosity in spiritual and emotional growthWhy decision-making is one of the most important skills we can developHow faith and neuroscience work together in the process of renewalPractical ways to slow down, reflect, and make wiser choicesResources Mentioned Learn more about Dr. Karl Benzio and his resources at drkarlbenzio.com. Resources mentioned in this episode include: Transformed by His Promises A devotional resource designed to help people renew their minds and build daily practices that support lasting change. Your Adversity Advantage A collection of real stories and practical insight about moving from pain to purpose through faith, resilience, and transformation. Honey Lake Clinic A Christ-centered residential treatment center integrating spirit, mind, and body. honeylake.clinic Learn more about Dr. Trevor Hislop, Renovi Relational Therapy, marriage intensives, leadership care, and additional resources at trevorhislop.com. The Deeper by Design Podcast is available on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, and Spotify.

  5. Sep 29

    Episode 9: Remember — When Your Story Begins to Make Sense

    In this episode of The Deeper by Design Podcast, Dr. Trevor Hislop continues the series through the six movements of the Renovi Flow from Renovi Relational Therapy: Reveal, Remember, Reframe, Repair, Rehearse, and Renew. This episode focuses on the second movement: Remember. Remember begins with the idea that we can’t heal a pattern we don’t understand. Our reactions usually have a history. The way we shut down, get defensive, overwork, people-please, control, withdraw, or feel shame often began somewhere. But Remember is not about blaming the past, living in the past, or making excuses. It is about bringing our story into the light with honesty, compassion, and responsibility so we can understand how our story shaped our survival. Dr. Trevor explores how family of origin, attachment, temperament, body-based memory, faith, and relational patterns shape how we respond in the present. Through personal story, clinical examples, and the RRT lens of protection and connection, he shows how what once helped us survive can eventually get in the way of deeper connection. A key idea in this episode is: Protection is often a solution before it becomes a problem. In this episode, Dr. Trevor discusses: Why our reactions usually have a historyHow family of origin shapes relational patternsWhy protective strategies can become relational barriersHow storywork helps us understand the meaning beneath the momentWhy the past can show up in the present through the nervous systemHow couples and leaders can begin to recognize repeated cyclesWhy Remember holds compassion and responsibility togetherHow grief, safety, and support are part of relational renewalA key takeaway: This reaction makes sense in light of my story, but it does not have to rule my relationship. Sometimes the beginning of change is not trying harder. Sometimes the beginning of change is finally understanding why the pattern made sense. Download the Remember Practice Guide here: Remember Practice Guide Learn more about Dr. Trevor Hislop, Renovi Relational Therapy, marriage intensives, leadership care, and additional resources at trevorhislop.com. The Deeper by Design Podcast is available on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, and Spotify.

  6. Sep 22

    Episode 8: Created for Connection — Attachment, Emotional Safety, and the Cycles that Shape Us

    What happens when two people love each other, but keep getting stuck in the same painful pattern? In this episode of The Deeper by Design Podcast, Dr. Trevor Hislop is joined by Kenny Sanderfer, licensed marriage and family therapist, certified Emotionally Focused Therapy trainer, supervisor, and therapist, founder of EFT Tennessee, and co-author with Dr. Sue Johnson of Created for Connection: The Hold Me Tight Guide for Christian Couples. Together, Dr. Trevor and Kenny explore attachment science, emotionally focused therapy, emotional safety, relational cycles, faith, and the deep human longing to be seen, heard, known, and securely connected. Kenny shares how his own journey through agriculture, missions, ministry, counseling, and his friendship and work with Dr. Sue Johnson shaped his passion for helping couples understand love not as a bargain, but as a bond. He also explains why attachment is more than a theory — it is a science of how our closest relationships shape the way we experience ourselves, others, and connection. This conversation is deeply practical and hopeful. Dr. Trevor and Kenny talk about why couples get caught in negative cycles, why the other person is not the problem, and how the cycle itself often becomes the problem. They discuss emotional safety, protection, pursuit, withdrawal, repair, vulnerability, and the kind of conversations that help people move toward secure connection instead of deeper disconnection. In this episode, we discuss: What Emotionally Focused Therapy is and why attachment science mattersWhy relational wounds are healed in relationshipsHow emotional safety allows us to be more fully ourselves with the people we loveWhy couples often get stuck in the same painful conversationsHow protective patterns like pursuing, withdrawing, attacking, or shutting down developWhy “the person is not the problem — the cycle is the problem”How vulnerability can interrupt negative relational patternsWhy repair, restoration, and reconciliation are deeply connected to God’s design for relationshipHow faith and attachment science help us understand connection with God, ourselves, and othersWhy it is never too early to strengthen the foundation of a relationship A key takeaway from this episode: Relational pain often forms in relationship — and healing also happens in relationship. Kenny reminds us that we were created for connection, and that secure bonds help us face life, repair rupture, and move toward one another with greater courage, safety, and love. Learn more about Kenny Sanderfer and his resources at kennethsanderfer.com. Learn more about Dr. Trevor Hislop, The Deeper by Design Podcast, Renovi Relational Therapy, marriage intensives, leadership care, and additional resources at trevorhislop.com. The Deeper by Design Podcast is available on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, and Spotify.

