Healing After Harm with Heena Patel

Heena Patel
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Healing After Harm with Heena Patel is for anyone finding their way forward after experiencing abuse in a learning or healing environment. This podcast is for survivors, for communities trying to figure out repair, and for anyone rebuilding their sense of self after giving their power away to someone else. This is a space for the ones learning to move at their own true pace, the ones done being "the good one," the survivors of teachers, gurus, institutions, and the people who were supposed to hold them. There's no single right way to heal. This is a space to explore the one that's yours. Through nuanced conversations, Heena and her guests explore accountability, justice, repair, consent, whether to speak out, how communities respond to allegations, resources for survivors, and more, connected to the many forms of abuse including sexual, emotional, financial, physical, narcissistic abuse, psychological abuse, and spiritual abuse, in addition to coercive control. Conversations touch on somatics, nervous system healing, coercive control, cults and high-control groups, power and consent, fawning, people-pleasing, and reclaiming your voice. A note on care: episodes explore abuse and its aftermath with honesty but without graphic detail for its own sake. Take what serves you and leave the rest. Guests include practitioners who support survivors and repair, people who've experienced abuse directly or within their communities, and advocates and authors working to prevent harm and change how communities respond to it. This podcast emerged from Heena's own experience of a 13-year coercive relationship with her former teacher, who groomed her into becoming his secret mistress. As a South Asian woman speaking openly about abuse of power, she breaks cultural taboos and offers others a way through. Liberation is the intention of this podcast and drives her work as a somatic practitioner, coach, and facilitator of consent-based power dynamics. Heena helps people discern what's truly theirs from what they inherited or were taught to be, come home to themselves, and expand their capacity to have the life they desire to become more free, more authentically themselves, and more able to experience health and love in their relationships with themselves, others, and the world. Her work is rooted in hard-earned wisdom, supporting others through what she has lived and forged herself. Links Healing After Harm's Instagram YouTube Heena's Instagram Heena's Substack Work with Heena

Episodes

  1. 3d ago

    EP 9 - The Imperfect Survivor: Samira Ghosh on Believing Without Judgment

    Note: This episode discusses sexual assault and gender-based violence at length, including direct references to rape, courtroom testimony, and generational and religious abuse. People often hold an idea of what a survivor looks like or how they should be. Samira Ghosh has spent sixteen years learning how untrue that is as Director of Advocacy and Client Services at Asian Family Support Services of Austin (AFSSA), and as a Texas state expert witness on trauma and survivor testimony. We start with the actual mechanics of showing up for a survivor: how intake works, the difference between wanting justice, healing, or to just be heard, alongside exploring the complexities around abuse in higher education and what it means when the person accused is someone's academic advisor, mentor, and visa sponsor all at once, Samira names the hardest-earned statistic I've heard on this show: healing from sexual violence takes, on average, twenty-three years. We talk about what community owes survivors, including believing without judgment, and not penalizing someone for changing their mind. With her work in a culturally responsive organization, we dive into how the phrase what will people say does so much quiet damage in South Asian communities, the impact of language, and other cultural norms that hinder healing and creating safer environments. I share my experiences of healing not only my harm, but also ancestral pain connected to abuse with teachers and leaders. Learn about Samira and AFSSA at www.afssaustin.org AFSSA's 24H Crisis and Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-877-281-8371 Chapters 03:43 How AFSSA's Intake Actually Works 08:50 Justice, Healing, or Just Being Heard 12:22 When the Harasser Is Your Academic Guru 15:16 Why Survivors Stay With AFSSA for Years 17:33 What to Say When Someone Discloses to You 22:05 'You Are Not Co-Opting My Story' 27:54 Testifying as the State's Trauma Expert 35:53 Storytelling Over a Public Call-Out 43:15 Why Some Languages Have No Word for This 51:18 Feeling Her Ancestors in the Room 01:02:10 10 to 500 in 16 Years Mentioned in this episode: Know My Name by Chanel Miller Maharaj (Netflix, 2024) Go deeper with the reflection prompt and the themes of this episode on Heena's Substack. If you're looking for more support on your own journey, learn more and apply to work together. Connect with Healing After Harm and Heena Instagram YouTube Heena's Instagram Heena's Substack Work with Heena

