It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People TruStory FM

This is a rebroadcast. This episode originally aired February 1, 2024.
Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter tackle an important but tricky topic in this episode - how to set healthy boundaries with others when tensions run high. Whether it's a contentious divorce, difficult coworker, or suspected lies, Bill and Megan provide realistic examples and actionable advice to constructively handle high-conflict situations. Tune in to learn techniques to establish boundaries while remaining calm and keeping conflicts small. This episode delivers takeaways anyone can apply to enhance their most challenging relationships.
They provide tips across three common scenarios:
Co-parenting after divorce: Look to standards or common practices as a starting point. Focus on protecting the children and not discussing certain topics in front of them. You can only control your own behavior - walk away if tensions escalate.Workplace conflicts: Practice using the BIF (brief, informative, friendly, firm) method in emails or conversations. Don't engage in unnecessary battles - end conversations if needed.Suspected lies: Always consider three perspectives - it could be true, false, or somewhere in between. Don't react emotionally or you may become a target of blame. Reality test tactfully if needed.Bill and Megan stress practicing these techniques and finding simple but memorable phrases to use when setting boundaries. Their realistic examples and actionable advice provide takeaways anyone can apply to enhance their most challenging relationships.
Links & Other Notes
LIVE LAB: 1:1 coaching to learn skills (setting limits, BIFF Responses, CalmB4Think)ARTICLE: 12 Tips for Co-Parent Boundaries ARTICLE: Need to Set Limits With a High Conflict Person? Give ‘Em Your EARARTICLE: 4 Ways to Set Limits at WorkCOURSE: Conflict Influencer™ Certification Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(00:34) - Kicking Off Season Four
(01:10) - Setting Limits in High Conflict Situations
(02:00) - Co-Parenting
(10:00) - The Work World
(15:55) - Lying
(26:29) - Wrapping Up
(27:00) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Relationship Violence

This is a rebroadcast. This episode originally aired August 3, 2023.
Some relationships with high conflict people reach a point where the only one getting frustrated and hurt is YOU. 
It is okay to walk away? Are some relationships so damaging that staying in them is damaging to you? Will the guilt draw you back under their spell? Will it trigger abandonment, inferiority, or other issues in the person with a high conflict personality, and possibly backfire on you? 
Bill and Megan discuss this tricky topic in relation to family, friend and other relationships. How do you know when the time is right? Should you continue trying to reconcile or just stop? And what steps should be taken if you choose to walk away? Listen in as Megan and Bill explore this sensitive, critical subject.
Links & Other Notes
BOOKSIt’s All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame You for EverythingBIFF: Quick Responses for High Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Emails and Social Media MeltdownsCalming Upset People with EARON DEMAND COURSESHow to Write a BIFF ResponseThe Brain 101: How to Communicate EffectivelyOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(01:25) - Walking Away
(02:01) - When Can You Walk Away?
(05:41) - When They're Part of Your Faith-Based Community
(08:11) - Hitting the Point
(11:29) - Things to Consider With the Five Types
(17:21) - Think It Through
(18:55) - When Really Emotionally Hooked
(22:46) - Step by Step
(24:02) - Setting LImits
(25:00) - Last Thoughts
(26:00) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Splitting

This is a rebroadcast. This episode originally aired May 11, 2023.
The definition of a “win” is different in high conflict situations as opposed to ordinary conflict. Not recognizing that a win looks quite different can inadvertently escalate conflict or take a few steps backwards. 

In today’s episode, Megan and Bill talk about:
defining what it means to “win” in high conflictdo you need to reach an expected outcome to have successtemptation to keep going when you should stopwhen do you know if you’ve wonchoosing your battlesavoid opening up emotions focusing on keeping people focused on thinking and doing
Links & Other Notes
BOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeCalming Upset People with EARIt’s All Your Fault!ARTICLESTips On Offering Mediation To A High Conflict EmployeeOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.
Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(02:16) - How to Avoid Sabotaging a Successful Interaction
(03:25) - Definition of a Win in High Conflict Situations
(06:02) - Choosing Your Battles
(07:57) - Praise vs. Opening Up Emotions
(10:17) - Making Progress, Not Perfection
(13:03) - Fuhgedaboudits
(18:32) - Blame as Indicator
(21:21) - Coming Next Week: Exposure and Humiliation as a High-Conflict Strategy

