125 episodes

Hosted by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. and Megan Hunter, MBA, It’s All Your Fault! High Conflict People explores the five types of people who can ruin your life—people with high conflict personalities and how they weave themselves into our lives in romance, at work, next door, at school, places of worship, and just about everywhere, causing chaos, exhaustion, and dread for everyone else.

They are the most difficult of difficult people — some would say they’re toxic. Without them, tv shows, movies, and the news would be boring, but who wants to live that way in your own life!

Have you ever wanted to know what drives them to act this way?

In the It’s All Your Fault podcast, we’ll take you behind the scenes to understand what’s happening in the brain and illuminates why we pick HCPs as life partners, why we hire them, and how we can handle interactions and relationships with them. We break down everything you ever wanted to know about people with the 5 high conflict personality types: narcissistic, borderline, histrionic, antisocial/sociopath, and paranoid.

And we’ll give you tips on how to spot them and how to deal with them.

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People TruStory FM

    • Business
    • 4.7 • 66 Ratings

Hosted by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. and Megan Hunter, MBA, It’s All Your Fault! High Conflict People explores the five types of people who can ruin your life—people with high conflict personalities and how they weave themselves into our lives in romance, at work, next door, at school, places of worship, and just about everywhere, causing chaos, exhaustion, and dread for everyone else.

They are the most difficult of difficult people — some would say they’re toxic. Without them, tv shows, movies, and the news would be boring, but who wants to live that way in your own life!

Have you ever wanted to know what drives them to act this way?

In the It’s All Your Fault podcast, we’ll take you behind the scenes to understand what’s happening in the brain and illuminates why we pick HCPs as life partners, why we hire them, and how we can handle interactions and relationships with them. We break down everything you ever wanted to know about people with the 5 high conflict personality types: narcissistic, borderline, histrionic, antisocial/sociopath, and paranoid.

And we’ll give you tips on how to spot them and how to deal with them.

    World of Bullies #2: Unmasking Bullies in the Workplace and Mediation with Michael Lomax

    World of Bullies #2: Unmasking Bullies in the Workplace and Mediation with Michael Lomax

    Confronting Bullies in the Workplace and Mediation with Bill Eddy and Michael Lomax
    In the second episode of the World of Bullies series, Bill and Megan welcome Michael Lomax to explore bullying in the workplace and mediation. As co-founders of the High Conflict Institute and an esteemed speaker, respectively, they share their expertise on handling high conflict personalities in professional settings.
    Bill and Michael emphasize the importance of managers thoroughly investigating bullying allegations and understanding the key characteristics of bullies, such as a lack of self-restraint, empathy, and remorse. They also discuss how bullies use emotional tactics to manipulate their targets and recruit negative advocates. Michael shares his experience meeting with alleged bullies who often present themselves as victims.
    Questions we answer in this episode:
    What are the key characteristics of a workplace bully?How can managers effectively respond to bullying allegations?How can mediators handle high conflict personalities in mediation?Key Takeaways:
    Managers should approach bullying allegations with a healthy skepticism and thoroughly investigate complaints.Bullies often lack self-restraint, empathy, and remorse, and may recruit negative advocates to help target their victims.Mediators can effectively handle high conflict personalities by remaining calm, setting boundaries, and focusing on realistic objectives.This episode provides valuable insights and strategies for navigating bullying in the workplace and mediation, equipping listeners with the tools needed to create a healthier work environment.
    Links & Other Notes
    BOOKSOur New World of Adult Bullies—How to Spot Them/How to Stop Them (June 2024) By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Mediating High Conflict Disputes (By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq., and Michael Lomax, JD)BULLY DYNAMICS WEBINARSBully Dynamics in Families (September - will be 4 sessions over 4 weeks)Bully Dynamics at Work (October - will be 4 sessions over 4 weeks)Bully Dynamics in Communities (November - will be 4 sessions over 4 weeks)ARTICLESSetting Limits and Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsCOACHING CURRICULUMNew Ways for Work®: Coaching Manual (for workplace coaches)New Ways for Work®: Workbook (for coachees)OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

