How to Make Friends When You're Bad at It

Friend Manual
  • 5.0 (2)
  • Relationships
  • Updated Weekly

A podcast about friendship. Because it can be hard to make friends and even harder to keep them.

Episodes

  1. 2d ago

    The Story of CATT

    To close out my first 4-episode series of interviews with the members of the art group called CATT, I wanted to share the story of how CATT came to be and how we persevered through the years. I think it makes a good use case of how friend groups take effort, perseverance, and adaptability to last. *   *   *   * About the host: Keri is an avid connoisseur of different friendship phenotypes. She spends her free time cataloguing and making up strangely practical explanations for the confounding social phenomena and everyday weirdness of friendship. She is not a doctor or a scientist. She's just a writer, artist, and nerd that has a knack for paying attention, solving problems with systems and charts, and drawing monsters. Blog and Socials: https://friendmanual.com https://www.youtube.com/@friendmanual *   *   *   *   * A note on perfectionism, truth, and continuity. This podcast is about learning about different ways that friendship shows up in this endlessly complicated world. There is no hard and fast truth in friendship, and seeking nuance invites us to find and make peace with contradiction. There may be epiphanies that resolve internal conflict that don't hold up to scrutiny. Or things that seem empirically sound that turn out to be wrong in practice. What works for one person may not work for someone else. During interviews we may test out things in the moment that are great for an exploring conversation, but don't hold up long-term. My aim is to understand and validate my own and other people's experience, which may make me contradict myself. I'm certain I will wish I said something different many, many times. I hope I will change my mind over time, because that means I'm learning. This podcast is solely the opinions of the host and guests. *   *   *   * The intro/outro music is -- "Buckle Up Buttercup" by Bunker Buster, all rights reserved.

  2. Oct 12

    Rebecca is Art-Fully Unfazed

    Ths week I'm talking to Rebecca who finds herself unfazed by a lot of things in life, which lets her allow her friends to be who they are without judgement. In this conversation we discuss getting creative with friendship strategies, what it's like to be a shy extrovert versus a tried-and-true introvert, and, finding friends that match your friendship energy, We also discuss the intricacies of trying to figure out what makes the difference between neighbors and friends, whether a core component of friendship is that it occurs in multiple locations (and land on 'sort of sometimes, but not really'), and if activities like art classes can help build friendships. About the Guest: Rebecca is an artist, art teacher, and keen gardener, who raises local bluebirds in her backyard and chases prism rainbows with her two adorably inquisitive kids and spouse. *   *   *   * About the host: Keri is an avid connoisseur of different friendship phenotypes. She spends her free time cataloguing and making up strangely practical explanations for the confounding social phenomena and everyday weirdness of friendship. She is not a doctor or a scientist. She's just a writer, artist, and nerd that has a knack for paying attention, solving problems with systems and charts, and drawing monsters. Blog and Socials: https://friendmanual.com https://www.youtube.com/@friendmanual *   *   *   *   * A note on perfectionism, truth, and continuity. This podcast is about learning about different ways that friendship shows up in this endlessly complicated world. There is no hard and fast truth in friendship, and seeking nuance invites us to find and make peace with contradiction. There may be epiphanies that resolve internal conflict that don't hold up to scrutiny. Or things that seem empirically sound that turn out to be wrong in practice. What works for one person may not work for someone else. During interviews we may test out things in the moment that are great for an exploring conversation, but don't hold up long-term. My aim is to understand and validate my own and other people's experience, which may make me contradict myself. I'm certain I will wish I said something different many, many times. I hope I will change my mind over time, because that means I'm learning. This podcast is solely the opinions of the host and guests. *   *   *   * The intro/outro music is -- "Buckle Up Buttercup" by Bunker Buster, all rights reserved.

