Define with Denise

Denise
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Define with Denise is a podcast about understanding behavior, creating meaningful change, and asking different questions. Hosted by Denise—a behavior analyst, behavior change coach, and educator—this podcast explores why we do what we do and how we can intentionally create lives, relationships, and families that align with our values. Drawing from behavior science, psychology, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and real-life experience, each episode takes one everyday question and explores what's happening beneath the surface. From parenting and relationships to habits, health, resilience, and the patterns we inherit from our families and culture, these conversations are designed to help behavior make sense—and make change feel possible. Growing up in a hardworking Vietnamese immigrant family taught Denise the value of respect, resilience, sacrifice, and showing up for the people you love. Those lessons continue to shape her work today while also inspiring the questions many of us are asking: What do we carry forward? What are we ready to redefine? Whether you're raising children, hoping to become a parent one day, working with kids, supporting families, or simply trying to understand yourself a little better, you'll find thoughtful conversations, practical tools, and a fresh perspective grounded in both science and compassion. My hope isn't that you leave with all the answers. It's that you leave asking different questions. Because different questions lead to different conversations. And different conversations create the opportunity for change. Behavior always makes sense—we just have to understand the story it's telling.

Episodes

  1. Aug 26

    The Kids Aren’t the Only Ones Learning | Guest: Kody Harms from CFT

    What if the kids aren’t the only ones learning? In this episode of Define with Denise, I sit down with my friend and former colleague Kody Harms — BCBA, third-generation educator, co-founder and clinical director of Curated Family Therapeutics, and dad to Oscar. We start with one question: What is school actually for? From there, the conversation becomes much bigger than school. We talk about the pressure teachers and helpers carry, what happens when awareness grows faster than resources, and why values and connection can matter just as much as having the “right” strategy. We also talk about the other side of supporting kids: being a parent. The anxiety. The urge to step in. The discomfort of watching your child struggle. And the importance of noticing our own patterns so we can give kids opportunities to build resilience, make mistakes, and learn how to get back up. Because maybe our job isn’t to remove every hard experience or have every answer. Maybe it’s to keep asking better questions: What do I value? What am I noticing? What does this child actually need from me? What do we really want our kids to experience? For Kody, that includes happiness and joy — but also resistance, challenge, connection, mistakes, and the opportunity to figure out who you are. Because the kids aren’t the only ones learning. Parents are learning. Teachers are learning. Helpers are learning. We’re all still figuring it out alongside the people we’re trying to support. And as always, we end with DEFINE — school, success, play, curiosity, parenthood, Kody, and kindness. A conversation for parents, teachers, clinicians, helpers, and anyone still learning alongside the people they support. Thank you for listening to DEFINE with Denise. My hope isn't that you leave with all the answers. It's that you leave asking different questions. Because different questions lead to different conversations. And different conversations create the opportunity for change. Behavior always makes sense—we just have to understand the story it's telling. If this episode resonated with you, I'd love for you to follow the podcast, leave a review, and share it with someone who could use this conversation. Follow along for more:  Instagram: @definewithdenise Website: definetogether.comNew episodes every Tuesday.

  2. Aug 19

    What do we carry forward for the next generation?

    We’re the generation raising kids while also looking back at how we were raised. In this episode, I share pieces of my experience growing up in a Vietnamese immigrant family—from achievement and expectations to sacrifice, love, conflict, and all the things that weren’t always talked about. Because generational healing doesn’t have to mean blaming our parents or doing the complete opposite of what they did. It can mean understanding the context they came from, appreciating what they gave us, and getting curious about what we want to carry forward. We’ll talk about how behavior science and ACT can help us raise resilient kids without removing every uncomfortable feeling, why validation and firm boundaries can exist at the same time, and how parents today are navigating challenges previous generations never had—including screens, social media, and AI. The goal isn’t perfect parenting. It’s learning to ask: What am I carrying because it matters to me—and what am I carrying simply because someone handed it to me? You can honor where you came from and still redefine what comes next. Thank you for listening to DEFINE with Denise. My hope isn't that you leave with all the answers. It's that you leave asking different questions. Because different questions lead to different conversations. And different conversations create the opportunity for change. Behavior always makes sense—we just have to understand the story it's telling. If this episode resonated with you, I'd love for you to follow the podcast, leave a review, and share it with someone who could use this conversation. Follow along for more:  Instagram: @definewithdenise Website: definetogether.comNew episodes every Tuesday.

  3. Aug 11

    Are We Raising Kids Differently… or Just Afraid to Get It Wrong?