Dealing with Bully Neighbors: Strategies for Resolving Conflicts
In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter dive into the world of bully neighbors and explore effective strategies for managing these challenging situations. As co-founders of the High Conflict Institute in San Diego, California, Bill and Megan share their expertise on navigating high conflict personalities and offer practical advice for listeners dealing with difficult neighbors.
Identifying Bullying Behavior in NeighborsBill and Megan discuss common scenarios that can trigger bullying behavior among neighbors, such as disputes over property lines, noise complaints, and pet-related issues. They emphasize the importance of recognizing patterns of bullying and not automatically assuming that a neighbor's actions are intentionally malicious.
Resolving Neighbor ConflictsBill and Megan outline a step-by-step approach to resolving conflicts with bully neighbors, starting with a calm, direct conversation to address the issue. If the conversation is unsuccessful or unsafe, they suggest considering mediation through a community mediation center, consulting with a lawyer to understand legal options, and involving law enforcement if the situation escalates or if there are threats to safety. As a last resort, they recommend considering moving to a new location if the conflict remains unresolved and is severely impacting your well-being.
Throughout the episode, Bill and Megan emphasize the importance of maintaining a strategic, non-judgmental approach when dealing with bully neighbors. They highlight the role of empathy and the need for clear consequences to curb bullying behavior.
Questions we answer in this episode:
How can I protect myself and my family from a bully neighbor?Is moving away a viable option when dealing with an unresolved neighbor conflict?Key Takeaways:
Set clear limits and consequences for bullying behaviorConsider moving as a last resort for your well-beingThis episode offers valuable insights and practical strategies for anyone struggling with a bully neighbor. By understanding the dynamics of high conflict personalities and following the expert advice provided by Bill and Megan, listeners can feel empowered to take steps towards resolving their neighbor conflicts and maintaining a peaceful living environment.
*Note: The episode contains a sensitive story involving animal cruelty that may be disturbing to some listeners. While relevant to the topic, it's important to provide a content warning before discussing this particular example.
Links & Other Notes
BOOKSOur New World of Adult Bullies—How to Spot Them/How to Stop Them (June 2024) By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.BULLY DYNAMICS WEBINARSBully Dynamics in Families (September - will be 4 sessions over 4 weeks)Bully Dynamics at Work (October - will be 4 sessions over 4 weeks)Bully Dynamics in Communities (November - will be 4 sessions over 4 weeks)ARTICLESOver the Fence: High Conflict Neighbor DisputesDealing with High Conflict People (7 Tips)Setting Limits and Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(00:38) - World of Bullies #5: Bullies as Neighbors
(01:18) - Bullies as Neighbors
(07:49) - Community Mediation Centers
(10:15) - Real World Examples
(16:40) - Listener Question
(23:23) - Bullies Don’t Connect the Dots
(25:19) - Escalation
(28:56) - Wrap Up
(29:48) - Reminders

