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Updated Oct 15
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5d ago

Saying the Hard Thing in Real Time

Ever leave a conversation and realize, somewhere on the way to the car, exactly what you should have said? There’s a French term for that feeling, and ADHD brains know it intimately. This week, we explore why saying the hard thing in real time is so difficult with ADHD, from the blurt-or-freeze problem to the research on variable reaction time and emotional dysregulation that makes it make sense. We get into how pace gets used against slower processors in an argument, and how to claim the room you need without walking out. Then the practical side: naming your state, five “slow sentences” to keep in your back pocket, the Gottman rule for taking a real break, and a trimmed-down version of DBT’s DEAR MAN that you can actually remember when it counts. Links & Notes Support the Show on PatreonDig into the podcast Shownotes DatabaseKofler et al. 2013, reaction time variability meta-analysisAnker, Ogrim & Heir 2022 summaryShaw et al. 2014, emotion dysregulation in ADHDBen-Dor Cohen et al. 2023, J. Attention DisordersGottman: flooding and breaksGottman: repair attemptsLieberman et al. 2007, affect labeling and ScienceDaily write-upDEAR MAN overviewWordorigins: l’esprit de l’escalier (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast (02:08) - Saying the Hard Thing (21:51) - Asserting Your Slow-Downs (30:43) - DEAR MAN... ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
5d ago

Red Flags and False Claims: Lessons from the Laura Owens Case

High conflict behavior after a breakup can escalate into false claims and felony charges. The Laura Owens case shows the warning signs. Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, and Megan Hunter, MBA, break down red flags from “Dating Radar,” how to answer false allegations in court, and how people targeted by them recover. It's All Your Fault is produced by TruStory FM. Full Show Notes & Resources Submit Questions | Bookstore | Website Watch this episode on YouTube Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:35) - The Laura Owens Case (02:10) - Backstory (06:54) - The Pattern (11:29) - Punished? (14:58) - Spotting This (18:42) - The Spark vs. Keeping Eyes Open (22:24) - Responding to False Allegations (24:56) - The Sentencing (27:58) - The Men (31:50) - Therapy (33:32) - Being Skeptical in Your Consideration (35:08) - Wrap Up
Oct 29

Receiving Help Without Losing Yourself with James and Jules Ochoa

We’ve talked plenty about asking for help. This week, James Ochoa and his son Jules join us to take on the other half: what happens when someone actually helps you, and why that can feel so much harder. Jules has spent the past year rebuilding James’s practice from the inside, which means James has been on the receiving end of a lot of help he didn’t ask for. In this conversation, we explore why unrequested help can feel like an accusation, where the imposter voice comes from, and how to tell the difference between gratitude and the debt ledger so many of us carry. Jules shares what he’s learned about how to help someone with ADHD without triggering the walls, and James is remarkably open about how much of this still gets him, 30 years into the work. Plus, Jules calls his dad out live on air, and it goes about how you’d expect. Links & Notes 11Q Your ADHD, the free yearly reflection tool from James and The Life Empowerment CenterThe Complex, the audio drama Jules wrote and produced with JamesSupport the Show on PatreonDig into the podcast Shownotes Database (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast (00:54) - Become a Patron! (02:50) - Receiving Help with James and Jules Ochoa (07:07) - What Happens to the ADHD Brain on Receiving Help? (13:26) - "If I ask for help... it means I can't do it." (28:34) - The Ledger (41:18) - How do you open up to help? (49:47) - Learn More ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
Nov 3

The Age of Agents • Placeholder

I once printed my computer’s contacts onto paper sized to fit my Franklin Quest binder. I loved that binder enough to make a computer work for it. Keeping the system current was practically a hobby, which was convenient because it required quite a lot of my participation. Decades later, I still enjoy arranging software. I have less enthusiasm for remembering to check every place I’ve put something important. The personal AI agents I’ve been using can carry an assignment between conversations, with ongoing checks where I’ve set them up. That has started to change my working day. I can teach them what matters, correct a misunderstanding, and find that the next round of help reflects what I’ve explained. So far, the useful work has substantially outweighed the mistakes. I’m getting things finished that I’d been putting off. This public edition is a taste of Placeholder, our member-supported show about the tools we use while we wait for something better. Join us on Patreon for the full episode and to help keep The ADHD Podcast going. I’d be glad to have you there. (00:00) - Welcome to Placeholder (00:20) - The Fancy Binder (03:14) - The Things We're Handing Over (04:56) - Introducing Muse (09:19) - Become a Supporter at Patreon.com/theadhdpodcast ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
Oct 29