    Our generation is trying really hard to raise kids differently. We talk more about emotions. We know more about trauma. We want our kids to feel heard, safe, and understood. But sometimes knowing what we don't want to repeat doesn't automatically tell us what to do instead. So for this episode of DEFINE with Denise, I brought on my friend and fellow behavior analyst Charles to talk about the questions parents are actually wondering—but might feel a little guilty admitting out loud. Why is my kid great for everyone else and then completely loses it with me? Am I harming my kid by saying no? Why do they only listen after I finally lose my shit? Can I love my kid deeply and still not always enjoy parenting? And how do we know when a child can't do something versus when something else is getting in the way? We unpack these questions through behavior analysis, ACT, learning history, reinforcement, boundaries, and context—but in normal human language. Because your child's behavior is being shaped by what happens around them. And so is yours. The goal isn't to raise a child who never cries, gets frustrated, hears no, fails, or gets upset with you. It's to help them build the skills to experience those moments—and learn what to do when they show up. And sometimes being a good parent means two things can exist at once: I can care that you're upset AND hold the boundary. This one is part behavior science, part parenting, and part two friends who happen to be behavior analysts talking about the shit parents actually wonder about. Something to take with you The next time you catch yourself thinking: “Why is my kid being so difficult?” Try getting more specific. What happened right before this?  What might this behavior be accomplishing?  And what skill do I want them to learn instead? You don't need to have the perfect response. Get curious before you get corrective. Because different questions lead to different conversations. And different conversations create the opportunity for change. Thank you for listening to DEFINE with Denise. My hope isn't that you leave with all the answers. It's that you leave asking different questions. Because different questions lead to different conversations. And different conversations create the opportunity for change. Behavior always makes sense—we just have to understand the story it's telling. If this episode resonated with you, I'd love for you to follow the podcast, leave a review, and share it with someone who could use this conversation. Follow along for more:  Instagram: @definewithdenise Website: definetogether.comNew episodes every Tuesday.

  4. Aug 4

    If You Know What to Eat... Why Don't You?

    Most of us already know what healthy eating looks like. We know protein is important. We know vegetables are good for us. We know drinking water matters. So why is nutrition still one of the hardest behaviors to change? Nutrition isn't about food. It's about behavior. In this episode, we're looking beyond calories, diets, and willpower to explore what our eating habits might actually be communicating. Together, we'll explore:  Why nutrition is rarely just about food  How stress, culture, habits, and environment shape the way we eat  Why behavior always serves a purpose  Three practical questions to ask before your next meal  How curiosity—not judgment—creates lasting behavior change This isn't an episode about eating perfectly. It's about understanding yourself a little better. DEFINE Challenge of the Week Choose one meal each day and pause for just 10 seconds before you eat. Ask yourself: • What am I feeling? • What do I actually need right now? • What choice would Future Me be thankful for? No guilt. No tracking. No perfection. Just awareness. Because behavior change doesn't begin with criticism. It begins with curiosity. Thank you for spending a little time with me today. If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who's tired of starting over every Monday.  Thank you for listening to DEFINE with Denise. My hope isn't that you leave with all the answers. It's that you leave asking different questions. Because different questions lead to different conversations. And different conversations create the opportunity for change. Behavior always makes sense—we just have to understand the story it's telling. If this episode resonated with you, I'd love for you to follow the podcast, leave a review, and share it with someone who could use this conversation. Follow along for more:  Instagram: @definewithdenise Website: definetogether.comNew episodes every Tuesday.

  5. Jul 29

    How to Do It Scared...

    Fear has a way of convincing us that we need to feel ready before we take the next step. Ready to have the conversation. Ready to apply for the job. Ready to start therapy. Ready to ask for help. Ready to make the change. But what if that's never how change actually works? In today's episode, I'm sharing one of the biggest mindset shifts I've had after navigating panic attacks, OCD, anxiety, and one of the hardest seasons of my life. I realized I wasn't actually trying to learn how to be brave. I was trying to stop feeling afraid. And those are two very different things. Together, we'll explore:  Why fear isn't always the problem  What your fear might actually be trying to protect  The difference between danger and discomfort  Three questions to ask yourself when fear shows up  How to stop waiting for confidence before taking action Whether you're navigating anxiety, a career change, relationships, health, or simply trying to become a version of yourself you've never met before, I hope this episode reminds you that courage isn't the absence of fear. Sometimes it's simply choosing your values over your comfort. This week's DEFINE Challenge The next time fear shows up, pause and finish this sentence: "I'm afraid because I care about..."Notice what comes up. You might realize your fear isn't trying to stop you. It might just be pointing toward something that matters. If this episode resonated with you, I'd love if you shared it with someone who could use the reminder that they don't have to wait until they're fearless to start living. Thank you for being here. Stay curious. Stay kind. And keep defining a life that's meaningf Thank you for listening to DEFINE with Denise. My hope isn't that you leave with all the answers. It's that you leave asking different questions. Because different questions lead to different conversations. And different conversations create the opportunity for change. Behavior always makes sense—we just have to understand the story it's telling. If this episode resonated with you, I'd love for you to follow the podcast, leave a review, and share it with someone who could use this conversation. Follow along for more:  Instagram: @definewithdenise Website: definetogether.comNew episodes every Tuesday.

