Mormon to Muse

Kristin Martineau

You didn't lose your faith. You found out something true — and now you're figuring out who you are on the other side. Mormon to Muse is a podcast for women navigating life after the Mormon church — the faith transition grief nobody prepares you for, the identity loss that comes with leaving a high-control religious system, and the slow, honest work of reclaiming yourself. Each week I explore what it means to find yourself again after the Mormon church — through creative practice, life coaching tools, and the kind of honest conversation you can't have at Sunday dinner If you've spent years being everything for everyone else and you're only now starting to wonder who you actually are — you're in exactly the right place. Start with: "You Were Never Just a Calling."

  1. 5D AGO

    Beyond the Rulebook: How to Build a Values-Driven Life After the Mormon Church

    What do you do with your conscience when the institution that claimed to own it is gone? This episode is about one of the most disorienting parts of leaving — not the grief, not the social fallout, but the quiet, unsettling question underneath all of it: who decides what's right now? Many women leave and find themselves in one of two places: doing all the things they were told not to do (without asking whether they actually want to), or frozen — too afraid to make any move in case it's wrong. Both patterns have the same root. Neither one is actually freedom. In this episode, Kristin unpacks the difference between rules and values — because a lot of what Mormonism called morality had nothing to do with morality. And she offers five places to look when you're trying to find out what you actually value, not what you were handed. In this episode: Why leaving the church doesn't automatically put you in the driver's seat of your own moral life The difference between compliance and character — and why the church confused them How to use resentment, admiration, anger, and joy as values signals What values-construction actually looks like in real decisions (money, ritual, marriage, parenting) Why your goodness was always yours — the church just convinced you it wasn't Resources + next steps: Ready to do this work in community? The MUSE Method is a six-week small group experience for women who are done unraveling and ready to build. We start April 20th. Keep finding your way back. APPLY HERE

    20 min
  2. APR 5

    After Mormonism: How to Rebuild Your Identity When You Don't Know Who You Are Anymore

    There's a particular kind of silence that happens after everything collapses and before anything new has taken shape. You're not who you were. You're not yet who you're becoming. And nobody around you quite understands what that space actually feels like to live in. This episode is for you if you're in that gap. Kristin talks about what it really means to be in the in-between — why it's disorienting, why it's not a crisis even when it feels like one, and why most of the advice you're getting right now isn't landing. (Hint: it's not you. It's that the advice assumes a baseline of self-trust that was systematically trained out of you.) In this episode: Why faith deconstruction can feel like getting blindsided in the middle of the ocean — and what that actually means for your timeline The cruel irony at the center of this season: the thing you need most is the thing that was taken from you Why more information, more podcasts, more journaling isn't the thing that builds self-trust — and what actually does What Kristin's own "hunkered down" year really looked like (it wasn't a breakdown — it was a becoming) Why this process isn't linear, and why that's okay An introduction to the MUSE Method — the framework Kristin built for exactly this journey The MUSE Method Beta is open. Six weeks. Small group. Structured path through the gap. Begins April 20th. Investment: $497 (beta pricing — significantly reduced from future rates). Every participant receives Kristin's therapeutic art kit — black paper sketchbook, sparkly watercolors, white pen, and her 52-card creative prompt deck — mailed to your door. This cohort is small by design. Applications are first come, first served. → Apply HERE

    22 min
  3. MAR 22

    Why Leaving Feels Like Dying - Understanding Faith Transition Grief

    Nobody prepared me for the fact that leaving the church might be the hardest thing I ever did — not because I made a mistake, but because of how completely my identity was woven into it. In this episode, I name what so many women in faith transition feel but struggle to articulate: the grief of leaving isn't weakness, and it isn't a sign you got it wrong. It's one of the oldest, most documented human experiences there is — and it has a name. In this episode: I dig into why faith transition grief hits differently than other kinds of loss — and why that makes it so hard to explain to the people still inside. I introduce the psychological concept of ambiguous loss: grief without a clean object, where no one died and nothing was taken, and yet everything is gone. I talk about why leaving the church isn't just changing your mind — it's losing your social ecosystem, your identity structure, your theology, your envisioned future, your past, and the current version of yourself all at once. From there, I draw on two unlikely companions across history: St. John of the Cross and his concept of the Dark Night of the Soul, and the Buddhist teaching of anatta, or non-self. Five hundred years apart, two completely different traditions — and both say the same thing: this dissolution isn't the end of you. It's what transformation actually feels like from the inside. I also get into the biology of the chrysalis — what actually happens when a caterpillar becomes a butterfly — and why that story is a far more honest map of faith transition than anything the church ever gave us. And I talk about what not to do with this grief (hint: don't try to solve it), what actually helps, and why your body needs somewhere to put what your mind can't hold yet. Links & Resources 🎨 The Reclamation Sketchbook — A free 7-day guided art prompt journal designed to help you start listening to yourself again. Not about making beautiful things. About letting your hands say what your mind isn't ready to yet.

    20 min
  4. MAR 8

    What Your Resentment Is Trying to Tell You — Anger and Healing in Faith Transition

    Resentment gets a bad reputation. Most of us have been taught that resentment is something to suppress, overcome, or repent of. Especially if you were raised in a high-demand religious culture, resentment is often framed as a character flaw—evidence that you’re selfish, ungrateful, or lacking humility. But resentment is not the problem. Resentment is information. It’s your internal signal that something in your life is out of alignment—usually that your boundaries are being crossed, your needs are not being honored, or you’re participating in something that violates your values. In this episode, I explore how resentment actually functions as a form of inner guidance, and why learning to listen to it can help you reclaim your sense of agency and self-trust. If you’ve spent years prioritizing other people’s expectations over your own instincts, resentment may be one of the first signals that your inner compass is trying to wake up. And instead of trying to eliminate that feeling, the real work is learning to understand what it’s trying to tell you. In this episode we explore: • Why resentment is often misunderstood as a moral failure • How resentment functions as useful emotional information • The connection between resentment, boundaries, and self-respect • Why women raised in high-control systems are often discouraged from listening to resentment • How ignoring resentment disconnects you from your intuition • The difference between reacting from resentment and learning from it Resentment isn’t the end of the story. It’s the beginning of paying attention. When you learn how to listen to it instead of suppress it, resentment can become one of the most powerful signals guiding you back to your own authority.

