The FYBS Playbook: Big Feelings, Real Caregiving from Toddlers to Teens

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Because big feelings don't come with instructions... Whoever you are in a kid's life — parent, teacher, coach, the trusted adult down the hall — The FYBS Playbook meets you there. Hosted by psychologist Dr. Sandy Chafouleas and special educator Dr. Jess Koslouski, two moms who between them have clocked almost a century of raising kids, this podcast blends the research they've built careers on with the real-life caregiving moments that humbled them anyway. Science-backed tools, honest talk, and warm support — from first meltdowns to final exams and beyond.

Episodes

  1. 4d ago

    S2 E4 | What Parents, Teachers, and Coaches Wish Each Other Knew | Goldilocks Part 2

    Teachers don't see the front door. Parents don't see the classroom. Coaches don't see either one. This episode picks up our Goldilocks challenge of finding "just right" help, asks why so many of us over-help, and sits down with Dr. Sheila Clonan, who has been the school psychologist, the parent, and the private practice psychologist. Her question for every caregiver who's stuck: what does this child need, and how can we provide it?

  2. Oct 27

    S2 E3 | Friendship, Rewired: How Kids' Idea of a Good Friend Changes With Age

    Friendship isn't one lesson a kid learns and keeps. This episode covers how the concept of friendship develops across childhood, where caregivers fit in without taking over, and what to do with conflict, on the playground and between siblings at home.

  3. Oct 20

    S2 E2 | Good Stress, Bad Stress: Why Resilience Isn't a Solo Trait

    Not all stress is the villain, some of it actually helps a kid learn and grow. This episode covers the difference between fuel and overload, why resilience isn't a trait but something a kid borrows from everyone around them, and what caregivers can concretely do to be part of that support system. Plus, kids share in their own words what stress feels like and what helps them keep going.

  4. Oct 13

    S2 E1 | Feelings 101: What Nobody Actually Taught Us

    Naming a feeling is the easy part. This episode covers what feelings vocabulary looks like across ages, why culture shapes what we want to feel more than what we actually feel, and how to let a kid feel everything without letting that become a reason to skip the hard thing.

  5. Aug 25

    S1 E8 | What We Know, What We Got Wrong, and What’s Next

    Season closers are usually victory laps. This one isn’t. Sandy and Jess are ending Season 1 the same way they started it — in it together. Each is naming something the research actually changed their minds about, something they got wrong as caregivers despite knowing the science, and something they’re still working through. Along the way, they tie the FYBS Recognize—Reflect—Respond framework back to the evidence base that built it. The season ends with a clear-eyed look at what FYBS is, what it isn’t, and what comes next for us and for you.

    S1 E8 | What We Know, What We Got Wrong, and What’s Next

  6. Aug 18

    S1 E7 | The Goldilocks Challenge in Caregiving

    We’ve all been there as caregivers: you jump in too fast, and the kid shuts down. You hold back, and they spin out. There’s actually a word for getting it just right — scaffolding. It sounds simple enough. But if you've tried to do it in real time, you know it's anything but. Today Sandy and Jess are digging into that Goldilocks problem — what the science says about over-helping and under-helping across ages and settings, and why "just right" isn't the same for every kid, caregiver, or context.

    S1 E7 | The Goldilocks Challenge in Caregiving

  7. Aug 11

    S1 E6 | Running on Empty: The Science of Caregiver Capacity

    We have been asking caregivers to stay regulated, to co-regulate, to repair, to notice, to show up. Today Sandy and Jess stop and ask: what makes that possible? When a caregiver is running on empty, co-regulation isn’t just hard — it is emotionally and physically impossible. This episode reframes self-care as science, not self-help, and gives caregivers something real to work with.

    S1 E6 | Running on Empty: The Science of Caregiver Capacity

  8. Aug 4

    S1 E5 | From Tantrums to Tension: Understanding Anxiety at Every Stage

    Clinginess at 4. Stomachaches at 9. Avoidance at 13. Shutdown at 17. These aren’t different problems — they’re anxiety showing up in different ways across development. In this episode, Sandy and Jess trace anxiety across the full span of childhood and adolescence, get honest about the instinct that makes anxiety worse: protecting kids from the thing that’s making them anxious, and offers caregivers strategies for when their own anxiety kicks in.

    S1 E5 | From Tantrums to Tension: Understanding Anxiety at Every Stage

  9. Jul 28

    S1 E4 | Surrounded and Still Lonely: The Feeling Nobody Names

    Loneliness isn't the absence of people. It's the absence of being truly seen — and we're finding it everywhere: in kids who are constantly connected and completely alone, in teachers nobody pours back into, in families invisible to the systems meant to serve them. In this episode, Sandy and Jess look at what the research has to say, share honest admissions, and talk about something you can actually do about it.

    S1 E4 | Surrounded and Still Lonely: The Feeling Nobody Names

  10. Jul 21

    S1 E3 | The Relationship: The Cycle of Breaking and Repairing

    Every caregiving relationship breaks. The question isn't whether it will, it's what happens next. This episode is all about the rupture-repair cycle – what it looks likes across ages, from toddlers who can't yet process words to teenagers who can't process a direct conversation. Sandy and Jess debunk the myth of perfect caregiving, and why there isn’t a one-size-fits-all repair script. If you've ever said something you regret and wondered how to come back — this one's for you.

    S1 E3 | The Relationship: The Cycle of Breaking and Repairing

  11. Jul 14

    S1 E2 | Big Feelings Can Happen Anywhere

    Big feelings don't stay home. In Episode 2, Sandy and Jess dig into why the adults who meet children's emotions beyond the four walls of home — teachers, coaches, grandparents, mentors — are just as important to emotional development as parents. They explore the research on cross-setting consistency, new data on the skill gaps educators are seeing, and the real complexity of navigating emotional norms across cultures.

    S1 E2 | Big Feelings Can Happen Anywhere

  12. Jul 7

    S1 E1 | Nobody Warned Us: The Developmental Reasons Kids’ Emotions Catch Us Off Guard

    Every caregiver has been blindsided by a child’s emotions. In this episode, Sandy and Jess name why that happens, why it’s developmentally normal, and why it matters that we stop pretending anyone warned us.

    S1 E1 | Nobody Warned Us: The Developmental Reasons Kids’ Emotions Catch Us Off Guard
  • 12 Episodes

About

Because big feelings don't come with instructions... Whoever you are in a kid's life — parent, teacher, coach, the trusted adult down the hall — The FYBS Playbook meets you there. Hosted by psychologist Dr. Sandy Chafouleas and special educator Dr. Jess Koslouski, two moms who between them have clocked almost a century of raising kids, this podcast blends the research they've built careers on with the real-life caregiving moments that humbled them anyway. Science-backed tools, honest talk, and warm support — from first meltdowns to final exams and beyond.

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