In this episode of Over the Mountains, Sylvie and Rufus open up about the intimate side of their relationship as part of a wider exploration of what it means to “walk the talk” of social and cultural transformation. They argue that building a new paradigm is not only about politics, ideas, or collective vision, but also about how we live in our closest relationships. The conversation focuses on one of the major taboo areas that often destabilises relationships and communities: sex. Drawing on their ten years together, marriage, and family life, they reflect on: monogamy, openness, jealousy, trauma, freedom and love. Sylvie shares how monogamy initially gave her a deep sense of safety and healing, especially in light of family wounds around betrayal and abandonment. At the same time, she began to see how exclusivity could also become a kind of prison if it was rooted in fear rather than genuine choice. A central theme of the episode is the tension between rational beliefs and embodied emotional reality. Rather than presenting ethical non-monogamy as a fixed ideology or solution, they describe it as a slow, conscious, messy process of inquiry. They emphasize transparency, consent, dialogue, and responsibility — because wider relationships are also affected by intimate choices. For them, the key issue is not simply monogamy versus non-monogamy, but whether the relationship is rooted in ethics, love and trust. "Am I in this relationship out of fear — or am I in this relationship out of love? Am I here because I'm scared of ending up alone... or because I actually love who we are together?" Ultimately, the episode connects the personal and the political. Sylvie and Rufus suggest that transforming how we relate romantically may also be part of transforming how we relate to power, to each other, and even to the planet. They do not claim to have answers, but offer their relationship as a living experiment: imperfect, vulnerable, and in progress. Rather than a prescriptive “how-to,” this is a raw, real, and refreshingly honest take on the journey of love’s triumph over fear. 00:00 Introduction to a New Paradigm 01:29 Exploring Relationship Dynamics 05:27 Monogamy vs. Polyamory: A Personal Journey 15:21 The Complexity of Love and Possession 19:44 Navigating Personal Shadows and Relationship Patterns 29:04 Navigating Relationships with Mindfulness 31:55 The Complexity of Love and Parenting 35:11 Exploring Self-Identity and Body Image 38:05 The Journey of Dating and Self-Discovery 43:03 Empowerment and Autonomy in Relationships 46:04 Transforming Relationships and Societal Norms 50:18 The Ethical Dimension of Non-Monogamy Speakers Sylvie Barbier is a co-founder of Life Itself, a performance artist, entrepreneur, and educator. Rufus Pollock is a co-founder of Life Itself, an entrepreneur, activist, an author, as well as a long-term zen practitioner. About Over the Mountains Over The Mountains by Life Itself is a podcast and blog exploring the understandings and system shifts needed to bring forth a Second Renaissance, to live within a metamodern reality that works for everyone. The title Over The Mountains is a metaphor for the long and often difficult journey humanity must take together. In a time when many seek shortcuts — especially through technology — this podcast reminds us that those shortcuts can lead to greater destruction. To truly reach the other side, we must climb over the mountain: facing the complexity of collective action, institutional change, and the reimagining of our shared reality. Over the Mountains focuses on the societal, political, economic, and ontological transformations required for such a world to emerge. Featuring conversations with sensemakers and the builders of tomorrow such as Rufus Pollock, Liam Kavanagh, Sylvie Barbier, Jonah Wilberg and many others, this series shares knowledge from sociology, economics, political philosophy, history, neuroscience, and ideological science, making these insights accessible to a wider audience. The ideas that we will share with you set out some of the reasoning and ideas for the creation of Life Itself and the Second Renaissance initiatives. Twitter - https://twitter.com/forlifeitself Website - https://lifeitself.org This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit overthemountains.substack.com