In Between Them

Shannon Darrow

Divorce shapes childhood in ways parents often can’t see—especially when they’re in the middle of an emotional fog, fear or in survival mode. Hosted by a entrepreneur and mother who navigated her own divorce with a newborn, this podcast brings forward the voices we rarely hear: the children of divorce, now grown, reflecting on the experiences that shaped them. Raised in a traditional nuclear family, but later thrust into a co-parenting dynamic, the host brings personal understanding and professional insight to every conversation. She believes every story matters, because children don’t choose divorce, yet they feel its ripples the most. Each episode features honest, vulnerable storytelling from people who lived through their parents’ divorce. Some stories are painful. Some healing and inspiring. All of them reveal what truly impacts a child when a family changes—and what helps them thrive. This podcast offers a new angle beyond legal advice and therapy perspectives. It centers on the lived experiences of the children themselves, the impact, providing clarity for parents who want to make better, more thoughtful, child-centered decisions. Whether you’re a parent, professional, or someone who lived it yourself, you’ll find wisdom, compassion, and guidance in these conversations. Because understanding the child’s perspective might just be the key to doing divorce better. If you or someone you know is contemplating divorce, or are in the midst of it, the impact of these stories can change a child's life forever. If you or someone you know would like to contribute by sharing a story please contact me directly sdarrow@onward-mc.com. New episodes weekly.

  1. 4일 전

    20. *Expert Alert* Carol Barkes - Your Brain on Divorce, Why Parents Struggle to Keep Kids First

    In this expert episode, we sit down with Carol Barkes — America's leading neuroscience-based conflict expert, TEDx speaker, mediator, and consultant — to talk about something every divorcing parent or any professional working with divorce parents needs to understand: what is actually happening inside our brains in the middle of a conflict, and why do well-intended parents make so many mistakes? Carol breaks down, why our brains shut down under conflict and why that matters so much inside divorce — where the stakes are high, the history is long, and almost every conversation is loaded. She gets specific about the impacts on kids. When parents can't regulate their emotions in the middle of conflict, children pay the price — silently, and often invisibly, in ways that surface years later. The good news: parental awareness around their own behavior and reactions is one of the single most protective factors a child can have. Small shifts in how parents show up during conflict make an outsized difference in what kids carry forward. A few of the moments from this conversation that will stick with you: The zinger problem. When someone lands a dig — that perfect, satisfying comeback — the other person's brain literally shuts off. Nothing productive can happen from there. And divorce, as Carol puts it, is full of zingers. Learning to notice the urge and not take the bait may be the most underrated skill in the whole process.Be "conflict curious." Instead of attacking, ask questions. Curiosity is the opposite of contempt, and it's the only thing that keeps the other person's brain online long enough for anything real to happen.Perspective is everything. Carol gives clear, practical examples of why understanding how the other person is seeing the situation is critical — not because you have to agree, but because you can't move through a conflict you don't actually understand.Strategies you can use today. Concrete tools for staying regulated, slowing the moment down, and protecting your kids from being collateral damage in the middle of an adult disagreement. Whether you're navigating an active divorce, co-parenting through one, or making sense of one you grew up inside of — this conversation will change how you hear your own voice in the middle of a fight. Find Carol: Website: carolbarkes.comInstagram: @carol.barkesWatch her TEDx talk: youtu.be/ulDT5C_LXkk Carol's book recommendation: Words Can Change Your Brain by Andrew Newberg, M.D. and Mark Robert Waldman. Chapters 00:00 The Role of Neuroscience in Conflict Resolution35:34 Understanding Power Dynamics in Co-Parenting46:58 Unintended Impacts of Divorce on Children58:17 Managing Emotions and Communication in Mediation Have a question, a story to share, or interested in being a guest? Reach Shannon directly at shannon@onward-mc.com. Follow the show on Instagram @inbetweenthempod