    14 min
  5. MAR 1

    Parenting Without Panic — Raising Kids After Leaving the Mormon Church

    Why managing your emotions matters more than any rule you enforce-  Most parenting advice focuses on what your kids should do. Obey. Choose wisely. Make good decisions. Stay on the “right” path. But what if the real work of parenting isn’t managing your children — it’s managing yourself? In this episode, I explore why emotional regulation is the most important parenting skill you can develop. Not better scripts. Not tighter rules. Not more control. Your nervous system. Especially for those of us raised in high-demand religious systems, parenting can feel loaded with eternal consequences. Every choice your child makes can feel symbolic. Permanent. Dangerous. We weren’t just taught to keep our kids safe — we were taught to keep them worthy. That creates anxiety. And anxious parenting almost always becomes controlling parenting. We talk about: Why authoritarian parenting is often about the parent trying to feel better The difference between safety issues and preference issues How Mormon culture amplifies fear around “mistakes” Examples of things labeled as moral failures that are actually developmentally normal Why your child’s discomfort is not an emergency The gardener vs. carpenter metaphor — and why you cannot force growth I also unpack this powerful question every parent can use: Is this a safety issue? Because when it’s not about safety, it’s usually about our discomfort. And when we try to control our children so we can feel calmer, we accidentally teach them that our emotional stability depends on their compliance. Parenting isn’t carpentry. You’re not carving a fixed shape out of wood. It’s gardening. You create conditions. You tend. You water. You prune when necessary. But you don’t force the seed to become something it’s not. If you were raised in a system that equated obedience with worthiness, this episode will help you separate fear from love — and control from true guidance. Your child does not need a perfectly calm parent. But they do need one who can tolerate discomfort without turning it into control. Download the free Anxiety Soothing Art Prompts HERE

    24 min
  6. FEB 22

    40- The Truth About Awakening — Why Healing Doesn’t Make You Feel Better (and Why It’s Still Worth It)

    Most people pursue healing, awakening, or personal transformation because they believe it will make them feel better. That eventually, if they do enough work, they’ll reach some stable emotional state where doubt, grief, anger, and uncertainty no longer touch them. This episode challenges that assumption. Awakening doesn’t remove pain. It removes the psychological structures that kept certain pain out of reach. It’s less like becoming a flower opening to the morning sun, and more like realizing the walls of the room you’ve lived in your whole life were painted to look like windows. Nothing outside has changed, but your relationship to reality—and yourself—can never be the same. Drawing on the concept of “50/50,” taught by master coach Brooke Castillo, this episode explores the truth that no amount of healing eliminates the full spectrum of human emotion. Life will always include grief, anger, fear, uncertainty, and loss. Awakening doesn’t exempt you from these experiences. It initiates you into them more fully. If you were raised in a high-control or high-demand system, the emotional pain you experienced may have been muted, misattributed, or spiritually bypassed. You may have felt low-grade anxiety, emotional flatness, or a quiet sense that something was off—but lacked the language or permission to trust those signals. Awakening removes that anesthesia. It brings grief to the surface: grief for the certainty you lost, the parts of yourself you abandoned, and the relationships that may never feel the same again. But the purpose of awakening is not emotional comfort. It’s psychological integrity. When you stop outsourcing authority, you stop negotiating with your own perception. You stop fragmenting yourself to maintain belonging. You begin to experience a different kind of stability—not the stability of certainty, but the stability of self-trust. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why healing and awakening don’t eliminate emotional pain The difference between muted pain inside a high-control system and conscious pain outside of it Why destabilization is often a sign of growth, not regression How awakening removes internal conflict, even if it increases emotional intensity Why awakening often leads to increased creativity and personal agency The difference between stability and resilience—and why resilience is the real goal Awakening doesn’t make your life easier. It makes your life yours. If you’re in the disorienting space where old beliefs no longer hold and new clarity hasn’t fully formed, this episode will help you understand why that experience is not evidence that something has gone wrong—but evidence that something is changing. You are not failing. You are feeling. And there is a way to move through this transition with greater clarity and self-trust. Free Workshop Invitation If this episode resonated with you, I invite you to join my free live workshop: You’re Not Disconnected — You Were Conditioned: How Women Lose (and Regain) Their Intuition In this workshop, you’ll learn why you stopped trusting yourself and how to begin reconnecting with your internal knowing—so you can make decisions with clarity and confidence.

    15 min
5
out of 5
10 Ratings

About

You didn't lose your faith. You found out something true — and now you're figuring out who you are on the other side. Mormon to Muse is a podcast for women navigating life after the Mormon church — the faith transition grief nobody prepares you for, the identity loss that comes with leaving a high-control religious system, and the slow, honest work of reclaiming yourself. Each week I explore what it means to find yourself again after the Mormon church — through creative practice, life coaching tools, and the kind of honest conversation you can't have at Sunday dinner If you've spent years being everything for everyone else and you're only now starting to wonder who you actually are — you're in exactly the right place. Start with: "You Were Never Just a Calling."

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