147 episodes

The setting is today. The male of the species has been cowered to near extinction by a combination of privileged white girl Soul Cycle feminism and excessive pass interference calls in football. From their drunken repose at a Hollywood area bar and pizza joint, Lex Jurgen and Matt Ralston broadcast the last bastion of masculine thought to a dispersed audience of survivors. Like a giant dick beacon, if that’s your thing.
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Last Men On Earth Lex Jurgen & Matt Ralston

    • Comedy
    • 4.2 • 49 Ratings

The setting is today. The male of the species has been cowered to near extinction by a combination of privileged white girl Soul Cycle feminism and excessive pass interference calls in football. From their drunken repose at a Hollywood area bar and pizza joint, Lex Jurgen and Matt Ralston broadcast the last bastion of masculine thought to a dispersed audience of survivors. Like a giant dick beacon, if that’s your thing.
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

    LMOE #171: Bill Gates, Pussy Magnate

    LMOE #171: Bill Gates, Pussy Magnate

    Don't call it an audio comeback!
    We're back with a fully functional amateurish episode of Last Men on Earth.
    This is the one where we discuss why billionaires like Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates can't figure out until it's too late they can have hot young trophy wives, Matt explains why baseball player Drew Robinson's failed suicide was hardly heroic, we delve into Hollywood pretending to discover not a single member of the Golden Globes is black, and we wonder why women follow the likes of Chrissy Teigen for working mom and parenting advice.
    This episode jam-packed full of fudgy flavor. Lick it. Go on. Nobody's looking.

    As always, we come hand in hat asking for you to become a patron of the show on Patreon.com. We honestly really do use any contributions toward beers and heroin, so you know it's money well spent.
    Bless you, even the ugly people.
    Lex.

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    • 1 hr 26 min
    LMOE #170: The Sickly Covid Tapes

    LMOE #170: The Sickly Covid Tapes

    I'm not going to sugar coat this, we took a year off to hide under our couches with our various gendered fully-legal sex workers and came back and screwed up the audio recording on our very first try. I think it may be the long-term impact of Covid, even though neither of us had Covid. That's how sinister the China virus is.
    Nevertheless, if you care you care to give it a whirl, Matt and I dive into the Covid lifestyle, Elliot page cutting off her breasts, err, his breasts, in order to write a screenplay, Tess Holliday claiming to be the world's first obese anorexic, SI Swimsuit diving faster toward bankruptcy with male models in its swimsuit edition, and Serena Williams next in a line of neverending self-serving documentaries about the struggles of being rich and famous and universally press-adored. It's actually good shinola, if you can make it through the intense record lag pops on the track.

    As always, we beg your indulgence for recording equipment and beer money via Patreon.com. Because our nation is at its best when it rewards failure.
    Thanks (heart emoji banging another heart emoji against its will),
    Lex.

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    • 2 hr 9 min
    LMOE #169 - COVID, Heard Dumps, and NBA SJW

    LMOE #169 - COVID, Heard Dumps, and NBA SJW

    There are heroes in this life, and then there are HEROES. Like Matt and I drinking beers and eating pretzels and violating many standing COVID restrictions by our mayor, governor, and almighty W.H.O. Council of Elders by coming together for the big 169. Greatest Generation type stuff. Hold your applause.
    After what seems like a lifetime of coronavirus maniacal scare-casting, we've put out Last Men on Earth Podcast #169. On this week's episode, we dive into our own personal pandemic stories, I force Matt to take a test "NBA Social Justice Slogan or Top Selling Rap Album Name", we project the fate of noted pedo-pimp Ghislaine Maxwell, we wonder where NFL team name changes may end up after full slippery sloping, dive into the fecal details of the Depp and Heard melee, and end on a happy note praising Sports Illustrated for putting a dude who wanted to be a woman in a bikini onto their Swimsuit edition, finally. Banana Hammocks for all my friends!
    Naturally, we can't live without basic funding for our coronavirus tests. So become a member of our Last Men on Earth patron family and keep hope alive.