    (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
    (00:41) - World of Bullies #2: Bullying in the Workplace and in Mediation
    (01:22) - Michael Lomax's Background
    (03:58) - Bullies in the Workplace
    (23:07) - Bullies in Mediation
    (39:43) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Bullies in Families

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    • 41 min
    World of Bullies #1: Navigating the New World of Adult Bullying

    World of Bullies #1: Navigating the New World of Adult Bullying

    World of Bullies: Bill Eddy's Groundbreaking New Book
    In this first episode of our new "World of Bullies" series, based on Bill Eddy's new book, Our New World of Adult Bullies: How to Spot Them, How to Stop Them, Bill and Megan dive into the timely topic of adult bullying. As co-founders of the High Conflict Institute, they provide invaluable insights for listeners.
    Bill shares that his inspiration for the book came during the COVID-19 pandemic when he noticed an increase in bullying behavior across society. He emphasizes the importance of understanding bullies and the need for structure, limits, and consequences to curb their destructive behavior.
    Megan highlights that while society has generally evolved to be more cooperative, high emotion media has influenced people's thinking and behavior, leading to a concerning shift in culture.
    Questions we answer in this episode:
    What inspired this "World of Bullies" series and Bill's book?How have the COVID-19 pandemic, the media, online culture, and more influenced bullying behavior?How can we effectively deal with bullies in our lives?Key Takeaways:
    Bullies require structure, limits, and consequences.High emotion media has contributed to a shift toward more bullying.Bill’s new SLIC method (setting limits and imposing consequences) is effective for dealing with bullies.This episode sets the stage for the "World of Bullies" series, providing listeners with a comprehensive understanding of adult bullying and equipping them with practical tools to navigate challenging situations. Bill and Megan's expertise makes this a must-listen for anyone seeking to create a more harmonious environment in their lives.
    Links & Other Notes
    BOOKSOur New World of Adult Bullies—How to Spot Them/How to Stop Them (June 2024) By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.BULLY DYNAMICS WEBINARSBully Dynamics in Families (September - 4 sessions over 4 weeks)Bully Dynamics at Work (October - 4 sessions over 4 weeks)Bully Dynamics in Communities (November - 4 sessions over 4 weeks)ARTICLESSetting Limits and Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsHow to Set Limits on Bullying in Congress—and Anywhere ElseMTG, Jasmine Crockett and AOC AltercationBillionaire’s wife stinks of entitlement as messages show her trying to bully woman with same last name for Instagram handleOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

    (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
    (00:35) - New Series: World of Bullies
    (01:58) - The Reasons to Write It
    (05:55) - Why Are We Devolving?
    (08:41) - Mirroring
    (11:02) - Finding Balance
    (13:38) - Increase in Anxiety
    (14:35) - Reacting Faster
    (17:31) - Becoming Isolated
    (18:08) - Unrestrained Personalities
    (20:49) - SLIC Solutions
    (25:11) - Prison and Weinstein Examples
    (29:43) - Congress Example
    (37:05) - Social Media Examples
    (42:27) - Coaching to Not Bully
    (44:08) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Bullys at Work and in Mediation

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    • 45 min
    Bringing It to Life #6: Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder Part Two with Guest Amanda Smith

    Bringing It to Life #6: Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder Part Two with Guest Amanda Smith

