15 episodes

I'm a life coach who came out later in life as gay. Join me as I talk with others who’ve made this LGBTQ+ coming out journey later in their lives to become who they really are.

Out Late With David David Cotton

    • Health & Fitness
    • 5.0 • 14 Ratings

I'm a life coach who came out later in life as gay. Join me as I talk with others who’ve made this LGBTQ+ coming out journey later in their lives to become who they really are.

    Kristin Kalbli - The Impact of Coming Out on Straight Spouses

    Kristin Kalbli - The Impact of Coming Out on Straight Spouses

    Summary

    In this episode, David Cotton interviews Kristin Kalbli, the host of Our Voices podcast and an LGBT ally. Kristin shares her experience as a straight spouse and her mission to help others in similar situations. They discuss the signs that Kristin missed in her marriage, the impact of her husband's coming out on their relationship, and the importance of honesty and communication in the coming out process. Kristin asks David about his own coming out to his spouse. They also talk about the creation of a guide for coming out to straight partners and spouses, and the need for support and understanding for both parties involved.

    Takeaways
    The coming out process can have a significant impact on straight spouses, who may feel betrayed, confused, and humiliated.Honesty and open communication are crucial in the coming out process, both for the LGBT spouse and the straight spouse.Straight spouses may have questions and need time to process the news, and it's important for the LGBT spouse to be patient and understanding.Creating a guide for coming out to straight partners and spouses can help avoid unnecessary pain and damage in the relationship.Support and empathy are essential for both parties involved in a mixed orientation marriage.Sound Bites
    "The hardest thing that took me the longest to forgive was not that he was gay, not that he was in the closet, but that he didn't let me go so that I could find a loving relationship with a man who was interested in me, loved me, desired me, wanted to have a robust sexual relationship with me.""If you're in a position to honor what your spouse would like, whether that's answering their questions or giving them no contact for a while, I think following their lead on that is wise.""Pride month can be really difficult for straight spouses. And that's not an indication of bigotry. Many straight spouses have LGBT kids and are fierce allies and defenders of their kids, right? But pride month can be really painful because then you ask yourself the question, well, if he's living his true self now, then I was a part of a lie."Chapters

    00:00 Introduction and Background
    01:09 Kristin's Experience as a Straight Spouse
    09:49 Resources for Straight Spouses
    14:11 The Coming Out Process and Its Impact
    28:46 Preparing to Come Out to a Straight Spouse
    31:31 Supporting the Straight Spouse
    35:42 Honesty and Accountability
    39:34 Conclusion

    Information About Kristin Kalbli and OurPath
    Out Path Out Voice:  https://ourpath.org/our-voices/Guide to coming out as lesbian, gay or bisexual to your straight partner or spouse - by OurPath:  https://emfjjpdexyu.exactdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/OP-GuideToComingOutLGB-r1.pdfBook Recommendation
    The Other Side of the Closet: The Coming-Out Crisis for Straight Spouses and Families, by Amity Pierce Buxton - https://a.co/d/129LQiC  Podcast website and resources: https://www.OutLateWithDavid.com  

    YouTube Edition:  https://youtu.be/vv20ZumingY  

    YouTube Channel:   https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvsthP9yClKI4o5LxbuQnOg  

    Certified...

    • 40 min
    Charles Vollmar - successful chef…married with 2 kids; wife discovers he's gay and outed him to everyone

    Charles Vollmar - successful chef…married with 2 kids; wife discovers he's gay and outed him to everyone

    Summary  

    Charles Vollmer, a successful California chef, shares his journey of coming out later in life and the challenges he faced. After being outed by his wife, he left his possessions behind and started a new life in San Miguel, Mexico. He is rebuilding his career as a culinary teacher and started sharing his story on social media. Charles discusses the unique challenges faced by men who come out later in life, the impact on their families, and the need for support and understanding. He emphasizes the importance of being true to oneself and finding a community of like-minded individuals.  

