He’s 14, She’s 24: Legally Abused, But He Says He Enjoyed It - Boys, Abuse, and the Silent Impact on Adult Relationships I’m sitting across from a client, sometimes a grown adult, sometimes a teenager. They share something like, “I’ve always liked older women,” or “My first sexual experience was with someone much older.” I ask for a little more detail. Sometimes the client shares that the person was a parent, an uncle, or an adult family friend. Other times, it’s a non-family adult, thier best friends older sister, a girl they started talking to on snap or someone in their late 20s or 30s they met in a shop. You might be surprised, and even shocked, at how many boys and men I’ve sat across from in therapy who were, by legal definitions, sexually assaulted as children or teenagers, yet describe the experience as one of the best sexual experiences of their lives. They say they would do it again in a heartbeat, and they don’t identify it as traumatic. In contrast, I have never, in my counselling practice, heard a female client describe a similar scenario in that way. This raises an important question: if a boy or young man is sexually abused but does not perceive it as traumatic or a violation, does it still affect him? At first glance, these statements seem innocuous, even consensual. But as a psychotherapist, I know that early sexual contact with an adult carries complex psychological dynamics. The adult-child power imbalance is central: children’s brains, particularly in areas governing impulse control, emotional regulation, and relational reasoning, are still developing. Even when a boy experiences pleasure, excitement, or curiosity during these encounters, the experience can disrupt healthy sexual, emotional, and relational development. The full blog is at my substack cassimkaweesa.substack.com We hope you enjoy and do not forget to like and subscribe. https://linktr.ee/cassimkaweesa Substack/weekly blog is cassimkaweesa.substack.com Get in touch with me via: Malemindscounselling.com Instagram: cassimkaweesaofficial Twitter: Cassim Kaweesa
