Send us Fan Mail MadaboutRad: Understanding Reactive Attachment Disorder Hosted by Trish Mares, Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor Episode Summary: In this episode, Trish Mares — a licensed professional clinical counselor with nearly 30 years of experience working with children who have trauma and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) — introduces her audience to what she affectionately calls "radishes": children who carry traits of reactive attachment disorder. Trish begins by explaining what RAD is: a disorder classified under post-traumatic stress disorder that develops when children lose trust in the world due to early experiences of neglect, foster care placement, extended hospital stays, or separation from a caregiver at birth. Even babies placed directly into loving homes can develop RAD if they don't hear their mother's voice right after birth, triggering the amygdala's fight-or-flight response. She walks listeners through common RAD traits — children who present well in public but are challenging at home, who are manipulative, impulsive, attention-seeking, boundary-crossing, hypervigilant, food-hoarding, and possess a high pain tolerance — helping parents identify whether their child may be a "radish." Trish then introduces her original framework called CONTROL, a technique she's developed and refined over 20 years to help children with RAD and their families: C — Control: Teaching children they can only control themselves, not othersO — Options: Giving limited choices so children feel a sense of autonomy while the guardian retains final sayN — Neutrality: The hardest skill for parents — staying emotionally neutral so children can't manipulate their reactionsT — Trust: Built through consistent follow-through, natural consequences, and strategic unpredictabilityR — Respect (and Reflective Tone): Showing respect unconditionally, modeling boundaries, and using reflective tones to help children feel heardO — Others: Navigating the pushback from family members, schools, and professionals who may misunderstand these techniquesL — Love: Reframing love as a direct action, helping children who confuse victimhood with being loved She also critiques outdated treatment approaches, such as asserting total control over the child or re-traumatizing children behind one-way glass, and recommends the book *The Neurobiology of Attachment-Focused Therapy* by Jonathan Baylin and Daniel Hughes. Throughout the episode, Trish reassures parents that things may get worse before they get better — children will often push harder against new boundaries before accepting them — but with consistency, forgiveness, and love, progress is possible. About the Host: Trish Mares is a licensed professional clinical counselor who has spent nearly three decades specializing in children with reactive attachment disorder and trauma. She learned much of what she knows not from textbooks, but from excellent foster parents during her 12 years working exclusively with children in foster care. Audience: Foster parents, adoptive parents, step-parents, and anyone who knows or works with a child who may have RAD traits.
