Said Out Loud: Divorce Recovery for Men

Trevor Ives
  • 5.0 (2)
  • Mental Health
  • Biweekly

I help men in midlife going through divorce find their footing and feel like themselves so they can live their lives again

Episodes

  1. 3d ago

    What I Wish I’d Known in My First Year After Divorce

    A lot of the pain in my first year after divorce came from the views I was holding on to. The life I’d pictured. Who was to blame. What happened next. In this episode I go through five things I wish I’d known back then. The life I’d pictured that was never going to happen, and the anxiety of living inside it. The “now what” and what being alone did to me. Why dropping the blame mattered more than I expected. Getting comfortable with not knowing, instead of stopping. And focusing on what’s in front of me, not the past or the future. Then the one idea underneath all of it, and a question to ask yourself if you’re stuck on a belief that isn’t helping. If you’re not sure where you are in all this, the Which One? quiz takes a few minutes: https://www.treeoflifejourney.co.za/which-one Next episode: Time heals. I’m not convinced it does.

  2. Oct 28

    No One to Talk To: Why Men Reach Midlife Alone

    Ask a man who his best mate is and he’ll give you a name. Ask him when he last told that mate he was really struggling, and watch the pause. Most men reach midlife with plenty of mates and no one they actually talk to, and the two aren’t the same thing. In this episode: why that isn’t a personal failing but the standard result of how men are raised and how men bond, what the isolation quietly costs you, why it hits so hard after a divorce when the one person you talked to is gone, and the single move that starts to fix it. The fear of judgment is the lock on the door. The key has been in your pocket the whole time. Take the Which One? quiz: https://www.treeoflifejourney.co.za/which-one Blog post for this episode - https://www.treeoflifejourney.co.za/blog/loneliness-after-divorce

  3. Oct 12

    The Manosphere vs The Work

    The manosphere didn't come from nowhere. It walked into an empty chair — the one older men used to sit in, teaching a man through the hardest passages of his life. That eldership is mostly gone now, and a generation of men are facing divorce and rupture with no one to show them the way. This episode is a fair look at what fills that gap: what the manosphere gets right, why it's so magnetic to a hurting man, and where it does real damage. The heart of it is one distinction — grievance keeps your gaze pointed outward at who's to blame; accountability turns it toward what's yours to carry, which isn't about fault, and is the only thing that actually sets a man free. Take the Which One? quiz: https://www.treeoflifejourney.co.za/which-one

    The Manosphere vs The Work

  4. Sep 28

    Alone vs Lonely: Why You Can Feel Both After Divorce

    Alone and lonely get treated like the same word. They're not, and mixing them up quietly wrecks a man's recovery after divorce. Alone is just the room you're in. Lonely is the ache of wanting connection and not having it, and it has nothing to do with how many people are around you. In this episode: why the loneliest place a man can be is a marriage that's gone quiet, why the divorce probably didn't make you lonely, why the most connected generation in history is also the loneliest, why doomscrolling is really a hunt for connection that leaves you emptier, and how to get genuinely good at your own company instead. Take the Which One? quiz: https://www.treeoflifejourney.co.za/which-one

    Alone vs Lonely: Why You Can Feel Both After Divorce

  5. Sep 14

    Who am I without this relationship?

    Everyone keeps telling you you're starting over. Back to square one. And it's meant kindly, but it's the wrong word for what you've actually lost, and it does quiet damage. You're not starting from zero. You're starting from everything you've learned. In this episode: why "starting over" misreads what a man in midlife is actually going through, what you carry into rebuilding that a younger man simply doesn't, why the climb is made of small reframes rather than battles, why it still feels like starting from nothing even when it isn't, and why what you build from here can fit you better than what you lost. Plus the harder, quieter part, being told where you should be by people who haven't grasped the size of what you've lost, and why your own pace is the right one. Take the Which One? quiz: https://www.treeoflifejourney.co.za/which-one

    Who am I without this relationship?

  6. Aug 28

    Who Am I Without This? Rebuilding Identity After Divorce for Men

    It usually arrives somewhere unremarkable. A kitchen that's too quiet. A car in a parking lot, sat in for longer than the errand required. And the thought, when it comes: now what. In this episode, the question underneath every divorce that nobody prepares you for. Why so much of who you were was actually what you did, the fear no man says out loud, how much you've already changed without agreeing to it, and why the answer to "who am I without this" was never behind you. Take the WhichOne? quiz: https://www.treeoflifejourney.co.za/which-one

    Who Am I Without This? Rebuilding Identity After Divorce for Men

  7. Aug 28

    The Scattered Mind: Why You Can't Think Straight After Divorce

    You lose the thread mid-conversation. Things slip for no reason you can name. Everyone thinks you're fine, and inside it's chaos with no order. That scattered feeling after divorce isn't weakness and it isn't age. It's cognitive overload, onemind suddenly carrying a load that used to be shared. In this episode: why your head stopped cooperating, what it costs if you never put any of it down, the man who spent two years needing to be right, and the five-item system thatactually reduces the load. Take the Which One? quiz: https://www.treeoflifejourney.co.za/which-one Read the full Scattered Mind series: https://www.treeoflifejourney.co.za/blog

    The Scattered Mind: Why You Can't Think Straight After Divorce

  8. Aug 28

    The Furnished Flat: Why Your Place Still Doesn't Feel Like Home After Divorce

    You moved out. You found a place. And two years later it still doesn't feel like yours. The mattress on the floor, the boxes never unpacked, the furniture from a life that's over. In this episode I talk about what the bare flat is actually saying, the denial underneath the "it's just temporary" story, and the thing the space has been guarding all along. I lived this one for two years. This is what got me out. Take the two-minute self-check: https://www.treeoflifejourney.co.za/which-one Read the full Furnished Flat series: https://www.treeoflifejourney.co.za/blog

    The Furnished Flat: Why Your Place Still Doesn't Feel Like Home After Divorce

  9. Episode 1 Trailer

    Welcome to Said Out Loud: Divorce Recovery for Men

    Divorce recovery for men in midlife, the part nobody prepares you for. I'm Trevor. I was married for 24 years, and then I wasn't. This show takes the things men actually go through after divorce, the scattered mind, the question of who you are now, the life that doesn't feel like yours yet, and says them out loud. No therapy-speak, no five steps to your best life. New episodes every second week. If any of this sounds like where you are, follow the show, the first episodes are waiting. More at https://www.treeoflifejourney.co.za/

    Welcome to Said Out Loud: Divorce Recovery for Men
  • 1 Trailer
    8 Episodes

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About

I help men in midlife going through divorce find their footing and feel like themselves so they can live their lives again

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