Static Radio

Bob LeMent
  • 4.6 (8)
  • Comedy
  • Updated Weekly

The strange and humorous happenings in the lives of two US Midwesterners.

  1. 2d ago

    BackCrackers

    Bob meets his friends for lunch and gets the worst lunch pitch ever, while Miles has a very non-conversational chiropractor visit. GAMES, like old-school games, play a few with the Static Radio twist here – https://www.staticradio.com/category/games/ Subscribe Random Show Click Below https://youtube.com/live/CPj_fLbu5xo Bob meets his friends for lunch and gets the worst lunch pitch ever, while Miles has a very non-conversational chiropractor visit. Back Crackers Bad AI Transcript Like a measuring cup? Mm-hmm. Are you measuring what you’re eating, or is it just convenient? I just like to measure it. I’m measuring things. Mm-hmm. I’m sorry. organizations. Go ahead, Jones. Blow it back to God. Hey everyone, this is Miles. I thought maybe you’d sing the Honeycomb song again. No. Oh, okay. I’m going to have a little bit of cereal tonight. Yeah, I was… What was your dinner? What did you have for dinner? Chicken strips. I had some chicken strips. You created a monster, Chick-fil-A. Oh, my God. This guy, I swear to God, he spends like half his paycheck on fast food these days. I’ll just have to get some of that homemade lemonade as well. Yeah. And a cookie for $1.50. Didn’t you used to eat out quite a bit? I still do from time to time, but yeah. But there’s another issue where I have to travel, and so I’m forced to eat out. I can’t take a kitchen with me. Really? I just can have protein shakes, I guess. I could just take a bunch of Slim Fast or… under your chins. Oh my gosh. You shouldn’t really be eating this late, honestly. I like to do things that you disapprove of. Well, you’re doing a good job. See, like, I don’t work for you. Like, these stupid people have to work under you all the time. They have to kiss your ass. Like, yes, Mr. Lamont. I mean, I’m like, f**k, you don’t own me, dude. You know, f**k it. If I want to eat at 930 some super sugar crisps, I will. At 930, MFR. And if you don’t like it. Whatever I want. I shop after 7 p.m., which you don’t like. You can do that. It’s like, why? Why are you doing this to yourself? I enjoy it. I like to go shopping. I think of funny stuff. When I drive around by myself, I think of funny stuff. Well, that’s good. Yeah, it’s like creative for me. Well, that’s fantastic. I can appreciate that. I mean, it’s not really funny, but I mean, you know, I think it’s funny. I’m laughing at the grocery store. Yeah. That’s me. Buy some sugar smacks. I pulled a muscle laughing in the grocery store. That’s right. Like that schnooks. I pulled a muscle in the dairy aisle. Ha ha ha! All these cheese jokes came into my mind. You see, you see. Jello pudding. Oh, my Lord. Yeah. I’m just. Hey, you know, I was going to tell you here. You are, you know, a trendsetter. I’ve been told. Go on. Who told you that? My mom. Oh, okay. Yeah. Those tough skins are going to make you a trendsetter at school. Really? You don’t need Levi’s. You need Cavaricci. Tough skins. No, I went to lunch with some friends of mine. Oh, this guy with the lunch in front. Geez. I love to go to lunch with friends. This is so… I’m just jealous I have no friends. That’s why I’m so jealous. You’re not going to go to lunch with friends. I think I’ll invite my invisible friends and they won’t even go. I’m like, God damn it. So, Hefe met me for lunch and another friend, Erk. And the funny thing is we all came from different directions. So, we met in the middle because Hefe lives close to me, but Erk doesn’t. And So he came south, I came north, and then Jefe was screwing around out west, and so then he came east. And we all met for a lunch in a little town. Mm-hmm. Ferguson? What’s that? Ferguson? No. Ferguson? No, it wasn’t Ferguson. No, it wasn’t Ferguson. Go ahead. Go ahead. Not Ferguson, no. I mean, a little, you know, like farmer town kind of place. Oh, I see. And a bump in the road, as it were. But it was on Labor Day. Oh, fancy. And so we’re like, let’s go to the cafe. And it was closed. And then let’s go to the pizza place. It was closed. So we’re in this little town trying to find some place that’s open on Labor Day. It was kind of a tough thing. But while… We were waiting for Hefe because he’s kind of late. We were at the pizza place waiting for him. And this guy comes walking. We were just sitting outside. They were closed. And they have a bench outside. So we sat down on the bench and we’re just chatting, waiting for Hefe to show up. And… This guy from over at a body shop or something, some kind of mechanic thing, right? He’s wearing the shirt with his name on it, and he’s all dirty looking. He’s obviously a very hardworking man compared to myself. Yeah. Who’s just sitting on this bench wishing that pizza was open. Yeah. around lunchtime. Uh, Hefe is, uh, violating one of your rules of being late. Oh, Hefe is always late. I don’t know what it is about me and my friends who are always late. You, you have like certain strong likes and dislikes. I’m just telling the audience this, whoever might be listening, but, uh, this is one of them you you have to be you have to be early 10 minutes early. If you’re going to meet this nitwit, make it 10 minutes early. We continue on. Hefe’s always late. It’s only gotten worse since he’s semi-retired. He’s out of the game, man. He’s like, I don’t care. I want to show up whenever I want to. He’s kind of like that before. We’re sitting there and this guy from the… I don’t know, auto place over there. It crosses the street. Wow. He’s making a beeline for us, and I’m sitting there, and I’m like, I wonder what’s going to happen now. Are you the male prostitutes I ordered? Yeah. I don’t know if that was the case. Are you Irk and Bob? Yeah, a little small town kind of thing. And Hefe drives in at the same time. And it was, you know, kind of like everybody was meeting, you know, all meeting out in the desert or something. And… Yeah. It’s like the good and bad and the ugly at the end. Exactly. Blondie. Hey, Blondie. Blondie, Blondie. Shoot, shoot. So Hefe’s… pulling in this guy’s crossing the street. Me and eric are sitting there chatting and i’m kind of keeping an eye on this guy, you know, trying to figure out what the hell’s gonna happen yeah like are we in his favorite spot or something? Is it break time? Is it smoking time? I don’t know what’s going on. Bob does like strangers either. Oh no. Yes. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I had, yeah, I’m, you know, I’m the situation I’m sizing up the situation, deciding what needs to happen. Your bingo card is filling up quickly. I can tell on this adventure. And so, uh, so he gets over clay. He doesn’t come too close. Thank goodness. He, he did, uh, you know, I live my life like a celebrity. You can’t come within certain amount of feet from me. Right. Yes. This is true. This is all 100% true. I like to have a good distance between me and the regular folk. This is true. Even though I’m not a celebrity per se, I do like to live my life as if I am one. And you should know not to look at me, not to talk to me. Correct. And be more than two arms length away from me at all times. No hugging. No hugging. Yeah. No kissing. Yeah. none of that stuff. So he does keep a good distance and he stops. He’s like, Hey, guys, did you know that the pizza place was closed? Newsflash? Yeah, newsflash. And I’m like, Yeah, pretty, we’re aware of that. And he’s like, Oh, I wasn’t sure if you thought maybe somebody was coming to open it up. And I’m like, No, they got a sign. And I go, we’re just waiting on our friend. And at the time he just pulled in and he was getting out of his truck, walking towards us. I go, we’re just waiting for a friend here. And he’s like, well, this was like the most awkward sales pitch I’ve ever been heard. Sounds like a Rolling Stones song. So he’s like, well, he kind of looks around and, I don’t know what’s going to happen. My wife, and again, not sure where this is going, has opened this bowl place downtown. I’m like, bowl place? I didn’t say anything, but I’m like, what is a bowl place? Like a haircut? No, like you get a bowl and you put some rice and some chicken in it. Oh, he’s the… Uh, hype man for the, yeah well, he was the most awkward hype man i’ve ever seen. This is closed. You go downtown. Well, I’ve got a bowl shop. Like having goober pile. Tell me about a bowl shop surprise surprise surprise that’s gomer i’m talking about Cooper. Oh, sorry. I don’t know what i go ahead. That’s that predates me. I don’t know. I’m like, huh? He’s kind of kicking the dirt and looking around. Yes, you got it. Hands in his pockets. Shucks. Shucks. You got it. hype man. And I’m like, huh? You know, I’m still trying to figure this out. Yeah. Yeah, the bowl you know. And then, you know, Jefe walks up and he does, Jefe dismisses everybody. Yeah. He’s like, looking at the guy like, what the hell is he talking about you know I mean, yeah. Hefe does not care about anybody in the vicinity most of the time. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. And so, so yeah. And the guy’s like, go on. She’s open up now. And I’m like, and Eric is just, I don’t think anything. He’s just like looking at him and I’m like, And out of the three of us, to be honest with you, Erk is the most worldly person. He’s been all over the world because he was in the military, so he made him go all over the world. And it was a little forced world tour he had to go on there. I think he’s probably got sealed carry, so he’s not the least bit scared. He’s like, mm-hmm. Well, yeah, that’s yeah. No, I, I bet. No, I bet you right now. The two of the three people probably had uh weapons within reach yeah and i’m not one of them. So yeah, I don’t want to see a weapon yeah so yeah they they had no, uh, qualms abou

