Welcome back to A Fisherman’s Faith Podcast. This morning, as part of our devotional time, my wife and I were reading a book called “Relational Salvation” by Brother A. Z. Adams. We have read this book several times over the years. There are certain books we keep coming back to, not because we have forgotten what they say, but because we so easily forget our own nature in the flesh. We need those reminders through the Word of God, through spiritual literature, and through discipleship and fellowship with brothers and sisters in the body of Christ. As we were reading, our conversation naturally moved toward our marriage, and we began asking ourselves a simple question, where are we when it comes to trust and honor in our marriage? My wife and I met when we were teenagers and eventually married as young adults. We have now been married for 31 years. When I look back over those years, I can honestly say there has always been love between us. There has been attraction, friendship, care for each other, raising our family, walking through difficult seasons, and celebrating the good ones. We knew each other’s strengths and abilities, and over the years our marriage naturally developed around those strengths. We had roles and responsibilities, and we did what we knew how to do. However, there were times when our strengths were similar, and when those strengths collided, we experienced friction. One of us would eventually compromise, sometimes unwillingly, simply to maintain peace and move on. Looking back, I realize we were often dealing with the difference for that specific situation, but we were not necessarily dealing with what was underneath it. We were resolving the issue, but trust, honor, and oneness were not really our focus. And perhaps that was because pursuing those things requires something deeper from both of us, surrender and sacrifice. It is much easier to say, “Let’s settle this and move on,” than to stop and ask, “What is Christ trying to teach me here? Where is my pride? What do I need to surrender? How can I honor my wife even when we strongly disagree?” Through difficult seasons, trials, and brokenness over the last few years, the Lord began showing us that there is a difference between simply functioning together as husband and wife and truly growing together in oneness. As we talked about it, my wife began writing down her thoughts based on our experiences and what the Lord has been teaching us. As she wrote, we started to see two very different paths. One is God centered, and the other is pride centered. If you are listening to this podcast and not reading the script, take a moment to look at the graphic. It helps illustrate what we were seeing in our conversation. On the God centered side, we saw a progression that begins with trust, then faithfulness, loyalty, devotion, honor, and obedience. Trust says, “I do not have to depend completely on myself. I can trust God, and I can learn to trust the person God has placed beside me. ” Proverbs 3:5 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.” That challenges me because I can love my wife and still lean too heavily on my own understanding. From trust comes faithfulness. Faithfulness says, “I will remain true and committed even when the season is difficult.” Faithfulness grows into loyalty, “I will stand with you. I will not walk away simply because things are not going the way I expected.” Loyalty deepens into devotion. Devotion goes beyond fulfilling responsibilities. It means giving your heart and seeking the good of the person God has placed beside you, even when that requires sacrifice. And then comes honor. Romans 12:10 says, “Outdo one another in showing honor.” Honor means I do not take my wife for granted. I value her. I respect her. I listen to her. I recognize her worth before God. But what does God actually ask of a husband and wife? Ephesians 5 gives us a clear picture. Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” As a husband, that is humbling. Christ gave Himself. So biblical leadership is not about control or getting my way. It is about sacrificial love, laying myself down for my wife. Paul also gives the wife a clear command. Ephesians 5:22 to 24 calls wives to submit to their husbands “as to the Lord.” And we cannot separate that from verse 21, which says, “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” I know the world often challenges the biblical teaching about a wife’s willing submission. But I can only speak from what the Lord has taught me through my own marriage. I learned this the hard way, there is no hope for biblical oneness when the wife refuses the willing submission Scripture calls her to, but there is also no hope when the husband refuses the sacrificial love Scripture commands him to give. These two commands belong together. The husband is called to lay down his life in love. The wife is called to willingly submit as unto the Lord. And both are ultimately surrendering themselves to Christ. This is not about one person winning and the other losing. It is about both husband and wife laying down self for the sake of Christ and for the good of the marriage. That brings us back to the God centered path, trust, faithfulness, loyalty, devotion, honor, and obedience. But there is another path, and pride is often much more subtle than we think. It can begin with self reliance, “I can handle this myself. ” Then self trust, “I know what I am doing. I know what is best.” Then self importance, “My feelings, my desires, my opinion matter most.” And eventually self exaltation, “I do not need correction. I do not need to listen. I do not need to surrender.” That leads to dishonor and eventually disobedience, choosing my way instead of God’s way. James 4:6 says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” That verse becomes very personal when I look at marriage, because sometimes the biggest problem is not my wife. Sometimes the biggest problem is the pride in my own heart. And this is why I am so grateful for what the Lord has been doing in my wife and me. We are not saying we have figured this out. We are slowly making progress toward a deeper relationship of trust and honor. Sometimes that progress feels slow, but I praise the Lord for His grace. He continues to teach us, correct us, and draw us toward Himself. Over the last three years, the Lord has also graciously allowed us to be part of what we believe is a true body of Christ. One thing that has impacted me deeply is witnessing the oneness within the families in this body. We have seen families who do not simply speak about Christ, but live lives of surrender to Him. And that kind of oneness does not come easily. We see people enduring in the Holy Spirit through surrender, sacrifice, humility, love, honor, and suffering for the glory of Christ. Galatians 5:22 and 23 reminds us of the fruit of the Spirit, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. That fruit grows as we yield ourselves to the work of the Holy Spirit. What encourages me even more is seeing that the fruit of this kind of life can reach beyond one generation. When children see their parents choosing humility instead of pride, sacrifice instead of selfishness, love instead of resentment, and honor instead of self importance, they are seeing something words alone cannot teach. That kind of fruit can be carried into generations. That is the legacy I want, not simply what I accomplished in this world, but what Christ was able to produce through two imperfect people who were willing to surrender to Him. Genesis 2:24 says that a husband and wife “shall become one flesh.” I believe biblical oneness is much deeper than sharing a home or dividing responsibilities. It is two people continually surrendering themselves to Christ and allowing Him to bring their hearts together. Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” I love that picture for marriage. It is not simply husband and wife holding tightly to each other. It is husband and wife with Christ at the center. And Psalm 127:1 says, “Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.” So when I look at these two paths, I do not see a formula for a perfect marriage. I see a mirror for my own heart. Am I trusting God, or am I trusting myself? Am I faithful when things become difficult? Do I honor my wife in the way I speak, listen, and act? And am I willing to surrender my pride and obey Christ? My wife and I are still learning. After 31 years, we have not arrived. But perhaps that is one of the beautiful things about walking with Christ. He continues to reveal our hearts and invite us into deeper surrender. So if God is revealing something in your marriage today, do not immediately focus on what your spouse needs to change. Ask the Lord, “What are You showing me about my own heart?” Maybe it is trust. Maybe it is honor. Maybe it is pride. Maybe it is forgiveness. Maybe it is surrender. Whatever it is, let Christ begin His work in us. Because the goal is not to have a perfect marriage. The goal is to have a marriage that belongs to Christ, a marriage where both husband and wife can say, “Lord, do not let us build this according to our own wisdom. Build it Yourself. Teach us to trust. Teach us to be faithful. Teach us to be loyal. Teach us to be devoted. Teach us to honor one another, and above everything else, teach us to obey You.” Because when Christ is at the center, our marriage becomes more than just a relationship between two people. It becomes part of His purpose, His kingdom, and His testimony to the generations that follow. And that, my friends, is a glimpse of our journey, two imperfect people learning to walk in oneness under the grace of Christ. Unt