Setting Limits, Staying Connected: Two Listener Questions

High conflict behavior can follow you to school and into your own family. Two listeners ask how to quiet rumors from a parent who glares and whispers, and how to stay connected to nieces and nephews after a brother cuts them off. Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, and Megan Hunter, MBA, explain why a brief response beats silence and what to put in a card for children you can’t see. It’s All Your Fault is produced by TruStory FM. Full Show Notes & Resources Submit Questions | Bookstore | Website Watch this episode on YouTube (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:42) - Listener Questions! (01:10) - Question #1 (15:16) - Question #2 (29:13) - Wrap Up
Oct 22

Reading, Audiobooks, and the ADHD Comprehension Problem with Misty Stinnett

Most of us have a stack of self-help books we fully intend to get to. Our friend Misty Stinnett, co-host of Go Help Yourself, has read hundreds of them for her show, and she joins us to talk about reading when your attention has its own plans. Misty is quick to say she isn’t an ADHD expert, but she has years of practice getting through a book she’ll have to explain on a microphone a week later, and plenty of what she’s learned carries over for the rest of us. Her favorite permission slip is that the book works for you. You aren’t on the clock for it. If one idea sticks and changes how you see something, the book did its job, even at 500 pages. Knowing what’s at stake for you before you open a book helps. So does putting it down without guilt when it stops connecting. There’s room for the slow road too: visiting a hard book a paragraph at a time on the days that’s all your brain will give. The members version includes the pre-show, with a face-blindness mystery thriller recommendation and the origin story of “bless the baby.” The after-show is packed with listener questions: whether to reread, how to remember what you heard in the car, why a single paragraph can wear you out, and the old guilt some of us carry about reading for fun. It ends with a book recommendation that brings us full circle. Join us patreon.com/theadhdpodcast and see what you’re missing! Plus get the companion guide, Let the Book Work for You, with reflection questions and reframes for the thoughts that keep a book stuck on the nightstand. Grab the guide right here. Links & Notes Go Help YourselfThe Visit with Kourosh Dini, MDFour Thousand Weeks by Oliver BurkemanReading Without Eye Movements (Journal of the International Neuropsychological Society, 2025)Support the Show on PatreonDig into the podcast Shownotes Database (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast (02:26) - Introducing Misty Stinnett (07:20) - Learning to Read Self-Help (10:00) - Chunking (14:22) - The Visit (25:56) - Audiobooks (33:34) - How do you know the book is GREAT ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
Oct 22

When Conflict Makes You Sick: How Stress Harms the Body with Dr. Sharon Stills

High conflict relationships can make you sick. Dr. Sharon Stills, a naturopathic medical doctor, explains what chronic stress does to your body. Megan Hunter, MBA, co-founder of the High Conflict Institute, hosts this conversation about sleep, hormones, and simple daily practices that calm the nervous system. It's All Your Fault is produced by TruStory FM. Full Show Notes & Resources Submit Questions | Bookstore | Website Watch this episode on YouTube Content notice: this episode mentions suicidal thoughts and discusses cancer. Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:35) - How Our Bodies React (01:22) - Meet Dr. Sharon Stills (02:37) - Physical Impact of Stress (08:34) - Sympathetic vs. Parasympathetic (12:44) - Leading to Self-Awareness (15:08) - The Mind/Body Complex (18:52) - Can the Body Recover? (23:01) - Reversing Medical Problems (24:14) - Fear and the Kidneys (26:28) - Menopause (30:38) - Taking the Time (34:56) - Dr. Stills’ Facility (37:32) - Wrap Up
Oct 1