    In the second part of their conversation with Amanda Smith, Bill and Megan explore the challenges faced by families of individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). They discuss the importance of education, self-care, and strategies for navigating high conflict situations.
    The Importance of Family Support and Self-CareAmanda emphasizes the significance of family support and education in the long-term success of individuals with BPD. She highlights the positive impact of informed and understanding family members and the importance of self-care for those living with someone with BPD. Amanda encourages family members to prioritize their well-being, serving as positive role models for their loved ones.
    Navigating Fear and Creating Safety PlansMegan raises the issue of fear that many family members experience when their loved one with BPD engages in self-harm or expresses suicidal thoughts. Amanda suggests creating safety plans and checklists to help families navigate crisis situations and feel more prepared to prioritize physical, environmental, and relational safety.
    Questions we answer in this episode:
    How can family support contribute to the success of individuals with BPD?What strategies can families use to find common ground?How can family members prioritize self-care while supporting their loved one?What steps can families take to address fear and create safety plans?Key Takeaways:
    Family support and education play a crucial role in the long-term success of individuals with BPD.Prioritizing self-care is essential for family members to effectively support their loved one.Creating safety plans can empower families to handle crisis situations.Seeking support from trained therapists is important for healthy recovery.This episode offers invaluable insights and practical strategies for families affected by Borderline Personality Disorder. Listeners will gain the tools necessary to support their loved ones while maintaining their own well-being.
    Links & Other Notes
    GUEST
    Amanda Smith, LCSWBOOKS
    The Borderline Personality Disorder Wellness Planner for FamiliesThe Dialectical Behavior Therapy Wellness PlannerThe Big Book on Borderline Personality DisorderCOURSE
    Online Borderline Personality Disorder Family Course [begins May 29, 2024]—led by Amanda SmithORGANIZATIONS
    Hope for BPDNational Education Alliance for Borderline Personality DisorderMind.org.ukAustralia BPD Foundation Limited (listing of resources across Australia)ARTICLES
    7 Tips for Working with Clients With Borderline Personality Disorder The New Elephant in the Room: Why All Professionals Need to Learn About Personality DisordersOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
    Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

    (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
    (00:36) - Part Two: Borderline Personality Disorder with Amanda Smith
    (01:34) - How to Support BPD Family Members
    (07:23) - Fear and Safety
    (11:23) - The Danger of Being Reinforced in Social Groups
    (15:24) - Confusing Gaslighting
    (18:49) - Wrap Up
    (19:24) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: An Increase in Bullying

    Learn more about our New Ways for Work®—Leaders Coaching Sessions. Get started today!

    • 21 min
    Bringing It to Life #6: Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder Part One with Guest Amanda Smith

    Bringing It to Life #6: Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder Part One with Guest Amanda Smith

    In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy are joined by special guest Amanda Smith to discuss Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), continuing our Bringing It to Life series. They explore the common experiences of individuals with BPD, such as intense emotions, impulsive behaviors, and self-destructive tendencies.
    The Power of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)Amanda highlights the effectiveness of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) in treating BPD, emphasizing the importance of group therapy in conjunction with individual therapy. She shares success stories of individuals who have made significant progress through court-ordered DBT treatment.
    Questions we answer in this episode:
    What are the common experiences of individuals with BPD?How can individuals with BPD work towards recovery?Is court-ordered DBT treatment effective for individuals with BPD?Key Takeaways:
    BPD is characterized by intense emotions, impulsive behaviors, and self-destructive tendencies.DBT, which combines individual and group therapy, is a highly effective treatment for BPD.Individuals with BPD can make significant progress towards recovery through consistent and dedicated treatment.This episode offers valuable insights into understanding Borderline Personality Disorder, exploring effective treatment options, and discussing the emotional struggles faced by individuals with BPD. Listeners will gain knowledge and strategies for supporting their loved ones on the path to recovery.
    Links & Other Notes
    GUEST
    Amanda Smith, LCSWBOOKS
    The Borderline Personality Disorder Wellness Planner for FamiliesThe Dialectical Behavior Therapy Wellness PlannerThe Big Book on Borderline Personality DisorderCOURSE
    Online Borderline Personality Disorder Family Course [begins May 29, 2024]—led by Amanda SmithCoping with Chronic Suicidal Thinking and Planning: Success Strategies for Providers, Family Members, and Individuals Who Are Suffering [1-hour webinar Saturday, May 18 at 10:00 am Central--$29]ORGANIZATIONS
    Hope for BPDNational Education Alliance for Borderline Personality DisorderMind.org.ukAustralia BPD Foundation Limited (listing of resources across Australia)ARTICLES
    7 Tips for Working with Clients With Borderline Personality Disorder The New Elephant in the Room: Why All Professionals Need to Learn About Personality DisordersOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
    Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