    Keywords:  coming out, late in life, challenges, rebuilding, support, community  

    Takeaways
    Coming out later in life can be a challenging and traumatic experience, but it can also lead to personal growth and happiness.The impact on family and relationships can be significant, and rebuilding trust and understanding takes time.Finding a supportive community and seeking professional help can be crucial in navigating the complexities of coming out later in life.Being true to oneself and embracing authenticity is essential for personal fulfillment and living a fulfilling life.  Titles
    The Importance of Support and UnderstandingRebuilding After Coming Out: Finding a New Path  Sound Bites
    "Divorcing, giving up my San Francisco Bay home of 30 years and everything in it, donating 99% of my clothing and personal belongings and selling my car. I left for Europe to begin my life over at 61."Chapters 
    00:00  Introduction: Charles Vollmer's Journey10:38  Starting Over: Rebuilding After Coming Out25:00  Reflections and Regrets: Lessons Learned30:59  Advice for Others: Taking Your Time and Finding Support  About Charles Vollmar
    Epicurean Exchange Culinary Travel:   www.epexculinarytravel.comBlog:  www.epicureanglobalexchange.comFacebook, Threads, Instagram: All @ CharlesVollmarBook Recommendation: Gay Men and The New Way Forward, by Raymond L. Rigoglioso - https://a.co/d/1AROMMu  

    Podcast website and resources: https://www.OutLateWithDavid.com  

    YouTube Edition:  https://youtu.be/SLJXxU-wUaw 

    YouTube Channel:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvsthP9yClKI4o5LxbuQnOg  

    Certified Professional Life Coach, David Cotton:  https://www.DavidCottonCoaching.com  

    Contact me:  mailto:david@davidcottoncoaching.com

    • 34 min
    Dan Bolen - at age 70 came out as gay, kicked out of his church and ended his 2nd marriage  

    Dan Bolen - at age 70 came out as gay, kicked out of his church and ended his 2nd marriage  

    Dan Bolen - at age 70 he came out as gay, was kicked out of his church and ended his second marriage

    Summary

    Dan Bolen shares his journey of self-discovery and acceptance as a gay man after living a life of denial and fear. He discusses the challenges he faced in a restrictive religious community and the fear of losing his family and friends. Dan's story highlights the importance of being honest with oneself and embracing authenticity. He emphasizes the power of finding a supportive community and having a voice. Dan's memoir and podcast serve as a source of inspiration and empowerment for others on a similar journey.

    Takeaways Be honest with yourself and define who you are.Don't look for someone outside of you to define who you are.Finding a supportive community is crucial for self-acceptance.Having a voice and embracing authenticity are empowering.Chapters

    00:00 Introduction and Background
    01:02 Realizing Difference and Fear of Rejection
    03:17 Burying and Denying One's True Self
    04:13 Marriage and Denial of Sexuality
    05:38 Disfellowshiped and Shunned by the Church
    07:30 Accepting Bisexuality as a Coping Mechanism
    08:55 Accepting and Embracing Authentic Self 1
    0:07 Coming Out and the Lowest Point
    11:02 First Experience with a Man and Validation
    12:29 Divorce and Finding a New Community
    15:17 Defining Self and Having a Voice
    24:21 Being Honest with Yourself
    27:32 Advice for Those Questioning Their Sexuality
    29:06 Reflection and Impact

    Dan Bolen's Memoir: The Courage to be Courageous: https://a.co/d/6x7yl0r

    Dan Bolen's Website: https://danbolen.com/

    Book Recommendation: Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brené Brown. https://a.co/d/ah7pXuT

    Podcast website and resources: https://www.OutLateWithDavid.com

    YouTube Edition: https://youtu.be/Axp2j_lgVMM

    Certified Professional Life Coach, David Cotton: https://www.DavidCottonCoaching.com

    Contact me: mailto:david@davidcottoncoaching.com

    • 30 min
    Larry Best - retired trial lawyer, came out 20 years into his marriage; now living a full life with partner and husband of 20 years

    Larry Best - retired trial lawyer, came out 20 years into his marriage; now living a full life with partner and husband of 20 years