  2. Sep 23

    EP 8 - The Slow Game: Mikaela de la Myco on Advocacy and Repair

    Mikaela de la Myco was nineteen when she was harmed inside a western tantra teaching space. She was young in years and in her journey, and generous with her trust. She's gone on to become a voice for survivors of harm in wellness and psychedelic spaces. An educator and the caretaker of MA’AT, the Matriarchal Alliance for Accountability and Transparency, she was a lighthouse for me before I spoke publicly. When I found the post where she wrote about her own experience, I was at the point of knowing I would one day tell my story and finding almost no one who had told theirs. We talk about why harm inside a healing space cuts deep, why disclosure is not the easy part, what it actually takes to build effective coalitions, and what it means to hold survivors' stories with care, including the time a guest asked me to delete our episode, and why that was an easy yes. We land where Mikaela’s hardest-won wisdom lives: the difference between crisis response and the long game, why ‘restore to what?’ is the question rushed justice skips, and planting seeds for trees whose shade we won’t sit under. Chapters 05:20  The Dominator Worldview 12:47  Doe-Eyed and Nineteen 22:24  Disclosure Is Never the Easy Part 28:23  When a Survivor Says Delete It 34:39  Crisis Response vs the Slow Game 43:18  What Is Desired vs What’s Possible 49:14  Dropping a Grenade 54:20  Restore to What? 1:07:50  MA'AT and the Long Game About Mikaela Mikaela de la Myco serves as a mother, mushWOMB educator, facilitator, researcher and eco-sensual in the plant medicine, womb care and ethics space. She is the caretaker of MA’AT, founder of the citizen-science project Mothers of the Mushroom. Her open apology letter to survivors Mikaela's Instagram Resources Riane Eisler, The Chalice and the Blade Deepa Iyer's Social Change Ecosystem Map Go deeper with the reflection prompt and the themes of this episode on my Substack. If you're looking for more support on your own journey, learn more and apply to work together. Connect with Healing After Harm & Heena Instagram YouTube Heena's Instagram

  3. Sep 16

    EP 7 - Consent Is a Privilege: Amina Peterson on What the Body Knows

    Note: This episode includes a first-person disclosure of rape, and discussion of sexual coercion, sex work, racialized harm in wellness spaces, and the limits of "consent" as it's usually defined. Amina Peterson has spent more than two decades in one of the most vulnerable rooms there is - the one where people bring the parts of themselves they've been most shamed for. She's a somatic sexologist and the founder of the Amina Institute, and what makes her rare is that she's built actual structures to get ahead of harm instead of only cleaning it up afterward. We start where she started: as the youngest, darkest, largest, and poorest person in room after room of predominantly white erotic and tantra spaces; and the water ritual that made her realize these places hadn't been built with her in mind. From there, the moment a client's body froze under her hands, and what it taught her about consent: that the version most of us run on was built to hold up in court, and is close to useless for the body. I share the piece of my own story: the day, years after I left my former teacher, that the words "it was rape" came out of me on a bodywork table, long after I'd reasoned my way to the opposite conclusion. And Amina walks through the three tools she now treats as non-negotiable: slowing down, the Council of Six, and Authentic Consent, and the test I speak of - how easy is it to leave? When it's hard to leave, that's when it tips toward cult. Chapters 04:18 · This Isn't for Black People 10:23 · The Moment a Client's Body Froze 12:00 · Consent Is a Privilege, Not a Given 15:10 · "It Was R*pe": When the Body Remembers 19:01 · Slowing Down: Why Practitioners Fly Past 24:32 · Capitalism Out of Our Vaginal Canals 27:20 · The Council of Six 39:18 · Who Holds Your Story? 49:52 · Authentic Consent: The Third Tool 54:38 · Leaving Is Health About Amina: Amina Peterson is a somatic sexologist, EroSomatic bodyworker, erotic abolitionist, community curator, and sensual space & medicine holder. She is the founder of the Amina Institute for Embodiment and Healing (formerly Atlanta Institute of Tantra) and appeared as a healer on Netflix's Sex, Love & goop. Amina on Instagram Amina's Substack Fix Your Sex Podcast Go deeper with the reflection prompt and the themes of this episode on my Substack If you're looking for more support on your own journey, learn more and apply to work together: Connect with Healing After Harm and Heena InstagramYouTubeHeena's InstagramHeena's SubstackWork with Heena

