If you’ve been struggling in your relationship, there could be more to it than meets the eye. I’m your host Rakel Colina and for years I was in a very toxic relationship, which I didn’t recognize as abusive until the day I left. I am here to help you take a look and recognize their abusive patterns and behaviors, but this is not just about them. Let’s just face it is not only about seeing through their masks, but about helping you see through the issues that could be holding you back from being the best version of you. Ladies, let’s tear down the walls that could be holding you back from moving forward and living your best life, even after abuse.
“Facing small fears can lead to big changes” – Rakel Colina
58. Abuse is a choice
Did you know that abusive behavior is a choice? Think about this. You think it's because they can't control themselves and that's why they act with you like that. Right? Well, let me ask you this, how is it that they're not abusive at their jobs or with their friends? Or just when they go out in public? It is as simple as that.
They most likely will be pretending to be something totally different to the outside world than what they're portraying or playing inside the home. Abusive behavior is a choice. Otherwise, they would abuse everyone outside of the home and it would be so obvious to everyone else, but because it happens when they choose it's something that you cannot predict.
The Break Away Journal comes out as a published book on January 18th, if you want more information or simply want me to keep you updated when it comes out send me a DM on Instagram with the work BREAKAWAY
For my Instagram, click here.
57. Know your self-worth
Today, I'm going to talk to you about yourself. This is the perfect time of the year to go into this subject because it's a new year, new you kind of deal. And the first thing that you have to do this year is figuring out how to love yourself. If you don't love yourself, if you don't accept yourself, if you don't value yourself, nobody else is going. When you're in a toxic relationship you're being brainwashed into thinking that you are the problem, but you have to learn to recognize that you're not the problem. You have to know what you're worth, what you're going to accept, and where you are no longer going to accept.
After you leave a toxic, abusive relationship, or any kind of relationship for that matter, you have to step back and see what you've been through. You have to understand where you've been to understand where you are. If you've been with somebody who has not loved you correctly, you're more than likely not going to love yourself correctly, but it also works the other way around. you have to love yourself above all else because if you don't love yourself if you don't value yourself, nobody else who's going to do it for you.
Podcast link: letsjustfaceitnow.com
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56. Are you ready for 2022?
You've made it! Today is December 30th. We're just two days away from 2022. Are you ready? Have you already started planning what you're going to do for 2022? I definitely have tried, but vacations at the end of the year didn't help me. I am now coming with a vengeance to attack my goals come January 1st.
In this episode, I talk about the 5 steps I am going to be using to start the year the right way and I invite you to do the same. After the pandemic hit and everything came, all of my habits have changed. And they have to be honest with you, they're not at all the good habits, but because we go through bad times because we go through difficult times, doesn't mean that we get to let our habits, our goals, and our dreams go.
In fact, that is the specific reason why you should push forward. If you have had a tough year, if you have been in a toxic relationship, if you have been depressed with anxiety, anything that has happened to you during this year, we're going to reset in two days. Are you ready for this?
55. An abusive partner can have a good behavior but it's all an act
It becomes difficult to understand your partner because you think you are in a healthy relationship and it's easier to excuse the behavior than to acknowledge the red flag. Many times during my toxic relationship, I had to make excuses for what was going on because I knew it was not normal, but I did not recognize what it was.
The abusive and unhealthy behavior escalates slowly. You're going to feel that something isn't right, but keep asking yourself "why is going on? I feel something is going on, but I can't quite pinpoint it."
If you realize your relationship is off and make them aware of their behavior, as you start changing your ways, they will go back to the beginning and start love bombing you all over again. The difference is that now they know you better than when it started. These types know exactly what you want and they will become everything you want, but it's just an act to spin you in their web again.
To download the 11 signs you're in a toxic relationship guide, click here
54. Once Upon That Time
If you're new here, I was in an abusive relationship and I had no idea that it was abuse until the day I left. Therefore I have made it my mission to help women understand the toxic traits and techniques of an abuser because if I didn't know, there's hundreds, if not thousands, or maybe even more women out there that are in a toxic, abusive relationship and they have no idea what's going on. They're being blind-sighted because the one thing that is common in an abusive relationship is that the person that is being abused is a strong person, but is a person with a big heart.
The problem with that is that because we have such big hearts and we tend to love big, we're being taken advantage of. Because we're so big-hearted we tend to see the good in everybody. Even when it's bad, you find good in somebody, especially in your partner. Whatever this person does from here on out. It's to play with your mind and especially with your heart because our hearts are so big and we have such empathy, which is something that they will never understand and it's one of the reasons why they hate you for it. They'll find ways. To make you emotionally pay for what you're doing.
Use the link letsjustfaceitnow.com to share the podcast with your friends.
For access to the Break Away Journal, click here
53. Overcoming trauma after emotional abuse
When you have been in a certain place for a long enough time to make it feel comfortable when you're not really comfortable because it is familiar and we tend to get familiarized with things and then just succumb to whatever it is and that is when this comes out. How did I know that my relationship was abusive?
One of the reasons why I recognized that my relationship was abusive was the fact that I started journaling. I didn't start journaling till after I left the relationship. I did write a couple of things here and there, prayers down and stuff like that, but I didn't actually sit down and talk about what was going on in my life, about my feelings, and certain events that were going on until I left the relationship.
There's brain damage that goes into being physically, emotionally, and psychologically abused. Therefore you don't always remember everything and that is the importance of journaling. When I started journaling, I started remembering certain moments in the relationship and I started writing about them. I also started writing about how I felt right then and there and the things that were going on at that moment. I had totally forgotten about it because I had hidden it from everybody, including myself. Journaling when you were in a toxic, abusive relationship, will keep you up to date with what is going on.
Get Journal here Use code BYE21