    BackCrackers

  2. 5d ago

    LeMent Tonight 0910126

    This Week On this episode of LeMent Tonight, host Bob LeMent welcomes Las Vegas comedian, bartender, and street musician Steve K. for a candid, wide-ranging conversation on navigating the comedy world. Steve opens with a self-deprecating monologue touching on getting older, the indignities of open mics, and feeling like an outsider in entertainment. The discussion quickly pivots into an honest dive into Steve’s 20-year obsession with stand-up, where Bob challenges Steve’s tendency to get trapped in his own head and hyper-focus on local scene politics. Offering tough-love mentorship, Bob encourages him to stop obsessing over peer validation, lean into his unique raw perspective much like Rodney Dangerfield did, and measure success by the creative act rather than the pursuit of fame. @tomedy601 https://youtube.com/live/0EaFjA6ayF4 Bad AI Transcript Hey, everybody, it’s Lament Tonight. I’ve got my special guest tonight, Steve K. Steve comes from Las Vegas, Nevada. he’s an eligible bachelor there in las Vegas. he uh part-time uh drag queen, full-time bartender, I think, right? So, let me read you a quick bio that he has here. He’s a comedian who just does not feel like he fits into the comedy scene. Isn’t that all comedian Steve? But I cannot stop thinking about doing comedy. So, here i am. Maybe I can feel part of a community here. That’s his plausible bio. Steve K. from Vegas. How’s it going, Steve? Um, well, thank you, Bob. Thank you for having me and hello to all your listeners out there. Well, I was gonna you can do a little monologue here if you’d like. I’ll just kick it over to you. Oh, I feel like we’re on the Jimmy Fallon show or Jimmy Killen. I get to go out on the stage. Yeah. Where’s the band? Well, here, hold on a second. Let’s see. Gary, are you there? And that’s what she said. Oh, yeah, that’s true. Bob, you are a great a*****e. Thank you, Gary. All right. Go ahead, Steve. Okay, I’m just going to read some crap to you guys. I’m reading right off a piece of paper. I can afford to do that here because you can’t see me and my glasses. I just want you to know that I am competing very hard for my next gig. as a shopping cart attendant. I believe I got what it takes. I won’t let anything or anyone stand in my way. Not even my comedy career. I really feel I got this. And between the busting music on the street and DoorDash, I won’t need to work anywhere else and I can focus more on my open mic career. There we go. Hey, thank you. Give me the light. In comedy, we have the light, Bob. So give me the light when my time’s up, all right? Oh, I’ll just, I’ll give you the hook, but go right ahead. Yeah, give me the hook. You know, they used to say when we were young, don’t trust anyone over 30. Now it’s the opposite. We’re being erased. Okay, look at a magazine, 40 successful people under 40. Every time there’s an acting gig, they don’t want us. The jobs I work, young people ride around in golf carts, three, four of them, or they’re hiding and they come around to make sure that I’m not leaning up against the wall. In speed dating, all the groups of 25 to 35, 35 to 42, you don’t have anything really above 42. Maybe incorporate a 55 plus island but we will be the final generation. I know, don’t laugh at your own words. Thank you. Some foods know not to enter my mouth because my body is like the Hotel California. You can check in anytime you want, but it can never leave. It takes me two days to shit out a slice of pizza. Passing gas is your body’s way of saying, hey, I got food trapped inside of me. Sometimes I feel like a rocket ship that keeps trying to take off, but it can’t, so it keeps shooting out flames. Never ask a woman… Thank you, Bob. Thank you for the mercy laugh, the mercy symbols. Two more jokes and you’ll be out of your misery, everybody. Never ask a woman her age. We should all know that by now. It’s written somewhere. in the Ten Commandments, but it’s a double standard. Just like it’s okay for a woman to clean a men’s room when men are urinating. Recently, a woman bluntly asked me how old I was. I told her the truth. She replied, still kicking it. Huh? As she looked me up and down, I said, stop sizing me up. What the hell does that mean, still kicking it? anyway you haven’t you haven’t kicked a bucket yet? You haven’t kicked over? Yeah, but i i’m still kicking it. I’m kicking it hard. Thank you. When I was a child, they were tearing up the woods. So I tried putting up uh flyers oh they’re tearing up the woods, right? And every time they’re tearing up the woods, I thought, wow, you know, new kids are gonna move in and i’m gonna make some new friends because i didn’t have any friends. That’s why i was riding my bicycle around in the woods, right? Well, these kids, they would not be friends with me. They were rich kids. They became friends with the popular kids. So then not only did I not have any friends, but I didn’t have any more woods to ride through. So I tried putting up flyers, like for a flag football league. Nobody showed up. You know, this is before the internet. I don’t know. Oh, oh, wait, one more thing and I’ll stop, all right? Well, I’m going to bring it up. I’m going to turn it around, okay? I got an email from Plausible. Anybody, you should all join Plausible because you’ll get it on the email list. You can participate in, like, workshops and comedy. And they sent out emails. Who’s on your comedy team? And I had to think about it. Nobody but me. If I were in a bubblegum shrimp boat… Not even Lieutenant Dan without his legs would come join me. I try to start an open mic here. Applause will go to Forrest and friends. I get everybody one day notice. I sat there for one hour. Nobody’s sure. This is my career in a nutshell. I will hand it back to you, Bob. Thank you. Oh, okay. Let me give you some applause there. Well, I was wondering at one point there during your monologue if we weren’t going to be starting a support group here. Well, that’s what it is. Comedy is a support group. I’m not going to lie. It’s just something I do. I think you’ve got a couple of different divergent support groups going. You have the constipation support group and then also the comedy slash support group. So maybe you can combine the two. Why not? I mean, I try to start an open mic implausible, but apparently I’m not cool here. I’m not popular. Well, nobody is. You know how it goes, Steve. I know. I try not to take it personally. I’m trying to find a funny in it, Bob. You’d be on TikTok if you were really popular. I’ve been on TikTok. It’s a horrible app. That’s where Miles is right now. Miles Title, my co-host for Static Radio. He’s over on TikTok right now. I guarantee it. We won’t touch him, will we? Oh, no, I judge him constantly. Totally judge him. All right. Well, let’s not talk about him. Let’s talk about you, Steve. So you’ve been doing comedy for how long now? I started in 2006. Really? 2006? And what was the catalyst to do this? Well, I was always a writer from a time I was 12. But I went on a website for a local comedy club where I lived. And it was like a little ad site. comedy classes. You too can become a comedian. I think it was $250 for the class. Now, I never thought about how do you become a comedian. I like some comedy. I’m like, wow, you could take a class and you could actually do comedy. I never thought about it. Wow, I’m going to take this class. I made up my mind when I saw that ad. I was 39 years old and I took the class. And ever since then, I quit many times. I walked away, but I’ve been obsessed. I’ve been obsessed with comedy for the last 20 years. Interesting. But it sounds like, I mean, is comedy… It’s not doing it for you. You have all these kind of, you know, bad experiences. Because of me. I have to take accountability for what I did. What were you doing? I’m just like a piece of wood that needed to be sanded down. I was rough around the edges. I’m the guy… who goes from one extreme to the other, who doesn’t talk much or talks your ear off, who doesn’t know how to make things, who’s too real maybe, too open about himself. There’s too much for people to handle. Gotcha. Well, that’s a good question. So you thought that maybe you were touching on subjects that people were uncomfortable with? Uh, yeah, I, I believe it wasn’t funny. And, and, uh, you know, I’ve been told many times, this is not your therapy session, Steven. You have to talk about things that people can relate to it. That’s part of my problem. I have to, I have to let go of my narcissism and, you know, make it about other people. That’s how you get people to like you. That’s why I’m so alone. You know, I’m, I’m too self involved. Well, how can you get out of your head? That’s what you always got to do. You got to get out of your head, you know? Have you tried anything else? I mean, you took a comedy class. So, I mean, you showed some initiative to do something, right? That you thought, oh, this will be interesting. I like comedy. I want to do this, right? And now you’ve just told me one of the issues that you’re having. So why haven’t you attacked that issue the way you attacked the comedy thing? I think I finally found the formula. It took 20 years because I mean, I told you I’ve been going to open mics on and off, and I was the awkward, clumsy kid who couldn’t fit in at these mics. I always made maybe one or two friends, or I would get paranoid. I thought I was too popular, and I would just disappear and hide for two years. And in comedy, when you disappear, when you stop coming around, it’s like you’re erased when you come back. You know, nobody knows you. You’re a couple years older, too, and people don’t like old people. So that’s, you know, I’m just… I… Now, why do y