    1시간 8분
  2. 5월 11일

    19. Vanessa - 3 years old - From "I'm Fine" to Honest: Absent Father, Strong Mom, then Peace

    Vanessa was three years old when her parents divorced — too young to understand what was breaking, but old enough to start building something new. In this episode, Vanessa shares the story of growing up as one half of a team with her mom, a stretch of time spent at her grandparents' house, and the every-other-weekend rhythm with her dad that anchored her childhood — until he moved away, and the distance changed everything. What was supposed to be a plan became space. And space, over time, became resentment. Vanessa walks us through the emotional evolution most kids of divorce know intimately but rarely get to name out loud: the "I'm fine" years, where she leaned on her mom's strength and convinced herself she didn't need anything more; the teenage years, when "fine" cracked open into anger toward her dad; and now, as an adult, the more complicated place of seeing all the missed opportunities clearly — while still wanting to know her dad as a person, not just as the parent who wasn't there. But this episode isn't only about looking back. It's about what Vanessa has built forward. In her own parenting and step-parenting journey, she's taken the hardest parts of her childhood and turned them into a blueprint: keep the calm, keep the peace, and protect the kids from the noise the adults create. She and her family have laid a strong foundation between blended households, learned that flexibility almost always creates a better outcome than rigidity, and built a one-of-a-kind parenting time schedule that genuinely works for everyone involved — kids included. Tune in for Vanessa's childhood story and so much more — there's a lot to learn here about absent fathers and what reconnection can (and can't) look like later in life, but also about married life, blended family dynamics, and how everything from back then has been carried forward to make her stronger, softer, and more aware in the life she's living now. Connect with Vanessa's Business: Instagram: @abranchandcord Book Recommendation from this episode: The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins Takeaways Parental influence shapes childhood experiencesReconnecting with absent parents can lead to personal growth Childhood experiences impact adult relationshipsCommunication is key to resolving conflicts and maintaining relationships Chapters 00:00 Early Life and Family05:56 Transitioning Between Homes12:00 Teen Years and Relationship with Father18:02 Changing Last Name and Reconnecting with Father25:53 Reflections on Parental Influence35:53 Dating and Relationships50:45 Step-Parenting and Co-Parenting59:04 Flexibility in Parenting Schedules01:09:08 The Value of Communication

    1시간 5분
  3. 5월 4일

    18. Rashelle - 15 years old - Her Unruly Childhood Helped Her Do Divorce Better

    The Long Shadow of a Divided Home: Rashelle's Story When Rashelle was just 5 years old, she lost her biological father. By 6, her mom had remarried, and by 15, that marriage was ending too. But the divorce itself wasn't the hardest part — it was everything that came with it. A house filled with constant fighting. The instinctive, bone-deep urge to shield her two younger siblings from the storm. The quiet weight of being the oldest in a home where the adults couldn't hold it together. In this episode, Rashelle takes us back to moments that still sting — like senior night, when her parents struggled to stand together to take a single photo with her. That animosity didn't fade with time. Now in her 40s, she still can't mention one parent in front of the other without everything going sideways. But this is where her story turns. Rashelle opens up about how the pain of her childhood became the blueprint for one of the most intentional choices of her adult life: building a united co-parenting front with her ex-husband for their daughter. It isn't always easy. There are hard days, hard conversations, and moments where it would be easier to let the wall go up. But Rashelle does the work — every single time — because she's giving her daughter the very thing she longed for and never received: two parents who can stand together, even after standing apart. Connect with Rashelle: Instagram: @realtorrashelleRealtor serving the Willamette Valley, OregonListen to her podcast, The Realtor Who Wines, on Apple Podcasts or Spotify Book Recommendation from this episode: The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins Takeaways Family dynamics impact childhoodManaging parental conflict as a childLong-lasting impact of parental divorce Impact of Divorce on Parent-Child RelationshipsParenting Through Divorce Setting BoundariesLetting Go of Control Chapters 00:00 Introduction and Background05:54 Impact of Parental Divorce14:51 Coping Strategies and Impact20:57 Parental Conflict and Impact on Relationships56:08 Supporting Children's Relationships with Step-Parents01:05:43 The Long-Term Journey of Co-Parenting01:12:35 Clothing and Material Matters01:19:05 The Power of Boundaries

    1시간 18분
  4. 4월 27일

    17. *Expert Alert* Ilian Alchehayed - Family Law Attorney in Orange County, CA - Keeping Kids First

