My Mind Eats First

BED Patient

0.0 (0)
Mental Health

A personal audio journal about living with binge eating disorder

4d ago

Types of Binges

Episode Summary: It is rarely just about food. In this deeply personal and raw episode, we move beyond the calories and the shame to explore the architecture of binge eating behavior. Many people assume that Binge Eating Disorder (BED) follows a generic script. But for those of us living with it, the experience is incredibly unique. In Episode 06: The Hidden Patterns Behind the Binge, I’m breaking down the specific rituals, triggers, and psychological states that drive different types of binging behaviors. What to Expect: A Focus on Behavior Over Nutrition: We are not talking about weight loss or dieting here. This is purely an exploration of the emotional and behavioral mechanics surrounding eating when it’s no longer hunger-based. The "Ideal" Ritual: Discover how some binges become planned events, turning into a complex ritual involving entertainment, isolation, and specific psychological triggers like watching others succeed. Emotional Triggers: Why can work stress or even professional praise sometimes lead to the same outcome? We discuss masking feelings and using food as a coping mechanism for sudden emotional rushes. The Thinking Connection: How cognitive load and movement (pacing, chewing) can subconsciously lead back to the kitchen. Unique Coping vs. Generic Advice: An honest look at why standard treatments sometimes fail to address the specific ways individuals use binge eating to navigate their daily lives. Important Warning & Disclaimer: This podcast is a personal audio journal. I am not a therapist, doctor, or health professional. The content in this episode is highly triggering and deals with raw experiences of living with a binge eating disorder. Please protect your mental health and turn this off immediately if it compromises your mind or triggers distress. This content is for processing purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Why Listen: If you have ever felt that the "textbook" definition of BED doesn’t fit your experience, this episode is designed to give you a voice. You are not alone in how unique your relationship with food has become. By identifying specific patterns—whether it’s planning a binge as an escape or using food to settle your mind during deep thinking—you begin to understand the function behind the behavior. Connect & Share: This podcast does not rely on ads or algorithms; it relies on community support. If you made it this far, I want to hear from you. Do you experience similar patterns? Do you have a different way that your mind and body interact during these moments? 📧 Contact Me: mymindeatsfirst@gmail.com Tags: Binge Eating Disorder, BED Support, Mental Health Journal, Emotional Coping Mechanisms, Personal Recovery Story, Food Psychology, Living with Disordered Eating.
Aug 18

My Worldview

🎧 Episode OverviewIn this deeply personal episode of My Mind Eats First, we step away from the daily grind of recovery to examine the lens through which I see everything. As an audio journal documenting my experience with Binge Eating Disorder (BED), it is vital to understand that how I process information, make decisions, and view reality shapes my healing journey. Today’s episode explores the intersection of scientific naturalism, spiritual upbringing, and the biological machinery of the human mind. We are diving into the "why" behind the "what." 🧠 What You’ll HearThe Tension of Identity: How growing up in a mixed environment of faith and science influences how we understand suffering and healing.Emergent Properties: Understanding consciousness, love, and intelligence as complex biological systems rather than mystical entities.The Illusion of Choice: A deep dive into the nature of free will versus determinism and what it means for your agency during recovery.Therapeutic Implications: Why knowing your own worldview is a prerequisite for effective treatment, whether professional or self-guided.A Note on Safety: This episode contains content warnings regarding religious beliefs and mental health triggers. ⚠️ Important Listener DisclaimerPlease Read Before Listening: This podcast is a personal audio journal, not medical advice. I am not a therapist or a doctor. The content shared here is for processing my own experiences. Trigger Warning: Content may be highly triggering for those struggling with eating disorders. Please protect your mental well-being and pause playback if it becomes overwhelming.Faith Warning: This episode touches on philosophical perspectives regarding religion and the physical universe. If you are devoutly religious and find these topics challenging, please consider skipping this specific episode to avoid offense or distress. 🔗 Connect & SupportThis podcast is independent. We do not have a dedicated website or social media channels—our focus remains entirely on the content and the community here. If you resonate with my journey, wish to discuss philosophy of mind in relation to mental health recovery, or simply want to share feedback: 📧 Email Me: mymindeatsfirst@gmail.com 🧩 Key Takeaways for ListenersReflecting on how your personal worldview impacts your approach to therapy.Considering the scientific basis of human emotion and consciousness.Navigating uncertainty with intellectual honesty.
Aug 11