  6. Jul 21

    Who Gets to Define Your Life?

    Over the last few episodes, we've explored why behavior change is hard, why our patterns make sense, and why knowing what to do isn't always enough. But this week, I wanted to press pause and share something a little more personal. In this episode, I'm sharing the story behind DEFINE—how growing up in a Vietnamese immigrant family, discovering behavior analysis, navigating my own mental health journey, and learning to redefine my life shaped the work I do today. As a behavior analyst, I spend my days helping people understand behavior. But somewhere along the way, define became about much more than observable behavior or clinical definitions. It became about identity. Because before we can change our behavior, we often have to ask a deeper question: Who has been defining my life... and do I still want that definition? Whether those definitions came from our family, culture, past experiences, fears, or even our own minds, we all have the opportunity to pause, get curious, and decide what we want to carry forward. Whether you're a parent, clinician, helper, athlete, or simply someone navigating a new season of life, I hope this episode helps you get to know me a little better—but even more importantly, I hope it reminds you that you don't have to live by every definition you've been given. You have permission to redefine yourself. Thank you for listening to DEFINE with Denise. My hope isn't that you leave with all the answers. It's that you leave asking different questions. Because different questions lead to different conversations. And different conversations create the opportunity for change. Behavior always makes sense—we just have to understand the story it's telling. If this episode resonated with you, I'd love for you to follow the podcast, leave a review, and share it with someone who could use this conversation. Follow along for more:  Instagram: @definewithdenise Website: definetogether.comNew episodes every Tuesday.

  7. Jul 14

    Your Patterns Aren't Your Fault. But Your Response Is Your Responsibility.

    Have you ever caught yourself repeating a pattern you fully understand... and thought, I literally know better than this? You can identify your child's triggers. See when your client is starting to avoid. Tell your friend exactly why they keep going back to the same situation. But then you stay up scrolling when you're exhausted. Say yes when you mean no. Avoid the email that's been on three different to-do lists. Or hear your childhood come flying out of your mouth during one stressful Tuesday. In this episode of Define with Denise, we're going underneath the patterns we keep trying to stop. Because understanding where a behavior came from isn't about excusing it. And responsibility doesn't have to mean blame or shame. I define responsibility as our ability to respond to the situation. We'll explore why behaviors that once protected us can become costly, how relief and avoidance quietly reinforce our patterns, why helpers can be incredibly skilled at understanding everyone else's behavior while missing their own, and how behavior science and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) can help us create space to respond differently. This week's questions: What makes this pattern make sense? What is this behavior doing for me right now? What response is available to me in this moment? And of the responses available to me... which one moves me closer to who I want to be? Your patterns may not be your fault. But once you notice them, you have an opportunity to respond. Notice. Understand. Respond. Practice. New episodes of Define with Denise every Tuesday.  Thank you for listening to DEFINE with Denise. My hope isn't that you leave with all the answers. It's that you leave asking different questions. Because different questions lead to different conversations. And different conversations create the opportunity for change. Behavior always makes sense—we just have to understand the story it's telling. If this episode resonated with you, I'd love for you to follow the podcast, leave a review, and share it with someone who could use this conversation. Follow along for more:  Instagram: @definewithdenise Website: definetogether.comNew episodes every Tuesday.

  8. Jul 7

    Why Do We Know What to Do... But Still Struggle to Do It?

