OPEN GRAVES

Vesta Vaingloria & Heather Noel
  • 5.0 (10)
  • SOCIETY & CULTURE
  • UPDATED WEEKLY

Open your graves to us. As self-identified adult goths, Vesta and Heather dig into the lives of adult goths and goth-adjacent friends. We get into the psychological and sociological experience of living in this subculture when it’s not a phase, mom (but on that note, tell me about your mother). You will not find music reviews or makeup tutorials here, but music, aesthetics, and club gossip will inevitably bleed into the conversation. Let us dig up the deeply human remains: Religion. Sex stuff. Gatekeeping. Substance abuse. Family. Being in the same clubs with all of your exes until you die.

  1. FEB 13

    73 - Existential Dread (but you can dance to it) In conversation with returning guest DAVEY HAVOK

    The Black Sun is Bleeding Silver! As Davey himself put it, AFI's newest album, "Silver Bleeds The Black Sun," is a litany of sonic flares honoring and signaling the Goth community. Or as Heather put it, "Shots Fired." If you listen to our podcast as a fellow lover of that "Dark, Gothy shit," (TM) ........We IMPLORE you to listen to this album. STAT. Join us as we take a hope(less/full) look into the stark Abyss and discuss this new aural evolution for AFI, with quite possibly the most cerebrally tantalizing, but despair-laden fatalistic lyrics this side of Mulholland Drive. (SELAH) Oh, and check out Davey's colorful life as a Writer here: https://substack.com/@daveyhavok https://www.amazon.com/Love-Fast-Angeles-Davey-Havok/dp/0985957212

    1h 6m

  2. JAN 13

    72 - Memento Mori, Carpe Noctem

    Happy-ish new year. This was recorded in November 2025, and due to late publishing has become a bit of a time capsule, as things have changed since this recording. We revisit the topic of “memento mori” and the end of life, finding light in the darkness, relationship struggles and attachment, and surviving Halloween. Heather’s father has since passed, and we dedicate this episode to the memory of Bill Aldridge.

    43 min

  3. 09/11/2025

    71 - On Fashion, but Not Really with Mimi Sosa-Delcampo and Michelle Morales

    We are joined by an iconic duo, Mimi Sosa-Delcampo and Michelle Morales to focus on a topic that we have deftly avoided leaning too hard into: the role of fashion in the goth identity. We come at it from an angle that feels meaningful, questioning whether or not the subject of fashion is shallow or not, and what it means that something that can be construed this way also feels important and empowering. We explore how rebellion both is and is not relevant, whether competition is a thing or not, whose gaze matters, how gender expression shows up, how age affects our relationships to appearance, and appropriation both of and within our scene. All this and Mimi’s cool shoes.

    1h 57m

  4. 07/17/2025

    70 - “I Didn’t Even Drink My Bra”

    You’re in for a twofer! We are late to the publishing game of talking about Cruel World, so this is a download about Kite, Chelsea Wolf, Actors, Mareaux, Clan of Xymox, of course Nick Cave, the divisive topic of Garbage vs. Devo, the infamous wine-bra, and then some embarrassing feeling about Ministry. Apologies in advance that we do talk about the weather and food reviews, because unfortunately we are adults and as far as festivals go, Cruel World is a festival for adults. In the second half, we get into the sensitive topic of friendships, both inside and outside of the goth community, and how it feels and functions when friendships change or come to an end, and how this feels both similar and different from romantic relationships. Shoutout to Jack & Darrick for being excellent fake festival boyfriends, as well as to the Ziplock company for enabling Heather to become a wine mule (see the @open.graves.podcast for details).

    1h 16m

  5. 05/31/2025

    69 - False Praise for the Abandonment Wound: Revisiting Relationships in the Goth Community

    Well, Open Graves is now a pop-psychology podcast. We revisit a topic from one of our earliest episodes: dating in the goth community, and how we handle it when it falls apart. This iteration is less about the goth community specifically, and more about the experience of being a person in community in general, attachment styles, family histories, feminist shame, and then the key words: abandonment wounds. Does healing require compartmentalization and avoidance, and what if we are unwilling or unable to take this route? What if we just want to pet all the feral cats? Jesus, growth is exhausting.

    53 min

  6. 04/16/2025

    68 - Party Under the Blood Moon with Team Obelisk: Tenebrae, Jak Syn, and Vodkahouse

    To commemorate Obelisk’s two year anniversary in March, we have assembled the team to download about the journey from day one to year two, which began with a power outage! Now that the infamous back room is opened, our little event seems suddenly to have sprung from a makeshift bar party to an actual club night, dancing on its own two fishnetted legs. We express some sappy gratitude toward each other and to our patrons and staff, and for the opportunity to do something that despite its darkness, has never and will never take itself too seriously. Next event: May 8th, Night of the Witch!

    1h 3m

  7. 03/05/2025

    67 - Ass! Nipples! Lips! Balls! with Arkonn

    We are joined by the enthusiastic, self-described late-blooming goth Arkonn, who is totally not going through a midlife crisis. We learn about his not-goth partner of 21 years (100 years in gay time), the dichotomy of his sensible daywalking life, complex family dynamics and trauma, and how growing up Catholic and gay is essentially a recipe for goth. Find out how he rediscovered his long lost goth identity (with the help of Open Graves and Obelisk!), what our sexual totems are, what Arkonn has in common with Bill Clinton, and stay tuned to end on his beautiful and succinct description of his attraction to goth; possibly the best summation of this ineffable experience and subculture expressed on this podcast yet.

    1h 37m

  8. 12/12/2024

    66 - The Room Is Tired and Also on Fire: Election and Halloween Comedown 

    In the early weeks after the election and Halloween, Heather and Vesta try to process these two disparate events. On brand as ever, we open with the darkness of the dystopia in the first half, and then claw toward recovery by downloading about Halloween in the second. How does the political climate affect an often escapist subculture? How does 2024 feel different from 2016? Do you put a political moratorium on family holidays? We close with a rundown of New Orleans on Halloween, and a cliffhanger about Mother Russia (rain down…or don’t).

    55 min
See All (73)

Ratings & Reviews

5
out of 5
10 Ratings

About

Open your graves to us. As self-identified adult goths, Vesta and Heather dig into the lives of adult goths and goth-adjacent friends. We get into the psychological and sociological experience of living in this subculture when it’s not a phase, mom (but on that note, tell me about your mother). You will not find music reviews or makeup tutorials here, but music, aesthetics, and club gossip will inevitably bleed into the conversation. Let us dig up the deeply human remains: Religion. Sex stuff. Gatekeeping. Substance abuse. Family. Being in the same clubs with all of your exes until you die.

Information

  • Creator
    Vesta Vaingloria & Heather Noel
  • Years Active
    2022 - 2026
  • Episodes
    73
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Vesta Vaingloria & Heather Noel
  • Show Website
    OPEN GRAVES

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