  3. Sep 8

    Plumb Her

    Miles plumbs around and finds out at the local big-box hardware store, while Bob is trying to figure out what Miles is up to. GAMES, like old-school games, play a few with the Static Radio twist here – https://www.staticradio.com/category/games/ Subscribe Random Show Click Below https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KybzZT8qwn4 Miles plumbs around and find out at the local big-box hardware store, while Bob is trying to figure out what Miles it up to. Plumb Her Bad AI Transcript Whoa, balloon. Hello? Hey, I got one black, one white, one black, one white, one black, and one white picture of you. You’re going to go ahead and catch your breath. Yeah, that was… I was writing this song in my head yesterday. Man, I got to get my friend Smidge to do the guitar for me. It’s very upbeat. Your friend Smidge, who you ignore until you want something? Oh, Pot, Cone, Kettle, Black… And Miles… Hey, Miles, you got a truck? You got something for me? Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. I thought it was funny. Yeah, I guess so. Is that the whole song or you got more to it? It’s going to be along those lines. I mean, you know, I’m going to sing about my dog too, you know. Okay. I saw it originally. I was singing about my dog. So I got one black and one brown and one black and brown and one black and one brown. Or your country classic, I’m nothing but my dog’s bitch. I’m nothing but my dog’s bitch. Yeah. i’m glad i could be of service. I’m glad i could be of service. For scratching your itch i’m nothing but my dog. I’m just gonna be on the b side of my song. Sounds a lot like a rapid rod. Yeah. So static radio smiles. Oh, you’re here. Okay. Yeah. I just, I’m writing movies. I write songs. I’m very creative. Yeah. You’re very, you’re well, I like to think of different scenarios to put myself in just for fun. So you write a lot of porno movies? Is that what you’re saying? In my head? Yes. No. No, come on. And I’m going to go into the Hallmark store. Frank! No, Frank! Gretchen. Frank from Blue Velvet? They’re going to have the new 2026 ornaments. Yeah. Yeah. Well, anyway, that’s it. Interesting. No, you’re a very creative guy. You don’t have a very good record of getting things actually done, but you think of a lot of things. If I can just impose on people and get them to do the work, then… Yeah, well, yeah, then that’s your… You know, I’m an idea guy, Chuck. I’m the idea guy, yeah. Yeah, okay. I’m the Tom Holtz of parenthood, you know. Yeah, that’s probably for sure. That is for sure, yeah. Everyone’s going to have to Google this whole show and be like, I don’t know what the hell he’s talking about. The reference thing, like movies that are like 100 years old. Night Shift? What do you mean? Who’s the Fonz? He’s still on TV. He’s on Hazardous History or something like that. Oh, that guy works a lot. Yeah. Nowadays, he does. Yeah, he does. Henry Winkler. The Wink. The Wink Man, yeah. Well, you had a story. I don’t really have a story this week. I can’t think of anything. I mean, I could talk about you making fun of me. That’s about it right now. You know, I don’t know. Yeah. So you said you had a big story today, and then you did not like my response. You’re going up on story. Yeah, this jabroni reminds me that we’re recording tonight, which I had forgotten. Yeah, well, every time there’s a holiday. I do. It screws me up, man. It’s like me. I’m like one day behind. Your work doesn’t call you and go, are you going to show up? Miles, now get down here. We had a three-day weekend. I thought I didn’t work anymore. Yeah, get down here, Miles. Somebody’s got to make the donuts, Miles. Another old reference. Thank you. Everyone’s going to be lost in this. I went to a big box store for my plumbing needs. What kind of plumbing needs did you have? I got like a leaky shower thing going on. And it’s been going on. Is it leaking in the shower or outside the shower? No, in the shower. Like the faucet part is like… To me, that is… If I was going to channel Miles’ title, I would say that’s taking care of itself because there’s a drain right there. Everything is working. Yeah, it’s perfect. Why do I need to deal with it? Because it’s working still. After about two weeks of this, I’m like, I better fix this. And a water bill that went through the roof. Yeah, I know. Because I just paid the water bill and it was like 20 bucks higher. I’m like, what the f**k? Everyone is showering all day while this leak is happening. I haven’t showered for a week because of the leak. And I went to the first big box store, which… know it’s like a huge store, but there’s only like four people that work there. So there’s like no help, you know, like, okay, well this well then just go to YouTube. That’s what i do. Well, I had to get the part and stuff. I had to figure out what i had to get. I I’m old school. I go to places okay no problem and uh so i went to the second box store because, uh, my, Like, my oldest son’s best friend works there i’m like oh hey yeah you know, Big Dave will help me out, you know. Well, what’s up, Miles? I heard you got a leaky flower. Even though it’s the wrong department, you know, I always bug this guy anyway he’s like i all i do is water the flowers. That’s it. That’s all i do. I just get the carts. Why do you insist on asking me these stupid, like, this makes up the answer. That’s why i’m out here. I don’t know i was like, I don’t know. I’ll three. I don’t know. F**k. I don’t know. I’ve never, I didn’t even, I only, I just walked through. I go to the break room. That’s it. I take a crap. I come back out. I get the cards and water the shit. And yeah, that’s it. And, uh, I realized early on the big Dave is not at work. I’m like, Oh, so I went to the actual department by myself. Like a big boy. Big boy. And I found the desk that the help should have been at. And it was unoccupied. Of course. And it says, today’s crew members for your needs will be Christy and Susie or something like that. like oh that sounds nice. You know, it’s probably too, you know, young lady. Very efficient, uh, licensed plumbers yeah yeah i’m like i’m like i don’t care. You know, anybody could work here. I don’t care. I don’t want to talk to no broad plumber. And I, uh, no, I did not play that card, but anyway, I, uh, I cannot find anyone in this department. So I go to the next department and there’s like, dude, it looks like a very young Santana working there. Hey, Santana. I go, Hey, I showed him a picture of my nasty bathtub. He’s like, Oh, you guys ever hear a soft scrub? Yeah. Like, wow. What the f**k? You may just want to replace all that. Yeah. Yeah. Good deal. Yeah. Did they have a bathtub from Ed Gein’s house? What’s with all the toenails? Yeah, what is that? He’s cutting toenails in there like 24-7. Yeah, right. So I explained it to him. He’s like, oh, well, I’ll just summon one of these ladies over to help you. Right, yeah, the experts. I’m like, oh, okay. I’ll just sashay my way back over there, you know. I go there and I’m hanging out looking all cool. You know, you sashay is very funny. Yeah. I’m walking like some geisha, you know, it’s like, yeah. Yeah. If you’ve ever seen the old Warner brothers cartoons, the guy, the big guy kind of dancing around Ferdinand, the bull. Yeah. Yeah. So, uh, Uh, so I wasn’t there too long. Right. And just out of nowhere, this lady like is be lining over there. Like literally, literally, I didn’t even say anything. Right. This is her. I’ll like, this is her coming in and she’s like, yeah. Okay. Well, what I got called over here. What do you need? Yeah. I’m like, I’m thinking this isn’t, you know, it’s Christy or Susie, I don’t think. And I say this to everyone. This is not a sexist remark. I go, what do you know about plumbing? Which I think she really took the wrong way because that kind of amplified. You ever hear the term f**k around and find out? Yeah, that’s a different. This is what happened. She watched you sashay across the store. She’s like, oh, all right. We got a jackass right here. Some sexist jackass, you know, sashaying around. Well, I’m here. I got him here for your question. Where’s your important question at? Where is it at? Come on. You don’t even know what you need. I was a little intimidated by this woman. I’m going to be honest. It looked like she was in her early 30s. Okay. And she was not having it with me at all. She probably had a tough day with a bunch of jackasses like you. Sashaying around. Sashaying around the plumbing department asking stupid-ass questions. I told my wife, I go, either she was getting ready to eat lunch or she’s trying to take a crap or something and got coming over to help me. Right? Yeah. And oh my God. Yeah. I don’t know what I interrupted, but I really regretted the whole, I’m like, you know, uh, I’m not, yeah, I don’t want to come back here anymore. I’m like, I didn’t think I’m going to get bullied, bullied three knuckles deep in a DeWalt sander. Yeah, no shit. So, uh, I finally would, you know, get out what I wanted to tell her. Like, excuse me. I know. I know. It’s like a bad Woody Allen film. You’re going to have to take it apart and you have to bring it in and I got to see it because as you can see over here, there’s 800 types of these things. Literally, literally, literally. Do you know how to turn off your water, young man? I said, hey, do I need to turn off the water with this? Yes, you do. He goes, yeah. I was like trying so hard to defuse it. I’m like, okay, how do I get out of this? Let’s stop for just a moment. Why in the world were you trying to fix your shower yourself? This is not a Miles job. I don’t know. Well, We had an alcoholic try to fix it like five years ago, a