  4. Aug 5

    EP 6 - Spiritual Whitewashing of Coercion and Patriarchy with Asha Mahari

    In this episode, I talk with Asha Mahari, whose writings on non-consensual touch and power dynamics in spiritual and healing communities struck a chord when I came across them online. Asha shares her own story of getting into a relationship with a workshop facilitator in new community she joined, being told it would be monogamous, and then discovering she'd been part of an undisclosed polyamorous dynamic, all without her knowledge or consent. We talk about how language like "worshipping the divine feminine" and "getting my needs met" can function as a cover for manipulation and objectification and how this man specifically targeted women who were new to the community, spiritually curious, and didn't yet have the relationships or history to recognize the pattern. But isn't just about one person's behaviors. We dig into what Asha calls "micro-assaults" or the small, body-level signals we learn to override and normalize, and how those normalized moments are often the foundation that bigger harm gets built on. We also talk about Asha's own journey with speaking out, which began from more reactive, less-integrated place, and what changed in her, including her own complicity, that led to her words being received by others. A note on content: This episode discusses sexual coercion, grooming, non-consensual relationship dynamics, and includes explicit language and direct references to sexual assault within the context of spiritual and wellness communities. In this episode, we cover: How "worship" and "divine feminine" language can be used to justify objectification Undisclosed polyamory and consent: what happens when "needs met" becomes code for something else How facilitators can target newcomers who lack community history or context "Micro-assaults": the small, normalized signals that pave the way for bigger harm Moving from reactive to heart-centered: Asha's journey with speaking out publicly Why Asha writes from a place of personal complicity, not just personal harm Dismantling "inner patriarchy" as a precursor to dismantling systemic patriarchy CHAPTERS 00:00 Introduction 02:11 Twin Flames & the Divine Feminine 06:12 When Chaos Gets Mistaken for Love 08:55 When Spiritual Language Manipulates 14:51 Poly Without Your Consent 21:01 I Knew Who You Were Talking About 25:03 Micro-Assaults: What We Tolerate 32:49 I Only Write What I've Lived 36:46 Patriarchy & the Divine Feminine About Asha Mahari: Asha Mahari is an energy facilitator dedicated to dismantling the 'spiritualization' of patriarchy in wellness spaces. She aims to empower women as they navigate complex issues around sex, relationships and sovereignty. Asha's Website Asha's Writings Asha on Instagram Connect with Healing After Harm and Heena Instagram Youtube Channel Heena's Instagram Substack Website

  5. Jul 15

    EP 5 - Restoring Integrity: What Real Accountability Looks Like with Mischa Byruck

    In this episode, I sit down with Mischa Byruck, an accountability coach who works primarily with men, including many who've been publicly "canceled", to talk about what it actually looks like to do the work of repair from the other side. We untangle two things people often conflate: accountability and repair. Mischa makes the case that accountability doesn't require the harmed person's participation or forgiveness, and that doing accountability work in order to get forgiveness means you've already missed the point. We get into why most apologies are designed to make the apologizer feel better rather than rebuild trust, his framework for restoring integrity, and what he calls the "cancellation formula." We also explore how cultural and ancestral patterns normalize harm across generations, and work through a real example from my own experience of an apology that didn't land. This episode touches on themes of accountability after sexual and relational harm in spiritual and teaching contexts, and references a widely-covered news story involving sexual abuse. In this episode, we cover: Accountability vs. repair — they are not the same thingWhy doing it for forgiveness means you're already lostThe cancellation formula: power + victimhood mentality × defensivenessApologizing at someone vs. apologizing to themRestoring integrity, adapted from Rev. Brij FeltusHow cultural traditions normalize harm across generationsVillainization vs. seeing the humanity in those who caused harmVetting teachers on accountability practices, not charismaWhy it's never a harmed person's job to manage someone else's accountability Chapters: 00:00 Introduction 02:37 Accountability vs. Repair 07:09 Doing It for Forgiveness? You're Lost 12:34 The Apology That Didn't Land 16:28 What Heena Needed to Hear 26:02 Getting Good at F*****g Up 28:15 50% on Learning to F**k Up 32:36 Accountability in Healing Spaces 34:14 The Cancellation Formula 35:04 When Tradition Justifies Harm 39:23 Some People Are More People 40:09 My North Star Is Humanity 46:11 Values Over Good and Bad 50:13 Restoring Integrity: The Framework 56:39 Apologizing At vs. To Someone 01:02:28 Vetting Your Teachers 01:10:08 Who Holds Your Mirror? 01:17:37 Closing About Mischa Byruck Mischa is an accountability coach working with men navigating the aftermath of being "canceled" or confronted about harmful behavior, drawing on experience in sexuality, men's work, somatic therapy, and restorative justice. Mischa's Website Mischa's Instagram Mischa's Mentor Rev. Brij Feltus Connect with Healing After Harm and Heena Instagram Youtube Channel Heena's Instagram Substack Website