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    • 1 hr 38 min
    LMOE #168 - Amber Heard Lied, Kobe Died

    LMOE #168 - Amber Heard Lied, Kobe Died

    Matt and I are on a roll. Like Mahomes to Hill, and trust me, the pitcher and receiver analogy is perfect. I'm Mahomes. F**k it, the Niners should've won. I'm going to make Hill pay tonight.

    Become a Patron of Last Men on Earth and you can live forever. We do need your $1.50 for beer money. And you need to stop feeling guilty about listening for free.
    On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast, we dive into the hard landing of Kobe Bryant who Matt wished dead on tape two year ago, though he gets bonus points for calling Amber Heard a liar two years ago on wife abuse charges, we explore Harvey Weinstein's micro-penis, tell you the truth about Meghan Markle's master plan, wonder if two Latina (Latinx!) moms pole dancing at the Super Bowel really constitutes female empowerment, and expose the woke narcissism that is Joaquin Phoenix.
    We do this for you, because we care. Care back. Become a Patron of the Last Men on Earth for the price of two cigarettes, or one beer, or 1.5 Slim Jims.

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    • 1 hr 53 min
    LMOE #167 - The Internet Is For Porn

    LMOE #167 - The Internet Is For Porn

    Now that Matt and I are shitting out content on a regular schedule, it's time to consider your patronage of this blessed audio work. Where would the world be without the De Medici family supporting Michelangelo? Or George Soros supporting transnational sex workers? The bare, naked, honest, and horrible truth needs benevolent patrons as well.
    Support the Last Men on Earth podcast with your couch change, you glorious motherfucker.
    On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast, we dive deep into the study that shockingly declares teen boys are watching Internet porn daily, discussing Deb Dugan's Grammy corruption non-revelations, dive into Terry Crews' sex fasting process, discuss the sad fate of fat Canadian trans-activist Jennifer Yaniv, I share my Elizabeth Warren real life nightmare, and we wonder how many more minutes until Julianne Hough's hockey playing husband comes out of the penalty box, err, closet. This episode is jam packed with speculation posing as fact. So very modern.
    And yes, we want your dollar. Become a Patron of Last Men on Earth podcast. Oh, the hit lists you'll be on when the Bolshevik Bros take over.

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    • 1 hr 24 min
    LMOE #166 - Lizzo Needs The Lipo

    LMOE #166 - Lizzo Needs The Lipo

    After an extended break where Matt and I each had plastic surgery to look like the other, like Face/Off, only with less straight actors, we are back and fully recharged for 2020. Our commitment to being called vile and offensive, though never wrong, remains intact. Also, my left testicle finally dropped, so that's like a Quinceañera in your pants.

    SUPPORT THE SHOW AND LIVE FOREVER!
    On this episode of Last Men on Earth, Matt and I discuss how women in power are just as horrible as men in power in the entertainment industry, wonder how exactly the WNBA business model supports economy-plus seats on flights, lament the fact that Elizabeth Warren can be hailed a feminist hero for faking offenses, discuss how horrible the Oscars are in every way imaginable, estimate the circumference around Lizzo's best life, and mourn the loss of independent comedy in the media-sphere thanks to duopolistic overlords pushing vanilla content to the masses.
    Among the reasons independent voices on the Internet are dying off is a lack of funding. I mean, that's a bald-faced plea to become a patron of our show. Certainly, you'll go on some list for when the bad people take over and look to genocide all the non-conformists, but you'll be shot in the back with pride. Plus it's only $1.50, you cheap cheap bastard.

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    • 1 hr 47 min

Customer Reviews

4.2 out of 5
49 Ratings

49 Ratings

LPR8501 ,

They’re back

Hilarious. (Where’s Bobby, Lex’s kid?)

RJNC00 ,

Still around?

These guys haven't posted in a while, hope they're still around.

jewelssd ,

"The most famous 'not-Lesbian'"

I am going to use the phrase a "slow burn" to describe this podcast. The first episode I was like, ok this is fine, and the more I listened to, the more I loved it. I don't know how they know about these random things (like the flawlessness of plus size model Ashley Graham) but I LOVE it!!!!!! I wish you guys didn't hate Trump so much but anybody who describes Jennifer Aniston as the "most famous not-lesbian" is a friend of MINE.

♥♥♥

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