    Plumb Her

  4. Sep 1

    Rug Burn

    Bob fixes the dryer, really, while Miles gives his work neighbor a Rorschach test. GAMES, like old-school games, play a few with the Static Radio twist here – https://www.staticradio.com/category/games/ Subscribe Random Show Click Below https://youtube.com/live/AM-WcL92ULc Bob fixes the dryer, really, while Miles gives his work neighbor a Rorschach test. Rug Burn Bad AI Transcript There you go. There you go. Thank you. Hey, everyone. This is Jebediah Yoder singing your favorite rap hits. This week, I will sing Up In Here by the great DMX. Let’s hear it, Jebediah. Your grandma’s going to be wishing you were fishing something. I don’t know. Let me digest your holes in your chest and… Maybe you need to print out the lyrics, Jebediah. I don’t know the lyrics. Jebediah doesn’t have printer. He doesn’t have to print out. Maybe you should get that hammer and chisel and a rock. I’ll have to talk to my son, Noah. Noah, you’re there. Oh, my God. Hey, everybody. Welcome, Orienta. We have… Yeah, I don’t know. It’s funny voice night tonight, everybody. Have to do a funny voice to be on the show tonight very funny so uh how’s everybody doing? It’s like 100 degrees around here hey a lot of ball sweat Yeah, it’s very sweaty. That’s for sure. I’d like trying not to be outside because it’s so oppressive. How about you, Miles? Is it hot in there? It is hot in the city tonight, Bob. Yeah. Hey, I read a statistic that people in Iowa are more likely to die of cancer, like they’re the fourth leading state out of the 50 for people dying of cancer. I think that actually is true, yes. Yeah, it is. It’s true. We’re right up there, yes. Yeah, you’re way up there. That’s for certain. Yeah. I wouldn’t be surprised. Man. Yeah. Yikes. What are you doing against that? But we’re 50th in autoerotic asphyxiation deaths. Oh, really? I don’t know. How’d that happen? I don’t know how that is. It’s really skewed. It’s weird. It makes no sense. Do you think there’s any kind of correlation between the two? Well, when you’re good at one, yes. I don’t know. I’ve got the cancer, but I’m not going to wank myself to death. I can’t do it. I’ve got prostate cancer. No wanking. It’s just me. Well, I hope you’re doing okay. Don’t drink the water. I think that’s the problem. Too late. I drink this freaking iced tea every day around here. Oh, my gosh. Boy, if you get the new Lipton Ivermectin blend, you’ll probably be all right. Oh, yeah. No, it will never happen. You’ll probably be fine. It takes care of the cancer, and the COVID, and a million other things that you could possibly run into, you know, brain-eating amoebas and all that kind of stuff. I choose death over taking a horse tranquilizer for my health. Really? Or a horse, not a tranquilizer, but a… Horse medicine? Be warmer, whatever the f**k it is. Be warmer, yeah. You know, I’ve always said, do they have the rural king up there by you? No, come on, we can’t afford that. You got Farm and Fleet? farm fleet some shit. Yeah. I don’t know perhaps yeah I’ve heard of it okay any one of those places I’ve mentioned, if you know, if the shit goes down, get yourself to one of the TSC tractor supply. Any one of those places is going to be your refuge. Whenever, you know, stuff starts going south. Oh, Because they have, number one, they have weapons. Yeah. They got medicine. Right. Now it’s for animals, but that’s okay. They got clothing and food that’ll last forever. Yeah. Because it’s all uber processed and like packaged individually. You know what I mean? And they got bait. I didn’t really put that much thought into it, but okay. Jail and otherwise. I’ve never seen that, but okay. That’s fine. No, I’ve always said if everything goes to hell, head right for the rural king and barricade yourself in there. You’ll be fine. It’s like that old James Brolin movie where he’s locked in that department store with those Dobermans. He’s got to kill him with their bows and arrows and stuff. Oh, yeah. That’s a great one. I was thinking more of Dawn of the Dead, but that’s okay with the zombies. I was thinking more of Killdozer, but I don’t know. He was in that as well. I love the 70s. I love the 70s. You know me. True enough. I fixed my dryer last night. You can fix anything. Well, from the looks on people’s faces inside this house, that would be a shocking statement, I think. Dad, shut up. You’re stupid, Dad. So the dryer was making this hellacious noise as if there were owls being crushed. Oh, God. And I’m like, well, let me look this up. Oh, Jesus. And sure enough, I figured out, well, there’s these little rollers in your dryer that hold the drum so it turns, you know, smoothly. Yeah. And sometimes their bearings go out and then they get stuck. And then, of course, it just goes… Anyway. Yeah. And so I’m like, well, just order me the parts. So we get the parts ordered, you know, and then they were supposed to show up, I don’t know, days ago or whatever. Anyway, they… I love how Amazon delivers on Sunday, which just blows my mind. You know, living my whole life where you don’t get any deliveries on Sunday. Right. Now, all of a sudden, Amazon’s like, f**k that. I’m delivering everything. And we get like three deliveries on Sunday. I’m like, what are these people doing in my house? They’re not allowed. It’s Sunday for Christ’s sake. Go home. Leave me alone. Don’t look behind that curtain. Yeah. Yeah. Quit looking in my window. Quit taking pictures of my porch, for Christ’s sake. I was thinking about more Wizard of Oz. Don’t look behind that curtain. Anyway, go ahead. So anyway, they deliver everything late on Sunday. As well, they work late on Sunday. I’m like, God, these poor people. Everything’s gone to hell as far as jobs and stuff. Right. You got to work late on Sunday? I mean, what kind of world are we living in? Anyway… They leave it there, and so I’m like, well, you know, I got to get this done, right? I watched a video on YouTube of this guy who bumbled through it, and I’m like, God damn, this guy is the worst. He had to take things apart like three. Like, why is this video the number one video for fixing a dryer? This guy basically took this thing apart like two or three times, and then, well, I had to start over again. Wow, Christ. Here’s the next house fire story. Jesus. F**k. So it took him, he said it took him like an hour and a half. And I’m like, I’m not very good at this kind of stuff, right? So I like at least two hours, two and a half hours, I figured. And so I start, I dig into it. Yeah. Because basically you have to disassemble the dryer, right? Yeah, that seems hard. That’d be hard. Yeah, I know this is not. We’re out of Miles title territory. Yeah, about five minutes ago, I’m like, f**k, I don’t want to call the guy over immediately. Like, you fix it. Here’s 50 bucks. So I start taking it. I figure out and start taking apart. Now, the problem is the model that the guy in the video had is not the model that I have, of course. Oh, of course. Top of the line. So I got to figure out how to pop open this m**********r. And so I finally get it apart. And actually, mine was better made because it had extra parts in the video they didn’t have holding things together, bracing and whatnot. And so I was like, hey, we paid top dollar for this. Yeah. This is great. You’re like a combination of Professor and Mr. Howell from Gilligan’s Island, I think. That’s right. Oh, my God. Lovey. Bring me my wrench, Lovey. No, I’m – so this gives me a throwback. I grew up being the wrench guy. Yeah. And I did not like it one goddamn bit. Right. Right. Because I was the youngest. And so my brother, my father, I was always the fetcher. I would fetch things. So now that I am the one, you know, I guess in command or whatever. Command. Yeah, in command. I do not have a fetcher usually. It’s a very rare occasion that I actually ask somebody to fetch me things. We’re busy. I just usually use that opportunity to take a break and get something to drink. You know what I mean? I was a gopher. Yes, thanks, Michael. And so I’ll take that opportunity when I have to go get the other wrench to go down, get something to drink, get something to eat or whatever, some chips or what have you. It’s just a little break at that point since I have to walk out to the garage and go get stuff. Waddle. Well, yeah. So the weird thing is I’m really not, I mean, you say I fix anything. I’m not a fixer, although I will try historically speaking, but as I’ve gotten older, I’m like really grouchy about these things. And I’m just like, I’m just going to do it. Oh, you’re getting your serious face. You get like your, your crunched up eyes. You get. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. I’m like Clint Eastwood of handyman. Yes. Yeah. I can’t whistle. Anyway. Trying to do the good, the bad, and the ugly there. Anyway, so I’m like, yeah, I’ll just do it. And everybody’s like, you can’t fix that. You can’t fix that. You know what I mean? It’s like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I’m going to fix this. It’s going to take a while because I don’t move very fast, but I’ll get it fixed. And what I’ve noticed is now… that I’m, you know, Mr. Gotta fix it. I’m also Mr. Always hurt myself. Oh, here we go. The bad knee. Here we go. No, no. Thankfully I did not hurt my, I am very careful on the knee. Yeah. I dropped the, uh, I had to take the whole front of the dryer off to get to this drum. I think the whole thing apart, take the front off. You can take this brace off, take the drum out. You got to take all this shit out. Right. Right. There’s not really much to a dryer that I found out. And I was like, God, you know, even though I got the best one, it looked like I paid too much probably. But anyway,