    (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
    (00:39) - Borderline Personality Disorder with Amanda Smith
    (02:11) - Amanda’s Background
    (03:18) - Diagnoses From Which You Can Work Your Way Free
    (06:03) - Common Experiences in BPD
    (10:38) - What Can Be Done?
    (14:43) - Being Held Accountable
    (20:49) - Court-Ordered Therapy?
    (22:58) - When They Don’t Change
    (26:37) - What Are They Feeling?
    (31:03) - Dissociation
    (32:44) - Wrap Up
    (33:02) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Part Two With Amanda

    Learn more about our New Ways for Work®—Leaders Coaching Sessions. Get started today!

    • 34 min
    Bringing It to Life #5: Navigating Money and Corporate Complexities in High Conflict Divorces with Guest Kate Merrill

    Bringing It to Life #5: Navigating Money and Corporate Complexities in High Conflict Divorces with Guest Kate Merrill

    High Conflict Cases and Money: Navigating the Complexities
    In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill and Megan are joined by special guest Kate Merrill, a California attorney specializing in complex divorce cases involving stock options and other business and corporate issues. As part of the Bringing It to Life series, they explore the intricacies of high conflict divorces involving money and finances.
    Kate shares her unique perspective, having transitioned from a corporate attorney in Silicon Valley to a family law attorney. Her background in corporate law and MBA in finance enable her to approach these cases with a fresh perspective, uncovering hidden assets and untangling complex financial structures.
    Bill and Megan discuss the common patterns of behavior exhibited by high conflict individuals in divorce cases involving money, including controlling finances and using manipulation tactics to hide assets or mislead their partners.
    Questions we answer in this episode:
    How can a background in corporate law and finance benefit high conflict divorce cases?What are the common patterns of behavior exhibited by high conflict individuals in divorce cases involving money?Why is it crucial for clients to be their own advocates and educated consumers of legal services?Key Takeaways:
    Understanding corporate structures, compensation packages, and investment vehicles is essential in high conflict divorce cases involving money.Clients must be their own advocates and educated consumers of legal services, as most family lawyers may not have the specialized knowledge required to navigate complex financial matters.Conducting a thorough investigation into the financial history of a relationship can uncover hidden assets and manipulative tactics.This episode offers invaluable insights for anyone navigating a high conflict divorce involving money and finances, providing strategies to uncover the truth and achieve a fair outcome.
    Links & Other Notes
    GUEST
    Attorney Kate MerrillBOOKS
    High Conflict People in Legal DisputesDating RadarSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality DisorderORGANIZATIONS
    Institute for Divorce Financial AnalystsARTICLES
    When Math People and Feelings People NegotiateWhy I Wrote SplittingOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
    Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

    (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
    (00:35) - Bringing It to Life: Kate Merrill
    (42:23) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: How to Help Those Who Struggle with Borderline Personality Disorder

    Learn more about our New Ways for Work®—Leaders Coaching Sessions. Get started today!