My Upbringing

"My Upbringing: When Food Became Language" 🎧 In This Episode We are digging deep into the foundation of everything. In this raw and unfiltered journal entry, we explore the origins of my relationship with food long before I ever understood it as an illness. Many of us wonder where our behaviors truly begin. Was it a choice? Was it trauma? Or was it simply what was expected? Today, we are unpacking childhood conditioning, cultural norms around weight and health, and the specific moment a mirror changed everything for me. This isn’t medical advice—it’s a personal map of where I am coming from. If you have ever questioned why food feels so heavy in your life, this exploration might resonate with your own story. 📝 Key Topics Covered The Cultural Lens: How growing up in Southern Europe shaped our view on "healthy" weight and the expectation for children to be chubby. Food as Coping: Examining how early family dynamics taught us to use food for comfort, celebration, and silence. Body Image & Trust: The pivotal moment where self-perception collided with reality. (Hint: Sometimes it wasn’t what we were told about our bodies). The Search for Meaning: Is this “Upper-Case T” or “Lower-Case t” trauma? Understanding the link between family history and personal triggers. The Mirror Moment: A specific anecdote that shifted my entire worldview regarding self-worth and validation. ⚠️ Listener Note & Disclaimer This podcast is a personal audio journal. I am not a doctor, health professional, or therapist. The content shared here contains raw experiences regarding Binge Eating Disorder (BED) and may be considered highly triggering. If these stories compromise your well-being, please turn off the podcast immediately and reach out to a professional who can support you safely. 🔍 Searchable Topics & Keywords Binge Eating Recovery, Mental Health Journal, Childhood Food Conditioning, Body Image Trauma, Family Dynamics and Eating Disorders, Personal Healing Journey, Cultural Impact on Weight, Lowercase T Trauma, Self-Sabotage in Relationships with Food. 📩 Connect With Me Email: mymindeatsfirst@gmail.com
Aug 4

My Experience with Therapy -- Part 2

We’ve been talking about the struggle of recovery, but what happens when the treatment plan itself feels wrong? In this episode, we dive deep into the complex world of professional help. From insurance hurdles to mismatched expectations, this is the raw account of a journey where diagnosis shifted, trust was tested, and cognitive understanding didn’t equal behavioral change. Is therapy meant to be a partnership or a prescription? Why did moving from group care to individual sessions feel like a step backward? And what happens when a doctor’s conclusion in 30 minutes changes your entire treatment trajectory overnight? 🚨 Content Warning: This episode discusses Binge Eating Disorder (BED), depression, and medication. Please protect your own mental health and turn this off immediately if it compromises your mind. Note: I am not a therapist or doctor. 🔑 What We Discuss in This Episode The Insurance Reality: Why coverage stopped when the real work began. Therapy vs. Data-Driven Work: The frustration of navigating emotions without a clear "line number" to fix. The Diagnosis Shift: Moments where professional labels change (and how it affects patient trust). Nutritionist vs. Therapist: Comparing the dynamics of an honor-system approach versus traditional therapy. Why Advice Often Fails: The difference between understanding a solution and actually applying it when your brain is in autopilot. Self-Medication & Alternatives: What happened when books, journaling, and even psychedelics weren’t the answer? 🧠 Key Questions Explored (Listen to find out) Why did a simple conversation with a psychiatrist completely dismantle my previous therapy? Is there such thing as "therapy in the gray," or do labels dictate cookie-cutter approaches? How do you balance listening to your body when professionals tell you that you might not be listening? Can we ever trust our own hunger signals, or do we have to wait for permission from an expert? 🔗 Connect & Resources If this episode resonates with you, or if you have feedback/questions for my journey, feel free to reach out directly via email at mymindeatsfirst@gmail.com.
Jul 28