  6. Jul 8

    EP 4 - Is Your Therapist Actually Safe? with Lisa Kays

    In this episode, I speak with Lisa Kays, a practicing licensed therapist about how the harmful behaviors in learning and spiritual communities can show up in licensed mental health spaces. This isn't an argument against therapy, but a fuller context about the field - from power imbalance of the therapist-client relationship, what it means when a therapist has the power to diagnose, and signs of an unhealthy group environments. We cover Why licensure doesn't guarantee safety How the therapist-client hierarchy can undermine your trust in yourself What it means when a therapist has the power to diagnose How group therapy can create coercive attachment dynamics Pathologizing departure — "I'm worried about you" as a tool of control Bullying in a professional training space, and the silence that followed Why so many therapists are trained never to apologize What consent-based, accountable practice can look like Chapters 00:00 Introduction 01:42 Therapy & Enabling of Harm 03:51 Licensure Doesn't Mean Safety 06:33 Power Dynamics in Therapy 09:58 Experiences in Group Therapy 12:29 Signs of a Harmful Group 18:27 How Are Those Who Left Treated? 23:28 Coercion & Pathologizing Departure 32:34 When No One Intervenes 43:13 Empowerment & Liberation 45:16 Diverse Paths to Healing About Lisa Lisa Kays, LICSW, LCSW, LCSW-C, is a psychotherapist in private practice. She hosts the podcast "What If Nothing Is Wrong With You" and writes about power dynamics, consent, and accountability in mental health spaces. Lisa's Website Lisa's Podcast Lisa's Blog Lisa's Instagram Healing After Harm & Heena Instagram Youtube Heena's Instagram Substack Website

  7. Jul 1

    EP 3 - The Communal Narcissist: The Do-Gooder Who Isn't with Lena Derhally

    In this episode, Heena talks with psychotherapist and author Lena Derhally about narcissistic abuse, how to support those experiencing harm, and the communal narcissist. Lena shares the experience that became the foundation of her life's mission to help others recognize narcissistic patterns and push for real accountability. We talk about why emotional and psychological abuse can be as damaging as physical abuse, why survivors often are "a shell" of who they were, and what it actually looks like to support someone who isn't ready to leave. Heena shares her own experience of the people who showed up for her and how they did it. Lena introduces the communal narcissist. the spiritual leader, healer, guru, or "good person" whose good deeds aren't about helping anyone, but about power, control, and admiration. We get into forms of narcissism, love bombing, and why the same person can seem wonderful in public and harmful in private, and the role of bystanders versus upstanders. We cover Lena's experience and how it became her life's missionWhy emotional abuse can be as damaging as physical abuseThe communal narcissist: how "doing good" can be a vehicle for powerThe other forms of narcissism: collective, malignant, and covertLove bombing and the whiplash of two versions of the same personWhat to say (and not say) to a friend who isn't ready to leaveWhy it took Heena five years to leaveFrom bystander to upstanderHow privilege shapes who has the safety to speak upTeaching the next generation to recognize gaslighting early Chapters 00:00 Introduction 02:00 Why Narcissism Became Her Mission 10:52 Five Years, Three People 19:43 Supporting a Friend Not Ready to Leave 27:04 The Communal Narcissist 32:38 The Narcissism Spectrum 38:23 Whose Responsibility Is It? 41:48 From Bystander to Upstander 47:08 Teaching Kids to Spot Gaslighting 50:54 Closing About Lena Derhally Lena is a licensed psychotherapist and author whose books explore narcissism and narcissistic abuse, including The Facebook Narcissist and My Daddy Is a Hero. Lena's Website Book on Narcissism that Helped Lena Book on Narcissism that Helped Heena Connect with Healing After Harm Instagram Youtube Channel Heena's Instagram Heena's Substack

  8. Jun 24

    EP 2 - Reclaiming Power: On Sacred Rage, Fawning, and Sovereignty with Elisha Tichelle