Bullies as Leaders in Organizations
In this episode, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore the topic of bullies as leaders in organizations. They discuss the ancient personality traits that drive bullies to seek leadership positions, the impact they have on their organizations, and strategies for addressing their behavior.
Recognizing and Addressing Bully Behavior in Leaders
Bill and Megan emphasize the importance of recognizing bully behavior in leaders and taking action to address it. They stress the need for organizations to have clear policies, set limits, and impose consequences for bullying behavior to create a healthy work environment.
Questions we answer in this episode:
What ancient personality traits do bully leaders possess?How can organizations address bully behavior in leaders?Key Takeaways:
Bullies often seek leadership positions due to their desire to dominate and inspire loyalty.Clear policies, setting limits, and imposing consequences are crucial for creating a healthy work environment.Introducing New Ways for Work for Leaders
Bill and Megan introduce their upcoming training program, New Ways for Work for Leaders, which focuses on helping leaders manage high conflict situations and create a bully-proofed environment.
This episode provides valuable insights into the complex issue of bullies as leaders in organizations. Bill and Megan's expertise and practical advice make this episode a must-listen for anyone dealing with high conflict personalities in leadership positions.
Links & Other Notes
COURSENew Ways for Work® for Leaders: Training in July 2024BOOKSOur New World of Adult Bullies—How to Spot Them/How to Stop Them (June 2024) By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.BULLY DYNAMICS WEBINARSBully Dynamics at Work (October - will be 4 sessions over 4 weeks)Bully Dynamics in Families (September - will be 4 sessions over 4 weeks)Bully Dynamics in Communities (November - will be 4 sessions over 4 weeks)ARTICLESBullies at WorkAddressing the Bully in the Room: High Conflict Personalities in Workplace InvestigationsSetting Limits and Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsCOACHING CURRICULUMNew Ways for Work®: Coaching Manual (for workplace coaches)New Ways for Work®: Workbook (for coaches)OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(00:36) - World of Bullies #4: Bullies as Leaders
(01:09) - Upcoming Bully Seminars
(02:22) - Bullies as Leaders
(06:55) - Do All Bullies Lie?
(09:16) - When People See It Happening But Do Nothing
(10:16) - Imposing Consequences
(10:51) - When They're at the Top
(13:10) - Example
(19:42) - New Ways for Work for Leaders
(26:48) - Imposing Consequences
(29:14) - Wrap Up
(29:16) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Bullies as Neighbors

Bullying in Families: How to Spot It and What to Do
In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill and Megan dive deep into the hidden world of family bullies. As co-founders of the High Conflict Institute in San Diego, CA, they share their expertise on identifying and dealing with high conflict personalities within families. Through real-life examples and listener stories, Bill and Megan shed light on this often overlooked issue.
Uncovering the Hidden Dynamics of Family Bullies
Bill and Megan discuss how bullies often isolate their targets, using emotional repetition to wear down their self-esteem. They explain the concept of "negative advocates" – people who unwittingly support the bully by believing their victim narrative. Bill shares insights from his new book, "Our New World of Adult Bullies," highlighting the manipulative tactics bullies employ to maintain control.
The conversation turns to the role of bullies as gatekeepers, controlling access to children, elderly parents, and financial information. Bill emphasizes the importance of recognizing these patterns and seeking support from siblings, therapists, or legal professionals when necessary.
Questions we answer in this episode:
What are the hidden dynamics of family bullies?How do bullies isolate and control their targets?What role do "negative advocates" play in enabling bullies?How can we protect children and elderly parents from bullying and abuse?What resources are available for those dealing with family bullies?Key Takeaways:
Bullies often use emotional repetition and isolation to wear down their targets.Bullies may act as gatekeepers, controlling access to children, elderly parents, and financial information.Increased awareness and training are needed among professionals who work with vulnerable populations.Seeking support from siblings, therapists, or legal professionals can be crucial in dealing with family bullies.There is hope – resources and support systems exist to help stop bullying behavior.This episode is a must-listen for anyone who has experienced or witnessed bullying within their family. By understanding the dynamics at play and learning how to respond effectively, listeners can take steps towards creating healthier, safer relationships.
Links & Other Notes
BULLY DYNAMICS IN FAMILIES WEBINARBully Dynamics in Families (September - 4 sessions over 4 weeks)BOOKSOur New World of Adult Bullies—How to Spot Them/How to Stop Them (June 2024) By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeBIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media MeltdownsCalming Upset People with EAR: How Statements Showing Empathy, Attention, and Respect Can Quickly Defuse a ConflictOTHER BULLY DYNAMICS WEBINARSBully Dynamics at Work (October - will be 4 sessions over 4 weeks)Bully Dynamics in Communities (November - will be 4 sessions over 4 weeks)COURSESConflict Influencer Class for Co-Parents and Other Family Members: starts in JulyARTICLESSetting Limits and Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(00:36) - World of Bullies #3: Bullies and Families
(01:14) - Bill’s New Book
(02:08) - Bullies in Families
(05:13) - Target of Blame
(07:11) - Listener’s Situation
(17:31) - Bullies as Gatekeepers
(20:33) - What Do You Do?
(23:09) - Children Being Bullied
(27:47) - Wrap Up
(29:18) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Bullies as Leaders