  3. Oct 5

    The Friendship Portfolio

    In this solo episode I am discussing a concept called the Friendship Portfolio. I thought it might be a good follow-up after Shannon mentioned it in her episode. Stick around to learn about why granularity in discussing friendship levels might be a good idea, which levels I chose to use for my portfolio, and a pretty cool metaphor for why people's portfolios might look different. The friendship portfolio tiers are: Friendly Stranger Acquaintance Loose-tie Friend Medium-tie Friend Strong-tie Friend Enmeshed Check out my blog post about the friendship portfolio, where I discuss how it can be thought of in terms of diversifying like a stock portfolio and show visuals of what different portfolios can look like: https://friendmanual.com/2022/08/24/the-friendship-portfolio/ *Side note: I'm fairly certain I'm not the first person to ever come up with this framing or terminology, or even the thousandth. It's a fairly straightforward analogy. But I did come up with it independently at the time, which is where my framing comes from. *   *   *   * About the host: Keri is an avid connoisseur of different friendship phenotypes. She spends her free time cataloguing and making up strangely practical explanations for the confounding social phenomena and everyday weirdness of friendship. She is not a doctor or a scientist. She's just a writer, artist, and nerd that has a knack for paying attention, solving problems with systems and charts, and drawing monsters. Blog and Socials: https://friendmanual.com https://www.youtube.com/@friendmanual *   *   *   *   * A note on perfectionism, truth, and continuity. This podcast is about learning about different ways that friendship shows up in this endlessly complicated world. There is no hard and fast truth in friendship, and seeking nuance invites us to find and make peace with contradiction. There may be epiphanies that resolve internal conflict that don't hold up to scrutiny. Or things that seem empirically sound that turn out to be wrong in practice. What works for one person may not work for someone else. During interviews we may test out things in the moment that are great for an exploring conversation, but don't hold up long-term. My aim is to understand and validate my own and other people's experience, which may make me contradict myself. I'm certain I will wish I said something different many, many times. I hope I will change my mind over time, because that means I'm learning. This podcast is solely the opinions of the host and guests. *   *   *   * The intro/outro music is -- "Buckle Up Buttercup" by Bunker Buster, all rights reserved.

  4. Sep 28

    Shannon is Still Playing the Game

    This week I get together with my friend Shannon, to discuss friendship! My favorite topic! I've known Shannon for almost a decade, and we've bounced around the friendship portfolio over the years landing in the "I'd hide a body for you if I wasn't so damn tired" category. Not gonna lie, this conversation is a delight. You should stick around to hear us talk about bravery and curiosity, how chronic illness can sideline your best intentions, and the importance of grace and adaptability when crap gets in the way. Additional things we speak of as if they are capitalized include: the Friendship Portfolio, Data Stewardship (not all it's cracked up to be), and Blind-Spots-That-Are-Not-Flaws. Stay to the end to hear me unwisely offer Shannon compliments (an action of which she heartily disapproves) and to hear her threaten to return the favor. I'm shaking. *** About the guest: Shannon Williams is a higher ed professional and single mom living with myalgic encephalomyelitis. She writes about her journey with chronic illness and disability justice at https://shannonelysewilliams.substack.com/ *   *   *   * About the host: Keri is an avid connoisseur of different friendship phenotypes. She spends her free time cataloguing and making up strangely practical explanations for the confounding social phenomena and everyday weirdness of friendship. She is not a doctor or a scientist. She's just a writer, artist, and nerd that has a knack for paying attention, solving problems with systems and charts, and drawing monsters. Blog and Socials: https://friendmanual.com https://www.youtube.com/@friendmanual *   *   *   *   * A note on perfectionism, truth, and continuity. This podcast is about learning about different ways that friendship shows up in this endlessly complicated world. There is no hard and fast truth in friendship, and seeking nuance invites us to find and make peace with contradiction. There may be epiphanies that resolve internal conflict that don't hold up to scrutiny. Or things that seem empirically sound that turn out to be wrong in practice. What works for one person may not work for someone else. During interviews we may test out things in the moment that are great for an exploring conversation, but don't hold up long-term. My aim is to understand and validate my own and other people's experience, which may make me contradict myself. I'm certain I will wish I said something different many, many times. I hope I will change my mind over time, because that means I'm learning. This podcast is solely the opinions of the host and guests. *   *   *   * The intro/outro music is -- "Buckle Up Buttercup" by Bunker Buster, all rights reserved.