My Experience with Therapy -- Part 1

In this episode, the host dives deep into his personal journey with professional therapy following the onset of severe Binge Eating Disorder (BED) during the COVID lockdowns. He takes listeners behind the scenes of his experience with a specialized eating disorder organization, detailing the assessment process, group therapy dynamics, one-on-one sessions, and nutritionist interactions. This is an honest account of what it feels like to be a patient—not a therapist—navigating treatment when you feel out of control. Key Topics Covered: Seeking Help During Lockdown: Why the host sought professional help when his BED spiraled out of control, and how he found a specialized organization rather than searching via Google.The Assessment Call: A raw look at the invasive phone assessment process during early COVID, including the shock of answering deep personal questions over the phone for the first time.Group Therapy Challenges: The experience of being the only man, the only person with BED, and the oldest member (46) in a group therapy session.Identifying Feelings: The struggle with the "Feelings Wheel" and the difficulty of articulating emotions when you have never been taught to identify them.Cognitive vs. Autopilot: Understanding the difference between intellectually knowing recovery tools (e.g., "pain is inevitable") and actually using them during a binge.One-on-One Therapy: A mixed bag of experiences with rotating therapists—one who diagnosed OCD and Depression, and another who was a poor fit ("oil and water").Nutritionist Sessions: The frustration of scheduled meal plans, photo evidence requirements, and feeling unheard regarding feelings of disgust and fullness.The "Trust" Issue: Why the host felt distanced from medical staff and how that impacted his willingness to continue treatment. ⚠️ Important Listener Disclaimers: Not Medical Advice: The host is not a doctor, therapist, or health professional. All opinions are personal perceptions of his own experience.Trigger Warning: This episode discusses therapy experiences, eating disorder diagnoses (BED, OCD, Depression), and feelings of disgust regarding food. Please protect your mental health and turn off immediately if this compromises your well-being.No Critique: While the host shares frustrations with specific treatment methods, he does not intend to critique therapists or techniques objectively; these are his personal perceptions.Diagnoses Mentioned: The host mentions being diagnosed with OCD and Depression during therapy. These are personal disclosures only and should not be taken as medical advice for others.
Jul 21

Introduction

Episode Summary: In this introductory episode, I set the ground rules for My Mind Eats First, a raw and unfiltered audio journal dedicated to navigating life with Binge Eating Disorder (BED). This is not a therapy session, nor is it medical advice—it is a personal processing tool. I share my journey from a "balanced" life prior to the COVID lockdowns to the spiral of anxiety and bingeing that followed. I explores why I chose podcasting over traditional journaling and therapy, highlighting the unique challenges men face in seeking help for eating disorders. Key Topics Covered: The Disclaimer: Why this is a personal journal and not medical advice (No calories, no weight talk, no specific food recommendations).Host Background: A 52-year-old cis male pronouns he/him who has lived with BED since childhood but was only diagnosed ~6 years ago.The COVID Trigger: How a previously "balanced" life (10-12 years of stability) unraveled during the lockdowns due to reflection, anxiety, and self-disappointment.Treatment History: A look back at group therapy, individual therapy, self-help books, mushrooms, and journaling—and why journaling eventually felt like going in circles.Why Podcasting? Exploring the stigma of men sharing feelings and how speaking aloud might help break the loop of internal processing.Current Environment: The challenges of working from home, isolation, and an environment conducive to bingeing.The "Perfectionism" Struggle: A meta-commentary on recording this episode for the third time to ensure it is "good enough" to share. ⚠️ Important Listener Disclaimers: Not Medical Advice: The host is not a doctor, therapist, or health professional. There are no recommendations or advice given in this podcast.Trigger Warning: Content may be highly triggering. If this compromises your well-being, please turn off immediately and protect your mental health.No Diet Talk: This podcast will not discuss calories, weight, clothing sizes, or specific food items.Personal Experience Only: All opinions expressed are the host’s own perceptions of therapy and recovery, not objective critiques of the medical field. About the Host: A 52-year-old cis male living with Binge Eating Disorder since childhood. He has spent years trying to "figure it out" through nutrition science and lifestyle changes before a major relapse during the pandemic. He is currently navigating recovery independently, using this podcast as a way to articulate his internal experience without the pressure of face-to-face therapy. Connect With Us: Email: mymindeatsfirst@gmail.comFeedback: If you have thoughts or want to share your own experiences, please reach out via email.

6 Episodes

A personal audio journal about living with binge eating disorder

Creator

BED Patient
Years Active

2026
Episodes

6
Rating

Explicit
Copyright

© All rights reserved
Show Website

My Mind Eats First