    Rug Burn

  5. Aug 25

    Agism

    Miles gets a back rub for his sore arm at the chiropractor’s while Bob can’t believe how old everyone looks. GAMES, like old school games, play a few with the Static Radio twist here – https://www.staticradio.com/category/games/ Subscribe Random Show Click Below https://youtube.com/live/6IeXljXyIu4 Bob gets his stupidity outed on speakerphone while Miles singing gets him in more trouble than he expected. Ageism Bad AI Transcript Nobody knows where things are going to happen. You’ll never find a love quite like mine. Hey everyone, this is Miles. Let’s start a game. No truer words have ever been sung. Oh, my Lord. You’re going to miss my love. Yeah. You’re going to miss? You’re going to miss? Maybe not miss, but you’ll never find. It’s definitely your song. You’ll never find. It’s like it was made for you. It’s like you’re my way, if you were singing. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. So are you walking around singing any more songs in the house? Yeah. I’m going to sing all I want. I’m going to sing all I want. I’m going to sing my last week. I thought maybe you’d cut it out. No, we got over it. Oh, good. Oh, good. That’s so good to hear. Yeah. It’s tough when you guys are in turmoil over there in the title household. Yeah, I know. I don’t like to fight over rock and roll. Tough on us. Innocence here, you know, I mean, let’s have a, fight about, you know, infidelity or finances or something else, but not Rolling Stones, okay? Please don’t. Please don’t fight with Rolling Stones. That’s what I say. I think your infidelity fight would be a bit one-sided. Yeah. Unless you included self-love. Um… Are you referring to gooning? Well, I think you mentioned that we were going to talk about this. Gooning, yeah. No, I’m not going to talk about gooning. Oh, okay. You know, there’s a cartoon character, the goon. Yeah. In Popeye. Popeye cartoon. And? In the Jeep, yeah. And in college, there was this gentleman who had like some physical things going on, I guess. And my friends of Chicago, which i will not name, but they would yell out the window, hey, goon. Was this in chicago or was this uh this would be at a certain college, not Carbondale, though. Oh, okay, gotcha, I gotcha. And DeKalb, Illinois. Yeah, northern. Like northern Illinois area. Illinois, yeah. This poor guy. DeKalb went there, you know, so. Yeah. Can’t be all bad, I suppose. I guess. I don’t know. He was never in any of my classes. I don’t know. Yeah. I’m sure you would have written it down had she been in your little notebook. Make up your mind. Miles was telling me about his masturbation notebook today before we started the show. You know, all I did before the show was I mentioned, I know Bob had worked some places and done some stuff, and I just had asked him a few questions. He got very uncomfortable about it. And so, because now I’m not allowed to mention that either to people. Oh, no, come on. I’m just like, out of the blue, you asked me these questions. I’m like… Do you sit around all day thinking of these things? Is this what you do with your time? It’s like, really? All day long, I sit around. Things come to mind. God forbid you learn how to use artificial intelligence. I don’t need it. The kind of weird crap you’d be pulling out of there. I just drive around and think of funny stuff. Okay. Gosh. I don’t know. I’m trying to think if i got a story tonight. Do you have a story? Yeah. Oh, well then let’s go with your story. Let’s talk about who’s in those, uh, in your mola skinny with your rubber bands around it. You know, and there’s a, you know, Indiana Jones and, uh, the third one, which i’m blanking on the name of now, uh, The book of the Holy Grail that Indiana Jones’ father has, you have something like that, I think. Oh, I see. I see. The Last Crusade? Yeah, The Last Crusade, that was it. I’m blanking out the name. Well, I didn’t want to say anything that had anything to do with the Lord in reference to what you’re talking about. Yeah. What’s your story, son? Let’s hear it. You know, and I don’t, you know, I don’t really like these cartoons you’re making of me. What? Because they hit too close. Everybody loves them. No, this one is hitting way too close to home. There was one about me having a bad back. Oh, that was a good one. And that hit way too, because I have had some back issues. Yeah. And I actually injured my arm also the night of my birthday, the day I almost died. Right, yeah. I was playing air hockey and I injured myself, but I didn’t really… I know. It wasn’t my fault. I didn’t hurt you. I injured myself, seriously. I f****d up my arm playing air hockey that night. I’m like, this guy’s decrepit. It’s like going to the Crypt Keeper’s birthday, for Christ’s sake. I know. And… As time went on, I was just having more increasingly painful arm pain. Which arm is this? Is this your… This is Monique. Right or left? Right. Really? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Okay. And just, you know, turn it around your left, but turn it a certain way. You’ll be like, oh, yeah, but… How about your hand? How’s your grip? My grip is great. Okay. Just checking. But anywho, so, you know, I said to my doctor, like, can I just get, you know, looked at? He’s like, well, I don’t know. What am I? Am I here to serve you? What am I? It’s to pull the muscle or you’re having a heart attack. I’m not sure. He’s like, with everything you’ve got going on, this is the least you’re aware of. You should just forget about this. Let’s concentrate on the big things. Yeah, you’re fine. Don’t worry about it. I’m like, okay. Yeah. You’ve got insurance. Don’t worry about it. You’re fine. Come back next week. And so I said, screw it. There’s this new multiplex chiropractor thing not too far away. Oh, my God. You with the chiropractors. Oh, my good Lord. And it’s got a big staff. I’m like, oh, wow. It’s like a big place. Chiropractors are us. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. And so they’re like, oh, we can get you in right away. We can wrench your arm for you. You don’t have to do it yourself anymore. We’ll do it for you. We’ll do it for you, bud. Come on. And so I get in there, you know. Do you do any x-rays? No, no. And the receptionist is like, very nice. Hi, I’m Julie. And fill out these papers. What’s your problem today, Mr. Title? I bet. Another one of those people. So, yeah, I fill it out. Get done. And so I meet the guy. I got this guy. Hey, Miles, I’m Steve. Come on in. Dr. Crackers. He looked like a wrestler or something. Like a high school wrestler. Dr. Crackers. He had no neck. What is this guy? No neck to all arms. I’ll be your chiropractor today. He goes, all right, come on. Is he like Macho Man? Oh, yeah. We’re going to crack some back. He goes, I’m going to use AI to record you. What? I’m not going to make any notes. I’m going to use AI. Subject seems to be 75% to 85% flab. No muscle tone. I’m talking to this guy. Degenerative bone disease. No cartilage. I’m thinking I think me and this guy are probably about the same age, but he’s definitely older than me. Looking at like the giant bags under his eyes and stuff. I go, he’s definitely like older than you even, you know, he’s got giant bags under his eyes. Yeah. Like he’s packed his bags ready to go. Right. So anyway, why have bags under my, I don’t think so. No, you don’t. You’re you’ve been blessed. Thank you. With, uh, sexy hair and no bags under your eyes. Oh, well that’s, I am such a, you’ve got sexy hair, like Leanne. Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, anyway, he tells me his age. No, this guy is like almost like four years younger than me. I’m like, oh, wow. Oh, the chiropractor though yeah this wrestler it’s a rusty character he looks like he could have been like maybe at one time, you know, I’m just saying. Yeah. Well, you’re like, like a regular high school type wrestler, not like a professional wrestler. Maybe. I don’t know. He said he was like a traffic field or something i traveled you know? Okay. Now this is where it gets juicy. So I was like, well, lay down. We’re going to, you know, look at stuff or do stuff like that. Okay. All right. Why do you, how can I, why do you like all these people touching you? Is this a thing? Oh, you would have lost your shit, man. Okay. At first, you know, I’m getting kind of the pat on the arm. Like, Hey bud, listen, I’m going to get you going again. Yeah. Hey buddy, you’re going to get going. Now the rubbing starts, you know, buddy. Okay. You’re going to get going. Okay. And let me, Hey, let’s look at that back, okay? Oh, yeah, you’re tight. Let me rub that. Let me rub it. I’m getting like a rubdown now. I’m like, is this like a service? I’m like, is this extra? Did I go in the wrong place or something? I mean… Is this across the hidden hallway that… Yeah. I wish I would have had this much action in high school. Where’s the AI come into this situation? This guy is like an OnlyFans going on or something. I don’t know what it was like. Hey, you want some pictures of my feet? Yeah, you like that? You like it, Miles? Well, I guess. You like girls? Yeah. This guy’s giving you a rub down. He’s fine. He’s He’s combing your hairy back. Yeah, I don’t think he’s realizing how much he’s doing this. He’s patting my arm, patting my back. If he touches my V-hole or something, I’m out of here. I’m out of here. I’m the hell out of here. I don’t think in chiropractic school, I don’t think there’s a V-hole. There you go. it might’ve been Larry Nassar, you know, I don’t know. Today students, you graduated to the B hole. I was just, I, you know, I, I am, I, okay. Self-admitted. I am a little homophobic. Okay. I’m just going to say it right now. I’m a little bit, I’m a little bit, I know. I know it’s no