    If Knowing Was Enough, Change Would Be Easy Why We Know What to Do... But Still Struggle to Do It Have you ever found yourself saying... "I'll start Monday." "This time will be different." "I know what I need to do... so why can't I seem to do it?" If you've ever felt the gap between knowing and doing, you're not alone. In the first official episode of DEFINE, we're exploring one of the biggest misconceptions about behavior change: the belief that if we just had more information, we'd finally change. Drawing from behavior science, psychology, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and real-life experiences, we'll unpack why change is so much more than willpower—and why understanding behavior with curiosity, rather than judgment, can completely change the way we see ourselves and others. In this episode, we'll explore:  Why knowing isn't the hardest part of change.  The biggest myth about behavior change.  How our childhood, culture, and experiences shape the patterns we carry into adulthood.  Why behavior always makes sense—and what to ask instead of, "What's wrong with me?"  One simple question you can start asking today to create meaningful change. Whether you're raising children, hoping to become a parent one day, working with kids, supporting families, or simply trying to understand yourself a little better, this conversation is for you. This week's reflection Before trying to change a behavior, pause and ask yourself: "What makes this behavior make sense?" Sometimes meaningful change doesn't begin with finding the right answer. It begins with asking a different question. Thank you for listening to DEFINE with Denise. My hope isn't that you leave with all the answers. It's that you leave asking different questions. Because different questions lead to different conversations. And different conversations create the opportunity for change. Behavior always makes sense—we just have to understand the story it's telling. If this episode resonated with you, I'd love for you to follow the podcast, leave a review, and share it with someone who could use this conversation. Follow along for more:  Instagram: @definewithdenise Website: definetogether.comNew episodes every Tuesday.

    Why Do We Know What to Do... But Still Struggle to Do It?

  9. Season 1, Episode 1 Trailer

    Start Here: Welcome to DEFINE

    Welcome to DEFINE. If you've ever wondered why change feels so hard, why we repeat patterns we promised we'd never repeat, or how to create meaningful change without losing the values that matter most, you're in the right place. In this short introduction, I share why I created DEFINE, what you can expect from the podcast, and the questions we'll be exploring together each week. Drawing from behavior science, psychology, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and years of working with children, families, and adults, DEFINE is about more than understanding behavior—it's about learning how to intentionally change it. Some episodes will focus on parenting. Others will explore relationships, habits, emotional regulation, health, resilience, and the patterns we inherit from our families and culture. Whether you're raising children, hoping to become a parent one day, working with kids, supporting families, or simply trying to understand yourself a little better, this podcast is for you. My hope isn't that you leave with all the answers. It's that you leave asking different questions. Because different questions lead to different conversations. And different conversations create the opportunity for change. New episodes every Tuesday. Helping behavior make sense—and change feel possible. Follow DEFINE wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss a conversation. Topics we'll explore:  Behavior Change  Psychology  Behavior Science  ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy)  Parenting  Emotional Regulation  Habits  Relationships  Resilience  Health & Wellness  Child Development  Personal Growth Thank you for listening to DEFINE with Denise. My hope isn't that you leave with all the answers. It's that you leave asking different questions. Because different questions lead to different conversations. And different conversations create the opportunity for change. Behavior always makes sense—we just have to understand the story it's telling. If this episode resonated with you, I'd love for you to follow the podcast, leave a review, and share it with someone who could use this conversation. Follow along for more:  Instagram: @definewithdenise Website: definetogether.comNew episodes every Tuesday.

    Start Here: Welcome to DEFINE
  • 1 Trailer
    8 Episodes

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About

Define with Denise is a podcast about understanding behavior, creating meaningful change, and asking different questions. Hosted by Denise—a behavior analyst, behavior change coach, and educator—this podcast explores why we do what we do and how we can intentionally create lives, relationships, and families that align with our values. Drawing from behavior science, psychology, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and real-life experience, each episode takes one everyday question and explores what's happening beneath the surface. From parenting and relationships to habits, health, resilience, and the patterns we inherit from our families and culture, these conversations are designed to help behavior make sense—and make change feel possible. Growing up in a hardworking Vietnamese immigrant family taught Denise the value of respect, resilience, sacrifice, and showing up for the people you love. Those lessons continue to shape her work today while also inspiring the questions many of us are asking: What do we carry forward? What are we ready to redefine? Whether you're raising children, hoping to become a parent one day, working with kids, supporting families, or simply trying to understand yourself a little better, you'll find thoughtful conversations, practical tools, and a fresh perspective grounded in both science and compassion. My hope isn't that you leave with all the answers. It's that you leave asking different questions. Because different questions lead to different conversations. And different conversations create the opportunity for change. Behavior always makes sense—we just have to understand the story it's telling.

Information

  • Creator
    Denise
  • Years Active
    2026
  • Episodes
    9
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2026 © 2026 DEFINE Together
  • Show Website
    Define with Denise