    Summary

    In this episode David interviews Larry Best, a retired trial lawyer who came out 20 years into his marriage, now living a full life with his partner and husband of 20 years. Their conversation explores the coming out journey of Larry, who shares his unique story of coming out to his business partner and wife. Larry's decision to come out was driven by a combination of personal factors, including the need to be true to himself and the impact it was having on his mental health. The reactions from his business partner and wife varied, with his business partner making a joke and his wife experiencing a range of emotions. Larry's decision to get married was influenced by societal expectations and the belief that he could suppress his attraction to men. However, he eventually realized that he had been living a lie and needed to come out. The process of telling his wife and children was challenging, with mixed reactions from each family member. Larry and his wife initially tried to maintain a co-parenting relationship, but over time, their relationship deteriorated. Larry also faced challenges in his professional life, with some clients distancing themselves after learning about his sexual orientation. However, he eventually transitioned to a successful career as a plaintiff lawyer. Overall, Larry's story highlights the complexities and emotional impact of coming out and navigating relationships and careers. In this conversation, Larry shares his experience of coming out and how it changed his perception of the world. He discusses the importance of joining LGBTQ political and social organizations to connect with the community. Larry also talks about how he found his partner and offers advice for men who are at the beginning of the coming out process. He emphasizes the need for support and understanding for spouses and family members during this time.

    Takeaways
    Coming out is a deeply personal and complex journey, with each individual facing unique challenges and reactions from loved ones.The decision to get married while suppressing one's true sexual orientation can lead to internal conflict and a sense of living a lie.The process of coming out can have a significant emotional impact on spouses and children, with reactions ranging from relief to anger and despair.Supporting loved ones through the coming out process requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to be present and listen.Coming out can have professional implications, with potential challenges in maintaining client relationships and navigating workplace dynamics. Coming out can change one's perception of the world and the people in it.Joining LGBTQ political and social organizations can provide a social network and help in meeting like-minded individuals.Finding a partner after coming out can take time and patience.Support and understanding for spouses and family members are crucial during the coming out process.Chapters

    00:00 Introduction and Setting the Stage
    00:20 Unusual Coming Out Story
    02:27 Reactions from Business Partner and Wife
    03:31 Emotional Impact on Wife
    05:45 Supporting Wife Emotionally
    06:12 The Decision to Get Married
    08:04 Realization of Being Gay
    11:22 Fear of Coming Out
    18:26 Divorce and Financial Settlement
    24:45 Telling the Children
    29:44 Reflections on the Coming Out Process
    33:34 Impact on Business and Career
    41:15 Changing Perception
    44:10 Connecting with the LGBTQ Community
    45:53 Finding a Partner
    51:06 Advice for Men Coming Out
    57:09 Supporting Spouses and Family
    58:35 Understanding the Wife's Perspective
    59:04 Closing Remarks

    Larry Best's online memoir: https://medium.com/@laurencebest
    br...

    • 32 min
    Rick Clemons - author, life coach, and host of LIFE UNCLOSED & 40 PLUS…GAY MEN, GAY TALK

    Rick Clemons - author, life coach, and host of LIFE UNCLOSED & 40 PLUS…GAY MEN, GAY TALK

    Summary

    In this episode David interviews Rick Clemons, well-known as the host of the popular podcast “Life (UN)Closeted” as well as “40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk.” He is a sought-after public speaker and a successful life coach. He is also the author of the book “Frankly My Dear I’m Gay: the late bloomers guide to coming out." Rick shares his journey of coming out and helping men come out of the closet. He discusses the challenges of living a dual life and the fear of disappointing loved ones. Rick emphasizes the importance of authenticity and unapologetically being oneself. He also addresses common threads among closeted men and the need to overcome limiting fears. Rick shares his plans for a new book and podcast, focusing on living an unapologetic life. The key takeaway is the power of embracing one's true identity and living authentically.

    Takeaways
    Embrace your true identity and live authentically.Overcome limiting fears and show the world who you really are.Living an unapologetic life is empowering and liberating.Common threads among closeted men include lack of sexual interest, depletion of intimacy in relationships, and co-dependency.Chapters

    00:00 Introduction
    00:40 Rick's Life's Work
    01:34 Rick's Story: Coming Out
    03:00 The Influence of Religious Upbringing
    04:27 Living a Dual Life
    05:54 The Shift to Authenticity
    07:22 The Moment of Falling in Love
    09:14 Transactional Sex vs. Intimacy
    09:43 Coming Out to Spouse
    11:40 Co-Parenting and Balancing Relationships
    15:38 Common Threads in Closeted Men
    18:57 The Biggest Lie Closeted Men Tell Themselves
    20:22 Honesty and Authenticity in Conversations
    21:09 Living an Unapologetic Life 23:53 Future Plans: New Book and Podcast
    25:48 Message for Men Coming Out Later in Life
    27:18 Conclusion