  6. Aug 18

    Mondo Freako - Altamaha-ha

    Altamaha-ha On this episode of Mondo Freako, the host welcomes guest Julian (host of the Not Enough Questions podcast) for an episode exploring Georgia’s celebrated river cryptid, the Altamahaha—affectionately known as “Alti.” After kicking things off with a debate on the horrors of Atlanta traffic and a 5-question trivia quiz, the discussion shifts to the lore surrounding the 20- to 30-foot serpentine creature said to haunt the brackish marshes near Darien in McIntosh County. Deeply rooted in indigenous Muscogee Creek and Yamasee oral histories, Alti is often described as a river-dwelling, plesiosaur-like beast with a snout resembling an alligator or gar, contrasting with skeptical theories pointing to misidentified Atlantic sturgeon or manatees. The pair examine the broader global phenomenon of freshwater “Nessie” sightings before diving into a map breakdown of the remote Georgia coast. While Julian questions how such a massive creature could evade modern surveillance, the host argues that the sparse, winding waterways and potential ocean migration routes offer plenty of hiding space. Weighing ancient folklore against modern skepticism, the episode closes with final verdicts on a 1-to-10 scale: Julian lands at a skeptical 3/10, while the host rates Alti at a 6/10, giving weight to centuries of indigenous testimony and the vastness of the coastal swamps. Not Enough Questions https://youtube.com/live/rcGEpwZTsbE UFO Witness Game (Click Graphic to Start) Transcript (AI transcription) Julian, how’s traffic in Atlanta? It’s going well. It’s going well. Mondo Frico. Hey, everybody. Welcome to Mondo Frico. I am here with Julian. Julian, how are you doing tonight? I heard you had some traffic problems today, no? Yes, yes. Atlanta is known for its traffic. Everybody talks about Los Angeles and New York when it comes to traffic, but I can tell you I’ve never been in any worse traffic than in Atlanta. You were right. You will not find anything worse than Atlanta. I would say a second close, oddly, was Nashville. Really? I’ve never been to Nashville. Oh, literally on the highway, come to a complete stop. You can’t even see Nashville. It looks like you’re in the middle of nowhere. Everything stops. And then you just creep along until you finally see the skyline for Nashville. It’s just kind of like Atlanta because Atlanta is that way too on the highway. Sometimes you’ll just stop in the middle of nowhere close to Atlanta and really not even see the city. Where in Los Angeles and New York and everything, at least you see a city. That’s very true. That is very true. And I haven’t heard Nashville is a… Tennessee, Atlanta. Yeah, exactly. It is Atlanta and Tennessee. You’re correct. I think you’re right. But, yeah, it’s the worst traffic, yeah. And I’ve been in all of the places I mentioned. I’ve sat in traffic in all of them. And, I mean, even New York City traffic wasn’t as bad as Atlanta traffic or Los Angeles traffic. Mm-hmm. It’s amazing. Don’t they also have more lanes as well? They do. They do. But, I mean, there’s a lot of lanes in Atlanta. I can’t remember. Los Angeles has like seven lanes. I don’t know. It’s just crazy. But, you know, still, it doesn’t matter if you have 100 lanes. If they’re all stopped, nobody cares. They’re like, this is terrible. Terrible if everyone has an accident and you can’t make a left turn. Yeah. Exactly. It’s pretty bad. Well, welcome to Mondo Freako, Julian. And we have a topic tonight. So on the show, just a real base to catch everybody up in case they’ve never seen it before. We talk about cryptids, UFOs, the supernatural, the paranormal, typically in a bit of a humorous way. But also we talk about, you know, what’s happening with these things. And at the end of it, you and I will have a quick discussion on what we think about it. Is it real? Is it fake? Is it legend? We’ll find out. Now, I always give everybody a choice at the beginning of this show. Well, first of all, tell us a little bit about Not Enough Questions and EQ Pods. I always like to get these things at the front because then if people don’t listen to the whole thing, at least they get to hear what you’ve got going on. All right. Not Enough Questions is a podcast that I run. And I say it’s, what do I say? It’s a podcast where you can find, not every episode is for everyone, but you find a piece of humanity in every episode. We talk about… Well, it’s a serial killer podcast. Is that what you’re saying? No, no, no. Oh, okay. Sorry. It’s more so a perspective-based critical thought question. Oh, okay. Thank you. Yeah, I should have said that. Yeah. Maybe I’ll get a merger on there. You know it. A piece of humanity in every fight. Yes. Questions range from what is your dream job? Can you have two feelings at once? What crime would you commit knowing you’re going to get caught? And some more funny ones, some more serious ones. It’s a great time. It’s an hour. Yeah, it’s an hour podcast. Oh, there you go. See, look at that. I’ve actually been on the show with Julian at least twice. Twice, twice. Yeah, I was just saying, I think it’s twice. And it’s a lot of fun. And I can’t, I’m sorry, I don’t remember my question, but I think there was not enough of those questions. I can guarantee you there’s more to come, right? I think the questions I said actually were the ones that you were on. What was your dream job? Oh, right. Okay. And then came how to feelings at once. And I said, professional Tanner sitting in the sunshine. That was my dream job. Something like that. No, I don’t think I said that at all, but everybody should check it out at any Q pod on the socials, or you can follow this link tree, not, It seems longer than it really is. Not enough questions podcast. So when you say it, it’s like, wow, that really rolls off the tongue. When you look at it, you’re like, gosh, there’s a lot of letters there. But it’s all good. All good. So at the beginning of the show, I always ask the guests, we always have a quiz. And I’m going to give you the option of either doing the quiz before you even know the topic or… We’ll talk a little bit about the topic. I’ll tell you about the topic, and then you can take the quiz. I’d rather take the quiz now. Oh, he’s going to take the quiz. Quiz. Quiz. Quiz. Quiz right off the bat. All right, let me get the quiz up here for you. Tell me if you can see it. You might not be able to read all of it. I’ll try to make it bigger for you here. Okay. Let’s see if I can. Oh, my goodness. I hit the wrong button. Hold on a second. Let’s start that over. Don’t give that answer. Here. Is that a little bit better? It’s better. I’ll read them off. Don’t worry. I’ll read them all off to you so you don’t have to memorize them. And you already heard the wrong answer. If you get the wrong answer, what you hear is a buzzer. I love the hint. You can take a hint. Okay. The legendary creature Ultimahaha, affectionately nicknamed Ulti, is a cryptid reported to inhabit which state in the American South? Is it Georgia, Ohio, Idaho, or Alaska? And if you notice there, it says easy. Yeah, because I’m like, I’m knowing these questions like this. No, no, no, no, no, no. I think Georgia. Georgia should be The only southern American state in here. Yeah, I don’t think Alaska is in the southern part. There you go. Correct. Altamaha is Georgia’s most famous river monster legend. Primarily with the Altamaha River and coastal marshes around Darien and McIntosh County. Now you kind of know what we’re talking about tonight, right? So… According to eyewitness folklore, this is question number two so far. You got one correct. According to eyewitness folklore, which physical description fits how Ultima Ha-Ha is typically described? Is it A, 20 to 30 feet serpentine river creature with flippers, ridged skin, and an alligator or dolphin-like snout? B, a giant eight-legged turtle wearing sunglasses? No. C, a winged lizard that nests in high pine trees and only feeds on acorns. Or D, a miniature freshwater shark covered in bright neon feathers. I have a hint if you want it. These all sound very interesting. And I’m trying to think which one would I more likely see. I want to say a winged lizard. You want to go with C, a winged lizard? A winged lizard. Okay. And I have a hint. You sure you don’t want the hint? I don’t want to take the hint right now. All right. Oh, sorry. Witnesses usually report a 20 to 30 foot aquatic creature that undulates vertically through the water, sporting paddle-like flippers and a long snout. All right. You got one right and you got one incorrect. It’s fine. You’re doing fine. You’re doing fine. That’s why I wanted to take the quiz now. Okay. Now, this one’s a hard question. It says, long before European settlers documented sightings, legends of a giant snake-like river creature in this region originated with which Native American group? Was it A, the Muscogee or Creek, and the Yamase peoples, B, the Inuit of Northern Canada, C, the Hawaiian monarchy, or D, the Aztec Empire? I have a hint. I’m going with my gut and saying A. All right. The Muscogee Creek and Yamasee oral histories describe a large water serpent or river beast inhabiting the waterways of coastal Georgia centuries before any modern sightings. Hey, you’re doing good there. You got two correct. We got a couple more to go. We got five questions altogether. Which historic coastal Georgia town serves as the cultural hub of Altamahaha, lore, even featuring a dedicated statue and adopting the monster as its local mascot. Is it A, Darien, B, Paris, C, Honolulu, or D, Reykjavik? I have a hint. I would take a hint. Yeah, please give me the hint. This small port city sits right at the mouth of the Altamaha River in McIntosh County. Well, since I don’t kn