    • 43 min
    Bringing It to Life #4: Dealing with High Conflict Personalities in Academia

    Bringing It to Life #4: Dealing with High Conflict Personalities in Academia

    Surviving Academia: Navigating High Conflict Personalities in Higher Education
    In this episode of "It's All Your Fault," the fourth installment of the Bringing It to Life series, Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy tackle the unique challenges of dealing with high conflict individuals in academia. Drawing from a listener's question about a bullying boss in a university setting, Bill and Megan explore the dynamics of toxic work environments in higher education and provide strategies for navigating these treacherous waters.
    The Ivory Tower's Dirty Secret: High Conflict Personalities in Academia
    Bill and Megan discuss the prevalence of high conflict personalities in academia, noting that the tolerant and helping nature of the industry can attract and enable difficult individuals. They highlight the specific challenges of dealing with tenured professors who exhibit high conflict behaviors, as well as the emotional toll this takes on colleagues and the institution as a whole.
    Navigating the Minefield: Strategies for Dealing with High Conflict Colleagues in Higher Education
    Bill introduces the CARS method – Connect, Analyze options, Respond, and Set limits – as a framework for managing interactions with high conflict individuals in academic settings. He emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries, providing useful information without arguing, and imposing consequences when necessary, while acknowledging the limitations of individual action in the face of institutional tolerance.
    The Delicate Dance of Leaving a Toxic Academic Environment
    Bill and Megan address the challenges of leaving an academic position due to a high conflict colleague, particularly in the context of an exit interview. They discuss the potential risks of speaking openly about the reasons for departure, the judgment calls involved in deciding what to share, and the importance of securing another position before leaving.
    Questions we answer in this episode:
    Why do high conflict personalities seem to thrive in academia?How can I manage interactions with a high conflict colleague in a university setting?What are the unique challenges of dealing with tenured professors who exhibit high conflict behaviors?How can I navigate leaving an academic position due to a toxic work environment?Key Takeaways:
    Academia's tolerant and helping nature can attract and enable high conflict personalitiesThe CARS method provides a framework for managing interactions with difficult colleagues in higher educationIndividual action may be limited in the face of institutional tolerance of high conflict behaviorsCarefully consider the risks and benefits of sharing reasons for leaving in an academic exit interviewSecure another position before leaving an academic job due to a high conflict colleagueThis episode offers valuable insights and practical strategies for anyone navigating the complex world of high conflict personalities in academia. By understanding the unique dynamics at play in higher education and employing the techniques discussed by Bill and Megan, listeners can better protect themselves and their careers while working in this challenging environment.
    Links & Other Notes
    COURSESNew Ways for Work® Coaches TrainingConflict Influencer™ BOOKSOur New World of Adult Bullies(publishes June 2024)BIFF at WorkIt’s All Your Fault at WorkNew Ways for Work® Coaching ManualARTICLESThe CARS Method® for Resolving High Conflict SituationsHow To Write A BIFF Response®4 Ways to Set Limits at WorkOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

    (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
    (00:37) - Bring It to Life: High Conflict in Academia
    (01:10) - The Question
    (03:20) - Signs of High Conflict Behavior
    (09:5

    • 29 min

Customer Reviews

4.7 out of 5
66 Ratings

66 Ratings

danger_ryan ,

Helpful

As a person with difficult personalities in my life, this podcast has been very helpful on how to deal with them. Also it helps to know that it’s not your fault and not feel guilty when there are conflicts.

Succeding ,

Thank YOU Bill and Meghan!!!

Wonder why setting boundaries on alienated children could possibly helps them turnaround?

🐴👨🏾🐴🐴👨🏾👨🏾🐴🐴👨🏾🐴 ,

Life changing!

As a daughter of an HCP father (with likely other undiagnosed personality disorders), I never could never quite describe his behaviors to others. As soon as I listened to the first episode, I knew that I finally had a name for his behavior. He has caused and continues to cause much chaos in our family, even at 78 years old. My poor mother should have divorced him years ago but hoped that things would get better. I have tried the BIFF responses and they do seem to be helpful some of the time. Unfortunately these types of people are unable or unwilling to change so managing the behavior is the best that I can do. I truly enjoy the episodes as I feel now like I'm not the only one out there experiencing these issues. Thanks Bill and Megan!

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