I’m new to polyamory and recently came out to my husband of 20 years about this after having an affair. It has not been my first affair to be transparent. It has been a struggle but we are managing to communicate our feelings with each other peacefully for the first time in all these years. He doesn’t feel the same as I do, but is trying to understand. Amicable divorce and coparenting is an option on the table. But he is open to learning and I’m hoping he will change his mind over time.
Your podcast was recommended in a Facebook forum I’m in, and I couldn’t be more grateful that I’ve found it. So far, it has really helped me understand the different dynamics that can happen in polyamory. Also in figuring out why polyamory resonates with me and being able to effectively articulate that with my husband.
As someone raised in a religious conservative family, my feelings, thoughts, and ideas would not be received well and I learned growing up not to talk about things that went against this narrative.
I’m an artist and have always had friends in the LGBTQ+ community, and while I’ve always been an out of the box type of thinker, I never really understood the trials and struggles related to them “coming out” to family and friends as I am not queer. I have a much better understanding of that now…and greater empathy.
What I really appreciate about your podcast is the kindness and love you demonstrate when addressing difficult topics such as using polyamory to fix a relationship, and trying to push something too fast, as I have really been ready to jump right in, while my husband is trying to heal and mourn the loss of something he thought he had. I have gained a lot of insight into my own motives and what I feel would really be authentic for me in my life, being carefully honest and forthright, while being there for my partner, listening to him, and leaning into each other.
The way you address topics in such a way shows me that you really care about your audience and want to see the transitions and choices they make go as smoothly as possible. It answers a lot of questions I’ve had on polyamory and has me thinking a lot about what that might look like for my family, how it could affect the things that I do hold dear and important in my life.
I still have not figured all this out, and have a tendency to idealize relationships, but through these messages I have been able to kinda step back and realize that it is all fluid and not to try to force something that needs to work out organically, but to also be proactive in areas that do need attention, including reconciliation, healing, and communicating my needs and distinguishing them from my wants, and being my authentic self, loving and forgiving myself for knowing now what I didn’t know then.
Can’t really thank you enough for what you do! Just listening everyday to learn more, and open myself up to possibilities, whether good or bad, and preparing myself for both.
