It feels like I need to make myself do this inquiry so that I can get to a point where it’s no longer flat and boring and it says something to me — something is revealed. That’s not really how it is. This is happening by itself. So the fact that you’re here again, you’re asking this question, means that there is the intention, and the micro moments of recognition are already happening. But to our personal experience it feels like, nothing is happening, I don’t know what this is. It’s boring. I don’t see a difference. My life is not suddenly full of rainbows. No. So the more we can be aware and speak in these meetings about all these things we expect, and the fact that it feels like all these things — that it’s not — that’s the only help we have. So, completely different attempt: In a more religious context, there can be very poetic and mystical descriptions of this experience of pure being. It’s like it’s fullness, love, grace, bliss, depending on which context you’re from. In Christianity, the presence of God, deep peace. All of that makes it even “worse” because now we’re expecting whatever associations we have with those things as well. And that’s why I try … There you’re on your own. The more we discuss that, the more complicated it gets. And that’s why I’m always very annoying, I think, in the sense of that it stops at, “What is aware?” And then it is looking, and the looking does it, and the more descriptions I give, the further away we get from it. Even peace is too much, even being is too much. All these words have connotations and bring expectations with them. And that’s why in inquiry you are your own teacher, you are on your own. You have to find out what it is, beyond that flat, boring, empty “I don’t understand it.” You, only you. — excerpt from the Monday open meeting, details to join on katoudheusden.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dailynonduality.substack.com
