On this episode of Typing It Real, I was thrilled to be joined by Dr Deborah Vinall! Despite some technical difficulties on Substack’s end with video access and processing (I apologize for my non-HD appearance as I had to switch to our family laptop rather than my iPhone), Dr. Deborah and I had an incredibly important conversation covering caregiving trauma, living and writing with PTSD, and how to handle the paradoxical nature of both joy and grief in our messy human lives. Specifically, we discussed: —Dr. Deborah’s background as a therapist and author, what inspired her to start Mental Health Musings on Substack, and why we felt it was important to discuss this topic of trauma from inside the lens of caregiving. —Caregiving Trauma & Living With PTSD: We talked about caregiving trauma, especially from the perspective of a parent caring for a medically complex child. As Bray Bray’s dad, I’ve experienced moments where everything feels like an emergency, even when things are relatively calm. How does the brain process ongoing trauma when you’re constantly living with uncertainty? Can caregivers experience PTSD or trauma-related symptoms even when their caregiving responsibilities never really end? —We dove into Dr. Deborah’s article, “This Is Trauma, Too.” I found her discussion of vicarious trauma especially relevant to caregiving. She explains how witnessing another person’s suffering can have a lasting psychological impact, even when we’re not the ones directly experiencing the physical trauma. As caregivers, we’re often witnessing the pain and struggles of the people we love most, while trying to remain strong enough to support them. How can we recognize the emotional toll of witnessing that suffering without comparing our experiences to those of the people we’re caring for? And how do we give ourselves permission to acknowledge our own trauma? —Another article of Dr. Deborah’s that really resonated with me was “I Remember. And I Am Here.” She explores the relationship between trauma, memory, and PTSD, including how traumatic memories can intrude on the present without warning. One thing I’ve noticed through my own caregiving journey is how certain memories, sounds, and experiences can transport me right back to some of Bray Bray’s most difficult medical moments. We talked about why our minds and bodies hold onto these experiences, even when we know we’re safe in the present. —We discussed Dr. Deborah’s article “The Stories I Couldn’t Finish,” because it connects so beautifully with why I write poetry. She explores how writing about trauma can help us find language for experiences that are otherwise incredibly difficult to process. For me, poetry has become a way to process my emotions in real time. Sometimes I don’t even know what I’m feeling until the words start appearing on the page. How does writing help us process trauma, and can the act of writing sometimes reveal things about ourselves that we haven’t fully recognized yet? —We talked about parenting, anticipatory grief, and Dr. Deborah’s article “He Walked Up the Hill Without Looking Back.” In this piece, she explores the strange grief that can accompany watching our children grow older and become more independent. As a father and caregiver, I have a somewhat different relationship with time and milestones. Bray Bray is turning twelve, and every birthday is both a celebration and a reminder that tomorrow is never guaranteed. How do we reconcile the joy of being present with our children with the grief and fear of knowing how fragile life can be? Is it possible to live with anticipatory grief without allowing it to steal the moments we’re so desperately trying to cherish? —We talked about the emotional side of writing publicly about mental health. Through Mental Health Musings, Dr. Deborah shares both her clinical knowledge and her personal experiences. I think there’s something powerful about letting people see the person behind the professional title. How does she do it? —I did an exclusive first-time reading of my yet to be published poem, “Twelve,” and talked about how poetry helps me process the fear, gratitude, and uncertainty of caregiving. —Final Thoughts: We closed with some practical advice for caregivers, writers, and anyone living with PTSD or processing trauma. Our mutual advice: “Write for an audience of one!” Thank you Irene Kigais, mary beth kaplan🪶, Oli Trollgora, Jamie Lee, BBJ, and many others for tuning into my live video with Dr Deborah Vinall! That’s all from me — Chris B. Get full access to Chris B. Writes at chrisbwrites.substack.com/subscribe