  5. Sep 21

    Finding Those Small Human Moments

    In this week's solo episode, I'm discussing how I seek out what I'm calling "human moments" to fill up my friendship bucket. Human moments are micro-interactions where both people are actually paying attention to other in a way that is specific to the person and the moment After discussing how I had to learn to slow down enough to be able to focus on others, I get into the requirements for a human moment, which include: Attention Grounding in the moment Focus (lens aperture) Orientation towards the same thing Reciprocity (back and forth) Moment of incongruity / emotional leakage / surprise Hope you enjoy this! *   *   *   * About the host: Keri is an avid connoisseur of different friendship phenotypes. She spends her free time cataloguing and making up strangely practical explanations for the confounding social phenomena and everyday weirdness of friendship. She is not a doctor or a scientist. She's just a writer, artist, and nerd that has a knack for paying attention, solving problems with systems and charts, and drawing monsters. Blog and Socials: https://friendmanual.com https://www.youtube.com/@friendmanual *   *   *   *   * A note on perfectionism, truth, and continuity. This podcast is about learning about different ways that friendship shows up in this endlessly complicated world. There is no hard and fast truth in friendship, and seeking nuance invites us to find and make peace with contradiction. There may be epiphanies that resolve internal conflict that don't hold up to scrutiny. Or things that seem empirically sound that turn out to be wrong in practice. What works for one person may not work for someone else. During interviews we may test out things in the moment that are great for an exploring conversation, but don't hold up long-term. My aim is to understand and validate my own and other people's experience, which may make me contradict myself. I'm certain I will wish I said something different many, many times. I hope I will change my mind over time, because that means I'm learning. This podcast is solely the opinions of the host and guests. *   *   *   * The intro/outro music is -- "Buckle Up Buttercup" by Bunker Buster, all rights reserved.

  6. Sep 14

    Paul is Daydreaming About Pizzas

    Paul is a pizza MANIAC and chaos / new vibes agent who brings his endless creativity to this discussion of friendship. In this conversation, we chat about the relational self, how memory and daydreaming can improve friendship, and the transitive properties of pizza parties. We also discuss imaginary friends and how learning new things from one friendship can spread excitement and connection into a different group in your friendship ecosystem. *A quick sidenote, as part of my first interviews ever, I called on some friends from an art group that is called CATT. If you hear us mention that, it's an acronym, not an animal. About the guest: Paul is a writer, artist, and a longtime expert in RPGs who makes killer maps for Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay (WFRP). *   *   *   * About the host: Keri is an avid connoisseur of different friendship phenotypes. She spends her free time cataloguing and making up strangely practical explanations for the confounding social phenomena and everyday weirdness of friendship. She is not a doctor or a scientist. She's just a writer, artist, and nerd that has a knack for paying attention, solving problems with systems and charts, and drawing monsters. Blog and Socials: https://friendmanual.com https://www.youtube.com/@friendmanual *   *   *   *   * A note on perfectionism, truth, and continuity. This podcast is about learning about different ways that friendship shows up in this endlessly complicated world. There is no hard and fast truth in friendship, and seeking nuance invites us to find and make peace with contradiction. There may be epiphanies that resolve internal conflict that don't hold up to scrutiny. Or things that seem empirically sound that turn out to be wrong in practice. What works for one person may not work for someone else. During interviews we may test out things in the moment that are great for an exploring conversation, but don't hold up long-term. My aim is to understand and validate my own and other people's experience, which may make me contradict myself. I'm certain I will wish I said something different many, many times. I hope I will change my mind over time, because that means I'm learning. This podcast is solely the opinions of the host and guests. *   *   *   * The intro/outro music is -- "Buckle Up Buttercup" by Bunker Buster, all rights reserved.