    In this episode, I sit down with Elisha Tichelle — threshold guide, nervous system alchemist, and one of my own mentors — for a deep and wide-ranging conversation about power, fawning, sovereignty, voice, and what it really means to heal. We talk about the idea of "sacred rage" and why timing matters when it comes to speaking your truth publicly. We explore fawning patterns — both the active kind (people-pleasing, acquiescing) and the repressive kind (pushing against everyone just to prove you're not complying) — and how both can quietly run our lives long after we think we've "moved on." We dig into what power actually is: not influence or external validation, but life force, capacity, and the ability to be fully present in your own body. And we talk about what healthy mentorship and community can look like when it's built on mutuality instead of hierarchy — including a useful framework borrowed from the world of BDSM. This conversation is personal for me. Elisha was a pivotal support for me as I found my way back to my own voice after leaving a controlling teacher, and this episode reflects a lot of what that journey has looked like. In this episode, we cover: What "sacred rage" means, and why it's not the same for everyone The difference between acceptance, resolve, and capitulation How victim consciousness can persist even when we're "fighting for our power" Active vs. repressive fawning, and how both show up in healing journeys Power as life force, capacity, and electricity — not influence or control Why proximity to power isn't the same as having your own A framework for non-hierarchical power dynamics What it looks like to build community and mentorship without pedestals A note on content: This episode touches on themes of spiritual abuse, recovery from a controlling teacher/guru relationship, and power dynamics. Please take care of yourself while listening, and feel free to pause or skip around as needed. About Elisha Tichelle: Elisha Tichelle is a threshold guide and nervous system alchemist whose work focuses on helping people reconnect with their own power, capacity, and life force. Connect with Elisha Elisha's Instagram Elisha's Substack Mystical Aunties Podcast Connect with Healing After Harm and Heena Healing After Harm's Instagram Healing After Harm on YouTube Heena's Instagram Heena's Substack Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 01:43 Sacred Rage & Inner Architecture to Hold One's Journey 05:39 The World as Mirror: Internal vs. External Change 11:14 Victimhood, Power, and Gathering Support 17:34 Fawning, Voice, and Other People's Agendas 26:20 Capacity and Power and Influence 34:45 Proximity to Power: The Guru Trap 38:00 Redefining Teacher-Student Dynamics 43:45 Beyond Hierarchy: Power as Dynamic 49:10 Role of Teacher 50:51 Permission, Individuation, and Healthy Group Dynamics 57:48 Closing & Where to Find Elisha

  9. Jun 17

    EP 1 - How I Got Here: Thirteen Years, Three People, One Post

    Welcome to Healing After Harm, a place for nuanced conversations about pathways to healing after abuse within learning and community environments. In this inaugural episode, host Heena Patel shares her personal story with abuse and her why for this podcast. Main topics: Heena's personal experience of grooming and abuse by a former teacher The process of coming out publicly and navigating cultural taboos Healing practices: inner child work, ancestral healing, nervous system regulation The importance of community support and collective repair after harm Navigating opposing perspectives on healing and accountability Links The blog post where I spoke publicly for the first time Instagram for Podcast Podcast Youtube Channel Heena's Instagram Heena's Substack Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction to Healing After Harm 00:57 Self-Care and Pacing 01:54 Mutual Cooperation & Resources 02:27 My Story - Abuse, Healing, Speaking Publicly 08:38 My commitment and why

  • 9 Episodes

About

Healing After Harm with Heena Patel is for anyone finding their way forward after experiencing abuse in a learning or healing environment. This podcast is for survivors, for communities trying to figure out repair, and for anyone rebuilding their sense of self after giving their power away to someone else. This is a space for the ones learning to move at their own true pace, the ones done being "the good one," the survivors of teachers, gurus, institutions, and the people who were supposed to hold them. There's no single right way to heal. This is a space to explore the one that's yours. Through nuanced conversations, Heena and her guests explore accountability, justice, repair, consent, whether to speak out, how communities respond to allegations, resources for survivors, and more, connected to the many forms of abuse including sexual, emotional, financial, physical, narcissistic abuse, psychological abuse, and spiritual abuse, in addition to coercive control. Conversations touch on somatics, nervous system healing, coercive control, cults and high-control groups, power and consent, fawning, people-pleasing, and reclaiming your voice. A note on care: episodes explore abuse and its aftermath with honesty but without graphic detail for its own sake. Take what serves you and leave the rest. Guests include practitioners who support survivors and repair, people who've experienced abuse directly or within their communities, and advocates and authors working to prevent harm and change how communities respond to it. This podcast emerged from Heena's own experience of a 13-year coercive relationship with her former teacher, who groomed her into becoming his secret mistress. As a South Asian woman speaking openly about abuse of power, she breaks cultural taboos and offers others a way through. Liberation is the intention of this podcast and drives her work as a somatic practitioner, coach, and facilitator of consent-based power dynamics. Heena helps people discern what's truly theirs from what they inherited or were taught to be, come home to themselves, and expand their capacity to have the life they desire to become more free, more authentically themselves, and more able to experience health and love in their relationships with themselves, others, and the world. Her work is rooted in hard-earned wisdom, supporting others through what she has lived and forged herself. Links Healing After Harm's Instagram YouTube Heena's Instagram Heena's Substack Work with Heena

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