  7. Aug 14

    LeMent Tonight 081326

    This Week In this episode of LeMent Tonight, host Bob interviews Southern California stand-up comedian John Liu, exploring his background as a first-generation Filipino-Chinese American and his journey in comedy. The conversation touches on John’s day job as an auditor—which he deliberately keeps separate from his stand-up routines—as well as his experiences performing across the United States and internationally in Taiwan and the Philippines. After playing a lighthearted improv game where John offers intentionally terrible advice for dating and dinner parties, the discussion shifts to his love for cooking traditional Filipino dishes like adobo and kare-kare, followed by reflections on vegetarianism, religion, and the practical challenges of owning and operating an independent comedy club. https://JohnLiuComedy.com https://youtube.com/live/lSicf2OlkSo Bad AI Transcript Hey, everybody, it’s Lament Tonight. guest tonight is john Blue. Or is it live? Now, how would you pronounce this, John? I pronounce it it makes it easier for my neighbors. Yes, sir. Oh, okay. You’re totally ignoring the eye pretty much. I’m trying to be less central me i’m not trying to be less egocentric. Let’s talk about you So John Liu is a first-generation Asian American. You give your heritage as Filipino and Chinese on your bio. You’re based in Southern California. You have a sharper tongue, as we just heard. And your comedy centers around growing up in a multicultural background, being a first-generation immigrant, current events, and dealing with the ever-changing American zeitgeist. You can catch him… at JohnLiuComedyLiu.com. John Liu, how are you doing tonight? Cheers. I’m doing great. I’m chilling in a city called Anaheim, which is, as if you may know, may or may not know, is the hometown of Disneyland. Lovely, beautiful day in Southern California. The heat is finally letting up. The humidity is letting up. And there’s some wild parrots hanging around outside. It is a good day. Were you at Disneyland today? No, no, no, no. A friend of mine is running a comedy show. So before I showed up, before I logged in, I dropped in to say hello. Support local comics, support my friends, all that good stuff. Well, that was awful nice. I do what I can. Were you just there for support or did you do something else? No, it’s a theme night, actually. I have a friend. His name is Eric Escobar, Hilarious Comics. plug for him uh he run he’s doing a special comedy night uh at a local brewery called cast comedy night these are all current or former disney performers so i went down to catch you know catch his comedy and you know see see some comics and now i’m here with you and this is a wonderful setup thanks again for having me bob you’re so gracious my goodness are you your mother must be very proud of you. I hope so You’re so polite. So now you just said for current or former Disney performers. Now, what do you mean by that? Well, OK, so when you go to Disneyland, they have people working, you know, staff members. They also have crew members. These are the forward facing people like the tour guides on the Jungle Cruise or, you know, people manning, you know, dressed up as characters, things like that. Oh, okay. Cast members, as they like to say, so they don’t have to pay them. It’s true. But funny enough, I do believe they’re part of the actors’ union, too. They’re actually considered acting. It’s an acting job, I think. Oh, really? Okay. It’s fascinating. That’s a good move on their part, is to pull that in, right? So the whole cast member thing was kind of a dodge, I think, originally. And so now they’re going, yeah, well, wait. If we’re cast members, we’re acting. Have you ever worked at Disney or no? No. Oh, my gosh, no. I have no patience for that kind of thing. I wear my heart on my sleeve and my contempt on my face, so it’s kind of like I can’t do that. It’s very difficult for me to be in a customer-facing position. You’re so polite. You’ve been so polite to me tonight. And here you’re saying, oh, no, I can’t do that. It’s a lot of work, Bob. So you’ve got like five minutes of pleasantries and then after that it’s all venom or what? Well, I don’t know what to say. I really don’t. I’m not much of a conversationalist. That’s why I’m in stand-up and not improv. Oh, my goodness. It’s working right now, John. Well, cheers. Thank you. Now, since you’re a Filipino-Chinese, is John your first name or is this an Americanized name for you? Well, here’s the thing you got to know really quickly about the Philippines. We are an English-speaking country. English is one of the languages that we speak, so we do have a lot of crossover. John is actually my given birth name. So, yeah. I do have a Chinese name, but I don’t use it too much, mainly because I can barely speak Chinese. It’s like at a four-year-old level, if I’m lucky. It’s terrible. What level of Chinese do you speak, John? Oh, four-year-old. I don’t know. I really don’t know. My wife describes it as, my wife says I understand half of the conversation. Unfortunately, I understand the useless half. I only know the words and, the, and. Right. I can count to a decent extent. I know important phrases, some words, because I did go to school where they taught Chinese, but Part of the difficulty is that I didn’t get a lot of practice. I moved to the States when I was a teen, and where I moved to, there weren’t a lot of Chinese speakers, so it kind of fell by the wayside, and I wasn’t that good to begin with. So where did you grow up in your teens? Can you tell me an area? Southern California, through and through. Okay, so dude, whoa, hey. Pretty much, pretty much. There’s no Chinese words for that. No, if there are, I don’t know them. So would you in the Southern California culture, would you what would you describe yourself as? So like, you know, there’s skater, surfer, you know, beach. I think the closest thing I don’t know if they still have them. But, you know, when I was younger, I was definitely more in the nerd slash preppy kind of thing. Oh, OK. Yeah. And I was a kid. I had my fun, but I wasn’t much into skating, wasn’t much into sports. I was a bit of a nerd. I was into comic books, toys, that kind of thing. And I’m not – the why doesn’t apply anymore, but I would certainly be – could have been classified as a yuppie back in the day. I think you and I are of the same generation that you know what a yuppie is. Oh, yeah. And for the younger folks, a yuppie – Young Urban Professional. Oh, I thought you were going to say it was a wet puppy. No, no, no, no, no. No, I know. Young Urban Professional. Exactly. You drove your Beamer. And your girlfriend was named Buffy. No, I don’t have money. That’s why I’m here. No offense. But otherwise, I would have bought myself a comedy club and called it a day. Oh, well, that’s interesting. Why are you waiting? What is stopping you from realizing this dream? My bank account. Well, no. Banks will give anybody money. You could go get a loan. They want me to pay it back eventually. That’s the part you’ve got to figure out. Respect anyone that runs a comedy venue. It’s not easy. It isn’t. Well, you just sell drugs in the back and you’re all set. Everything works out. Oh, my goodness. Yeah, no, it’s not for me. Plus, it’s a lot of logistics that I don’t really want to deal with. I want to be free. I want to be happy. You know what? You can have the John Liu comedy car. It’s like Uber, except you get comedy on the way to your destination. Actually, a friend of mine had this idea recently. of taking, like, you know, one of those creepy, gigantic vans, you know, and just opening up the door and having, like, a pop-up comedy show, have the speakers and the mic in there, and just drive wherever, park somewhere, and set up a comedy show that way. Yeah. I mean, they did the cash cab on television for I don’t know how long. You could do the comedy cab. Talk about a captive audience. Just lock the doors, have the choppers. That’s right. And then if they want to get out, they got to pay you. Yeah. Oh, my God. We could be like those crazy people that preach on planes. Have you been seeing that on the news? No. We could do that. We could just put on a comedy show. They preach on a plane? Is that allowed? No. It’s absolutely not. Explain this to me. Do they just, like, bother the person next to them, or do they stand up and tell the whole plane? No, they stand up and tell the whole plane. Oh, my word. one lady, she got put on the no-fly list forever because she was pretty much preaching the entire time. She would get up, preach to the plane, and just she just refused to sit down. You know, all that stuff. And there are a couple people doing that so i’ll be honest with you. I would rather have it happen in a plane than anywhere else because, I mean, you never know. That’s fair. You look like a 50 50 that you may need that at that moment. That’s true. That’s true. You know, but it, yeah, it’s all about that captive audience, getting that group of people together. And I like to perform, I’ll be honest. I like to perform, you know, I, it’s the advertising, the marketing that doesn’t appeal to me, you know? Oh no. Well, I think this, I think this, you know, comedy Uber thing is the way to go. Cause then, I mean, you like to go places, right? Absolutely. Travel is one of the perks. I’ve gotten to go to so many places and see so many things that I wouldn’t have if I wasn’t in comedy. It gives me that incentive to travel. Tell me some of the places you’ve gone. Have you gone to Macau? I have not. I’ve only recently started traveling for comedy. Let’s see. I’ve performed in the Philippines. I’ve been to open mics in Taiwan. Wow. in terms of shows, proper shows, I’ve done show