  7. Sep 7

    How to Tell When Friendship is Happening

    In this solo episode, I look into how to identify friendship in a way that is more expansive and utilitarian. Why is this a good idea? Well, for some people, the traditional way we talk about friendship doesn't match their experience and it can lead them to think they may be less successful at friending than they actually are. For others, it can give them insight into why friendship feels off, or why it seems so intuitive for them and not others. Just in case you don't have a pen handy, here is the friendship definition I mention in the episode. Friendship is: (1) the presence of elevated bonding chemicals (2) in two or more parties that is (3) reliably repeated over time (4) as a result of interconnected behaviors that (5) reinforce a friendship social schema. *   *   *   * About the host: Keri is an avid connoisseur of different friendship phenotypes. She spends her free time cataloguing and making up strangely practical explanations for the confounding social phenomena and everyday weirdness of friendship. She is not a doctor or a scientist. She's just a writer, artist, and nerd that has a knack for paying attention, solving problems with systems and charts, and drawing monsters. Blog and Socials: https://friendmanual.com https://www.youtube.com/@friendmanual *   *   *   *   * A note on perfectionism, truth, and continuity. This podcast is about learning about different ways that friendship shows up in this endlessly complicated world. There is no hard and fast truth in friendship, and seeking nuance invites us to find and make peace with contradiction. There may be epiphanies that resolve internal conflict that don't hold up to scrutiny. Or things that seem empirically sound that turn out to be wrong in practice. What works for one person may not work for someone else. During interviews we may test out things in the moment that are great for an exploring conversation, but don't hold up long-term. My aim is to understand and validate my own and other people's experience, which may make me contradict myself. I'm certain I will wish I said something different many, many times. I hope I will change my mind over time, because that means I'm learning. This podcast is solely the opinions of the host and guests. *   *   *   * The intro/outro music is -- "Buckle Up Buttercup" by Bunker Buster, all rights reserved.

  8. Aug 31

    Rob is a Knockaround Friend

    This week I have a conversation with Rob! Join us for a wide-ranging conversation that includes how to stay authentic while meeting new people, knockaround friends, and the curse of agreeableness. Rob approaches friendship with good humor discussing how being too adaptable in early friendship can backfire and how to reclaim some of the good things from childhood friendships. We also decide that making an ungraceful early exit and accepting life changes with aplomb can make you a modern-day hero. Really. Definitely. Maybe. *A quick sidenote, as part of my first interviews ever, I called on some friends from an art group that is called CATT. If you hear us mention that, it's an acronym, not an animal. **This excellent conversation was originally recorded in 2022 when I first tried to start this podcast. But life got in the way. Good news is that the art group is still going strong! *   *   *   *   * About the guest: Rob is a writer-type wanderer person who brings excellent jokes and even better metaphors wherever he goes. *   *   *   * About the host: Keri is an avid connoisseur of different friendship phenotypes. She spends her free time cataloguing and making up strangely practical explanations for the confounding social phenomena and everyday weirdness of friendship. She is not a doctor or a scientist. She's just a writer, artist, and nerd that has a knack for paying attention, solving problems with systems and charts, and drawing monsters. Blog and Socials: https://friendmanual.com https://www.youtube.com/@friendmanual *   *   *   *   * A note on perfectionism, truth, and continuity. This podcast is about learning about different ways that friendship shows up in this endlessly complicated world. There is no hard and fast truth in friendship, and seeking nuance invites us to find and make peace with contradiction. There may be epiphanies that resolve internal conflict that don't hold up to scrutiny. Or things that seem empirically sound that turn out to be wrong in practice. What works for one person may not work for someone else. During interviews we may test out things in the moment that are great for an exploring conversation, but don't hold up long-term. My aim is to understand and validate my own and other people's experience, which may make me contradict myself. I'm certain I will wish I said something different many, many times. I hope I will change my mind over time, because that means I'm learning. This podcast is solely the opinions of the host and guests. *   *   *   * The intro/outro music is -- "Buckle Up Buttercup" by Bunker Buster, all rights reserved.