    In this episode, Ilian Alchehayed, a Certified Family Law Specialist in Orange County, California, shares insights from his experience working with families navigating divorce. He explores the challenges parents face during separation and emphasizes why understanding the impact on children is essential. Ilian discusses how parenting time schedules have shifted over the years—from flexible arrangements to more structured and rigid systems—and what that means for families today. He highlights the importance of truly putting children first, noting that outcomes for kids are closely tied to the decisions and behaviors of their parents. He also breaks down how divorce affects children differently depending on their age, and why greater awareness of these developmental differences can help parents better support their kids through the transition. The conversation dives into the realities of co-parenting, including common pitfalls and strategies for doing it effectively. Ilian shares real-world examples of how fear-driven decisions can negatively impact children—and how parents can instead make thoughtful, child-centered choices. Ultimately, Ilian reinforces that while divorce is difficult, children can adapt and even thrive when parents remain intentional, cooperative, and focused on their well-being. Ilian practices at Tustin Law Group. He also recommends the book The Whole-Brain Child as a valuable resource for parents seeking to better understand and support their children at various stages of development. For information on this podcast or if you want to be a guest you can find more details at my website. Takeaways Certified Family Law SpecialistImpact of Divorce on Children Parenting after divorceImpact of divorce on children Chapters 00:00 Becoming a Certified Family Law Specialist10:28 The Evolution of Parenting Time and Parenting Schedules36:48 Co-Parenting and Parenting Styles51:39 Parenting After Divorce01:04:09 Co-Parenting and Child Support01:19:13 The Reality of Divorce01:28:06 Making Decisions from a Fear-Based Position

    1시간 30분
  5. 4월 13일

    15. Sydney - 5 years old - Part 2 of a 3-part series, Daughter, Step-Daughter and Mom, The Overlap

    Sydney shares the story of growing up through two pivotal family transitions—her parents’ divorce and the arrival of a stepmother who would become a defining figure in her life. She reflects on the early years of that relationship, the bond they built before her half-siblings were born, and how that connection later unraveled as her father and stepmother went through their own divorce—marking a second major upheaval in her childhood. In the midst of that instability, Sydney stepped into a caregiving role for her younger step-siblings while navigating difficult and sometimes inappropriate dynamics at home. She also explores how her stepmother became a key advocate in understanding her ADHD diagnosis—support that has evolved into a strong and lasting relationship they still share today. Sydney speaks candidly about the ways she sought her father’s attention by molding herself around his interests, and the lasting impact that had on her sense of self. She also reflects on how financial stress and communication within her family shaped her beliefs and behaviors in adulthood, particularly in her own marriage. Ultimately, Sydney’s story is one of resilience and self-awareness—illustrating how childhood experiences can both challenge and motivate us. Today, she maintains close relationships with her mother, stepmother, and siblings, and uses the insight she’s gained to guide her decisions and embrace the growth that came from it all. Takeaways Impact of divorce on childhood memoriesRole of step-parent in coping and support The impact of divorce on children is long-lasting and can influence their adult life and relationships.Positive parental interactions and involvement are crucial for mitigating the impact of divorce on children. Chapters 00:00 Introduction and Personal Background06:05 Financial Impact of Divorce21:32 Transition and Changes in Custody32:52 Therapy and Coping Mechanisms42:41 Parental Relationships and Impact on Children56:02 Coping with Divorce and Career Choices01:03:23 Personal Growth and Overcoming Adversity01:09:26 Reflections and Book Recommendations Follow the pod on Instgram and TikTok Find me for Mediation or Coaching on www.onward-mc.com Contact with questions or if you want to be a guest: sdarrow@onward-mc.com