    Rick Clemons: https://rickclemons.com/

    Book Recommendation: Frankly My Dear, I’m Gay: A Late Bloomers Guide to Coming Out - https://a.co/d/aD2vgKD

    Podcast website: https://www.OutLateWithDavid.com

    YouTube Edition: https://youtu.be/yL6RVDjZugs

    Certified Professional Life Coach, David Cotton: https://www.DavidCottonCoaching.com

    • 29 min
    Shaun Williams - founder of Gay Fathers Worldwide and Bent Couch Counselling

    Shaun Williams - founder of Gay Fathers Worldwide and Bent Couch Counselling

    Shaun Williams - founder of Gay Fathers Worldwide and Bent Couch Counselling

    Summary
    In this episode, David Cotton interviews licensed counselor Shaun Williams; he previously had successful career in construction when he came out as gay after 25 years of marriage. After coming out he changed his career to help others finding their true selves. Shaun shares his experiences growing up in the 80s, discovering his sexuality at a young age, and the weight of keeping his secret. He discusses the impact on his family and the challenges he faced in coming out. Shaun also talks about the creation of Gay Fathers Worldwide, a support group he formed for men who have come out later in life. He emphasizes the importance of finding a safe space and community for support and understanding.

    Takeaways
    Coming out later in life can be a lonely and isolating experience, but finding a safe space and community of others who have had similar experiences can provide support and reassurance.The weight of keeping a secret about one's sexuality can have a significant impact on mental health and well-being.The process of coming out can be challenging and may involve difficult conversations with family members and loved ones.Creating a support group or community for individuals who have come out later in life can provide a valuable resource for connection, understanding, and shared experiences.Chapters
    00:00 Introduction
    00:48 Growing Up in the 80s
    02:16 Discovering His Sexuality
    03:16 Getting Married
    04:15 The Weight of the Secret
    05:12 Dealing with Guilt and Shame
    06:11 Living a Lie
    07:11 Finding Purpose in Helping Others
    09:06 Impact on Family
    11:30 Inspiration from Daughters
    12:56 Coming Out and Seeking Help
    13:53 The Process of Coming Out
    15:19 Creating Gay Fathers Worldwide
    19:11 Regrets and Lessons Learned
    23:20 Acceptance in the Gay Community
    26:27 Late-Life Coming Out Experience
    28:25 Creation of Gay Fathers Worldwide
    29:21 Common Experiences of Children
    31:48 New Life and Career
    36:41 Importance of Community
    37:37 Conclusion

    Bent Couch Counselling: https://www.bentcouch.com.au/

    Gay Fathers Worldwide: https://gayfathersworldwide.wordpress.com/

    Podcast website: https://www.OutLateWithDavid.com

    YouTube Edition: https://youtu.be/C7PJTAcmGT8

    Certified Professional Life Coach, David Cotton: https://www.DavidCottonCoaching.com

    Contact me: david@davidcottoncoaching.com

    • 37 min

Customer Reviews

5.0 out of 5
14 Ratings

14 Ratings

Tomm Stu ,

Don’t I know

This series is just what I’ve craved and needed for years. Decent. Respectful. Encompassing.

Br.Aa.Co ,

Take a listen!

David’s powerful and vulnerable conversations with his guests are very inspiring to listen to. Hearing the stories of people becoming their authentic selves and navigating their way in the world is such a beautiful and moving thing to listen to give this podcast a listen, you won’t regret it!

akexa778 ,

🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

This podcast is so inspiring!

Top Podcasts In Health & Fitness

Huberman Lab
Scicomm Media
Uncared For
Lemonada Media
The School of Greatness
Lewis Howes
Passion Struck with John R. Miles
John R. Miles
Nothing much happens: bedtime stories to help you sleep
iHeartPodcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
iHeartPodcasts

You Might Also Like

Life (UN)Closeted: LGBTQ+ Coming Out Stories & Advice for living out and proud!
Rick Clemons - LGBTQ+ Expert
Gay Men Going Deeper
Gay Men's Brotherhood
Hidden Brain
Hidden Brain, Shankar Vedantam
Courage to Be Courageous
Dan Bolen
This American Life
This American Life
Gayish Podcast
Gayish Media