  9. Aug 24

    A Note Before We Start

    Technically...I was supposed to launch this podcast a week from now.  Due to the delight of modern technology, I ended up publishing the intro two weeks early. But now that gives me an opportunity to send out this quick little note!  After recording almost all ten episodes for this season, I found I had some things to say to orient listeners to stuff I had already started to learn while creating this podcast. So, here it is!  *   *   *   * About the host: Keri is an avid connoisseur of different friendship phenotypes. She spends her free time cataloguing and making up strangely practical explanations for the confounding social phenomena and everyday weirdness of friendship. She is not a doctor or a scientist. She's just a writer, artist, and nerd that has a knack for paying attention, solving problems with systems and charts, and drawing monsters. Blog and Socials: https://friendmanual.com https://www.youtube.com/@friendmanual *   *   *   *   * A note on perfectionism, truth, and continuity. This podcast is about learning about different ways that friendship shows up in this endlessly complicated world. There is no hard and fast truth in friendship, and seeking nuance invites us to find and make peace with contradiction. There may be epiphanies that resolve internal conflict that don't hold up to scrutiny. Or things that seem empirically sound that turn out to be wrong in practice. What works for one person may not work for someone else. During interviews we may test out things in the moment that are great for an exploring conversation, but don't hold up long-term. My aim is to understand and validate my own and other people's experience, which may make me contradict myself. I'm certain I will wish I said something different many, many times. I hope I will change my mind over time, because that means I'm learning. This podcast is solely the opinions of the host and guests. *   *   *   * The intro/outro music is -- "Buckle Up Buttercup" by Bunker Buster, all rights reserved.

  10. Aug 16

    Welcome to the Podcast

    Friendship is fascinating, don't you think? I believe that friendship is one of the most important things out there and that it deserves more attention than it gets. I'm on a mission to discuss friendship with as many different people as possible. I want to know how they experience it and how it shows up in their life. I also want to share my thoughts about friendship and all its weird little components and how you can make friends when you're bad at it. In this introductory single player episode, I talk about why on earth I'd want to start a podcast when there are already so many out there, why I think friendship is so darned important, and make the case for learning about friendship from someone who is "bad" at it. This podcast is going to be a fairly even mix of interviews and think pieces that explore friendship concepts. I hope you'll join me for the ride. *   *   *   * About the host: Keri is an avid connoisseur of different friendship phenotypes. She spends her free time cataloguing and making up strangely practical explanations for the confounding social phenomena and everyday weirdness of friendship. She is not a doctor or a scientist. She's just a writer, artist, and nerd that has a knack for paying attention, solving problems with systems and charts, and drawing monsters. Blog and Socials: https://friendmanual.com https://www.youtube.com/@friendmanual *   *   *   *   * A note on perfectionism, truth, and continuity. This podcast is about learning about different ways that friendship shows up in this endlessly complicated world. There is no hard and fast truth in friendship, and seeking nuance invites us to find and make peace with contradiction. There may be epiphanies that resolve internal conflict that don't hold up to scrutiny. Or things that seem empirically sound that turn out to be wrong in practice. What works for one person may not work for someone else. During interviews we may test out things in the moment that are great for an exploring conversation, but don't hold up long-term. My aim is to understand and validate my own and other people's experience, which may make me contradict myself. I'm certain I will wish I said something different many, many times. I hope I will change my mind over time, because that means I'm learning. This podcast is solely the opinions of the host and guests. *   *   *   * The intro/outro music is -- "Buckle Up Buttercup" by Bunker Buster, all rights reserved.

  • 10 Episodes

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A podcast about friendship. Because it can be hard to make friends and even harder to keep them.

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