Overfunctioning and Underfunctioning in Relationships

In the last couple of episodes, I’ve reflected on the experience of being the person who ends up carrying too much in a relationship. As I continued thinking about these patterns, I found myself wondering about the other side of the system.

In today’s language, this dynamic is often described as overfunctioning and underfunctioning. One partner becomes highly activated around solving problems, anticipating risks, and keeping life moving forward. The other partner moves more slowly, remains hopeful that somehow things will work out, or continues exploring possibilities without the same sense of urgency. Over time the relationship begins to organize itself around these roles.

What’s happening psychologically for the partner who doesn’t seem to be working as hard or moving with the same urgency?

The Repair Your Relationship Podcast is hosted by Stacey Curnow, a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor and Relationship Specialist, and founder of Asheville Family Counseling.