Stop Arguing About the Past: The SWYP Method

High conflict arguments follow a script: relitigate the past, assign blame, get nowhere. Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, and Megan Hunter, MBA, introduce SWYP, a three-step method for turning that pattern into a workable proposal, alongside the CARS Method and tips for negotiating with bullies. It's All Your Fault is produced by TruStory FM. Full Show Notes & Resources SWYP: So, What’s Your Proposal? (pre-orders available now - will ship November 3) Submit Questions | Bookstore | Website Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:41) - Reaching Agreements (01:33) - So What’s Your Proposal? (04:16) - Situations to Use This (06:29) - Arguments vs. Proposals (10:19) - SLIC, BIFF, EAR, and SWYP (13:22) - Bill’s Book (13:53) - SWYP and CARS (16:56) - Avoiding the Argument (20:54) - Pre-Empting Argumentative Personalities (27:49) - Bullies (34:57) - Last Thoughts on SWYP (40:00) - Wrap Up
Oct 8

Plant Yourself in the Right Garden: Environment as Strategy

Last season, Dr. Kathleen Nadeau described a lot of ADHD struggle as a planting problem, and we've been thinking about it a bunch. This episode is about environment, and how much of what gets blamed on ADHD comes down to where you are and who you're with. We break it into what we're calling the three gardens: the right job, the right room and the right people. A lot of the classic willpower research is shakier than its reputation. The marshmallow test turned out to say more about kids' home lives than anyone expected. The idea that sugar refuels your self-control ran into trouble when people who only rinsed with sugar water did just as well as people who drank it. If you've been telling yourself you need to try harder, we’ve got you. There's a coffee shop where a book got written, and a college move-in where getting a few pictures on the wall was what finally eased the overwhelm. If you're wondering whether your job still fits, there's a useful question in here: is this still working for me? Asking it that way leaves room for the job to have changed, so you don't have to start from the assumption that you failed. The members version includes the pre-show, where we catch up on our kids' new college apartments and John Green's new novel. The after-show has the story of how Pete's mom's rose garden ended up in the Smithsonian, plus headphone advice for anyone stuck in an open-plan office. It also has a live demo of FocusFlight, an app that turns a work session into a pretend flight. Links & Notes Support the Show on PatreonDig into the podcast Shownotes Database (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast (01:13) - Support the Show on Patreon! (02:55) - Environment as Strategy (21:15) - The Three Gardens ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
Sep 24

Two Ways to Handle One High Conflict Case with Dr. Anthony Mazzella

When someone in a high conflict relationship insists their partner is entirely uncaring, is that the whole truth — or a sign of something else going on underneath? This episode puts one hypothetical high conflict case through two very different lenses to find out. Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, and Megan Hunter, MBA, sit down with psychoanalyst Dr. Anthony Mazzella to compare the CARS Method with a psychoanalytic approach to containment, splitting, and setting limits that actually hold. They work the same scenario side by side — a spouse convinced her husband is entirely rejecting her — to show where connecting and EAR statements line up with clinical containment, and where the two approaches genuinely split. Whether you’re in HR, mediation, or your own living room, you’ll walk away with two working models for the same hard moment. It’s All Your Fault is produced by TruStory FM. Full Show Notes & Resources Submit Questions | Bookstore | Website Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:37) - On Today’s Episode (01:14) - Meet Dr. Anthony Mazzella (05:28) - Where He’s Landed (06:31) - His Approach to HCPs (09:54) - Different Views (11:58) - Disregulated to Regulated State of Mind (14:35) - Example (17:00) - Initial Steps (19:45) - Comparison (22:58) - Coming Up with Solutions (25:26) - HR Setting (30:20) - Differences (33:05) - Reality Testing (34:30) - Being More Mindful (37:29) - Responding and Confronting (40:20) - Setting Limits (44:33) - Talking Through the Process (51:46) - Recap (54:19) - Treatment of Narcissism (56:30) - Types of Narcissists and Hope for Treatment (57:25) - Finding Dr. Mazzella (59:02) - Wrap Up

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