  7. Sep 15

    Episode 7: Reveal — When Truth Becomes Safe to Name

    What do we do when being honest doesn’t feel safe? In this solo episode of The Deeper by Design Podcast, Dr. Trevor Hislop begins a new series through the six movements of the Renovi Flow from Renovi Relational Therapy: Reveal, Remember, Reframe, Repair, Rehearse, and Renew. This episode focuses on the first movement: Reveal — the practice of naming what’s really happening beneath the surface with wisdom, safety, humility, and care. Reveal begins with a simple but powerful idea: we can’t renew what we refuse to reveal. But Reveal is not reckless honesty. It’s not emotional dumping, blame, or forced vulnerability. For many of us, honesty has not always felt safe. Maybe opening up led to shame, dismissal, conflict, or pain. So we learned to hide, minimize, defend, shut down, or keep the peace on the outside while losing peace on the inside. Through the story of Genesis 3, clinical examples, and practical reflection, Trevor explores why hiding is such a human response — and how truth, when held with care, can become the beginning of healing, repair, and renewed connection. In this episode, you’ll learn how to slow down and ask: What’s really going on here? What am I feeling? What am I trying to protect? What truth have I not yet been able to name? Dr. Trevor also introduces the Reveal Practice Worksheet, a practical RRT resource built around four simple movements: Settle. Sense. Reveal. Respond. You’ll also hear about the Reveal Triangle, which helps you reflect on: What happened? What did I feel? What did I protect? What needs to be revealed? A key takeaway from this episode: Reveal is truth held with safety, wisdom, and care. Sometimes the first step toward deeper connection is simply being able to say: “Here’s where I really am.” Download the Reveal Practice Worksheet here: https://img1.wsimg.com/blobby/go/a237334b-8e7b-4c39-a748-589804f62337/downloads/1dbb5706-c1cf-4c50-81e6-9836cc0efe1c/reveal-practice-guide.pdf?ver=1789351467074 Learn more about Dr. Trevor Hislop, Renovi Relational Therapy, marriage intensives, leadership care, and additional resources at trevorhislop.com. The Deeper by Design Podcast is available on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, and Spotify.

  8. Sep 8

    Episode 6: The Enneagram, Self-Awareness, and Deeper Connection with Beth & Jeff McCord

    Why do we react the way we do in relationships? Why do two people experience the same moment so differently? Why does one person pursue while another withdraws? Why do our fears, assumptions, and protective strategies sometimes take over before we even realize what is happening? In this episode of The Deeper by Design Podcast, Dr. Trevor Hislop is joined by Beth and Jeff McCord, founders of Your Enneagram Coach, a gospel-centered platform helping people understand the Enneagram with clarity, compassion, and real-life application. Beth and Jeff are the authors of multiple books and resources, including Becoming Us, More Than Your Number, Enneagram for Moms, and a full series of Enneagram journals. Through their work, they help individuals, couples, parents, and leaders understand what is happening beneath the surface so they can grow in self-awareness, compassion, and healthier connection. In this honest and practical conversation, Beth and Jeff share how the Enneagram first helped them find language for the patterns in their own marriage. Together, they explore how the Enneagram can help us understand not just what we do, but why we do it. Trevor, Beth, and Jeff discuss core motivations, levels of health, defensive strategies, trauma, attachment, co-regulation, marriage, parenting, and the ongoing work of becoming more whole in Christ. In this episode, we discuss: Why the Enneagram is more than a personality testHow core motivations shape thoughts, feelings, and behaviorsHow to use the Enneagram as a tool for growth instead of a label, excuse, sword, or shieldWhy self-awareness should lead to compassion and responsibilityHow trauma and the nervous system shape relational reactionsHow Beth’s deeper trauma work changed the way she understood herself and her marriageHow Internal Family Systems and the Enneagram come together in More Than Your NumberWhy one person’s healing work can impact the whole relationshipThe power of co-regulation in marriage, parenting, and close relationships A key takeaway from this conversation is that self-awareness is not meant to become self-protection. It is meant to help us see more clearly, love more wisely, and relate more honestly. Used well, the Enneagram becomes a tool for compassion, growth, and transformation. Learn more about Beth and Jeff McCord and their resources at yourenneagramcoach.com. Free resources mentioned in this episode: Enneagram Origins: yourenneagramcoach.com/origins Core Motivations PDF: yourenneagramcoach.com/core-motivations Learn more about Dr. Trevor Hislop, The Deeper by Design Podcast, Renovi Relational Therapy, marriage intensives, leadership care, and additional resources at trevorhislop.com. The Deeper by Design Podcast is available on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, and Spotify. New episodes release every Tuesday.

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About

Most of us want deeper connection—but we don’t always know how to build it, protect it, or repair it when it breaks. Deeper by Design is a podcast that brings together theology and the science of human connection to help you move from good intentions to real, lasting change. It’s hosted by Dr. Trevor Hislop—an author and sought-after speaker, a marriage and family therapist, and a former pastor—whose work sits at the intersection of spiritual formation and relational healing. With years of clinical experience and ministry leadership, Dr. Trevor has helped couples, families, and leaders understand the patterns that keep them stuck—and practice the skills that create emotional safety, rebuild trust, and deepen connection. Each episode explores the questions beneath the questions: Why do we repeat the same cycles? What actually creates secure connection? What makes repair possible after conflict, distance, or disappointment? You’ll get a blend of Dr. Trevor’s practical teaching and conversations with influential thinkers and leaders across theology, psychology, neuroscience, leadership, and wellness—all aimed at helping you experience deeper connection with God, yourself, and the people you love. Whether you’re navigating marriage, parenting, friendships, team dynamics, or community life, this show will give you language, tools, and hope you can put into practice right away—where theology meets the science and practice of connection.

Information

  • Creator
    Dr. Trevor Hislop
  • Years Active
    2026
  • Episodes
    13
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2026 Dr. Trevor Hislop
  • Show Website
    Deeper By Design