  8. Aug 11

    Sales Crash

    Miles tries out the door-to-door bug salesperson’s hoverboard, while Bob has a nice leisurely lunch and ends up in a gas station parking lot. GAMES, like old school games, play a few with the Static Radio twist here – https://www.staticradio.com/category/games/ Subscribe Random Show Click Below https://youtube.com/live/vXxfPh12Ixc Miles tries out the door-to-door bug salesperson’s hoverboard, while Bob has a nice leisurely lunch and ends up in a gas station parking lot. Sales Crash Bad AI Transcript If you stop me up, I’ll never stop. I’ll never stop. No, no, no, no, no. That’s a piece. Mmm. Good evening. I’m your friendly courier, Mr. Blood Vessel. Mr. Buster Blood Vessel. What’s that from? I am the walrus. Oh, really? I was watching it this morning. I don’t know. That’s the intro to it. It just seemed funny. I’m like, wow, these guys were really funny back in the day. I guess so. I think it’s Ringo’s voice. It sounds like Ringo. I don’t know. It sounds like a Ringo thing. uh it’s my house title with static radio podcast yeah uh am around plausible and um that’s all i know so i’m being held hostage i’m in his basement What if hostages… What do they do for proof of life now with the… They can’t hold up a newspaper, really. I mean, where are you going to get a newspaper these days? What’s the… What is the new version of that, holding up the newspaper? What is the deal with being a hostage and not having a newspaper? What is the deal with that? I don’t know, Jerry. I don’t know. In this day and age, where are you going to get it? There’s no USA Today. I can’t get it, but I don’t know. You know, I hadn’t really thought about it. I’m just trying to pose these questions, you know what I mean? I question the world as we see it today. I mean, would you hold up the latest? I mean, everybody’s Instagram feeds are different. Can’t do TikTok, right? I hadn’t really prepared for this bit. Yeah. I don’t know. I don’t know. Yeah. It’s really you. And you’re really, I mean, we got the AI make anything. I mean, I got a guy. I got a guy. I got a guy. Okay. I got a guy’s name. He tells me if everything’s fake, that’s fake. His name is CB. He’s on TikTok. Don’t worry. He’ll get into this. Fingernails. Fingernails are wrong. That’s why. It’s not right. Fake. Yeah. It’s all fake. All fake. I don’t know. I’m just saying. I mean, it used to be so easy. You just get a newspaper, hold up a newspaper. Okay. They’re alive still. The newspaper there. Well, there’s still newspapers. I mean. Yeah. But I mean, it’s so easy to fake everything. It’s just like. Yeah. Yeah. He held up the weekly shopper. That’s the weekly shopper for this week. He could have been missing any time this week. We don’t know. We know he’s alive last week. We know it. We’ll just have to wait another week to see if he’s still alive. Wait a minute. There was no ad for Bugles this week in the weekly shopper? Okay. Okay. Are you still there, Miles? Did I lose you on this one? Hello? Yeah. Okay. There you are. You dropped out. I thought so. No, you froze up like you got your image just froze up. Like your eyes were like half open. Like, oh, dude, there’s a cartoon cat. So this week was not the best week. It’s not the best week. The weekly shopper did not have bugles on sale last week. So on Friday, I went to lunch with my good friends, Dr. J and Dr. K. Yes. And so they actually met me at my office because I’m having to go to my office here lately because of some rule changes that And so they came by the office and we decided to go get some lunch. Yeah. And unfortunately near the office, there’s not a lot of good lunch places. So I’m like, let’s go to this Mexican place, which I’m surprised you can still say that, to be honest with you, like Chinese place, Mexican place. It’s all okay. Right. Yeah. I mean, I think that’s all right. I mean, I, I’m like, we got to go down to this one, you know? And so it’s, it’s a, it’s a, few minutes away. Taco Bell. Yeah. It’s called the Taco Ballet. Exclusive. It’s a local thing, but so we’re driving and we drove by like three other Mexican places and they’re like, well, why don’t you go to this one? I’m like, I’ve never been there. I’m not going there. El Bandejos. Yeah. And so I forced them to go to this Mexican place that I’ve been to before. This is always good. They have a lunch special. So, you know, it’s not overly expensive. Kutas are us. So we make it there. Everything’s fantastic. You know, I get the lunch special. They get a lunch special. Everybody gets a lunch special. We have a great lunch. We’re chitting and chatting and skitting and scatting and everything. And then… Bella Fitzgerald shows up. Do, do, do, do. And then Dr. K is like, well, I got to get back. I need to get going. I’m like, oh, man. So he drove us all. He took on the mantle of driver. Yeah. And we all pile into Dr. K’s car. Yeah. And we’re going to head back to my office. And then everybody will go about their business. Right. Yeah. So we’re on our way back and, and talking and we, there’s a, I don’t know, like a traffic jam is on side streets. We’re not on the highway or on the side street. Some kind of like traffic jam. Everything comes to a stop. Right. I’m talking and kablamo. You got rear ended hard. Didn’t you? Yeah. You’re hard. And I didn’t even realize it. I was like, what the hell? And sure enough, Dr. K got rear-ended. Oh! Were you in front? I was in the front seat because I’m… Dr. K is a very diminutive person. He’s a very… Yeah, he’s teeny tiny. He’s tiny. And so I sat up front with Dr. K. We get blasted in the back, you know? Yeah. And you get ass blasted. Did you? Yeah, it was rough. I was like, it wasn’t gentle. It was rough. It was not gentle at all. I mean, we got kablowy and I, the rear ending to the gas station. And, and luckily the person that hit him pulled in as well. And we had to go through the whole process of, yeah, of an accident thing. So the funny thing is we pull in and I’m like, So Dr. K gets out. I get right out because, you know, I don’t know what’s going to happen. I’m like, I’m ready to back him up, right? Yeah, right. Okay. Well, I’m fairly tall and quite broad. And so I figured he’s not. Yeah. And so I got out. Well, Dr. J did not get out. Yeah. Oh, Jesus. Are you all right? Yeah, he was all right. But I’m like, he was not looking for a fight. I was like, this guy is going to try to blame my friend. I’m going to be there to help out. It’s like Billy Barty and Junior Samples wanting to have a freaking fight with somebody. Well, what would Dr. K be then? You know him because you had lunch with him. Yeah. What’s his character if I’m Junior and… i don’t know. I think about that you can’t think of one okay i don’t want to make this weird yeah i don’t want to make this weird i pop out of the car. K top pops out of the car. He goes, and it’s this duck dynasty looking guy with a big beard and he’s driving a pickup truck, you know? And so they start talking and, And, um, I’m like walking, but it all seems to be going well. Right. I’m pacing and, um, with your other hand, you’re like, yeah, he takes the blame. So then I walk around in the back of Dr. K’s car and I’m like, there’s liquid dribbling out of the back of his car. Oh yeah. That’s my thought. I was like, Holy mother of God, is this gasoline? Oh, f**k. Got a body back there. F**k. F**k. And so I’m like, I look at it for a while and it’s coming out like, you know, it’s coming out like, you know, a Miles title piss. So it’s like in spurts. It’s not like a, you know, it’s not even funny, man. Even say something. It’s like dribble, dribble, dribble. Anyway. So I’m like, I hope this isn’t gas. Cause then I’m stuck. We’re not anywhere miles from anywhere. Then you did a crutch down, put your fingers in it and smell it. I did. So then I stuck my hand, I stuck my finger in there and then I sniffed it, but I have a really bad nose, you know? And so it didn’t smell like anything. And so then Dr. K comes walking around. I go, someone’s coming out of your car and he sniffed my finger and no, not gas. So then Dr. J finally sees that everything’s okay and, Yeah. Yeah. And he wanders out of the car. Like he just woke up or something. Hey, and i think i hurt my back real bad. Yeah. And then he comes around looks at so we’re trying to figure out what the hell. And then we’re like, you got a case of water back here, but it just kept coming it just yeah it just kept going right yeah a little weird. Yeah, it was really weird. We’re like, you don’t have a back windshield wiper washer thing, no? I mean, it dribbled the whole time we were waiting for the police. It dribbled, and it dribbled, but it wasn’t brake fluid. We kept going through all the fluids, right? Yeah. And then Dr. J crawls under the car. He’s so little, he can walk under it. He just did little. I know. and he’s like, no, he’s like, it coming from the trunk. It’s coming from up there. It’s not coming from the gas tank or any like break lines or anything. So we wait, the police show up and, you know, we got two police people to show up. So we were at a nice part of town. And that even showed up. Yeah. You know, yeah. It showed up as a nice part of town. Yeah. And, uh, so they, you know, we all have to, well, those guys have to give statements. They, you know, give me the crook guy. Are you here? Who are you with? You know? Yeah. Question. And, uh, we had to give over stuff and then it’s, um, time to leave. And so we all pile back in the car. I go, well, I guess it’s not gas. I guess we’re not going to worry about it. And so then we head on back to the office. And on the way, Dr. J i

    Sales Crash
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4.6
out of 5
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About

The strange and humorous happenings in the lives of two US Midwesterners.

Information

  • Creator
    Bob LeMent
  • Years Active
    2012 - 2026
  • Episodes
    195
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    Copyright © Static Radio 2025
  • Show Website
    Static Radio