    1시간 3분
  6. 4월 6일

    14. Kate - 3 years old - Part 1 of a 3-part series, Daughter, Step-Daughter and Mom, The Overlap

    This is Part 1 of a 3-part series featuring a daughter, stepdaughter, and mother reflecting on their shared and overlapping childhood experiences. In this episode, Kate—17 and preparing to graduate high school—shares her perspective on growing up in a split household, beginning with her parents’ divorce when she was just three years old. With honesty and insight, she explores what it was like to have no memory of her parents together, and how early she realized her family looked different from others around her. Kate opens up about the challenges of transitioning between two homes, explaining how frequent switches were especially difficult when she was younger, and how moving to a week-on/week-off schedule as a teenager brought some relief—while still presenting its own struggles. She also speaks candidly about the impact of her parents having no contact with each other, and how that often left her feeling caught in the middle. It’s something she reflects on deeply, offering thoughtful advice to parents navigating co-parenting dynamics and strongly advises against this dynamic. The conversation also touches on the logistical challenges of living between homes—especially when one parent lives much farther from school—and how that can affect a child’s daily life. Kate closes the episode by sharing how her upbringing has shaped her views on relationships, dating, and marriage. With intention and clarity, she expresses her hope to build a lasting marriage—something deeply influenced by her own family experience. This episode is a powerful, personal look at divorce through the eyes of a child who lived it—and is now making meaning of it as she steps into adulthood. Takeaways Impact of Divorce on ChildrenParental CommunicationPersonal Growth and Reflection Chapters 00:00 Early Years and Realization06:00 Parental Communication and Relationships11:49 Parental Involvement and Co-parenting24:47 Reflection on Future Relationships

    34분
  7. 3월 30일

    13. Dustina - 5 years old - Her Instable Childhood Created Stability for Her Kids and Stepkids

    In this powerful and deeply personal episode, Dustina Hall opens up about her experience growing up in a divorced family marked by instability, emotional strain, and complex family dynamics. From being placed in the middle of her parents’ conflict at a young age to navigating her father’s revolving door of relationships—and the constant uncertainty that came with it—Dustina shares how these experiences shaped her sense of safety and belonging. She also speaks candidly about her mother’s struggles with mental illness and how that contributed to an unpredictable home environment. Carrying the weight of these challenges into her own life, Dustina reflects on developing an “always waiting for the other shoe to drop” mentality, as well as her battle with an eating disorder. Through it all, Dustina’s story is one of resilience, growth, and healing. She offers thoughtful insight into the lasting impact divorce can have on children, while emphasizing the critical role of empathy, stability, and open communication in co-parenting relationships. Now a step-parent herself, Dustina shares how her childhood experiences have informed a healthier, more intentional approach to parenting—one she is deeply proud of. This episode is a heartfelt reminder that even in the face of dysfunction, it is possible to break cycles, create safety, and build stronger, more compassionate family connections. Takeaways Senior living advisors provide valuable support to families and seniors during the transition to assisted living and care facilities.The impact of divorce on children can be profound, leading to a lack of stability, predictability, and safety in their lives. ResilienceImpact of Divorce on Children Chapters 00:00 Introduction and Career as a Senior Living Advisor09:12 Realization of Non-Normative Family Structure30:01 Trauma and Abuse in the Family35:07 Navigating a Split Household41:21 Impact of Divorce on Children01:02:50 Healing and Values

    1시간 11분
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Divorce shapes childhood in ways parents often can’t see—especially when they’re in the middle of an emotional fog, fear or in survival mode. Hosted by a entrepreneur and mother who navigated her own divorce with a newborn, this podcast brings forward the voices we rarely hear: the children of divorce, now grown, reflecting on the experiences that shaped them. Raised in a traditional nuclear family, but later thrust into a co-parenting dynamic, the host brings personal understanding and professional insight to every conversation. She believes every story matters, because children don’t choose divorce, yet they feel its ripples the most. Each episode features honest, vulnerable storytelling from people who lived through their parents’ divorce. Some stories are painful. Some healing and inspiring. All of them reveal what truly impacts a child when a family changes—and what helps them thrive. This podcast offers a new angle beyond legal advice and therapy perspectives. It centers on the lived experiences of the children themselves, the impact, providing clarity for parents who want to make better, more thoughtful, child-centered decisions. Whether you’re a parent, professional, or someone who lived it yourself, you’ll find wisdom, compassion, and guidance in these conversations. Because understanding the child’s perspective might just be the key to doing divorce better. If you or someone you know is contemplating divorce, or are in the midst of it, the impact of these stories can change a child's life forever. If you or someone you know would like to contribute by sharing a story please contact me directly sdarrow@onward-mc.com. New episodes weekly.

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